Boyfriend & Boobies
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Thread does not disappoint. A concern over boobie size has morphed in to a discussion on abuse. Excellent!0
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I lost. 25 lbs 3 years ago. My cup size didn't change at all. Depends on the person.0
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Not that sad if you think about it. I was a child of passion and got to watch my parents marriage implode because they built it poorly. I have a strong passion for my wife, but it didn't come before the commitment to stand by her always. We dated for quite a while, much to her chagrin, and built something to last. Like I said, I love my wife fiercely, but don't disparage the power of faithfulness. It breeds its own type of love.0
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the unconditionalilty of the love is the statement that (I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor). No matter what means DESPITE the conditions we find ourselves in, I'll stay, because I love you.
His being abusive toward me certainly wouldn't be any type of reflection of his love toward me, so no, I would not stay. I'm not saying I would stay in absolutely any case, I'm saying why one of us getting sick, or us being poor would not be grounds for splitting up. Hard times in general are not the same thing as abuse.
Yes because you spoke vows. You said "For better or for worse". Everyone who is defending the vows is stating that you can't put conditions on them. Leaving because your husband is abusive would technically be a 'condition'. As I stated earlier I am merely playing the Devil's Advocate here.
And if your husband had an addiction and he refused any sort of help and it began to hurt you financially and emotionally and caused you to became depressed and resentful over it you would still stay in the relationship? Because of your vows?IF you look back at my statements, I was never defending the vows, but the love. I stay out of love. Not the vows.
"I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor"0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
The conversation kind of moved on to that when someone basically said that would be perfectly understandable and she'd leave her SO (whom she claims she loves) if he got fat.
So?
I'd leave my husband if he got fat and he'd leave me for the same reason. We both know this and agreed that it's acceptable. Once one is no longer physically attracted to their SO then it doesn't matter how much you love them. Would it be better if, in that situation, the couple stayed together and the non-fat one decided to cheat because they were aroused by someone else who met their physical needs?
My vows stated in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I don't understand people who get married but have conditions.
Sure, there are things I would leave my husband for, abuse of myself or my child for example. But he is an amazing person. He is currently 60 pounds over weight and I am 40. What is the cut off point? At what point should I say, oh you're too fat, I can't be with you anymore?
Technically, isn't vowing to stay in sickness or in health and such...conditions?
No, vowing to stay with someone regardless of their health is not putting a condition on it. It is the very definition of unconditional love.
I don't see vowing to stay with someone regardless of medical health is a reflection on unconditional love. There are those in arranged marriages of sorts that stay married and care for each other to a point because it is expected...not because they love each other unconditionally. There are those that due to religious circumstances get married due to an accidental pregnancy and stay together not because they love each other, but because they fear retaliation and judgement from family and such.
But the rest of the line follows with - until death do you part. So isn't that making it a condition?
the unconditionalilty of the love is the statement that (I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor). No matter what means DESPITE the conditions we find ourselves in, I'll stay, because I love you.
And if you're completely miserable in the relationship yet for what ever reason you still love them, then because of your vows you stay?
Just playing Devils Advocate here but if it's "for better or for worse" wouldn't the "worse" include abuse because it couldn't get any worse than that and if you're claiming that you wouldn't break your vows if your husband got fat than why break them if he abuses you?
His being abusive toward me certainly wouldn't be any type of reflection of his love toward me, so no, I would not stay. I'm not saying I would stay in absolutely any case, I'm saying why one of us getting sick, or us being poor would not be grounds for splitting up. Hard times in general are not the same thing as abuse.
But by not staying you're putting a condition on the vows that you spoke.
Do you HONESTLY think that someone being over weight vs. being abusive is on the same playing field?
If my husband had an addiction I would get him help. If he got sick I would stay by his side. If he got fat(er) I'd still love him.
BUT, if he put me in fear for mine or my child's life in danger I would leave. I'd still try to get him the help he needed while keeping myself and my son safe.
So what if he refused to get help and basically ignored you and your child. What if he ended up getting so overweight that he couldn't walk anymore and still refused to get help?
