my hubby paying me to lose weight
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why do people get so grumpy on these forums? low blood sugar dieters, perhaps? ;P
I'm not sure if you're speaking about the folks talking about how kinda creepy it is, because honestly it is, my money and his money is our money in my marriage. However, I can see it motivating to lose weight, "Oh I can make an extra $10.00 to go buy those cute yoga pants if I lose 10 lbs, or whatever, it depends on how it was offered. I think I'd be a bit offended if my husband offered to pay me to lose weight though, his mom though, yeah she I expected it from. Now if the story went like she wanted to lose weight and kept on hassling him about it and ranting to him about wanting to lose weight, and he says "Tell you what, if this will motivate you, you can have this amount of money for spending if you lose this amount of weight and so on." That would be different, I mean after all, I kept ranting to him about it, and he is just trying to help me. In a guys mind I would assume he would just think he's helping.
God forbid someone run their household different from the way you run yours. I find it sad that you think it would be better if she nagged him into it.
My problem with it is not how they run their household, but that the pair is entering (or, more realistically, revealing) a control relationship. Paying someone to perform some function is inherently about control, and I think that's something that has no place in a marriage. I find it degrading.0 -
why do people get so grumpy on these forums? low blood sugar dieters, perhaps? ;P
I'm not sure if you're speaking about the folks talking about how kinda creepy it is, because honestly it is, my money and his money is our money in my marriage. However, I can see it motivating to lose weight, "Oh I can make an extra $10.00 to go buy those cute yoga pants if I lose 10 lbs, or whatever, it depends on how it was offered. I think I'd be a bit offended if my husband offered to pay me to lose weight though, his mom though, yeah she I expected it from. Now if the story went like she wanted to lose weight and kept on hassling him about it and ranting to him about wanting to lose weight, and he says "Tell you what, if this will motivate you, you can have this amount of money for spending if you lose this amount of weight and so on." That would be different, I mean after all, I kept ranting to him about it, and he is just trying to help me. In a guys mind I would assume he would just think he's helping.
God forbid someone run their household different from the way you run yours. I find it sad that you think it would be better if she nagged him into it.
You totally miss read what I said, I never said it was better to nag, in fact I was saying that if she nagged her husband and ranted to her husband that she needed to lose weight and he finally got fed up and said "Hey tell you what, If you lose this amount of weight, I'll give you an extra $10.00 for spending money on yourself." I said that this I could see as a way of motivation and be better then out of the blue "Hey you're fat, drop weight and I'll pay you."0 -
M fiance and I have lived togather for nine years and do not mingle money. We probably won't after we're married, either, simply because we're used to the way things are. That isn't what bothered me about this post. As Jonny said, it's the power and control thing that's just odd.Just wanted to say I don't find this creepy but then my husband and I don't share money (what? No joint funds/accounts? Scandalous!) I give him money for my part of the bills and we occasionally split the bill when we go out but beyond that his money is his and mine is mine. So if he gave me money for losing weight well...extra bonus cash is always nice.
That's just my household though.
How dare you everyone's household must be run the exact same, to deviate from this will probably bring about the apocalypse.
But after long and heated discussions with some of my friends here (whom I respect), I think it's possible (though we'll probably never know since the OP doesn't seem to want to explain further) the issue is in the wording of the post and not in what is actually going on. If it's just a silly game between them, no biggie. It came across as something a little darker to me, though. That is all.
Either way, if she's happy, that's all that really matters. Still, when you put something like this out in the public domain on an Internet message board, it's ridiculous to think there won't be people who it rubs wrong and that everyone will react the same way to it.0 -
why do people get so grumpy on these forums? low blood sugar dieters, perhaps? ;P
I'm not sure if you're speaking about the folks talking about how kinda creepy it is, because honestly it is, my money and his money is our money in my marriage. However, I can see it motivating to lose weight, "Oh I can make an extra $10.00 to go buy those cute yoga pants if I lose 10 lbs, or whatever, it depends on how it was offered. I think I'd be a bit offended if my husband offered to pay me to lose weight though, his mom though, yeah she I expected it from. Now if the story went like she wanted to lose weight and kept on hassling him about it and ranting to him about wanting to lose weight, and he says "Tell you what, if this will motivate you, you can have this amount of money for spending if you lose this amount of weight and so on." That would be different, I mean after all, I kept ranting to him about it, and he is just trying to help me. In a guys mind I would assume he would just think he's helping.
God forbid someone run their household different from the way you run yours. I find it sad that you think it would be better if she nagged him into it.
