Not interested in my husband anymore

Speaking as a woman who has been married for several years - he is my King, I appreciate everything he does for me ... from taking out the trash, to cheering me up when I'm down, I never fantasize about other men, and I crave sex on a daily basis. I find your initial post pathetic, selfish, and reeking of insecurity. If your husband is as as great as he seems, and you still can't truly connect with him on an emotional or physical level, you need to seek professional help. Seriously, something is damaged within yourself.

I realize I'm not the "norm", and before someone accuses me of any chauvinist way of thinking, I want to totally squash that. I'd definitely consider myself a feminist, and I'm an awesome wife/lover because I WANT to be. It's a choice I make every day. And mlrd, you are fully capable of making that same decision, you simply don't want to.

I will tell you straight up girl ... you may not have to worry about this for too much longer, because chances are your husband is so unhappy he has already considered leaving you.

P.S. - Your husband ceases to be your "BFF" when you go behind his back and post personal **** on the internet about your marriage.

I also ponder if you have male friends on here that you're sharing more with than your husband?

You're 23......

Wow, you're a smart one. That must take great skill ... stalking my profile, and reposting my personal information.What is the context of my age in relation to my post? Zilch, nada, none.

But there is a reason OP, you just need to be woman enough to figure it out.

You owe that to your husband and to your child.

your man wants you.

dont take that for granted.

But so many women do. And then they wonder why their husbands cheat on them.

It doesn't take a genius to figure it out, ladies.

This true. I don't take it for grated, it's just hard forcing a feeling that just suddenly diminished for no apparent reason, you know?

So what changes have happened in your life since this feeling started?

I agree with talking with your husband, which is needed. I wonder what will happen when he gets old, his hair falls out or turns grey. What about wrinkles? I know this is crazy but step away from the computer and stop looking at the super fit 20 year olds. How would you feel if your husband compared you to the very attractive women on here? How would you stack up?

Reconnect with you husband. Maybe work out with him. If you tell him how proud you are of his weight loss it may motivate him to work harder at it. My wife married me at my heaviest, through her love and respect I was motivated to work hard to get in better shape. Yes there were other motivations too, but she stuck by and supported me.

pretty dang well, since you asked. I don't really compare my husband to guys on here, though...

Wow, of all I said that's what you took out of it. I think you issues stem from you. Do you think your to good for him now?

But there is a reason OP, you just need to be woman enough to figure it out.

You owe that to your husband and to your child.

Which is what she is attempting to do here rather than having sex elsewhere or crushing her husband when she knows full well it's not his fault she feels this way, it's hers.

I agree with the thought of a therapist, either alone or as a couple. There's obviously something going on between you two if you feel emotionally attracted, but not physically. A lot of time it's not even something physical with the partner, but something they've done or habits they have that are turning you off. You just have to identify what it is and either talk to him and work with him to change it, or teach yourself to accept him and who he is. If your husband loves you as much as it seems he does, I bet he's willing to do whatever it takes to get you to a healthy sexual place again. You just need to talk to him and let him know what you're going through.

Also, space. My soon-to-be-hubby and I have been together for quite a few years now. Everyone's relationship gets a little stale every now and then. We were just spending too much time together. His job took him out of town for about a year (working four or five days, home three or two) and it did absolute wonders for all aspects of our relationship. We appreciated and enjoyed each other more. Now that he's home again, we've both developed hobbies outside of the home and we make sure we don't spend every waking minute together. You'd be amazed at how just a little space makes you appreciate your partner so much more. You can't let each other (or your kids, honestly), consume 100% of your time.

There is a lot said here that I agree with, and a lot that I don't; however, if my words can be of any help, feel free to follow them.

I agree that you need to speak with him about it. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship and you can't have any trust without open communication. Communicating your issues with him is the best thing for you, imo. As many have said, it may hurt him to hear it now, but it may also be better than the alternative later down the road.

I agree that posting everything online may not be the best way of handling it, but hey, you needed to get help somewhere and this is where you thought you could get the most. In that regard, AT LEAST you did it anonymously, so kudos for that.

I was in a similar situation where the roles were reversed and it destroyed my relationship. She never told me what was wrong, just expected me to figure it out and fix it. I knew SOMETHING was wrong, but when I asked her about it she always put it off as something that was unrelated: work, her family, school. If only she would have communicated it with me before she decided to cheat, than things may have been salvaged. Lucky for us, we didn't have any kids.

In your situation, if you truly feel like saving it all, you must speak with him. I honestly hope things work out well for you and that this man, who seems to be a godsend for most women, will be as amazing as you say and will understand your plight and help you through it in any way he can.

