What's the purpose of marriage?
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you're really vile.
i'm not even a "feminist" or a liberal and even i find your constant demeaning of women on thread after thread into mere carnival prizes to be offensive.
King Beta Male finally makes an appearance. Not demeaning women at all, just saying it like it is.
Well, you and Roosh up there with his BMW 3-series are entitled to your world view. I still want to know why you're both carrying on about it on MFP when you're obviously aware there are places you'll find more like minds.
LOL, on the comparison to Roosh. I believe that I am better looking than Roosh.
I also find it interesting that you are well versed enough in the manosphere to know who Roosh is, considering that you are far from his demographic. Perhaps there's something that makes you attracted to his writings. You'd be more likely to be in Jezebel's audience than Roosh's.0 -
There are relationships for which it makes sense to ask "What is this relationship good for?" All of us have many of these. My relationship with the woman who most often is my server at the corner pub is just such an example. We have known each other for some time. I value her service, and she values my tips. I try to be as good a customer as I can to match her abilities as a server. This describes my relationship with my doctor, my stockbroker, and the guy who cuts my lawn. It is easy to describe the mutual benefits, the pros and cons of such relationships.
There are, however, relationships where the question "What is this relationship good for?" misses the point of the relationship in the first place. The is the relationship of Elizabeth and Robert Browning, of Pierre and Marie Curie, of George Takei and Brad Altman, and of Mildred and Richard Loving. Marriage grows out of just such relationships; and, as a consequence, to decide on a marriage, or judge the value of marriage based on whatever "pros" and "cons" seem evident is to misunderstand both the point of marriage and the underlying relationship.
Understood in this way, marriage is the full blossoming of certain relationships. It can, but need not, create a safe harbor for children, assure the long term care of another, and provide for some of the deepest and most profound experiences that we humans can have with another person.
What a beautiful response. :flowerforyou:0 -
you're really vile.
i'm not even a "feminist" or a liberal and even i find your constant demeaning of women on thread after thread into mere carnival prizes to be offensive.
King Beta Male finally makes an appearance. Not demeaning women at all, just saying it like it is.
Well, you and Roosh up there with his BMW 3-series are entitled to your world view. I still want to know why you're both carrying on about it on MFP when you're obviously aware there are places you'll find more like minds.
LOL, on the comparison to Roosh. I believe that I am better looking than Roosh.
I also find it interesting that you are well versed enough in the manosphere to know who Roosh is, considering that you are far from his demographic. Perhaps there's something that makes you attracted to his writings. You'd be more likely to be in Jezebel's audience than Roosh's.
Yeah yeah, I break the mold. Back to my question, seriously, why MFP? Trying to spark curiosity, or just feel like having an internet fight?0 -
OP said something demeaning to women? How did I miss that?
ETA: I went back and read it more carefully, and I still don't see it. *shrugs*
This has been an interesting discussion at any rate, in spite of the various attacks regarding the chosen subject matter.
*still in*
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Wow. Had never heard of Roosh, so I googled the term. Bad mistake. What a pig that guy is. Now I know to disregard anything said by someone who follows his writings.
I need a shower now.0 -
Yeah yeah, I break the mold. Back to my question, seriously, why MFP? Trying to spark curiosity, or just feel like having an internet fight?
Genuinely curious. Also, just wanted a change of pace from the endless amount of "would you hug, kiss, spank the person above you" type of threads.0 -
Not everything in life boils down to money. It's sad to see that mentality, of money being the primary concern.
All relationships have ups and downs, that's just being realistic. When you are together for the long haul, that's part of it. Marriage can make it tougher to get out easily. This is not good if you are married to an abusive *kitten* (as sadly happens often), but if you are just going through a tough time then it can force you to really stop and try to make it work. Many times the problem doesn't even have anything to do with the marriage, just having difficulty at work/financial stress, and those things pass.
Not everyone wants a relationship that lasts from dawn to dusk. That's fine. For them marriage probably doesn't serve any purpose.
For some, they want that kind of relationship but it hasn't worked out. Marriage affords them the hope that they can have it. Emotions, dreams and goals in relationships are valuable (some would say more so than money), at least for some.0 -
there is no purpose
just to sleep with one person.
pretty dull,0 -
Not everything in life boils down to money. It's sad to see that mentality, of money being the primary concern.