My problem with it is not how they run their household, but that the pair is entering (or, more realistically, revealing) a control relationship. Paying someone to perform some function is inherently about control, and I think that's something that has no place in a marriage. I find it degrading.
^ the final judge of all things related to marriage. Again, massive assumptions about what is actually going on in someone else's house. If its not for you cool, it's not for me either, but absent actual evidence of abuse it comes off as judgmental and catty. It's like a church but with a new religion.
Next subject, anything but the missionary position is pure evil . . .0 -
why do people get so grumpy on these forums? low blood sugar dieters, perhaps? ;P
I'm not sure if you're speaking about the folks talking about how kinda creepy it is, because honestly it is, my money and his money is our money in my marriage. However, I can see it motivating to lose weight, "Oh I can make an extra $10.00 to go buy those cute yoga pants if I lose 10 lbs, or whatever, it depends on how it was offered. I think I'd be a bit offended if my husband offered to pay me to lose weight though, his mom though, yeah she I expected it from. Now if the story went like she wanted to lose weight and kept on hassling him about it and ranting to him about wanting to lose weight, and he says "Tell you what, if this will motivate you, you can have this amount of money for spending if you lose this amount of weight and so on." That would be different, I mean after all, I kept ranting to him about it, and he is just trying to help me. In a guys mind I would assume he would just think he's helping.
God forbid someone run their household different from the way you run yours. I find it sad that you think it would be better if she nagged him into it.
My problem with it is not how they run their household, but that the pair is entering (or, more realistically, revealing) a control relationship. Paying someone to perform some function is inherently about control, and I think that's something that has no place in a marriage. I find it degrading.
That isn't what I got out of it at all. I really think you are putting your own spin on this. The op is happy and excited about this and we don't even know the whole story. People do things differently. The close mindedness on this thread is just mind blowing. I would suggest some people here really need to venture out of their own little world and experince life in a different way.0 -
why do people get so grumpy on these forums? low blood sugar dieters, perhaps? ;P
I'm not sure if you're speaking about the folks talking about how kinda creepy it is, because honestly it is, my money and his money is our money in my marriage. However, I can see it motivating to lose weight, "Oh I can make an extra $10.00 to go buy those cute yoga pants if I lose 10 lbs, or whatever, it depends on how it was offered. I think I'd be a bit offended if my husband offered to pay me to lose weight though, his mom though, yeah she I expected it from. Now if the story went like she wanted to lose weight and kept on hassling him about it and ranting to him about wanting to lose weight, and he says "Tell you what, if this will motivate you, you can have this amount of money for spending if you lose this amount of weight and so on." That would be different, I mean after all, I kept ranting to him about it, and he is just trying to help me. In a guys mind I would assume he would just think he's helping.
God forbid someone run their household different from the way you run yours. I find it sad that you think it would be better if she nagged him into it.
My problem with it is not how they run their household, but that the pair is entering (or, more realistically, revealing) a control relationship. Paying someone to perform some function is inherently about control, and I think that's something that has no place in a marriage. I find it degrading.
^ the final judge of all things related to marriage. Again, massive assumptions about what is actually going on in someone else's house. If its not for you cool, it's not for me either, but absent actual evidence of abuse it comes off as judgmental and catty. It's like a church but with a new religion.
Next subject, anything but the missionary position is pure evil . . .
I applaud you for being so laissez-faire that you don't feel you have the right to have an opinion on the degredation of women, but I don't feel that way. I have no problem saying I am repulsed by the idea of women submitting themselves to the control of their husbands. If people want to do that, fine, but that doesn't mean I like it or will give a big thumbs up to them just because it's a free country.
Your final line is pretty much the logical equivalent of "if we let gays marry, then people will be marrying their pets next." In other words, it is a travesty of logic. Pure silly hyperbole meant simply to mock and not actually make any sort of point.0 -
M fiance and I have lived togather for nine years and do not mingle money. We probably won't after we're married, either, simply because we're used to the way things are. That isn't what bothered me about this post. As Jonny said, it's the power and control thing that's just odd.Just wanted to say I don't find this creepy but then my husband and I don't share money (what? No joint funds/accounts? Scandalous!) I give him money for my part of the bills and we occasionally split the bill when we go out but beyond that his money is his and mine is mine. So if he gave me money for losing weight well...extra bonus cash is always nice.
That's just my household though.
How dare you everyone's household must be run the exact same, to deviate from this will probably bring about the apocalypse.