This is like so many other TMI posts.

Get professional help.

go buy a magic 8 ball. at least that way you won't be coming into online forums to discuss your personal life with strangers.

I just ordered the jerry springer channel. I await your appearance greatly

Whatever, dude, you love it. All the ppl here that are judging me and saying how horrible I am would DIE if we actually stopped. You sir, are a vulture and you feed off the drama. I don't mind though, since no one knows who I really am here on MFP. (guaranteed you've seen me on the forums)

on a real note.

I've probably seen you...that's not the point. what the point is, is that you need to stop posting it here and go do something about it. Or go seek marriage counseling strangers don't know you. Only your friends do. and Asking strangers on their advice is irrelevant since everyone is different.

want an honest opinion....there it is.

He actually is capable of a serious answer?!?!? *gasp* :laugh:

i have an opposing opinion on the matter. I couldn't tell if you were serious or not but if you are, then I'll offer my advice. But i still think any advice I give is pretty useless considering I don't know you, your husband, or how you guys were / are together. Best of luck though.

Has he noticed your decline in sex drive?

He probably did (most guys do) but he is probably thinking it is the new baby and sucking it up so he doesn't come off as insensitive and all that.

I always feel bad for married his in those situations, you have steak at home but aren't allowed to eat out more are you allowed to go out for burgers. I kid I kid! :laugh:

It can sometimes be hard to feel desire when you're neck deep in life. If we take you at face value, and for purposes of this post, I am doing so, then we can conclude that you love your husband, aren't cheating on him, are emotionally intimate with him, still consider him a friend, and still have sexual desire, but that you no longer have sexual desire for your husband, and that you want to fix this.

So - for me, the first part is for you to really, really soul search and be sure that that is an accurate assessment. If it's not, you have your starting point in digging into it. If it is accurate, it could come down to the fact that the two of you are in the good and the bad and the stressful together (as all marriages/relationships are) and that impacts your desire for him. Your body is all about 'yes, sex please, yum' and your brain is all 'ugh, not with him - we just had to clean up baby vomit together, and he pissed me off last week, and I just spent two hours snuggled on the couch with him, isn't that enough, and blah blah blah....' Whereas the person in your fantasy doesn't have to share any of the drudgery of life with you and doesn't get 'pulled down' by the day-to-day stuff, so he gets to stay in fantasy corner and make you all hot and bothered.

I think most couples at one point or another have these moments, but for it to carry on for so long and to the extremes that you appear to have is quite unusual to me. However, I'm not a therapist so goodness knows my insight is limited. I also could be completely wrong - just tossing one theory out there that might explain it.

You could also be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy by dwelling on it too much so even when you could have slid into the 'in the mood' category, you didn't because you have been thinking about it.

I'm not sure if the best route is to go out and be all honest with your husband yet when you aren't quite sure why you feel this way. However, honesty in a relationship is essential. So do weigh that carefully. You may want to talk to your physician and explain these feelings and get some help. They may have some tips to help out.

Just FYI, however, fantasizing in and of itself isn't usually wrong. If you're fantasizing about having a *relationship* with someone else, I'd say that's a huge warning sign, or if your fantasy star is someone you see frequently and have interactions with (like a neighbour) that may be concerning. But a hot person that just 'does' it for you? That's not cheating. It's normal. My husband and I share our fantasies with one another, sometimes as foreplay, but sometimes just for kicks - just to share what gets us revved up. And we also share frequently (verbally and non-verbally ) what gets us revved up about each other, so that neither party ever has cause to be insecure or feel like the fantasy is the only thing going on. And while a lot of that part is about the physical attraction we have for each other, it is deepened by the emotional attraction and bond we have. So I know he thinks Miranda Kerr is hot, and he knows I would like to rip Vin Diesel's shirt off (and those are just the two most superficial and benign ones...they get way more fun <g>).

Poor hubby. :noway:

Uh ok, so he is overweight. Don't know your relationship, but I think you should talk to him about his weight. It's a touchy subject for some, I know. But that's a part of marriage. Being honest. Be tactful of course. (Not sure I would bring up the whole, "get turned on by everyone but you" thing. No need to do that.) I think he will understand. IDK. I sure as heck want to keep my hubby physically attracted to me! Love when I catch him eying me. And if he is 50lbs over, that's bad for his health. So losing would be a win win.

I went thru something kind of like that and found it to be a change in birth control pills effecting my hormone levels etc. Once I got that changed, everything went back to normal and I had no issues. I would check into things with your OBGYN it might not be something that your able to control because its happening internally. Good luck girl...