Those scenarios are so far out of the realm of reality that I haven't pondered them. I guess we will just have to wait and see if I am strong enough to be the person that I should be if that were to occur. The point I was trying to make is that I won't make my love conditional to my husband's weight, health, wealth or anything else that comes our way and it surprised me that others do.
To each their own.0 -
Okay, ladies. I was all excited to get back on track this month with my workouts and healthy eating. I've lost 25 pounds since mid-June of 2013 with a few months of maintaining (not intentionally, but thank God I wasn't gaining!) & I still want to lose at least 30 to 40 more pounds. My boyfriend is around 6'2 and weighs 135. I'm 5'4 and weigh 180. Needless to say, he's quite a bit thinner than I am. I've noticed though that a lot of the things I'm insecure about he likes. He touches my stomach all the time too, which shows that he isn't repulsed by it. I'm unhappy with my body, so I assumed he would dislike my figure too. When I told him about me wanting to lose weight again (he's always been extremely supportive, even back when we were best friends) his biggest issue was that he didn't want me to lose my chest! He told me he'd be behind me no matter what I do. I know I have to lose weight so that I can be happy in my own body but I also would really love for my chest to stay around a size C. I've read that chest exercises can strengthen the pectoral muscles, making your breasts look perkier and more uplifted. I know there really isn't any way to tell how much fat I will lose in my chest, but I'm curious. So ladies, what has happened to your chest size after you lost weight? Any tips or advice?
Hi, OP. I don't want to read 8 pages of bickering, so if this has been answered already, I apologize. Breast tissue does not melt away like fat elsewhere on your body does. That being said, it's entirely possible extra fat is being stored in your breasts and your current cup size is not just breast tissue, but plain and simple obesity. The caveat is that you have no way of knowing by looking or feeling how much of your cup size is breast tissue and how much is adipose. As you begin to lose weight, track your bust measurements. You will likely see an initial decline, but as adipose in your breasts is burned, you will eventually plateau despite continuing to lose weight and inches elsewhere. That's when you know you have reached just tissue.
Some women store adipose in their hips, some their bellies (me!) and some their busts. If your partner isn't pleased with the lack of volume should you decrease in size, tell him a breast augmentation is only $5000 and it can be the gift to himself that keeps on giving.
Again, sorry if you already got that answer before.0 -
This thread went from a serious concern to a war zone of opinions.
OP, I am sorry that your concern is no longer the focus.0 -
"I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor"
Grammar, kids. The love is the active verb in the sentence. The am vowing is the passive action.0 -
To be clear, those who claim they will leave their SO over weight gain are NOT in LOVE. What you have is barely a performance contract.0
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Right? All over some itty bitty t***ies.0 -
This thread went from a serious concern to a war zone of opinions.
OP, I am sorry that your concern is no longer the focus.
*ashamed*
Guilty...I'm done.0 -
This thread went from a serious concern to a war zone of opinions.
OP, I am sorry that your concern is no longer the focus.
Whatev, it was answered in the first two pages.0 -
Okay, ladies. I was all excited to get back on track this month with my workouts and healthy eating. I've lost 25 pounds since mid-June of 2013 with a few months of maintaining (not intentionally, but thank God I wasn't gaining!) & I still want to lose at least 30 to 40 more pounds. My boyfriend is around 6'2 and weighs 135. I'm 5'4 and weigh 180. Needless to say, he's quite a bit thinner than I am. I've noticed though that a lot of the things I'm insecure about he likes. He touches my stomach all the time too, which shows that he isn't repulsed by it. I'm unhappy with my body, so I assumed he would dislike my figure too. When I told him about me wanting to lose weight again (he's always been extremely supportive, even back when we were best friends) his biggest issue was that he didn't want me to lose my chest! He told me he'd be behind me no matter what I do. I know I have to lose weight so that I can be happy in my own body but I also would really love for my chest to stay around a size C. I've read that chest exercises can strengthen the pectoral muscles, making your breasts look perkier and more uplifted. I know there really isn't any way to tell how much fat I will lose in my chest, but I'm curious. So ladies, what has happened to your chest size after you lost weight? Any tips or advice?
