Nagging about saving money for IVF
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I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
Tsk tsk shame on you.
This gif also makes me want to cut bangs again... (In for a $60 haircut).0 -
divorce is cheaperHe is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.
He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?
My husband goes through WAY more than $100 per week spending money on random crap. In fact, my husband is notoriously $200+ a week spender. Me: like $0. It's ridiculous. Anyone need a husband? I could use an extra $800 a month. :laugh:
Mine was only $200 :-P0 -
Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?
Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf
foster: they pay you0 -
What is kind of funny is that financial issues are no different than fitness ones really. If your spending goes over what you have budgeted you will go into debt (or in this case not be able to save), just like you go over the calories you have budgeted you will gain weight. I find it very interesting that some people can be super disciplined in one area, but suck at the other. As far as money goes, I could go forever sticking to that budget and never go over... but I am not as successful with food.
Just like fitness though, you can't nag someone into getting into being financially fit. They will either want to change themselves and dig down and find the discipline to do it or they won't.
This is a great point! I may have to just stop "nagging" and pay our bills. If he spends more one week, less into savings. I can't stress about it anymore. Our bills will always be paid, just trying to get 21,000 in savings in a year0 -
I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
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What is kind of funny is that financial issues are no different than fitness ones really. If your spending goes over what you have budgeted you will go into debt (or in this case not be able to save), just like you go over the calories you have budgeted you will gain weight. I find it very interesting that some people can be super disciplined in one area, but suck at the other. As far as money goes, I could go forever sticking to that budget and never go over... but I am not as successful with food.
Just like fitness though, you can't nag someone into getting into being financially fit. They will either want to change themselves and dig down and find the discipline to do it or they won't.
This is a great point! I may have to just stop "nagging" and pay our bills. If he spends more one week, less into savings. I can't stress about it anymore. Our bills will always be paid, just trying to get 21,000 in savings in a year
I would also suggest making him taking on the responsibility of paying a bill or two. It's easy to spend when you don't have to concern yourself with the responsibilities of being a grown-up.0 -
divorce is cheaperHe is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.
He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?
My husband goes through WAY more than $100 per week spending money on random crap. In fact, my husband is notoriously $200+ a week spender. Me: like $0. It's ridiculous. Anyone need a husband? I could use an extra $800 a month. :laugh:
Mine was only $200 :-P
Mine was $3500... but I got my kid and 100% of my pension
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So in summary, your husband spends money on beer, golf, chewing tobacco, and playstation games instead of saving up for a child.
Question, does he work?0 -
Sounds good. Thank You! I have had good quality follicles when we did IUI. It's male infertility. Though it could be me too?? But we do know he has issues.
Could be you too??? Have you not had the necessary testing to find out?? I have fertility issues. One of the steps was multiple test on me before my husband was tested.0 -
divorce is cheaperHe is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.
He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?
My husband goes through WAY more than $100 per week spending money on random crap. In fact, my husband is notoriously $200+ a week spender. Me: like $0. It's ridiculous. Anyone need a husband? I could use an extra $800 a month. :laugh:
Mine was only $200 :-P
Your divorce was only $200?!? Wow...0 -
Thanks for the great info. We have tried artificial insemination and the fertility specialist said he "highly" recommends IVF. I think I am going to set up a savings account at a credit union that neither of us have access to online. I think this will help. To be honest, I would like to have a child, I want to go through the whole pregnancy experience and we would like one of our own. If IVF doesn't work, we will look into adoption. I just can't believe adoption is So expensive when there are so many children needing homes. Even if we get pregnant with IVF we may still look into adopting to have another one.Okay... so first things first, you need to sit down and have a conversation with him about this. You need to tell him that his actions aren't reflecting his desires. You need to ask him if he really wants to have a baby, and be absolutely sure that his response is completely honest. Next, IVF is sort of a last ditch effort. Have you talked to your doctor about your options to treat your infertility? Has he or she told you that this is the only way you will ever have a child? Third, have you explored the possibilities of adoption because there are many, many children in this world that could use a loving home and do not have one?
Lastly, if after all that, you come back to IVF, then you need to make a budget, set up a separate account, determine how much will be deposited in the account weekly/monthly, and agree that neither of you will withdraw from the account until the goal is reached. Make certain that the bank is not the same as your checking, and I would recommend choosing a small bank, like a credit union, that does not have many branches. This would make it harder to withdraw the money.
