what is it with my wife?!
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Going back to the initial question: What is it with my wife?
Your wife is lazy. There I said it. LAZY.
Your wife is acting entitled and self-centered.
Your wife probably didn't have the proper upbringing/teachings of what it means to be a woman. Our homes are our castles, whether we're single or married. You keep them clean and you KNOW how to do it and adapt ways to do it well and quicker. Those basics should already be laid out way before you get married. Therefore, once you're married, cleaning isn't even a topic of discussion, it's just your job as a woman (not necessarily just a wife.)
Your wife is young. See above. She probably didn't realize what it took to be a GOOD wife before getting pregnant and then having to rush to be a mother, as well. Now, because of outside influence, she is using that as a scape goat for why she "needs help". She's playing a victim and I think it's childish and pathetic.
The fact that she asked you to clean the kitchen is enraging to me. I actually get mad when people (especially a bf) tries cleaning or helping me...that's MY JOB. We're all tired and need breaks from our jobs, but HER LACK OF WORK doesn't constitute your OBLIGATION TO DO MORE WORK.
LOL.
I'm pretty sure cleaning the house doesn't make me more or less of a woman. I'm also sure that just because I like to keep a clean house for myself doesn't mean that I'm automatically going to pick up after just anyone. I certainly wouldn't pick up after someone who wasn't my husband or my child. That doesn't make me less of woman - it makes me not a doormat.
Also, if I'm working full time, which I will probably always do, it's going to have to be a joint effort or a cleaning crew. Period.0 -
My brother basically has the same problem, he bought a house for the gf, he works 4 10 hour days and she doesn't do anything. And in the past year she has been doing day care and still not keeping the house. He has spoken to her about it numerous times and she still doesn't do anything,, not even fold laundry so now she is getting a job. I think your wife and my brother's gf are lazy *****es. Not gonna lie.0
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Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.
Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!
Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.
Disposable diapers cost a lot more to maintain than reusable cloth diapers. Believe me, I only agreed to use them based on cost effectiveness, I couldn't care less about throwing poop in the trash and walking away.
We plan to start potty training soon, or at least attempting to start it soon. I yearn for the day diapers are no longer required...she's just starting to learn to walk, and we want her to be doing that fully before introducing something like potty training.0 -
And for the people telling you to hire a house keeper that's bull **** why should YOU pay someone when you have a wife at home who should be cleaning...0
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I'm not going to be a favorite in this thread...but here's my opinion:
She's a stay-at-home mom...that involves all that it entails. Tell her to clean the damn house or get the steppin' (or a 9-5 job).
To elaborate: I get that raising kids is hard while trying to make sure they don't suffocate on a bouncy ball and keep the dog from sharting on your couch all while trying to feed said animals (kids included) and go pee at the same time.
However, I think that that sacrifice includes house keeping, as well. I was a nanny through college and I did it. It's not fair to tell the sole bread winner to clean the house that you've been at all day -- it's the job you chose so you can raise your own kid. That's my opinion.
This. Totally. Want to be a stay at home mom? to me that includes the housework, including the kitchen, and the laundry.0 -
Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.
Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!
Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.
Wow. No. Potty training at 11 months is a no. And disposable diapers have too many chemicals for many people. They gave my daughter chemical burns on her labia. It was horrible. Plus, it's cheaper. Them using cloth diapers isn't the problem. My friend had 4 in diapers and they were all cloth and it worked. His wife just doesn't want to do anything.0 -
Going back to the initial question: What is it with my wife?
Your wife is lazy. There I said it. LAZY.
Your wife is acting entitled and self-centered.
Your wife probably didn't have the proper upbringing/teachings of what it means to be a woman. Our homes are our castles, whether we're single or married. You keep them clean and you KNOW how to do it and adapt ways to do it well and quicker. Those basics should already be laid out way before you get married. Therefore, once you're married, cleaning isn't even a topic of discussion, it's just your job as a woman (not necessarily just a wife.)
Your wife is young. See above. She probably didn't realize what it took to be a GOOD wife before getting pregnant and then having to rush to be a mother, as well. Now, because of outside influence, she is using that as a scape goat for why she "needs help". She's playing a victim and I think it's childish and pathetic.
The fact that she asked you to clean the kitchen is enraging to me. I actually get mad when people (especially a bf) tries cleaning or helping me...that's MY JOB. We're all tired and need breaks from our jobs, but HER LACK OF WORK doesn't constitute your OBLIGATION TO DO MORE WORK.
