Nagging about saving money for IVF
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He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.
When I seen the question aimed towards you about YOUR allowance, I automatically thought "probably nothing".0 -
Read through a few pages and mostly saw judgement with few ideas. Here are ideas:
1) 3 account system yours, his, ours. It sounds like you have something similar going with the "allowance", but perhaps, if you are better at saving most of the money should go in your account. With my wife and I, I pay the "me" specific bills (my insurance, taxes, student loans, and our cell phone/internet), I keep 150 dollars, and the rest of my money goes into a joint account that I do not use. She uses that money to pay our rent and utilities. She does something similar with her paycheck.
2) Instead of setting up a standard savings or checking account set up a CD with your bank. Get one that you can deposit into, but that will have early withdraw penalties. Then your money will be building a little bit of interest while it sits.
3) Perhaps have a heart to heart with your husband. Does he really want a child? He might say that he does, but his actions seem to be hindering the process. Find out what he is spending the money on, and why he thinks it is more important than having a child. There might be some room for open communication there that could lead to fixing things.0 -
No worries, I know it is a long thread
We've talked about refinancing our house and maybe using that money for IVF. But, we dont want to get ourselves in a financial burden. (not saying it would) We could get a loan from the facility we will be doing this at but, like you said the interest. I may have to look into it though. We would really like to avoid taking out a loan. We just thought our best option would be to pay cash. But, if we don't start saving, we may have to look into the loan. I might just bring up the loan option to my husband, I'm pretty sure that will help motivate him to save.?
Fair enough and I get that line of thinking completely.
That said, if you consider the interest payments v the cost and pressure to your relationship in trying to save over a long period of time in what are clearly difficult circumstances then it may be a viable option.
Planned and calculated debt is not a bad thing. Unplanned and excessive debt is...
Best of luck to you and your husband!0 -
I came on a public forum to look for advice, correct. I dont need to "Justify" to you because you DID NOT read my post correctly. WE decided that my husband would get 100.00 a week. I think you just want to argue.He gets an ALLOWANCE??
Seriously though, good luck conceiving. The sooner you're able to have a child, the sooner you'll stop treating your husband like one.
If you would have read my whole post, you would know that WE, HE and I decided to give him 100.00 a week to spend. I dont have to justify this at ALL! This is a decision WE made together. That is part of a marriage. You decide on things together. No, I dont treat him like a child. We make all of our decisions together. Thanks though lol
Wait you have came on a public forum to look for advice about a personal situation and now claim when people don't agree that you don't have to "Justify" your decisions. logical
You're new to the internet aren't you?
I did read your post correctly and my objections are based on the ability for women to control men once they get married.
this is 1000000xxxxxxx times more annoying when it come to children.
I am sure you are a lovely person but sadly this comes across as yet another clucky wife story to me.0 -
I came on a public forum to look for advice, correct. I dont need to "Justify" to you because you DID NOT read my post correctly. WE decided that my husband would get 100.00 a week. I think you just want to argue.He gets an ALLOWANCE??
Seriously though, good luck conceiving. The sooner you're able to have a child, the sooner you'll stop treating your husband like one.
If you would have read my whole post, you would know that WE, HE and I decided to give him 100.00 a week to spend. I dont have to justify this at ALL! This is a decision WE made together. That is part of a marriage. You decide on things together. No, I dont treat him like a child. We make all of our decisions together. Thanks though lol
Wait you have came on a public forum to look for advice about a personal situation and now claim when people don't agree that you don't have to "Justify" your decisions. logical
You're new to the internet aren't you?
I did read your post correctly and my objections are based on the ability for women to control men once they get married.
this is 1000000xxxxxxx times more annoying when it come to children.
I am sure you are a lovely person but sadly this comes across as yet another clucky wife story to me.
Wow, dude! You sound a little bitter there!0 -
But if I was you and this was my partner, I would do one of three things
1, speak to her- none of anyone's else's business
2. learn to deal with it.
3 Walk away because we are in a way different head space0 -
I came on a public forum to look for advice, correct. I dont need to "Justify" to you because you DID NOT read my post correctly. WE decided that my husband would get 100.00 a week. I think you just want to argue.He gets an ALLOWANCE??
Seriously though, good luck conceiving. The sooner you're able to have a child, the sooner you'll stop treating your husband like one.
If you would have read my whole post, you would know that WE, HE and I decided to give him 100.00 a week to spend. I dont have to justify this at ALL! This is a decision WE made together. That is part of a marriage. You decide on things together. No, I dont treat him like a child. We make all of our decisions together. Thanks though lol
Wait you have came on a public forum to look for advice about a personal situation and now claim when people don't agree that you don't have to "Justify" your decisions. logical
You're new to the internet aren't you?