Hi, OP. I don't want to read 8 pages of bickering, so if this has been answered already, I apologize. Breast tissue does not melt away like fat elsewhere on your body does. That being said, it's entirely possible extra fat is being stored in your breasts and your current cup size is not just breast tissue, but plain and simple obesity. The caveat is that you have no way of knowing by looking or feeling how much of your cup size is breast tissue and how much is adipose. As you begin to lose weight, track your bust measurements. You will likely see an initial decline, but as adipose in your breasts is burned, you will eventually plateau despite continuing to lose weight and inches elsewhere. That's when you know you have reached just tissue.
Some women store adipose in their hips, some their bellies (me!) and some their busts. If your partner isn't pleased with the lack of volume should you decrease in size, tell him a breast augmentation is only $5000 and it can be the gift to himself that keeps on giving.
Again, sorry if you already got that answer before.
+1
I lost a bunch of weight years ago, and I can't remember if I lost a cup or not. I probably did a little, but I tend to store most of my fat in my stomach and in my thighs. I do remember my ladies getting perkier though! I lost that weird side boobage-fat that I had goin' on.0 -
To be clear, those who claim they will leave their SO over weight gain are NOT in LOVE. What you have is barely a performance contract.
Yes. Because you know so much about other people's relationships.
Now I must go look for the secret cameras that you have hidden around my house where you are viewing myself and my husband which has led you to the above conclusion.0 -
Do you HONESTLY think that someone being over weight vs. being abusive is on the same playing field?
If my husband had an addiction I would get him help. If he got sick I would stay by his side. If he got fat(er) I'd still love him.
BUT, if he put me in fear for mine or my child's life or put us in danger I would leave. I'd still try to get him the help he needed while keeping myself and my son safe.
Yes because you spoke vows. You said "For better or for worse". Everyone who is defending the vows is stating that you can't put conditions on them. Leaving because your husband is abusive would technically be a 'condition'. As I stated earlier I am merely playing the Devil's Advocate here.
And if your husband had an addiction and he refused any sort of help and it began to hurt you financially and emotionally and caused you to became depressed and resentful over it you would still stay in the relationship? Because of your vows?
Edited because I am tired of looking at the huge block of quotes.
If you take your vows that seriously, then you would remain married. You might do other things to try to help your husband. You might decide to put physical and/or emotional distance between you to try to keep him from causing more damage. You might get him sent to prison or committed in an institution if it came to that. But you'd still stay married.
Unless you're me. If my husband raises a hand to me, he'd better do it only once because if he tries it again, I'll kill him. Problem solved. Death occurred, we part. <-- Only half-kidding here. Probably a good thing I'm not married, yes?0 -
I really love how there is one group of women saying that If their man became unattractive (physically or personality/behavior wise) to them, through circumstances within his control (like over eating, laziness and a bad attitude) and he had no intention of correcting these behaviors - they might leave him. They assume it is because of reasons he has control over.
Then there is a second group of women who counter that by saying CANCER, CRIPPLING ACCIDENT, ED!!!!! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HIM BECAUSE OF THAT! because they assume that the only reason a person would get fat is because of reasons they have no control over.
omg. im giggling my butt off.
Im giggling because I know that the women who are talking about a man or woman refusing to change things within their control - are the ones that know that getting fit is within your control. It's the ultimate in taking responsibility for your existence. And they cant be yoked to someone who cannot take/maintain control of their own lives.
Im giggling because of the implied opposite of this and those that maintain that mindset.
Then I picture the fit women who have control - facing off against the ones whining about what they cannot control... and I know that I am right when I tell myself - always focus on what you can control, not on what is out of your hands.
Or you'll never see how to change, only that you cant.
And it goes back to my original answer to the girl who wrote this blog.
Dont worry about what you cannot control. Focus on what you can control. And that is your health. Focus on getting fit and continuing to make good decisions.
