Nagging about saving money for IVF

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  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
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    I think he's chickening out of IVF/kids and just doesn't know how to tell you.
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
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    Honestly, I am not usually one to seriously give my input on such matters but, *pokes with ten foot pole*

    My opinion is that Your husband is spending too much, yes you are being a little obsessive, and this is not going to solve itself the way you two are going about it. I suggest you seek counseling, which can be difficult regarding your need to save money.
    One way to approach this is to have an honest sit down with your husband. Tell him how you feel, open up as much as possible. Ask that you two reduce your "allowances" (also, who needs $100.00 a week? That is crazy to me) and have a separate IVF only account. Budget exactly what is going to go in there, and stress that you both need to be held accountable. If he cannot agree to that, maybe ask yourself why he is not making this a priority. Does he really want a child? Is he ready?? Is your marriage ready?

    Good luck to you OP.
    Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. $100.00 he spends on golf, alcohol, gas station food, chew...? If he has some left over he doesn't spend it just to spend it. He will save it for the next week and tell me not to give him so much the next week. I am actually the one that does all the bills and puts the money in savings. But, I can't put money in savings if he uses the credit card or takes money out of savings....Yeah, he does want a child, he is ready, and our marriage is ready. We actually talked about refinancing our house so we wouldn't have to wait for the cash for IVF but we dont want to financially burden ourselves. We are financially stable right now. We just need to not spend and start savings. Thanks for the helpful info. May have to look into a couselor if things get rocky. Thanks Again!
  • PurringMyrrh
    PurringMyrrh Posts: 5,276 Member
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    Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
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    My suggestion would be to create a 2nd savings account and set up an automatic transfer. Have it automatically transfer over an agreed upon amount every payday (or every month, whatever works better) with a clear understanding that there is NO withdrawing from that account, come hell or high water. That way the money isn't technically spendable to begin with.

    Yes. This. 100 times, yes.
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
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    he keeps spending money. We both are ready to do this

    It's one or the other, surely?

    Did you ask what he spent the $100 on?

    Yes, I do. We have access to each other's checking accounts.
  • lishie_rebooted
    lishie_rebooted Posts: 2,973 Member
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    Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?


    Thats what I said. It got ignored by the OP
  • kinkyslinky16
    kinkyslinky16 Posts: 1,469 Member
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    He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.

    He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?

    My husband goes through WAY more than $100 per week spending money on random crap. In fact, my husband is notoriously $200+ a week spender. Me: like $0. It's ridiculous. Anyone need a husband? I could use an extra $800 a month. :laugh:

    Keep that money spending demon to yourself!

    No, I need to ditch him. Can you support him? He can cook. He sucks at cleaning, though. He is pretty thoughtful sometimes. He used to be funny, will probably be funny to you. :laugh:
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
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    My suggestion would be to create a 2nd savings account and set up an automatic transfer. Have it automatically transfer over an agreed upon amount every payday (or every month, whatever works better) with a clear understanding that there is NO withdrawing from that account, come hell or high water. That way the money isn't technically spendable to begin with.

    Thank you for a great idea!! I may have to do this. But, I think I will not grant him access to the account that way he wont be tempted to take any money out. I am sure he would be fine with this as well because he is wanting this as much as I do.

    Agree with this. Don't let him have access to it. Also, lower his allowance and circle all the dollar store locations on a map print-out. If spending is his drug of choice, he can spend there.
    Great Idea! I may have to sit down with him and show him how much we could have saved if he didn't blow money on things
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
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    First

    First at being pointless and unhelpful...
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
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    Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

    Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf, if you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler.

    add: Have you had genetic counseling to know the reasons for your infertility issues?

    if the infertility is due to you having antibodies that could cause spontaneous abortions so you are unlikely to carry to term, or if your issue is hereditary rather than acquired (acquired eg: tube-scarring caused by a past bacterial infection (some STD's can do this to women and to men)), then you may want to look into adopting even if it is more expensive.

    The reasons are, if you have antibody problems, then every pregnancy, even ivf, is a risk to both your life and the baby's. And if you have a hereditary fertility problem, then you are just passing your fertility problem on to the next generation (because we don't yet have a way to 'discriminate' between genes to make sure the bad gene isn't hiding in the egg or sperm used in the ivf).
  • helenarriaza
    helenarriaza Posts: 517 Member
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    Talk to him.

    If you can't trust him on stuff like this, your future, a family, your finances, do you really want to keep moving forward with him?
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
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    He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.

    He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?

    I was just B***ing about $25 for buying stuff that you will crap or piss out....what the hell does he spend that kind of money on?
    beer, gas station crap, chew.....that's about it.....online playstation games here and there..
  • lishie_rebooted
    lishie_rebooted Posts: 2,973 Member
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    First

    First at being pointless and unhelpful...

    Because your response was helpful?

    Pot meet kettle

    (Fyi I was the one who originally suggested adoption so I have given a useful comment)
  • LucasEVille
    LucasEVille Posts: 567 Member
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    Move to another country that doesn't charge you exsorbadant ammounts of money for healthcare?

    Move money on you next payday and every payday after that into a high interest account that doesn't allow you access for a year?
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
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    Agree with the separate account and auto transfer option. That has worked for us.

    One thing to keep in mind is that IVF can vary in costs depending on several factors. One of the biggest costs is medications, stuff like follistim. And the cost of that varies according to your dosage. And if not enough quality follicles grow, you might stop the first round and then start up again, which would mean more follistim and more ultrasounds.

    Also, make sure you carefully read your insurance policies. We had to spend thousands of dollars on lawyer fees when my wife had a complication from a procedure and our insurance company denied based on specific language in our policy that was vague and could be interpreted in multiple ways. They interpreted it as, of course, denying coverage for the complication. In the end, we prevailed, and they covered the ~$100,000 in bills, but if the wording had been different, we might not have. It was ambiguous, which generally favors the insured.

    The point being, check what they write about complications and procedures that might stem from IVF treatments.
    Sounds good. Thank You! I have had good quality follicles when we did IUI. It's male infertility. Though it could be me too?? But we do know he has issues.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

    If he's having issues committing to saving for an IVF procedure, I doubt he's going to commit to putting aside from the adoption costs (which are sadly more than this procedure).
  • TAsunder
    TAsunder Posts: 423 Member
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    Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

    Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf, if you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler.

    I am fairly certain the average cost for adoption is higher than the average cost for IVF. On the other hand, you are probably less likely to spend all of that money and come away empty-handed.
  • warriorprincessdi
    warriorprincessdi Posts: 617 Member
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    Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?


    Thats what I said. It got ignored by the OP

    I agree - Have you discussed adoption?? That would be my go-to If I wanted kids... which I certainly do not
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
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    I think he's chickening out of IVF/kids and just doesn't know how to tell you.

    No, not true. We already have been trying artificial insemination and are still trying "naturally". He just has a hard time not spending...
  • leadslinger17
    leadslinger17 Posts: 297 Member
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    What is kind of funny is that financial issues are no different than fitness ones really. If your spending goes over what you have budgeted you will go into debt (or in this case not be able to save), just like you go over the calories you have budgeted you will gain weight. I find it very interesting that some people can be super disciplined in one area, but suck at the other. As far as money goes, I could go forever sticking to that budget and never go over... but I am not as successful with food.

    Just like fitness though, you can't nag someone into getting into being financially fit. They will either want to change themselves and dig down and find the discipline to do it or they won't.

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