But after long and heated discussions with some of my friends here (whom I respect), I think it's possible (though we'll probably never know since the OP doesn't seem to want to explain further) the issue is in the wording of the post and not in what is actually going on. If it's just a silly game between them, no biggie. It came across as something a little darker to me, though. That is all.
Either way, if she's happy, that's all that really matters. Still, when you put something like this out in the public domain on an Internet message board, it's ridiculous to think there won't be people who it rubs wrong and that everyone will react the same way to it.
^ this I can agree with or at least respect. We don't know what is going on, and who knows it may be dark, but to jump to that conclusion immediately absent additional evidence or questions is a bit much, IMHO. This site seems awfully quick to judgement when it comes to relationships.0 -
That isn't what I got out of it at all. I really think you are putting your own spin on this. The op is happy and excited about this and we don't even know the whole story. People do things differently. The close mindedness on this thread is just mind blowing. I would suggest some people here really need to venture out of their own little world and experince life in a different way.
You're not putting your own spin on it? You see it one way (and others agree) and others see it a different way. You can't KNOW you're right and we can't KNOW you're wrong.
We all reacted to the OP based on our own experience and how we read it. I could turn your own advice here right back at you and it would apply.0 -
why do people get so grumpy on these forums? low blood sugar dieters, perhaps? ;P
I'm not sure if you're speaking about the folks talking about how kinda creepy it is, because honestly it is, my money and his money is our money in my marriage. However, I can see it motivating to lose weight, "Oh I can make an extra $10.00 to go buy those cute yoga pants if I lose 10 lbs, or whatever, it depends on how it was offered. I think I'd be a bit offended if my husband offered to pay me to lose weight though, his mom though, yeah she I expected it from. Now if the story went like she wanted to lose weight and kept on hassling him about it and ranting to him about wanting to lose weight, and he says "Tell you what, if this will motivate you, you can have this amount of money for spending if you lose this amount of weight and so on." That would be different, I mean after all, I kept ranting to him about it, and he is just trying to help me. In a guys mind I would assume he would just think he's helping.
God forbid someone run their household different from the way you run yours. I find it sad that you think it would be better if she nagged him into it.
My problem with it is not how they run their household, but that the pair is entering (or, more realistically, revealing) a control relationship. Paying someone to perform some function is inherently about control, and I think that's something that has no place in a marriage. I find it degrading.
This isn't some weird sadistic masochistic abuse based relationship. He's not paying her to freaking urinate on her. Chill. it's just a silly game. He's not paying her to do lose weight. He's reinforcing what she already wanted to do by setting something tangible at the end: money. Not all couples share funds. And If they do, each have their own spending money. If anything, he's giving her money he wouldve spent going out with his friends or something, in a friendly "bet".0 -
why do people get so grumpy on these forums? low blood sugar dieters, perhaps? ;P
I'm not sure if you're speaking about the folks talking about how kinda creepy it is, because honestly it is, my money and his money is our money in my marriage. However, I can see it motivating to lose weight, "Oh I can make an extra $10.00 to go buy those cute yoga pants if I lose 10 lbs, or whatever, it depends on how it was offered. I think I'd be a bit offended if my husband offered to pay me to lose weight though, his mom though, yeah she I expected it from. Now if the story went like she wanted to lose weight and kept on hassling him about it and ranting to him about wanting to lose weight, and he says "Tell you what, if this will motivate you, you can have this amount of money for spending if you lose this amount of weight and so on." That would be different, I mean after all, I kept ranting to him about it, and he is just trying to help me. In a guys mind I would assume he would just think he's helping.
God forbid someone run their household different from the way you run yours. I find it sad that you think it would be better if she nagged him into it.
My problem with it is not how they run their household, but that the pair is entering (or, more realistically, revealing) a control relationship. Paying someone to perform some function is inherently about control, and I think that's something that has no place in a marriage. I find it degrading.
That isn't what I got out of it at all. I really think you are putting your own spin on this. The op is happy and excited about this and we don't even know the whole story. People do things differently. The close mindedness on this thread is just mind blowing. I would suggest some people here really need to venture out of their own little world and experince life in a different way.
