Nagging about saving money for IVF

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

Now you are making me laugh. 10-12 hours a day? Reeaaallly? That's a ****ing vacation where my career's been. The only reason I have time to fart around these boards is that I'm not employed at the moment (and going back for another grad degree).

Yes, success does require luck, child. You need to live longer before your realize it.

(You might also look at my profile and a map and realize that Gilroy is a bedroom community for "Silicon Valley")

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

Now you are making me laugh. 10-12 hours a day? Reeaaallly? That's a ****ing vacation where my career's been. The only reason I have time to fart around these boards is that I'm not employed at the moment (and going back for another grad degree).

Yes, success does require luck, child. You need to live longer before your realize it.

"Child"? :laugh: Honey, I am only 10 years younger than you. That hardly makes me a "child".

Please. My husband doesn't have a successful business because the gods smiled upon him and sprinkled a bit of "luck dust". He worked his butt off to get to where he is. "Luck" had nothing to do with it.

Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

Thats what I said. It got ignored by the OP

Because it's rude, and ignorant. Why don't YOU adopt some babies if you feel so strongly about it? Why should infertile people be chastised for wanting biological babies, and doing what they have to do to try and get them?

If someone doesn't want kids, why would they go get kids?

This thread has made me want to drink.

If anyone has suggestions for me, please share. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 4 1/2 years. Our next route is IVF due to fertility issues. IVF costs $21,000.00. So, my husband and I decided we need to buckle down and start saving so we can do the IVF a year from now. The problem is, he keeps spending money. We both are ready to do this and wish it would just happen naturally, but it hasn't. He knows we need to save money and he wants to save money, but he spends money a lot easier than I do. I feel like I am a NAG constantly telling him "we need to start saving money, we don't really need that do we?" I feel like I am constantly nagging him about spending money. Yes, I may be getting a little overwhelmed and obsessive but if we want to do this, we need to start saving. We keep talking about it but can't seam to start saving. Any suggestions on how I can get him to stop spending money without being a total nag??? PLEASE HELP! He does get a weekly allowance of $100.00 and has a credit card for gas for work. But just yesterday he transferred $100.00 from our savings to his account....

I started using YNAB (You Need A Budget) two years ago. You can Google the website. They have a free ebook, training, and videos describing the process. It's the lifestyle change for your budget that MFP is to your body.

It's the first budgeting system we've ever gotten to work. I mostly manage it but we both track our spending through it. There is an app you can get and we have both the desktop app as well as the mobile apps to track our spending. The advantage is we're always on the same page and all our spending becomes very visible.

It took a little bit before my wife really bought in but it didn't take long before she noticed it really working. Part of the plan is both partners need to take responsibility for allocating the budget each month. In our house, she wasn't as interested so she deferred to me to use my judgement. When she has a concern I work it into the budget as best as I can and that keeps us both happy.

She used to manage the money but since I started YNAB she's been more than happy to let me take over as the results are speaking for themselves. Once the dollars are allocated, the system is impartial so there really aren't any hurt feelings. If she wants more to do something and it's just not there I sit her down and show her. "I can give you $10 for your project but I have to take it from one of the other budget categories. Which one should I take it from?"

I strongly suggest checking it out because it would help you reach your goal in a sane way that will hopefully reduce conflict.

This is the last I'm going to say about the thread drift:

To all you folks doubting my statement about luck or thinking I believe that success should be simply handed to me.

I am a physician who dropped out of residency (and thus can't practice) as a result of health issues after being hit by a drunk driver. It took too long to recover to get back into a program and finish training.

So you can all go screw yourselves about how only hard work and not "luck" (good or bad) plays into success, or about how hard work always pays off. Sometimes it doesn't.

PS: prior to medicine I was an engineer in Silicon Valley. Did I mention my MBA? my bad...

Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

Thats what I said. It got ignored by the OP

Because it's rude, and ignorant. Why don't YOU adopt some babies if you feel so strongly about it? Why should infertile people be chastised for wanting biological babies, and doing what they have to do to try and get them?

What is kind of funny is that financial issues are no different than fitness ones really. If your spending goes over what you have budgeted you will go into debt (or in this case not be able to save), just like you go over the calories you have budgeted you will gain weight. I find it very interesting that some people can be super disciplined in one area, but suck at the other. As far as money goes, I could go forever sticking to that budget and never go over... but I am not as successful with food.

Just like fitness though, you can't nag someone into getting into being financially fit. They will either want to change themselves and dig down and find the discipline to do it or they won't.