Not tonight honey, a Friends re-run is on....

I side with the hubby on this...was she right or wrong to post it...that's on her but I'm sure she's embarrassed and regrets it,

I just want to say that when I responded to this thread I was not reading the responses. I was seeing men saying women hate sex after marriage. I disagree with that. And that was all I was replying to. But, I also think it is normal for relationships to have all different ups and downs along with the individuals themselves.

I didn't read the all the responses, but here's mine. Sex is important to relationships and actually helps keep us healthy (reduces stress, increases intimacy, is a form of exercise).

I find that a lot of the time I don't want to have sex with my husband (I do find him sexy and attractive but I'm just not interested at the moment), but I do it anyways because I never regret it.

I don't know all the details (or if this information was even provided), but perhaps he was just proving a point. Maybe he already talked to her about it and she didn't realize how often she said no. I don't see any problems with him creating a spreadsheet, from what I understand he kept it between the two of them. (Not like he was off complaining to his buddies or something?)

What I don't understand is why she would post it on the internet? Is she trying to get back at him? Make a statement that she felt upset or violated? She seems like the childish, selfish one. Plus she is missing out on the intimacy/bonding/good times that sex brings to a relationship. Unless he doesn't care to please her at all, which I can see would ruin the experience for her...

I would think that sexual issues in a marriage could go both ways. Just because you are married doesn't mean you never seduce your partner. You still need to put the effort in to seduce and entice your lover and to change it up and add variety. There are many options.

I clean the litter boxes, buy ice cream and cook good food. If that isn't seductive enough, I give up on life.

hmmmm ...

you are too drunk" is a good reason.

so is "i am a person not a hole for you to stick things and i can make my own decisions about my body"

who cares why. marriage is not a promise to put out every night. if your intention for baing married is free sex whenever you want. i can see why one would make such a spreadsheet. because obviously it is an arrangement that had a quota for him. regardless of what she wants.

if sex is all there is to a marriage i can see why such a couple would need to behave as these two children.

good god. she said yes once a week. unless they just got married that doesnt even seem abnormal.

There's a difference between "a hole for you to stick things" and wanting frequent sex.
If a woman really only wants sex from her husband 2 days a months, odds are there is a problem that isn't being communicated. It's a sign there are other issues, it's a sign she isn't communicating and she's punishing her husband as a result for her inability or refusal to communicate.

A woman's rights should always be respected. That being said, if your wife waits till you're married to say "I no longer want sex", that's a huge thing that would effect your future happiness and it's unethical to hide that for her own gain. If she is open up front, there are guys that desire the same and would want to be with her. If she isn't open, does feel that way, but instead deceives a guy who wants it frequently and she just makes up lies for the next year to avoid it, that is a super bit@h move.

Sex isn't everything, but if I dated a girl and she said that sh would have sex frequently while dating and then never want it again after we are married, I'd reconsider my future plans.

hmmmm ...

you are too drunk" is a good reason.

so is "i am a person not a hole for you to stick things and i can make my own decisions about my body"

who cares why. marriage is not a promise to put out every night. if your intention for baing married is free sex whenever you want. i can see why one would make such a spreadsheet. because obviously it is an arrangement that had a quota for him. regardless of what she wants.

if sex is all there is to a marriage i can see why such a couple would need to behave as these two children.

good god. she said yes once a week. unless they just got married that doesnt even seem abnormal.

There's a difference between "a hole for you to stick things" and wanting frequent sex.
If a woman really only wants sex from her husband 2 days a months, odds are there is a problem that isn't being communicated. It's a sign there are other issues, it's a sign she isn't communicating and she's punishing her husband as a result for her inability or refusal to communicate.

A woman's rights should always be respected. That being said, if your wife waits till you're married to say "I no longer want sex", that's a huge thing that would effect your future happiness and it's unethical to hide that for her own gain. If she is open up front, there are guys that desire the same and would want to be with her. If she isn't open, does feel that way, but instead deceives a guy who wants it frequently and she just makes up lies for the next year to avoid it, that is a super bit@h move.

Sex isn't everything, but if I dated a girl and she said that sh would have sex frequently while dating and then never want it again after we are married, I'd reconsider my future plans.

but the thing is... she didnt say she no longer wanted sex. she gave him sex once a week when she was up to it. . he initiated sex every night was she supposed to say yes every night just because he wanted to? sorry but making a spreadsheet tells me that he looks at sex as a business transaction and something that is owed to him. you are right. there is something not being communicated but him treating it like a transaction and her treating him like a joke on the internet... they have bigger issues than sex. they both dont seem to respect each other. about this issue anyway. who knows since none of us know them.

i have been married for long enough i guess, to know that sex is not given or taken in a consistent manner for life.

hmmmm ...

you are too drunk" is a good reason.

so is "i am a person not a hole for you to stick things and i can make my own decisions about my body"

who cares why. marriage is not a promise to put out every night. if your intention for baing married is free sex whenever you want. i can see why one would make such a spreadsheet. because obviously it is an arrangement that had a quota for him. regardless of what she wants.

if sex is all there is to a marriage i can see why such a couple would need to behave as these two children.

good god. she said yes once a week. unless they just got married that doesnt even seem abnormal.

Really not selling the virtues of marriage :laugh:

Would she be ok if he were to withhold certain forms of affection she desires??
Like no kisses, no hugs, no holding hands, no helping out around the house (if he did so), etc....

Just wondering for the posters in here that think he was in the wrong.

They are in a marriage....there are certain duties that both do, because their partner desires these things.
Men typically desire the sex and physical aspect of things.

Women typically desire the emotional / affection side of things

We don't know if he was withholding those things though. It's all very one sided.

From her comments (again, it's only her side), we know the following:

1. She gained weight, was trying to lose it and described herself repeatedly as 'gross'. This points to a self esteem issue.

2. Her workload had recently doubled, increasing her stress levels.

3. They were renovating a property during this time. Again, stress levels increased.

4. All of the above amounts a very stressed and physically and emotionally exhausted person. In some individuals, this can lead to increased libido. For her, it appears to have lead to a decreased libido.

What we don't know:

1. Whether he was equally stressed/exhausted.

2. How he reacts to an increase in stress levels (ie, if he has an increased libido, or decreased). Their sex drives may have fallen out of balance and needs to be discussed openly and honestly.

3. Whether or not he was doing anything to help de-stress her, or relieve her stress levels. Or, indeed, whether she was doing the same with him (other than sex). An impromptu candlelit bath, or evening out/walk/whatever, can go a long way.

4. What discussions have (or have not, as the case may be), have taken place so far to try and resolve the issue.

5. How long it's been going on for. Just a few months, since the increased stress levels, or much longer?

On the face of it though, this sounds like a young couple, who have been so busy with their work lives they're not prioritizing themselves, each other or their relationship anymore. They also have a lot to learn with regards to communication.The current approach, from both of them, is very 'blamey' and not solution based.

Here's hoping that this has at least provoked a meaningful conversation between them about how to improve the situation and the relationship.

As someone who is married and has been through patches of having lots of sex and then having no sex at all (at times, for months), I can relate. In my marriage, the frequency of sex has been tied to emotional deficits... sometimes due to something one of us did... sometimes because life is hard and being a grown up sucks (family stuff, work stuff, financial stuff, etc.)

It sounds like they need marriage counseling...