I did read your post correctly and my objections are based on the ability for women to control men once they get married.
this is 1000000xxxxxxx times more annoying when it come to children.
I am sure you are a lovely person but sadly this comes across as yet another clucky wife story to me.
Wow, dude! You sound a little bitter there!
Not bitter at all.0 -
My husband and I have separate bank accounts and a joint account. Some people think it's strange to have different accounts but I see nothing wrong with that. We split the bills 50/50 (we make roughly the same salary. We make our own decisions about our money. If he or I want to spend money on something for ourselves that's fine as long as bills are covered. We each work hard to make our money and don't feel the need to have a say in what the other does with it. When we have a big expense such as buying our house, vacations, Xmas etc. we talk about how much to save and do it. Sometimes one saves more than the other but it works for us. I have found usually that if one is doing better at saving it motivates the other to save more. So maybe you could start saving on your own and that may motivate him. We've been together over 10 years and it works well for us.
A counselor might get to the bottom of things. You may want to consider that he could be scared or hesitant about having a baby even if he wants one and is sabotaging the saving subconsciously. Being scared or hesitant is normal and honestly I think it would be abnormal if someone wasn't a little scared of making such a big life change. It's like wanting to lose weight but still eating too much. Eating too much doesn't mean you don't want to lose weight it just means you have to make better choices if you want it. I don't think $100 a week is excessive but it could be cut down if you two chose to. You could also look at other options to cut back expenses. For example my family recently got rid of our cable TV and got Amazon Fire TV with Hulu & Netflix. It saves around $75 per month and after a week we didn't miss the cable.
Good luck.0 -
Thank you! You are exactly right! If saving cash isn't working, it may not be worth the stress. May have to look into loan options. Thanks again!No worries, I know it is a long thread We've talked about refinancing our house and maybe using that money for IVF. But, we dont want to get ourselves in a financial burden. (not saying it would) We could get a loan from the facility we will be doing this at but, like you said the interest. I may have to look into it though. We would really like to avoid taking out a loan. We just thought our best option would be to pay cash. But, if we don't start saving, we may have to look into the loan. I might just bring up the loan option to my husband, I'm pretty sure that will help motivate him to save.?
Fair enough and I get that line of thinking completely.
That said, if you consider the interest payments v the cost and pressure to your relationship in trying to save over a long period of time in what are clearly difficult circumstances then it may be a viable option.
Planned and calculated debt is not a bad thing. Unplanned and excessive debt is...
Best of luck to you and your husband!0 -
We have three accounts. He has his checking account (i have access to that), I have my checking account (he has access to that) and we have a joint savings. His check goes in my account as well as mine goes into my account and I pay all the bills and transfer his 100 to his account and whatever extra we have left I try to put in savings. Actually it works perfect for paying bills ect. I We also have a joint credit card. He used to use this strictly on gas but has been using it for more things lately. Seldom times he will transfer money from savings into his checking. I know without a doubt he wants a child as we have gone through a lot of fertility appointments already. I do need to sit down with him and talk about money again. He used to only use his 100 and the credit card strictly for gas. That worked great but summer time seams a little harder for him.Read through a few pages and mostly saw judgement with few ideas. Here are ideas:
1) 3 account system yours, his, ours. It sounds like you have something similar going with the "allowance", but perhaps, if you are better at saving most of the money should go in your account. With my wife and I, I pay the "me" specific bills (my insurance, taxes, student loans, and our cell phone/internet), I keep 150 dollars, and the rest of my money goes into a joint account that I do not use. She uses that money to pay our rent and utilities. She does something similar with her paycheck.
2) Instead of setting up a standard savings or checking account set up a CD with your bank. Get one that you can deposit into, but that will have early withdraw penalties. Then your money will be building a little bit of interest while it sits.
3) Perhaps have a heart to heart with your husband. Does he really want a child? He might say that he does, but his actions seem to be hindering the process. Find out what he is spending the money on, and why he thinks it is more important than having a child. There might be some room for open communication there that could lead to fixing things.0 -
If anyone has suggestions for me, please share. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 4 1/2 years. Our next route is IVF due to fertility issues. IVF costs $21,000.00. So, my husband and I decided we need to buckle down and start saving so we can do the IVF a year from now. The problem is, he keeps spending money. We both are ready to do this and wish it would just happen naturally, but it hasn't. He knows we need to save money and he wants to save money, but he spends money a lot easier than I do. I feel like I am a NAG constantly telling him "we need to start saving money, we don't really need that do we?" I feel like I am constantly nagging him about spending money. Yes, I may be getting a little overwhelmed and obsessive but if we want to do this, we need to start saving. We keep talking about it but can't seam to start saving. Any suggestions on how I can get him to stop spending money without being a total nag??? PLEASE HELP! He does get a weekly allowance of $100.00 and has a credit card for gas for work. But just yesterday he transferred $100.00 from our savings to his account....