If the shrinking boobs become a problem, im sure your lovely other half will be willing to at least talk to you - if he even notices a difference
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Hi, I lost around a hundred pounds and went from a 44 F to a 36 C which is a huge difference but most people don't notice much from my appearance because I lost all over my body. My boyfriend doesn't seem to notice a big difference either. Definitely do the workouts to help keep them perky because you'll notice they sag a little as you lose cup sizes but it won't be noticeable to anyone but you. One thing to keep in mind as you slim down is that when you get smaller clothes they will also be designed for smaller breasts so if you didn't lose there as well your clothes wouldn't fit correctly. It sounds like you have a great supportive guy and as long as you're healthy he will be happy for you. Best of luck!0
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Congrats on your ESP. There's a thread for empaths that was started last week.To be clear, those who claim they will leave their SO over weight gain are NOT in LOVE. What you have is barely a performance contract.0 -
To be clear, those who claim they will leave their SO over weight gain are NOT in LOVE. What you have is barely a performance contract.
or suddenly you're married to a food addict, who spent rent on fast food and hides the evidence in the kids toybox, jeopardizes his health and the bank to keep it under wraps and lies more often than not and has no care at all as to how this would affect your children - and not just the financial strain - but the attitude that trickles down - the attitude of gluttony and over indulgence without consequences.
A+ would divorce0 -
I really love how there is one group of women saying that If their man became unattractive (physically or personality/behavior wise) to them, through circumstances within his control (like over eating, laziness and a bad attitude) and he had no intention of correcting these behaviors - they might leave him. They assume it is because of reasons he has control over.
Then there is a second group of women who counter that by saying CANCER, CRIPPLING ACCIDENT, ED!!!!! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HIM BECAUSE OF THAT! because they assume that the only reason a person would get fat is because of reasons they have no control over.
My husband is overweight through his own overeating and lack of willpower. And no, I'd never leave him for it. He has control over it. I still love him anyway.0 -
So what if he refused to get help and basically ignored you and your child. What if he ended up getting so overweight that he couldn't walk anymore and still refused to get help?
Those scenarios are so far out of the realm of reality that I haven't pondered them. I guess we will just have to wait and see if I am strong enough to be the person that I should be if that were to occur. The point I was trying to make is that I won't make my love conditional to my husband's weight, health, wealth or anything else that comes our way and it surprised me that others do.
To each their own.
this happens, sadly, far more often than i can convey.
some people have a lot of respect for themselves, their children and the potential in their lives that they would not stay in a relationship that revolves around one person's unhealthy selfish agenda.
whether it is food or alcohol.0 -
They're your boobs not his. Take care of your body.....He'll be ok if you end up with smaller boobs.
ehhhhhhhh That's not 100% true.
Yes they are her's
and Yes she has to do what's right.
But that doesn't mean he is or has to be okay with it. He is entitled to his opinion and tastes.
I can tell you right now if my boyfriend got fat like- seriously fat- it would be over. I'm just completely not attracted to that type of life style behavior and body type.
I can barely stand how he is now because he is the epitome of skinny fat-he is massively squishy- but he has some really amazing qualities that makes me want to be with him- but I honestly hate what his body looks like. It's awful. And guess what- that's my choice and my decision to stay or go based on that.
You sound like a keeper yourself...0 -
I really love how there is one group of women saying that If their man became unattractive (physically or personality/behavior wise) to them, through circumstances within his control (like over eating, laziness and a bad attitude) and he had no intention of correcting these behaviors - they might leave him. They assume it is because of reasons he has control over.
Then there is a second group of women who counter that by saying CANCER, CRIPPLING ACCIDENT, ED!!!!! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HIM BECAUSE OF THAT! because they assume that the only reason a person would get fat is because of reasons they have no control over.
My husband is overweight through his own overeating and lack of willpower. And no, I'd never leave him for it. He has control over it. I still love him anyway.
WAIT - STOP - I wanna talk about me again!! I have no point in quoting this other than to announce to everyone that although im in that first group of women that might leave their husband for engaging in unhealthy behavior he can control, but wont - I still wouldnt leave him! SO AM BETTER THAN THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE GROUP!!! YAY!!! 10 HEAVEN POINTS FOR ME!!!!
Because the point was about the leaving/not leaving part - not about the control/cant control part!!!
wait - so maybe that's 15 heaven points for me!0 -
"I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor"
Grammar, kids. The love is the active verb in the sentence. The am vowing is the passive action.