You came at me and twisted my words up, I'm just saying. Then you didn't even acknowledge me when I explained it, everyone interrupt's things differently especially on the internet, like you said, we don't all do things the same way, I don't expect you or anyone else to live like I do. But don't twist my damn words and then not even acknowledge me when I explain and then have the gulls to call most people on this thread closed minded, calling the kettle black maybe? We're all suppose to see it your way, right?0 -
M fiance and I have lived togather for nine years and do not mingle money. We probably won't after we're married, either, simply because we're used to the way things are. That isn't what bothered me about this post. As Jonny said, it's the power and control thing that's just odd.Just wanted to say I don't find this creepy but then my husband and I don't share money (what? No joint funds/accounts? Scandalous!) I give him money for my part of the bills and we occasionally split the bill when we go out but beyond that his money is his and mine is mine. So if he gave me money for losing weight well...extra bonus cash is always nice.
That's just my household though.
How dare you everyone's household must be run the exact same, to deviate from this will probably bring about the apocalypse.
But after long and heated discussions with some of my friends here (whom I respect), I think it's possible (though we'll probably never know since the OP doesn't seem to want to explain further) the issue is in the wording of the post and not in what is actually going on. If it's just a silly game between them, no biggie. It came across as something a little darker to me, though. That is all.
Either way, if she's happy, that's all that really matters. Still, when you put something like this out in the public domain on an Internet message board, it's ridiculous to think there won't be people who it rubs wrong and that everyone will react the same way to it.
^ this I can agree with or at least respect. We don't know what is going on, and who knows it may be dark, but to jump to that conclusion immediately absent additional evidence or questions is a bit much, IMHO. This site seems awfully quick to judgement when it comes to relationships.
There does seem to be a lot of, " my relationship doesn't operate that way, so your relationship must be bad".0 -
why do people get so grumpy on these forums? low blood sugar dieters, perhaps? ;P
I'm not sure if you're speaking about the folks talking about how kinda creepy it is, because honestly it is, my money and his money is our money in my marriage. However, I can see it motivating to lose weight, "Oh I can make an extra $10.00 to go buy those cute yoga pants if I lose 10 lbs, or whatever, it depends on how it was offered. I think I'd be a bit offended if my husband offered to pay me to lose weight though, his mom though, yeah she I expected it from. Now if the story went like she wanted to lose weight and kept on hassling him about it and ranting to him about wanting to lose weight, and he says "Tell you what, if this will motivate you, you can have this amount of money for spending if you lose this amount of weight and so on." That would be different, I mean after all, I kept ranting to him about it, and he is just trying to help me. In a guys mind I would assume he would just think he's helping.
God forbid someone run their household different from the way you run yours. I find it sad that you think it would be better if she nagged him into it.
My problem with it is not how they run their household, but that the pair is entering (or, more realistically, revealing) a control relationship. Paying someone to perform some function is inherently about control, and I think that's something that has no place in a marriage. I find it degrading.
^ the final judge of all things related to marriage. Again, massive assumptions about what is actually going on in someone else's house. If its not for you cool, it's not for me either, but absent actual evidence of abuse it comes off as judgmental and catty. It's like a church but with a new religion.
Next subject, anything but the missionary position is pure evil . . .
I applaud you for being so laissez-faire that you don't feel you have the right to have an opinion on the degredation of women, but I don't feel that way. I have no problem saying I am repulsed by the idea of women submitting themselves to the control of their husbands. If people want to do that, fine, but that doesn't mean I like it or will give a big thumbs up to them just because it's a free country.
Your final line is pretty much the logical equivalent of "if we let gays marry, then people will be marrying their pets next." In other words, it is a travesty of logic. Pure silly hyperbole meant simply to mock and not actually make any sort of point.
And yet your own pure silly hyperbole is always ok? Given your inability to ever see the other side of an issue, and your temper tantrum over my calling you "judgmental" I am not surprised by your response. I can only assume that this is a trigger subject for you but you lack the honesty to admit it, unlike others who I have had this discussion with and respect.0 -
Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?
I also find it kind of creepy. I'm in a weight loss challenge where I could win some great $$, but that's between friends who are all trying to lose weight. I think if my husband or significant other wanted to pay me to lose weight I'd be a little weirded out.0 -
why do people get so grumpy on these forums? low blood sugar dieters, perhaps? ;P
I'm not sure if you're speaking about the folks talking about how kinda creepy it is, because honestly it is, my money and his money is our money in my marriage. However, I can see it motivating to lose weight, "Oh I can make an extra $10.00 to go buy those cute yoga pants if I lose 10 lbs, or whatever, it depends on how it was offered. I think I'd be a bit offended if my husband offered to pay me to lose weight though, his mom though, yeah she I expected it from. Now if the story went like she wanted to lose weight and kept on hassling him about it and ranting to him about wanting to lose weight, and he says "Tell you what, if this will motivate you, you can have this amount of money for spending if you lose this amount of weight and so on." That would be different, I mean after all, I kept ranting to him about it, and he is just trying to help me. In a guys mind I would assume he would just think he's helping.
