MFP has changed

If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.

Stop pretending to be helpful, dapple.

Because if even one MFP member goes to bed with a sad, no matter the reason, we have failed.

I would rather not help 800 people if helping them meant that even one would go to bed sad.

These are real people with real feelings! If you had one extraordinarily stupid child in a classroom, would you not hold everyone back until he understood that week's concept? Would you really just let him fail for the selfish gratification of helping thirty others?

How does it even feel to not have a soul? Is your hatred for children the only thing left keeping you warm?

Bro DYESotF*?






*Survival of the Fittest (for that 1 child).

You can be supportive without being fake-'nice'. You can be a motivator without having to rip an OP a new one. You can ask questions or make observations without burning someone to the ground.

We all know we got overweight because we made bad choices. We're here to change that. Being nasty to someone who is finally ready to change their life around doesn't help at all.

Could someone explain exactly why saying "Law school didn't make you fat, your choices did" is nasty?

I also assume in your next fifteen posts over the next year and half you'll show us how to do what you've explained via your own helpful posts???

I have to be honest, I didn't read the Law school thread, but in general, I know how forums work and how it can quickly spiral into negativity, when all the OP wanted was some encouragement or advice or support.

I know some people are a bit more sensitive than others (might have something to do with selfworth in the end.. might sound familiar to those of use being overweight and trying to finally lose the pounds for good this time), and that others might not get your (general 'your', not you personally) sense of humour etc. etc.
But being outright nasty (yes, I have seen that in the time I've been lurking here) is not going to help anyone.

I'm a moderator for a very busy Dutch forum for people suffering from eating disorders. I can be pretty direct and strict sometimes. But I don't burn people down and don't take pleasure in catty remarks.

As far as I know, these forums are about helping each other out in trying to lose weight the sensible, healthy way. Not about clever come-backs and being mean. You can tell someone they've made a bad choice without doing either.

You can be supportive without being fake-'nice'. You can be a motivator without having to rip an OP a new one. You can ask questions or make observations without burning someone to the ground.

We all know we got overweight because we made bad choices. We're here to change that. Being nasty to someone who is finally ready to change their life around doesn't help at all.

Would you like some advice?

Of course. That's also part of why I'm here. But without being insulted would be nice.

It looks like you're off to a rocky start based on your join date and the progress on your weightloss ticker. If you would like to discuss what you are currently doing and how to improve it, I can help.

I'm not saying you would, but if you started a thread stating that you were going to kick off your weight loss with a juice fast, including debunked assertions about the benefits therefrom, and if you were to respond with hostility to the feedback you received . . . I would not be kind.

That thread has happened too many times; about twice a day.

I am also not asserting that you have done that; I expect you wouldn't be so presumptuous.

You can be supportive without being fake-'nice'. You can be a motivator without having to rip an OP a new one. You can ask questions or make observations without burning someone to the ground.

We all know we got overweight because we made bad choices. We're here to change that. Being nasty to someone who is finally ready to change their life around doesn't help at all.

Would you like some advice?

Of course. That's also part of why I'm here. But without being insulted would be nice.

It looks like you're off to a rocky start based on your join date and the progress on your task bar. It you would like to discuss what you are currently doing and how to improve it, I can help.

Thank you.

Slightly OT, but, I've set up this account a while ago before I actually started to do some real work. I haven't got scales at home (I know, I know...) but do measure myself to keep track and log honestly. There's no point otherwise. Once I've had my weigh-in at the doctor's again I will of course update my task bar.

Riiight, off out now, making the most of what could be the only Summer's day here in the UK.

It looks like you're off to a rocky start based on your join date and the progress on your task bar. It you would like to discuss what you are currently doing and how to improve it, I can help.

Thank you.

Slightly OT, but, I've set up this account a while ago before I actually started to do some real work. I haven't got scales at home (I know, I know...) but do measure myself to keep track and log honestly. There's no point otherwise. Once I've had my weigh-in at the doctor's again I will of course update my task bar.

Riiight, off out now, making the most of what could be the only Summer's day here in the UK.

Well, okay I guess. I was just noticing an issue with progress and offering to help troubleshoot.
Best of luck in all your fitness goals.



And no one was helped that day. Do you all see how that works? Can you imagine how exhausting that is???

This is like the second "mean people" thread today. If you don't like the forums, join groups, write on your MFP blog, or in your newsfeed. There are several ways to steer clear of the "mean people".

so basically what you are saying that it's perfectly acceptable to be mean, if you are polite and friendly, pi$$ off, you're not the sort of person who should participate on mfp forums?

man oh man, It can't be easy being you.

I wasn't saying if you are polite/friendly pi$$ off at all. What I'm saying is that if you are sick of the so called meanies, want to start threads about meanies, but really only want sunshine and rainbows, the forums aren't the place for you and maybe groups/newsfeed would fit better.

I agree with other posters that have said "be the change you wish to see". Don't like what you see, then get in there, be the change. Try to help. Make this site what you want it to be. Will it always be what you want, no, but you have control over what you read, feel, want, see. I've always believed that people should lead by example. If you just start threads about mean people, are you really any better than those said mean people? Because these threads are a blanket statement, if you have a problem or see someone in the forums being what you believe is mean, then ask them about what they said? Call them out when it happens.

TL:DR - Be the change you want to see in the forums. Lead by example.

Frankly I don't care if some people dislike my tone. I generally consider those who let their feels get hurt over the internet too weak in personality to be worth while anyway and too wishy washy to have been interested in anything I had to say anyway. Frankly I find the insistence that people must be cordial (as determined by someone else's standards and not my own) to be rather disgusting.

I'll just keep on being helpful as normal. The full inbox, daily friend requests, and heartfelt responses to my blogs make me feel like there are more than enough people who hear what I have to say as I say it without me having to speak to them like I speak to the toddlers at my daycare. You (general you) might not like it but plenty of people do so why would I change? I'm sure there are plenty of people willing to pat your head and give you a treat without trying to shame me into being 'cordial'.



Tl;DR: The gifs will continue until morale is totally broken down, your emotional weakness isn't my concern.

My take on the infamous Law School thread:

It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?

If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.

What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...

People have lost the meaning of the word tact...and at least the way I look at it is if they have to be asshats to some stranger online than their life is pretty sad b/c its the only way they can make themselves feel good...The internet gives people balls they wouldn't have in real life.

Madame, I assure you my in real life balls are even more impressive than my internet ones. I will thank you to not speak on the quality or size of them in the future

x2...and I am a woman...trust me how I am here is exactly how I am irl...

I have patience and tact until I run into someone who is being willfully ingnorant then no holds barred...