When is recess?0 -
I really love how there is one group of women saying that If their man became unattractive (physically or personality/behavior wise) to them, through circumstances within his control (like over eating, laziness and a bad attitude) and he had no intention of correcting these behaviors - they might leave him. They assume it is because of reasons he has control over.
Then there is a second group of women who counter that by saying CANCER, CRIPPLING ACCIDENT, ED!!!!! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HIM BECAUSE OF THAT! because they assume that the only reason a person would get fat is because of reasons they have no control over.
Everyone has their flaws lol
My husband is overweight through his own overeating and lack of willpower. And no, I'd never leave him for it. He has control over it. I still love him anyway.
WAIT - STOP - I wanna talk about me again!! I have no point in quoting this other than to announce to everyone that although im in that first group of women that might leave their husband for engaging in unhealthy behavior he can control, but wont - I still wouldnt leave him! SO AM BETTER THAN THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE GROUP!!! YAY!!! 10 HEAVEN POINTS FOR ME!!!!
Because the point was about the leaving/not leaving part - not about the control/cant control part!!!
wait - so maybe that's 15 heaven points for me!0 -
I never know how to respond to these posts. My husband met me 18 years ago. I am the same size and shape now, as I was then (18 then, 35 now). I do not personally think I look exactly the same, but it's damn close enough (and back then I did not see myself clearly either). I'm a dancer and fitness has always been important to me. He has loved me through everything. Our connection is both physical as well as intellectual/personality/emotion. I've had two kids. He was amazed and astounded by my body changing to give life to our children and going back. He says I am a force of nature (for many reasons). He has always expressed respect and attraction to me always, even when I was ten pounds heavier and slightly less fit. But, since I have regained my full fitness level (many times again and again by my own choice and desires), he can't keep his hands and eyes off me, he compliments me daily, by the minute, he says that he loves how much I care about my fitness. But, this is us. He met me young and fit, with the body type that I had and have. He loves me always, no matter what. He supports me in my love of being fit (it's not just physical, it's part of my career also).
There has also been some recent controversy on mfp about motherhood and breasts. I asked my husband, "Do you think my breasts droop?" He started laughing and said, "YOURS? NO, Your breasts are perkilicious!!" I asked, "Why do my breasts not droop, even though I've had kids?" He said, "I don't know. Just good breast genetics. Look at them, they are fully self-supporting. (and he went into a lot more detail)" And he's right, my breasts are indeed perky and firm, nicely shaped, and bouncy. I'm happy, We are happy.
I think that you need to be happy for yourself. If you were not fit when you met him and want to be now, go for it, for yourself. Being healthy, fit, athletically functional is non-negotiable for me (it is my career). If he could not accept that, I'd go on with my fitness and life. And I'd let him make the choice.0 -
So is it worse to leave a wife for being fat or worse to leave a husband for being fat? I think socially it's worse for a guy to leave his wife for being fat. Especially if it's for a skinnier girl. When guys do this it's labelled as some sort of midlife crisis. If a woman leaves her husband for being fat it's just seen as trading up since the guy let himself go.
EDIT: Also, let's just concede up front that both of these things aren't as bad as abuse.0 -
So is it worse to leave a wife for being fat or worse to leave a husband for being fat? I think socially it's worse for a guy to leave his wife for being fat. Especially if it's for a skinnier girl. When guys do this it's labelled as some sort of midlife crisis. If a woman leaves her husband for being fat it's just seen as trading up since the guy let himself go.
EDIT: Also, let's just concede up front that both of these things aren't as bad as abuse.
And God forbid he ever said one word to the wife who was gaining weight. My guess is that most of the women who posted that being physically attracted to your SO makes you shallow would be pissed if their husband told them they were gaining weight.
The reason I don't have to worry about my husband leaving me if I got fat is because he'd tell me before it even happened. If I ask him if I look fat/bad in something he'll tell me because he knows I want honesty and he knows I'm not going to be mad if he says "You know what hon? Those pants DO give you a muffin top!" or "Gee, maybe you shouldn't have that slice of cake" because that's something I would expect him to tell me.0
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