I think it's great if as a wife you are able to do it all. However, that is not reality for everyone and not always best for every family. I think it is extremely unfair for you to suggest someone is a "bad wife" because they aren't super woman.
I am a fantastic wife and mother and do the majority of the work but not all of it. My husband helps, as he should since he contributes to the mess. We are also teaching our kids (6 and 1) to pick up after themselves and help. When everyone as a family pitches in then the family as a whole can spend more quality time together.0 -
make a to-do list together that she can check off every day while she's at home so you can have raw data that she's not doing enough etc and it won't be a personal attack0
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Going back to the initial question: What is it with my wife?
Your wife is lazy. There I said it. LAZY.
Your wife is acting entitled and self-centered.
Your wife probably didn't have the proper upbringing/teachings of what it means to be a woman. Our homes are our castles, whether we're single or married. You keep them clean and you KNOW how to do it and adapt ways to do it well and quicker. Those basics should already be laid out way before you get married. Therefore, once you're married, cleaning isn't even a topic of discussion, it's just your job as a woman (not necessarily just a wife.)
Your wife is young. See above. She probably didn't realize what it took to be a GOOD wife before getting pregnant and then having to rush to be a mother, as well. Now, because of outside influence, she is using that as a scape goat for why she "needs help". She's playing a victim and I think it's childish and pathetic.
The fact that she asked you to clean the kitchen is enraging to me. I actually get mad when people (especially a bf) tries cleaning or helping me...that's MY JOB. We're all tired and need breaks from our jobs, but HER LACK OF WORK doesn't constitute your OBLIGATION TO DO MORE WORK.
While I agree she's lazy, it's certainly not my job to clean because I have a vagina. That's asinine.
I can't believe I actually read something that said, without a hint of irony "that's her job as a woman". You don't get to define what being a woman means for anyone other than yourself.
Human beings should learn how to clean. Regardless of possession of female bits.
Not because of her anatomy, because she accepted the role, she accepted the job.
She could have said "No, I want to be independent and single and work my fingers to the bone alone." and never married or had kids or quit her part time job.
But she accepted this role. Gender has nothing to do with it outside that she is clearly wanting and reaping the benefit of traditional gender roles.
If their roles were reversed, he'd be needing to get off his rear too.0 -
Last year I left the Air Force and became a stay at home mom for 9 months (in addition to full time student in the evening) I had these ideas in my head of how I would keep the house really clean and cook great meals for my family each night. Well I was naïve. The baby would let me get about 5 minutes into cleaning before she decided she needed me. Sometimes when she would nap I could get a few things done but honestly most of the time I was too exhausted and just wanted to nap or at least have some quiet time to myself. It is really easy to underestimate how much work it takes to be stay at home parent. I am not saying that you don’t value her but this link has a great post from a dad who became the stay at home parent and learned that there was a lot he didn’t know about what his wife did all day.
http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/
Of course I would love to have a perfectly clean house at all times but I had to adjust my expectations and accept that sometimes there will be laundry piled up and dishes in the sink but it’s worth it to have the quality time as a family. The best answer is probably have a conversation with your wife and redefine who will do what.0 -
Jumping in to be able to find and read more of this thread later...0
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Negative reinforcement doesn't work. She's either willing, or she's not. There is no compromise. If she wont do it now, she never will.0
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Last year I left the Air Force and became a stay at home mom for 9 months (in addition to full time student in the evening) I had these ideas in my head of how I would keep the house really clean and cook great meals for my family each night. Well I was naïve. The baby would let me get about 5 minutes into cleaning before she decided she needed me. Sometimes when she would nap I could get a few things done but honestly most of the time I was too exhausted and just wanted to nap or at least have some quiet time to myself. It is really easy to underestimate how much work it takes to be stay at home parent. I am not saying that you don’t value her but this link has a great post from a dad who became the stay at home parent and learned that there was a lot he didn’t know about what his wife did all day.
http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/
Of course I would love to have a perfectly clean house at all times but I had to adjust my expectations and accept that sometimes there will be laundry piled up and dishes in the sink but it’s worth it to have the quality time as a family. The best answer is probably have a conversation with your wife and redefine who will do what.
THIS!