Unfortunately, too many people (mostly men) got used as walking ATMs when their ex decided he/she just "wasn't happy anymore" so now it has to be thought of.0 -
I haven't read all 6 pages, but I'm sure it might help if you actually *liked* women....
To me the purpose of a long term committed relationship is to have someone to share your life with. Life is long and hard, having a loving partner to help you through it and keep you company is awesome. We chose to get married because we liked the actual tradition of it, it makes financial things easier, and we liked the idea of having one family name. If we did decide ever to get divorced we make the same amount of money (actually I make a little more) so it wouldn't be an issue of losing half "my" things. Additionally we've been married so long anyway there really isn't much that is "mine" and not "ours".0 -
I was never the girl who imagined her wedding day or planned on getting married. I met my husband and marriage meant more to him than being unmarried meant to me. I knew, deep in my heart, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and didnt feel I needed the validation of marriage. I never thought being married would change our dynamic but it did (for the better). When two people come together and get married and both honor being married, it's amazing. For most people being married is the end all be all and they stop trying while failing to realize that's when the real work begins. Marriage is losing it's strength and meaning because so many people marry for trivial reasons and divorce for trivial reasons. We live in a society now, where love has become disposable and so marriage seems pointless. I can't convince anyone for supporting marriage, but to me it's a very beautiful thing that we need to learn to value again.
i like this answer0 -
I have been married to my soulmate for 17 years, together for 21 years. To me, marriage is my life-long commitment to the man I love. I am very fortunate that I am even more in love with him day by day. He still makes my heart skip a beat each time I hear his key in the door. He still sends shivers up and down my spine when I look in his eyes. I am in love, in lust and in eternal friendship with him and our marriage is everything to me, to us. However, it is merely symbolic. I would love him no less if we weren't married. I see nothing wrong with remaining unmarried if that's what works for you.
I am atheist. Mine was not a religious commitment. It was a commitment to him and to us and I value that, believe in that, more strongly than I could ever explain.
What do I 'gain' from it? It's all intangible, inexplicable but it's incredibly important to me.
I understand the cynics. True commitment seems to be a rarity nowadays. Marriages are often entered into lightly and disregarded equally so. It's a sad fact of life.....but there are some of us out there that are in it for all the right reasons, none of which are about nabbing (or giving up) half of anyones possessions!
EXACTLY!!!! Well said!!!!0 -
It is where two become one 0
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For the life of me, I can't find any advantages of being married. I understand the religious aspect of it (even though I'm about as non-religious as they come), but that doesn't outweigh the cons.
My good friend recently got divorced from his wife of 4 years and he had to pay alimony. He agreed to pays $2,000/month for 1 year. Thankfully, they had no kids together. It always seems that a well educated man (or woman) who makes a decent amount of money always has a lot to lose if the marriage goes south.
So what's the real purpose of being married? Before the age of modern religion, men and women existed in harmony for tens of thousands of years. Can someone red pill me on the advantages, besides joint filing on your taxes?
And where did this silly idea of buying a woman a diamond ring ever come from?
To defend womankind here - when I got divorced from my ex who beat me up for 10 years (and I mean, hospitalization level abuse), lied about everything including his name and place of birth, etc etc etc.... We were only married for 4 of those 10 years (don't ask) and I still had to pay alimony for a year because he refused to work. That's the way the laws are. And oh yeah, he still got half of what little I had. So - it goes both ways... this isn't about women and expectations.
That being said, I ain't ever getting married again.0 -
I was never the girl who imagined her wedding day or planned on getting married. I met my husband and marriage meant more to him than being unmarried meant to me. I knew, deep in my heart, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and didnt feel I needed the validation of marriage. I never thought being married would change our dynamic but it did (for the better). When two people come together and get married and both honor being married, it's amazing. For most people being married is the end all be all and they stop trying while failing to realize that's when the real work begins. Marriage is losing it's strength and meaning because so many people marry for trivial reasons and divorce for trivial reasons. We live in a society now, where love has become disposable and so marriage seems pointless. I can't convince anyone for supporting marriage, but to me it's a very beautiful thing that we need to learn to value again.
