Nagging about saving money for IVF

melinda200208
melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
in Chit-Chat
If anyone has suggestions for me, please share. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 4 1/2 years. Our next route is IVF due to fertility issues. IVF costs $21,000.00. So, my husband and I decided we need to buckle down and start saving so we can do the IVF a year from now. The problem is, he keeps spending money. We both are ready to do this and wish it would just happen naturally, but it hasn't. He knows we need to save money and he wants to save money, but he spends money a lot easier than I do. I feel like I am a NAG constantly telling him "we need to start saving money, we don't really need that do we?" I feel like I am constantly nagging him about spending money. Yes, I may be getting a little overwhelmed and obsessive but if we want to do this, we need to start saving. We keep talking about it but can't seam to start saving. Any suggestions on how I can get him to stop spending money without being a total nag??? PLEASE HELP! He does get a weekly allowance of $100.00 and has a credit card for gas for work. But just yesterday he transferred $100.00 from our savings to his account....
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Replies

  • _John_
    _John_ Posts: 8,646 Member
    First
  • Unknown
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  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Wow. I got nothing.

    Except that I hope he can start saving and this is successful for you.
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
    he doesnt respect you and sounds controlling. probably need to get divorced


    *standard response any time a woman has a complaint about a SO on here
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
    He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    Fertility issues are a huge burden on couples. Throw in financial issues and nagging and you have a recipe for disaster.

    Good luck.
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
    He does get a weekly allowance of $100.00

    Thread #1,402 reminding me why I'll never get married.

    This was my HUSBAND's idea.
  • Escloflowne
    Escloflowne Posts: 2,038 Member
    He does get a weekly allowance of $100.00

    Thread #1,402 reminding me why I'll never get married.

    Good luck to both of you though.

    Seriously....
    High-Five-GIF-1.gif
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
    Fertility issues are a huge burden on couples. Throw in financial issues and nagging and you have a recipe for disaster.

    Good luck.

    I know we will get through it no matter what. Just wondering if anyone had any creative ideas. Thanks Though!
  • tanyoshka
    tanyoshka Posts: 50 Member
    My suggestion would be to create a 2nd savings account and set up an automatic transfer. Have it automatically transfer over an agreed upon amount every payday (or every month, whatever works better) with a clear understanding that there is NO withdrawing from that account, come hell or high water. That way the money isn't technically spendable to begin with.
  • sseqwnp
    sseqwnp Posts: 327 Member
    If anyone has suggestions for me, please share. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 4 1/2 years. Our next route is IVF due to fertility issues. IVF costs $21,000.00. So, my husband and I decided we need to buckle down and start saving so we can do the IVF a year from now. The problem is, he keeps spending money. We both are ready to do this and wish it would just happen naturally, but it hasn't. He knows we need to save money and he wants to save money, but he spends money a lot easier than I do. I feel like I am a NAG constantly telling him "we need to start saving money, we don't really need that do we?" I feel like I am constantly nagging him about spending money. Yes, I may be getting a little overwhelmed and obsessive but if we want to do this, we need to start saving. We keep talking about it but can't seam to start saving. Any suggestions on how I can get him to stop spending money without being a total nag??? PLEASE HELP! He does get a weekly allowance of $100.00 and has a credit card for gas for work. But just yesterday he transferred $100.00 from our savings to his account....

    Are you sure you both agreed?

    Anyhow, IVF costs significantly less everywhere else in the world. For 10,000 you could book a sweet trip to Italy and get $5000 IVF there.
  • Escloflowne
    Escloflowne Posts: 2,038 Member
    Also why would you WANT children? They are endless money pits!!! I thought people only had kids by accident nowadays?
  • JoanneLynn
    JoanneLynn Posts: 156 Member
    Good luck! I am married to a spender too. We're retired and on a fixed income. He finds good deals and buy it even though he doesn't need it. It make the person feel good, just like when we eat when we're not hungry.
  • _crafty_
    _crafty_ Posts: 1,682 Member
    He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.

    He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
    My suggestion would be to create a 2nd savings account and set up an automatic transfer. Have it automatically transfer over an agreed upon amount every payday (or every month, whatever works better) with a clear understanding that there is NO withdrawing from that account, come hell or high water. That way the money isn't technically spendable to begin with.

    Thank you for a great idea!! I may have to do this. But, I think I will not grant him access to the account that way he wont be tempted to take any money out. I am sure he would be fine with this as well because he is wanting this as much as I do.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    I have ING Direct accounts with an automatic transfer for special purposes like vacations and a new car. I can transfer the money at any time but it's an extra step and takes a couple of days to land in my account so it psychologically harder to spend.
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
    Good luck! I am married to a spender too. We're retired and on a fixed income. He finds good deals and buy it even though he doesn't need it. It make the person feel good, just like when we eat when we're not hungry.