God forbid someone run their household different from the way you run yours. I find it sad that you think it would be better if she nagged him into it.
My problem with it is not how they run their household, but that the pair is entering (or, more realistically, revealing) a control relationship. Paying someone to perform some function is inherently about control, and I think that's something that has no place in a marriage. I find it degrading.
That isn't what I got out of it at all. I really think you are putting your own spin on this. The op is happy and excited about this and we don't even know the whole story. People do things differently. The close mindedness on this thread is just mind blowing. I would suggest some people here really need to venture out of their own little world and experince life in a different way.
You came at me and twisted my words up, I'm just saying. Then you didn't even acknowledge me when I explained it, everyone interrupt's things differently especially on the internet, like you said, we don't all do things the same way, I don't expect you or anyone else to live like I do. But don't twist my damn words and then not even acknowledge me when I explain and then have the gulls to call most people on this thread closed minded, calling the kettle black maybe? We're all suppose to see it your way, right?
I wasn't talking to you... I was talking to Johnny who is also in the quotes. I never said most either.
I didn't respond to you because it wasn't worth it to...0 -
M fiance and I have lived togather for nine years and do not mingle money. We probably won't after we're married, either, simply because we're used to the way things are. That isn't what bothered me about this post. As Jonny said, it's the power and control thing that's just odd.
But after long and heated discussions with some of my friends here (whom I respect), I think it's possible (though we'll probably never know since the OP doesn't seem to want to explain further) the issue is in the wording of the post and not in what is actually going on. If it's just a silly game between them, no biggie. It came across as something a little darker to me, though. That is all.
Either way, if she's happy, that's all that really matters. Still, when you put something like this out in the public domain on an Internet message board, it's ridiculous to think there won't be people who it rubs wrong and that everyone will react the same way to it.
if he made her wear a gimp outfit then yes, id agree its about control. i didnt read anything in her posts or subsequent posts that state he has done this, has her chained to the basement floor or any decoded message in her post asking for help cause she has a controlling husband.
what i did read was her husband is being very supportive of her and as an added incentive is offering her money to reach her goal where odds are he is sacrificing (and to an extent she is) money that could probably be better spent on them both.
the same way that 30 minutes of cardio may work for some people or a strict 1500 calorie intake works for one while a 3000 calorie intake works for another but switch them around and it works for neither. there is no one set way for a marriage (or any relationship) to handle the finances of the household. what ever a couple decides to do and is agreed upon both is going to work for them. it doesnt mean it will work for others.
its really that simple and all these people making assumptions that her husband is out of shape and not doing anything or that he is controlling or anything else is about what i would expect from a bunch of people behind a keyboard on a message board.0 -
That isn't what I got out of it at all. I really think you are putting your own spin on this. The op is happy and excited about this and we don't even know the whole story. People do things differently. The close mindedness on this thread is just mind blowing. I would suggest some people here really need to venture out of their own little world and experince life in a different way.
You're not putting your own spin on it? You see it one way (and others agree) and others see it a different way. You can't KNOW you're right and we can't KNOW you're wrong.
We all reacted to the OP based on our own experience and how we read it. I could turn your own advice here right back at you and it would apply.
While I agree with this in terms of our own spins, I think it's generally better to give people the benefit of the doubt. That's my opinion though, and it is based on my annoyance at those who are quick to judge others. There is definitely a line though where others should become involved. I just don't think we are there in this example.0 -
Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?
I also find it kind of creepy. I'm in a weight loss challenge where I could win some great $$, but that's between friends who are all trying to lose weight. I think if my husband or significant other wanted to pay me to lose weight I'd be a little weirded out.
again, he didnt say hey fatty, heres some money if you lose weight... she is doing this and as added incentive he is sweetening the pot0 -
My hubby gave me a great incentive to lose weight. He said he would pay me for every pound i lost. 1-10 pounds $10 a pound. 11-20 pounds $15 a pound..21-30 pounds $20 a pound. Anything over 30 pounds $25 a pound. I need to lose 42 pounds. Gained the majority of the weight when i quit smoking. I can do this !!!'
Noble but also a sad state of affairs. Many people would pay a lot of money for weight loss but you feel you need to be paid. You got yourself into this mess in the first place. Why should you need somebody else to give you financial incentive to get you out? What a poor example this concept is.0 -
Nope.0
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Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?
Nope0
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