Post for the win.0 -
I think marriage is a way you commit to your partner, saying you want to spend the rest of your life with them. I am not religious but I look forward to the ceremony & the whole experience of tying yourself to someone for eternity.0
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I was never the girl who imagined her wedding day or planned on getting married. I met my husband and marriage meant more to him than being unmarried meant to me. I knew, deep in my heart, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and didnt feel I needed the validation of marriage. I never thought being married would change our dynamic but it did (for the better). When two people come together and get married and both honor being married, it's amazing. For most people being married is the end all be all and they stop trying while failing to realize that's when the real work begins. Marriage is losing it's strength and meaning because so many people marry for trivial reasons and divorce for trivial reasons. We live in a society now, where love has become disposable and so marriage seems pointless. I can't convince anyone for supporting marriage, but to me it's a very beautiful thing that we need to learn to value again.
Post for the win.
AMEN!!0 -
For the life of me, I can't find any advantages of being married. I understand the religious aspect of it (even though I'm about as non-religious as they come), but that doesn't outweigh the cons.
My good friend recently got divorced from his wife of 4 years and he had to pay alimony. He agreed to pays $2,000/month for 1 year. Thankfully, they had no kids together. It always seems that a well educated man (or woman) who makes a decent amount of money always has a lot to lose if the marriage goes south.
So what's the real purpose of being married? Before the age of modern religion, men and women existed in harmony for tens of thousands of years. Can someone red pill me on the advantages, besides joint filing on your taxes?
And where did this silly idea of buying a woman a diamond ring ever come from?
To defend womankind here - when I got divorced from my ex who beat me up for 10 years (and I mean, hospitalization level abuse), lied about everything including his name and place of birth, etc etc etc.... We were only married for 4 of those 10 years (don't ask) and I still had to pay alimony for a year because he refused to work. That's the way the laws are. And oh yeah, he still got half of what little I had. So - it goes both ways... this isn't about women and expectations.
That being said, I ain't ever getting married again.
I wasn't attacking womankind at all in my original post. I specifically said men and women have a lot to lose if a marriage heads south.0 -
For the life of me, I can't find any advantages of being married. I understand the religious aspect of it (even though I'm about as non-religious as they come), but that doesn't outweigh the cons.
My good friend recently got divorced from his wife of 4 years and he had to pay alimony. He agreed to pays $2,000/month for 1 year. Thankfully, they had no kids together. It always seems that a well educated man (or woman) who makes a decent amount of money always has a lot to lose if the marriage goes south.
So what's the real purpose of being married? Before the age of modern religion, men and women existed in harmony for tens of thousands of years. Can someone red pill me on the advantages, besides joint filing on your taxes?
And where did this silly idea of buying a woman a diamond ring ever come from?
To defend womankind here - when I got divorced from my ex who beat me up for 10 years (and I mean, hospitalization level abuse), lied about everything including his name and place of birth, etc etc etc.... We were only married for 4 of those 10 years (don't ask) and I still had to pay alimony for a year because he refused to work. That's the way the laws are. And oh yeah, he still got half of what little I had. So - it goes both ways... this isn't about women and expectations.
That being said, I ain't ever getting married again.
I wasn't attacking womankind at all in my original post. I specifically said men and women have a lot to lose if a marriage heads south.
Exactly... both have a lot to lose if the marriage fails, but both have a lot to gain if it succeeds.0 -
Marriage Isn't for You
Having been married only a year and a half, I've recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn't for me.
Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.
I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for 10 years until... until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.
Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?
Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, "Seth, you're being totally selfish. So I'm going to make this really simple: marriage isn't for you. You don't marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn't for yourself, you're marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn't for you. It's not about you. Marriage is about the person you married."
It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.
My father's advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today's "Walmart philosophy", which is if it doesn't make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.
No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It's about the person you love--their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, "What's in it for me?" while Love asks, "What can I give?"
Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.
But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful -- she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and anguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.
Marriage is about family.
I realized that I had forgotten my dad's advice. While Kim's side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.
To all who are reading this article -- married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette -- I want you to know that marriage isn't for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.
And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.
Truly, love and marriage isn't for you. It's for others.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/seth-adam-smith/marriage-isnt-for-you_b_4209837.html0
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