I don't really have any advice, just want to wish you luck! My aunt and uncle went through the process to have my cousin via IVF, and I know it was very hard in many ways -- emotionally, financially, and physically.
I wish you all the luck in the world, and I am sure that the struggles will be worth it.0 -
Not controlling him whatsoever. Forget it, I am not going to waste ANY more time on you. YOU DONT GET IT!
I came on a public forum to look for advice, correct. I dont need to "Justify" to you because you DID NOT read my post correctly. WE decided that my husband would get 100.00 a week. I think you just want to argue.He gets an ALLOWANCE??
Seriously though, good luck conceiving. The sooner you're able to have a child, the sooner you'll stop treating your husband like one.
If you would have read my whole post, you would know that WE, HE and I decided to give him 100.00 a week to spend. I dont have to justify this at ALL! This is a decision WE made together. That is part of a marriage. You decide on things together. No, I dont treat him like a child. We make all of our decisions together. Thanks though lol
Wait you have came on a public forum to look for advice about a personal situation and now claim when people don't agree that you don't have to "Justify" your decisions. logical
You're new to the internet aren't you?
I did read your post correctly and my objections are based on the ability for women to control men once they get married.
this is 1000000xxxxxxx times more annoying when it come to children.
I am sure you are a lovely person but sadly this comes across as yet another clucky wife story to me.0 -
Surely there must be a bank somewhere that offers bank accounts where withdrawal is only possible if the two partners sign for it (I even thought it was the case on joint accounts).
My view is that you probably do not need a credit card to spend the $21,000 that you are saving, so good old crappy account with painful, in person transfer might do the trick.0 -
Not controlling him whatsoever. Forget it, I am not going to waste ANY more time on you. YOU DONT GET IT!
I came on a public forum to look for advice, correct. I dont need to "Justify" to you because you DID NOT read my post correctly. WE decided that my husband would get 100.00 a week. I think you just want to argue.He gets an ALLOWANCE??
Seriously though, good luck conceiving. The sooner you're able to have a child, the sooner you'll stop treating your husband like one.
If you would have read my whole post, you would know that WE, HE and I decided to give him 100.00 a week to spend. I dont have to justify this at ALL! This is a decision WE made together. That is part of a marriage. You decide on things together. No, I dont treat him like a child. We make all of our decisions together. Thanks though lol
Wait you have came on a public forum to look for advice about a personal situation and now claim when people don't agree that you don't have to "Justify" your decisions. logical
You're new to the internet aren't you?
I did read your post correctly and my objections are based on the ability for women to control men once they get married.
this is 1000000xxxxxxx times more annoying when it come to children.
I am sure you are a lovely person but sadly this comes across as yet another clucky wife story to me.
How do I not get it?
You have thought of a number for an allowance, he hasn't stuck to it, you jump online to try ask strangers advice on what to do to get him to save.
Show him this thread and ask his opinion.
$100 says he is super not happy about it.0 -
how about you just have a conversation with your husband and just your husband about it. I wouldn't consider dragging things like this into the public.
I understand the request for ideas but I am sure you can come up with something together. After all you are grown up and married and I am pretty sure also capable of sorting out your finances.0 -
I think I am going to sit down with him and ask him if he needs 150 instead and NO going over unless we both find it necessary toOP: If you don't want to nag, don't. Sit him down and talk to him about it. Maybe try $150 instead. Ask him to recommit to it. Then just sit back. You aren't his mother. He's an adult. If he won't do it, he won't do it. Yes, this might delay your IVF but that's on him.
NO NO NO NO Melinda. Don't offer to give him $150 a week. He doesn't need $100 a week to begin with! The stuff he is buying is NOT essential.
What you should do is cut back his allowance to $50 a week and put the other $50, into savings.
When a couple wants a child and isn't able to conceive naturally, they have to sacrifice things like golfing, alcohol, and chewing tobacco in order to pay for IVF or AI.
What it comes down to is if your husband wants this child, he needs to make sacrifices.
This is awful advice.
Agreed. Working out finances requires a certain amount of discussion and tact. My wife and I have done separate bank accounts, budgets with the same account, and everything in between. You have to find what works for you and your spouse, OP, but the one thing that won't is dictating to your spouse.
No, my advice wasn't awful.