    Thank You!
  • _chiaroscuro
    _chiaroscuro Posts: 1,340 Member
    Nevermind, this is a mess.

    dumpsterfire.gif
  • rachelg145
    rachelg145 Posts: 185 Member
    You are not ready for IVF if you can't agree on finances. It's the least romantic time of your marriage and if you can't be completely in tune with each other before it starts you won't survive the process. My insurance paid out under 10K for everything for an entire round so don't let the dr. office charge you twice as much as they get from the insurance company just because you are an individual paying out of pocket. Most people donate back their extra medications, also, which may be available for you.

    I'm dying to know what your husband spends 5200/year on that doesn't involve both of you doing something together. And I still don't understand married people who have their own individual bank accounts. No secrets in a marriage - transparency is necessary if you guys are going to be successful at parenting together.

    Bring on the criticism, I don't care everyone. I'm honest even if it's a reality check.
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
    I have ING Direct accounts with an automatic transfer for special purposes like vacations and a new car. I can transfer the money at any time but it's an extra step and takes a couple of days to land in my account so it psychologically harder to spend.
    REALLY! That's awesome!!!! That is exactly what I need!!!
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
    Honestly, I am not usually one to seriously give my input on such matters but, *pokes with ten foot pole*

    My opinion is that Your husband is spending too much, yes you are being a little obsessive, and this is not going to solve itself the way you two are going about it. I suggest you seek counseling, which can be difficult regarding your need to save money.
    One way to approach this is to have an honest sit down with your husband. Tell him how you feel, open up as much as possible. Ask that you two reduce your "allowances" (also, who needs $100.00 a week? That is crazy to me) and have a separate IVF only account. Budget exactly what is going to go in there, and stress that you both need to be held accountable. If he cannot agree to that, maybe ask yourself why he is not making this a priority. Does he really want a child? Is he ready?? Is your marriage ready?

    Good luck to you OP.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    he keeps spending money. We both are ready to do this

    It's one or the other, surely?

    Did you ask what he spent the $100 on?
  • Guns_N_Buns
    Guns_N_Buns Posts: 1,899 Member
    My suggestion would be to create a 2nd savings account and set up an automatic transfer. Have it automatically transfer over an agreed upon amount every payday (or every month, whatever works better) with a clear understanding that there is NO withdrawing from that account, come hell or high water. That way the money isn't technically spendable to begin with.

    Thank you for a great idea!! I may have to do this. But, I think I will not grant him access to the account that way he wont be tempted to take any money out. I am sure he would be fine with this as well because he is wanting this as much as I do.

    Agree with this. Don't let him have access to it. Also, lower his allowance and circle all the dollar store locations on a map print-out. If spending is his drug of choice, he can spend there.
  • lishie_rebooted
    lishie_rebooted Posts: 2,973 Member
    Maybe adopting would be a better financial descision. There are thousands of kids in the US alone that need a family, need love.
  • sixout
    sixout Posts: 3,128 Member
    I'm going to have to agree that he doesn't sound ready for this.
  • Erin_goBrahScience
    Erin_goBrahScience Posts: 1,215 Member
    My suggestion would be to create a 2nd savings account and set up an automatic transfer. Have it automatically transfer over an agreed upon amount every payday (or every month, whatever works better) with a clear understanding that there is NO withdrawing from that account, come hell or high water. That way the money isn't technically spendable to begin with.

    Thank you for a great idea!! I may have to do this. But, I think I will not grant him access to the account that way he wont be tempted to take any money out. I am sure he would be fine with this as well because he is wanting this as much as I do.

    You won't grant him access cause you don't trust that he can withstand the temptation to spend? Also he has granted unilaterally a monthly allowance to himself that you are not privy to?

    1016_andy-cohen-2_ob.gif
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
    You are not ready for IVF if you can't agree on finances. It's the least romantic time of your marriage and if you can't be completely in tune with each other before it starts you won't survive the process. My insurance paid out under 10K for everything for an entire round so don't let the dr. office charge you twice as much as they get from the insurance company just because you are an individual paying out of pocket. Most people donate back their extra medications, also, which may be available for you.

    I'm dying to know what your husband spends 5200/year on that doesn't involve both of you doing something together. And I still don't understand married people who have their own individual bank accounts. No secrets in a marriage - transparency is necessary if you guys are going to be successful at parenting together.

    Bring on the criticism, I don't care everyone. I'm honest even if it's a reality check.

    Thanks for the comment. We both do agree on finances. He wants to save money just as much as I do. THe thing is, he has a hard time NOT spending money. Though he has gotten much better than he was before. Most insurances in MN wont pay a dime for fertility. Luckily my husband's insurance will pay a one time $5,000.00 towards IVF. I sure hope we can dontate any extra meds back. Thanks for that info. Never thought of that. I'm sorry, I dont get the questions about my husband spending 5200/yr? We dont have our own individual accounts. His checks go directly into my checking. He has access to my checking and our savings and I have access to his checking and our savings online. So individual monies. I just take care of all the bills,ect.
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
    You didn't mention if it was male or female infertility, but I'll knock you up for less than half of the $21k.
  • ink_b1tch
    ink_b1tch Posts: 101
    He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.

    He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?

    I was just B***ing about $25 for buying stuff that you will crap or piss out....what the hell does he spend that kind of money on?

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