An open letter...

Dear God,

Thank you for my beautiful grandson. Pleae help me to be available to help when needed without overstaying my welcome.

Please also help me to remember that I made plenty of mistakes, and my kid turned out alright, so I don't need to be overly concerned when his parents make choices I don't agree with.

Signed,

Grateful for precious new life.

Dear Wal-Mart cashier,

Could you please stop chewing your gum like a cow chewing its cud and attempting to speak at the same time? It is utterly disgusting and quite rude and I couldn't understand half of what you said.

Sincerely,
Grossed Out Customer

Dearest Kitty,
I love you . More than ANYTHING in the world. You're my girl and you're my BEST friend. You love me fat or thin, smelly or clean. I know we have good talks all the time but WHY are you sitting here YOWLING at me? I know for a fact you've got food, I just cleaned and refilled your water dish, I've offered you my lap for snuggles, I've rubbed your tummy.. what gives? Are you trying to make me crazy? I love you to peices but I want to choke you. SHUT UP!!

Love,
Your adoring mom

Dear Adoring mom

I'm a cat! It's my job.

Love your adoring Kittie

ps: I can't remember where I left my half eaten mouse. Have you seen it?

P.S.S. I puked up a hairball under your bed......don't get pissy, it's a present!

Dear Guy-at-the-Gym last night:

I'm so happy for you for having such high self esteem and being so completely comfortable with your totally buck-naked body, but we really don't care to have to see your @ss and everything else God gave ya while you stand there for at least* 15 minutes catching the game at the marble half-wall separating the locker room and lounge area with the tv... pressing your junk up against the wall right next to where people have to bend down and turn their head towards you if they want to use the water fountain... I mean really. The stack of fresh towels is literally *right* behind you. How about grabbing a towel and wrapping it around yourself next time.

Signed,
Things that can't be unseen

Dear Brothers and Cousins,
Remember our Aunt who put together all those fabulous holiday dinners over the years, and was largely responsible for all of us growing up feeling loved and supported? The one who asked how our days were, and really cared about our answers? The one who provided the regular notes and newspaper clippings in the mail? The one who always had a Sunday night dinner for whoever could make it that night? The one who opened her home, her arms and her heart whenever we needed it?

Now that she is nearly 98 years old, where the he!! are you? She would love to hear from you. She keeps asking me where you are, how you are, and when she will see you next. True, her memory is failing and physically she can't do as much as she used to be able to do, but she still knows that most of you have abandoned her.

You older two boy cousins and your families, you live 5 hours away by car, but one of your kids is now going to college about an hour away, and all of you visit him regularly and NEVER ONCE have you bothered to call or drop by to visit our Aunt. When your Mom died way too early in all of our lives, Aunt stood in and did what she could to plug that huge, gaping hole. Your behavior doesn't show much in the way of thanks.

You, the next oldest. brother.. moving your family halfway across the country did NOT make your phone stop functioning, and I know for a fact that the postal service picks up from your area, as well as delivering the checks Aunt sends to your kids for every birthday and holiday (for which she has NEVER heard a thank you of any kind!), so it would be possible for you to send an occasional note. I'm guessing that someday your kids will ignore you the way you ignore our Aunt now, and I hope it isn't as painful for you as it is for our Aunt when that happens. It isn't too late to set a good example...

You, the two youngest, cousin and brother... you live about an hour away and could easily visit or call or write and make Aunt's whole year with just a few minutes of your time, but you are too absorbed in your own lives to think of doing something for someone else. Please grow up. A quick phone call, or a note with a picture of your baby would be great. She would LOVE to get a copy of the birth announcement, I'm not sure why she was left off the original list. She isn't THAT far gone!

You, my brother in the middle with me, thank you for staying in Aunt's life with regular phone calls, visits, taking her out for dinners, bringing the pups to visit (she LOVES your dogs!) and overlooking her failing memory. When I went over this morning to bring her clean laundry, put out her medications, and take her to breakfast, all she could talk about was the gorgeous sweater that you and your wife brought to her on Sunday so that she could enjoy wearing it throughout the entire holiday season, and how much she loved going out for Chinese food with you both. She showed the sweater to me and told me the whole story about 30 times in the 2 hours I was there, and I could just feel her joy radiating and I loved hearing every minute of her story each time. Your thoughtfulness and loving ways towards our Aunt makes my heart happy, and I am so very proud of the man that you have become, and delighted to have you as my brother.
With love (and in some cases, frustration),
Your Sister/Cousin