You both may need to adjust your expectations around how clean the house has to be, especially while your daughter is young.0 -
I'm not going to be a favorite in this thread...but here's my opinion:
She's a stay-at-home mom...that involves all that it entails. Tell her to clean the damn house or get the steppin' (or a 9-5 job).
To elaborate: I get that raising kids is hard while trying to make sure they don't suffocate on a bouncy ball and keep the dog from sharting on your couch all while trying to feed said animals (kids included) and go pee at the same time.
However, I think that that sacrifice includes house keeping, as well. I was a nanny through college and I did it. It's not fair to tell the sole bread winner to clean the house that you've been at all day -- it's the job you chose so you can raise your own kid. That's my opinion.
*****THIS****0 -
If she was a SAHM that was also doing childcare for other kids... I can give her a pass. One kid is work, but not that much work. My hubby is at home with our 2 year old, and I'm pretty sure the house will be spotless by the time I get home.
She decided to forego on bringing in a 2nd income, she can take care of the responsibilities of the house.0 -
Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.
Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!
Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.
Wow. No. Potty training at 11 months is a no. And disposable diapers have too many chemicals for many people. They gave my daughter chemical burns on her labia. It was horrible. Plus, it's cheaper. Them using cloth diapers isn't the problem. My friend had 4 in diapers and they were all cloth and it worked. His wife just doesn't want to do anything.
I've read that children are not biologically ready until 18 months at the earliest to potty train.0 -
I will start off by being completely honest that I read none of the other responses.
My two cents:
I tend to be home more than my fiance (we both have full time jobs but he has a lot of OT) but I have found that I have stopped doing more housework than him. My problem is that he tends to notice when I don't do housework and brings it to my attention but doesn't bring it up when I have cleaned. I know this sounds childish but I became incredibly frustrated when I felt like he was quick to point out I didn't make the bed in the morning but didn't take notice that I had done all of our laundry and put it away... sometimes people stop doing things because the person they are doing it for don't seem to notice0 -
Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.
Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!
Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.
Wow. No. Potty training at 11 months is a no. And disposable diapers have too many chemicals for many people. They gave my daughter chemical burns on her labia. It was horrible. Plus, it's cheaper. Them using cloth diapers isn't the problem. My friend had 4 in diapers and they were all cloth and it worked. His wife just doesn't want to do anything.
I've read that children are not biologically ready until 18 months at the earliest to potty train.
And even then, all bodies are different. If the kid isn't ready, she'll have tons of "accidents" which aren't accidents at all. Her body just can't hold it. Wait until they are ready. That can be at 2 years-3 years of age. I taught preschool many years. Some kids were potty trained early on. I did most of the potty training between ages 2 and 3 though. And some kids just weren't ready.
But this isn't about potty training. It's about his wife not doing anything around the house other than take care of their child while he works all day.0 -
I will start off by being completely honest that I read none of the other responses.
My two cents:
I tend to be home more than my fiance (we both have full time jobs but he has a lot of OT) but I have found that I have stopped doing more housework than him. My problem is that he tends to notice when I don't do housework and brings it to my attention but doesn't bring it up when I have cleaned. I know this sounds childish but I became incredibly frustrated when I felt like he was quick to point out I didn't make the bed in the morning but didn't take notice that I had done all of our laundry and put it away... sometimes people stop doing things because the person they are doing it for don't seem to notice
I've made it quite a point to commend her on an excellent job each day when I notice something has been done, If she tells me she cleaned the window sill - chances are I'm not going to notice that myself because I don't really look at the windows much.
I can probably get better at it still, but I acknowledge and give her lots of praise whenever I see something has been taken care of.0 -
Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.
Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!
Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.
Wow. No. Potty training at 11 months is a no. And disposable diapers have too many chemicals for many people. They gave my daughter chemical burns on her labia. It was horrible. Plus, it's cheaper. Them using cloth diapers isn't the problem. My friend had 4 in diapers and they were all cloth and it worked. His wife just doesn't want to do anything.
I've read that children are not biologically ready until 18 months at the earliest to potty train.
My oldest started potty training at a year old and was completely potty trained BY 18 months.
My youngest started potty training at 2 years and still wasn't completely potty trained until 4 years.
But whatever... two half grown daughters taught me absolutely nothing about parenting. Really! I have no idea what I'm talking about. *roll eyes as bowing out of stupid thread*0
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