Nagging about saving money for IVF

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.

If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.

There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.

As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.

So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.

And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.

Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.

So much this. I hate it when people say "oh you're so lucky to have a good job"

What the hell ever. It came after working my *kitten* off for years, and I never, EVER have time to do anything, becuase I'm always at work. That's not luck. People that think it's luck are the people that think if they wait around, a good job will just come to them.

I feel lucky to have a good job.

Yes, I work hard at it, but there was a time when I was an over-qualified Wal-mart employee because good jobs are hard to get now-a-days.

Now I have my good job back, and I count my luck and blessings almost daily for it.

Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

Thats what I said. It got ignored by the OP

Because it's rude, and ignorant....Why should infertile people be chastised for wanting biological babies, and doing what they have to do to try and get them?

^SO MUCH THIS.

Cali, go back and read my response on page 7.

I quoted with the 'ignored' part.
My original suggestion of adoption was more tactful.

As I said previously, I'm not anti-IVF. I suggested adoption because not everyone thinks of it. And the OP addressed it, adoption is next if IVF doesn't work. Or they may adopt even if it does.

I just want to clarify that feeling lucky to have a job and attributing your success to luck are two entirely different matters.

This thread has completely drifted. I truly hope the OP finds a resolution and gets the opportunity to create the family she wants.

I've had rather large sums of money dropped in my lap because I was at the right place at the right time, and I've lost positions because of economic circumstances well beyond my control. I did very well in school because I worked my *kitten* off and continued to work my *kitten* off during my career so I have made plenty of my own luck, but I also think that luck is one of those things that is easy to overstate on either side of this argument. In short, I work hard but I do not pretend to be above being thankful for what I have. I also know it could all be taken away with an accident, a diagnosis, a false accusation, etc. I'm too old to act like I'm bullet proof.

What is kind of funny is that financial issues are no different than fitness ones really. If your spending goes over what you have budgeted you will go into debt (or in this case not be able to save), just like you go over the calories you have budgeted you will gain weight. I find it very interesting that some people can be super disciplined in one area, but suck at the other. As far as money goes, I could go forever sticking to that budget and never go over... but I am not as successful with food.

Just like fitness though, you can't nag someone into getting into being financially fit. They will either want to change themselves and dig down and find the discipline to do it or they won't.

And this, big time. You have to want to do it. And not just say you want to, but want to enough that everyday, you wake up and make the choice to save your money. If you don't have a budgeting app, get one. Get it set up with info for the last few months and then show him the pie charts and graphs so you can both see where your money is going and what is preventing you from saving.

Does your fertility clinic offer payment plans? Many of them do. They typically use a third party to manage these. I haven't read most suggestions but agree with pps that setting up an automatic deduction would be useful, or simply putting it on a credit card and paying it off over time. Explore cheaper options such as going abroad (seriously, many find it's worth it to go to Czechoslovakia--still cheaper even with plane tickets and hotels) or even moving to a state and/or job that covers it, even partially, through insurance.

We did IVF and I'm typing this while my baby daughter naps. It was worth every penny. We were lucky in that my insurance covered part of it and we had savings already to cover the rest. But it's a difficult financial burden nonetheless and I wish you all the luck in the world!

Our insurance will pay a one time $5,000.00 towards IVF. They do offer a third party loan. We dont really want to go that route as there will be interest (probably high) To be honest, I dont really want to go abroad for IVF though it may be cheaper. Congrats on your daughter! Babies truly are miracles! Thanks!

Why is this so hard for people?

Sit down a draft a budget for the month. Decide how much you will fund each category, including pocket money for the both of you. Keep the first three to four months fairly loose until you get things dialed in and know how much you typically spend in each category

Include an emergency fund for incidentals.

Review the budget weekly to make sure you are on target and update and adjust as needed.

Some people prefer to spend more freely than others. This can be planned for.



#adultteachingadultshowtoadult

I think they did that and he's not living up to his end of the agreement.

This is correct. I have a spreadsheet that includes when each bill is due and what we'd like to put in savings with a little left over just in case. Still not working.!

OP: If you don't want to nag, don't. Sit him down and talk to him about it. Maybe try $150 instead. Ask him to recommit to it. Then just sit back. You aren't his mother. He's an adult. If he won't do it, he won't do it. Yes, this might delay your IVF but that's on him.

I think I am going to sit down with him and ask him if he needs 150 instead and NO going over unless we both find it necessary to

I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:

Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:

$20 / week? That's like what? 1 lapdance?