There's no reason he needs to spend $100+ on beer, chewing tobacco, etc. a week. Especially when they are trying to save for a baby.
Melinda and her husband need to sit down and she can suggest cutting back his weekly allowance to $50. Whether he cuts back or not is his choice. If he wants a child, his actions will reflect that.
I think that is your youth and inexperience talking.
Says the one who comments "This is awful advice." Your immaturity screams through your comments on the forums.
Didn't your parents ever teach you, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?" Oh wait…..0 -
He gets an ALLOWANCE??
Seriously though, good luck conceiving. The sooner you're able to have a child, the sooner you'll stop treating your husband like one.
If you would have read my whole post, you would know that WE, HE and I decided to give him 100.00 a week to spend. I dont have to justify this at ALL! This is a decision WE made together. That is part of a marriage. You decide on things together. No, I dont treat him like a child. We make all of our decisions together. Thanks though lol
But the $100 obviously isn't working out if he's spending more.
And again, he doesn't seem willing to save which makes me think that he is NOT on the same page with you regarding IVF and having children. You need to talk to him -- not the people on the internet -- about all of this. If he was truly 100% "with you" on this then he would have no problem curbing his spending to save the money to get the procedure done.
ETA: Why does he have an "allowance" any way?:huh:0 -
I've not read all of the replies, I did read the original post however.
The fact that this is still going has me needing saying something, get mad if you want but this is my opinion on the matter.
You are not ready for children, your husband is not ready for them either. I suggest fixing your relationship before bringing another life into your chaos. If you can't agree on simple financial things like saving money. Or if he is too selfish to understand a "budget" and how to stick to it. You don't need another stressor in your life. I have 3 wonderful kids. Kids are stressful, relationships are stressful, the world is stressful. If you have to post about nagging on an open forum, you are no where near ready. Please for the sake of your future children how ever they may come to you, fix your relationships with yourself and with your husband.0 -
Thank you for your post. I think I've cut back on as much expenses as possible now. Lol. I've lowered our internet on our phones, talked to the cable company, ect. I would love to get rid of t.v. but we have a contract with them and my husband likes to watch his sports.....:( If it was up to me, Netflix would be sufficient.My husband and I have separate bank accounts and a joint account. Some people think it's strange to have different accounts but I see nothing wrong with that. We split the bills 50/50 (we make roughly the same salary. We make our own decisions about our money. If he or I want to spend money on something for ourselves that's fine as long as bills are covered. We each work hard to make our money and don't feel the need to have a say in what the other does with it. When we have a big expense such as buying our house, vacations, Xmas etc. we talk about how much to save and do it. Sometimes one saves more than the other but it works for us. I have found usually that if one is doing better at saving it motivates the other to save more. So maybe you could start saving on your own and that may motivate him. We've been together over 10 years and it works well for us.
A counselor might get to the bottom of things. You may want to consider that he could be scared or hesitant about having a baby even if he wants one and is sabotaging the saving subconsciously. Being scared or hesitant is normal and honestly I think it would be abnormal if someone wasn't a little scared of making such a big life change. It's like wanting to lose weight but still eating too much. Eating too much doesn't mean you don't want to lose weight it just means you have to make better choices if you want it. I don't think $100 a week is excessive but it could be cut down if you two chose to. You could also look at other options to cut back expenses. For example my family recently got rid of our cable TV and got Amazon Fire TV with Hulu & Netflix. It saves around $75 per month and after a week we didn't miss the cable.
Good luck.0 -
Ahhh!! Thank you SO Much!!If anyone has suggestions for me, please share. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 4 1/2 years. Our next route is IVF due to fertility issues. IVF costs $21,000.00. So, my husband and I decided we need to buckle down and start saving so we can do the IVF a year from now. The problem is, he keeps spending money. We both are ready to do this and wish it would just happen naturally, but it hasn't. He knows we need to save money and he wants to save money, but he spends money a lot easier than I do. I feel like I am a NAG constantly telling him "we need to start saving money, we don't really need that do we?" I feel like I am constantly nagging him about spending money. Yes, I may be getting a little overwhelmed and obsessive but if we want to do this, we need to start saving. We keep talking about it but can't seam to start saving. Any suggestions on how I can get him to stop spending money without being a total nag??? PLEASE HELP! He does get a weekly allowance of $100.00 and has a credit card for gas for work. But just yesterday he transferred $100.00 from our savings to his account....
I don't really have any advice, just want to wish you luck! My aunt and uncle went through the process to have my cousin via IVF, and I know it was very hard in many ways -- emotionally, financially, and physically.
I wish you all the luck in the world, and I am sure that the struggles will be worth it.0
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