I realize that most of this has already been suggested to you, but I really needed to emphasize that communication is absolutely key here, and that you need to have covered all your bases.0 -
We have tried IUI a few times. His count wasn't close to what the doctor would like. Doctor highly suggested IVFThe other thing is, if he can't save money now for the IVF, how is he going to handle not being able to play with money because it has been or must be spent on the kid's needs?
Depending on your situation you may be able to finance IVF with a loan. You may also be able to work out a payment plan with the doc's office.
Have you tried artificial insemination? If he has issues with his vas deferens or with sperm motility (that is, the little buggers are present but can't get from balls to egg), maybe a simple AI procedure would get you pregnant at lower cost than full-out ivf?0 -
I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.
If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.
There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.
As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.
So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.
And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.0 -
Thank you for this. He has had genetic testing. He has a micro deletion in his Y Chromosome which they are assuming is the cause for the low sperm count / motility. As far as we know, nothing wrong with me. I ovulate, grow follicles, ect. I haven't done an HSG or anything yet. THat will be required prior to IVF.Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?
Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf, if you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler.
add: Have you had genetic counseling to know the reasons for your infertility issues?
if the infertility is due to you having antibodies that could cause spontaneous abortions so you are unlikely to carry to term, or if your issue is hereditary rather than acquired (acquired eg: tube-scarring caused by a past bacterial infection (some STD's can do this to women and to men)), then you may want to look into adopting even if it is more expensive.
The reasons are, if you have antibody problems, then every pregnancy, even ivf, is a risk to both your life and the baby's. And if you have a hereditary fertility problem, then you are just passing your fertility problem on to the next generation (because we don't yet have a way to 'discriminate' between genes to make sure the bad gene isn't hiding in the egg or sperm used in the ivf).
Is he terribly opposed to a sperm bank, then? It's significantly cheaper than IVF.
That would be one of our last options. I dont know if he would want to do that. We haven't gotten to that point of discussion. We'll wait to see what the IVF experts say?0 -
Woah. I see a MAJOR problem in this quote:To be honest, I would like to have a child, I want to go through the whole pregnancy experience and we would like one of our own
I would like to have a child. I want to go through the whole pregnancy experience. Makes me wonder if perhaps your husband truly doesn't want a child yet since the only time you mentioned the word we was at the end.
I think you both need to sit down and have another talk about this and make absolute sure you are on the same page.0 -
Melinda I'm sorry I haven't said much useful. You seem to have tried everything already; I know some about the science and medicine of IVF but I'm not married so I hesitate to advise about your hubby.
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With this IVF warranty program you get three tries. If it fails all three times, we get 90% of our money backWhy not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?
Thats what I said. It got ignored by the OP
Adopting is just as expensive. We would like to try to conceive our own child. If that does not work through IVF we will MOST definately look into adoption. Nothing against adopting a child, I would like to try for my own first.
How many times are you willing to try and how much money are you willing to spend? I had neighbors who spent over 40K on IVF before they finally conceived. How are you going to pay for repeated procedures and the if that doesn't work for adoption when he's not willing to save money?
Wait a second. Shouldn't this be covered under Obamacare? I mean if old ladies have to have insurance that includes prenatal care then surely IVF is covered too!0 -
I am hoping with his sperm count/motility that we would still get the warranty program. Not 100% but that is what they offer. If it wouldn't be offered to us, not sure what we would doWhy not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?
Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf, if you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler.
I am fairly certain the average cost for adoption is higher than the average cost for IVF. On the other hand, you are probably less likely to spend all of that money and come away empty-handed.
We wont leave empty handed after IVF. We will either have a child (or hopefully 2) or we get 90% of our money back if it doesn't happen after three times. This is a one time 21,000.00 and we get three tries. Actually pretty good warranty program
That is a great program. Our clinic offered nothing like it. I think they offered a multi-attempt program, but with no money back if it failed. Although, even the multi-attempt program wouldn't have been allowed for us due to the medical issue that was involved.
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I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
Me too... Mmmm...0 -
divorce is cheaperHe is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.
He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?
My husband goes through WAY more than $100 per week spending money on random crap. In fact, my husband is notoriously $200+ a week spender. Me: like $0. It's ridiculous. Anyone need a husband? I could use an extra $800 a month. :laugh:
Mine was only $200 :-P
Your divorce was only $200?!? Wow...
I divorce well ;-)
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