Nagging about saving money for IVF
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Oh, and the thread is off to the races! I love relationship threads. Can we move past the "he has no balls" and "he's a selfish *kitten*" comments and just go straight to the gif portion of our programming?0
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I don't understand why people are getting their knickers in a twist about the "allowance".
The OP and her husband have agreed a budget between them. They have also agreed between them a fixed and maximum amount of money that they will spend on non essentials - in this case $100 - because they are working towards a long term goal.
Sounds sensible to me...
To see a grown man defending the concept of another grown man being handed an allowance by his wife is disheartening to my outlook on the male gender..
To see a grown man defending the concept that a "man" should be "in control" of all of his decisions and the family money is disheartening. They agreed on a budget. He has an amount to spend. They both agreed on it. You are saying he should just do what he wants because "he's the man" right? Sounds chauvinistic and childish to me.
Great. Put words into my mouth in order to argue against them.
Well done.0 -
Have you considered trying to earn extra money as opposed to just saving the money you currently earn? There are a lot of little ways you can earn extra money. It might sound juvenile, but babysitting/nanny-ing in your spare time could be an option. Maybe dog sitting/walking? Plus, keeping busy might help keep you from obsessing about the issue of fertility.
Have you checked into HSA's (health savings accounts)? From what I understand, if you use the money for approved procedures it's not taxed.0 -
I don't know what the underlying issues here are but I suggest trying to find out.
The issue isn't that the husband has an "allowance" or even the amount. It's that he can't stick to an agreed upon budget.
Nothing the OP does can fix this. Unless the husband is willing to figure out why he can't. He could probably have 200 to spend and still exceed it. He has to be willing to work on this.
Sit down together and find out what's going on. The solution needs to come from him.0 -
I don't understand why people are getting their knickers in a twist about the "allowance".
The OP and her husband have agreed a budget between them. They have also agreed between them a fixed and maximum amount of money that they will spend on non essentials - in this case $100 - because they are working towards a long term goal.
Sounds sensible to me...
To see a grown man defending the concept of another grown man being handed an allowance by his wife is disheartening to my outlook on the male gender..
To see a grown man defending the concept that a "man" should be "in control" of all of his decisions and the family money is disheartening. They agreed on a budget. He has an amount to spend. They both agreed on it. You are saying he should just do what he wants because "he's the man" right? Sounds chauvinistic and childish to me.
Great. Put words into my mouth in order to argue against them.
Well done.
Please......by all means tell me how you meant it. Do try to explain.0 -
I don't understand why people are getting their knickers in a twist about the "allowance".
The OP and her husband have agreed a budget between them. They have also agreed between them a fixed and maximum amount of money that they will spend on non essentials - in this case $100 - because they are working towards a long term goal.
Sounds sensible to me...
To see a grown man defending the concept of another grown man being handed an allowance by his wife is disheartening to my outlook on the male gender..
Wait, hold the phone.
He's supposed to control the purse strings simply because he's the man, right? Because that's how it should be, right? She should be barefoot and in the kitchen, right?
I feel bad for you if you think that's how marriage works. The OP has said ad nauseum that her and her husband both agreed to this. Stop painting it like she's Scrooge McDuck with his money.
You're ridiculous.0 -
I don't understand why people are getting their knickers in a twist about the "allowance".
The OP and her husband have agreed a budget between them. They have also agreed between them a fixed and maximum amount of money that they will spend on non essentials - in this case $100 - because they are working towards a long term goal.
Sounds sensible to me...
To see a grown man defending the concept of another grown man being handed an allowance by his wife is disheartening to my outlook on the male gender..
To see a grown man defending the concept that a "man" should be "in control" of all of his decisions and the family money is disheartening. They agreed on a budget. He has an amount to spend. They both agreed on it. You are saying he should just do what he wants because "he's the man" right? Sounds chauvinistic and childish to me.
Great. Put words into my mouth in order to argue against them.
Well done.
Please......by all means tell me how you meant it. Do try to explain.
Though I'm able to do so, I don't feel the need to explain myself to whoever you are.
You've gleamed what you need to from my statement and I'll sleep just fine tonight having forgotten all about it.0 -
I don't understand why people are getting their knickers in a twist about the "allowance".
The OP and her husband have agreed a budget between them. They have also agreed between them a fixed and maximum amount of money that they will spend on non essentials - in this case $100 - because they are working towards a long term goal.
Sounds sensible to me...
To see a grown man defending the concept of another grown man being handed an allowance by his wife is disheartening to my outlook on the male gender..
Wait, hold the phone.
He's supposed to control the purse strings simply because he's the man, right? Because that's how it should be, right? She should be barefoot and in the kitchen, right?
I feel bad for you if you think that's how marriage works. The OP has said ad nauseum that her and her husband both agreed to this. Stop painting it like she's Scrooge McDuck with his money.
You're ridiculous.
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I was looking for SUPPORTIVE comments. NO need to comment if you are just going to be negative! Goodbye!how about you just have a conversation with your husband and just your husband about it. I wouldn't consider dragging things like this into the public.
I understand the request for ideas but I am sure you can come up with something together. After all you are grown up and married and I am pretty sure also capable of sorting out your finances.
The supportive comments you are looking for are there. You're too wrapped up in the its my way or the highway mentality to see them.
Step back look at your situation as a whole. You're being childish by throwing tantrums, he's being it by being selfish. Is this how you want your kid(s) to be? Fix you first.
You actually sound kind of bitter. There really isn't anything wrong with her posting a relationship question on the internet.
Your supportive suggestion was to talk to her husband. That one has been covered in this thread. Life isn't always cut and dry. Some problems are more pervasive and troubling than others. Some people are better able to problem-solve by bouncing ideas off other people. The internet is a great place to do that as you are sure to get a variety of opinions. She has not put her husband down. She has not painted him in a bad light. I don't see at all that she has a "my way or the highway" mentality. She has said that she would not be leaving her husband because of this issue. Were you referring to the way she treated you? Because your suggestion, while a wise one, is only going to get her part way to the solution. And in the process of providing her with only a partial solution that has already been covered, you attacked her and called her childish.
Why don't you fix you before you give out advice on the internet? Especially since you have such a huge problem with people asking for it.
Life is that cut and dry. Communicate, make a decision and follow through. I'm not bitter at all. I called her childish because after 14 pages and the repeated advice of talk to your husband because there seems to be a difference in pages of what they both actually want out of life, has been ignored. I'm all for the internet and getting opinions and learning from others who are in different walks of life than yours. However if a majority are all telling you the same thing its called get a clue. She has painted her husband in a bad light. She basically has told us that he has no regard for how she feels. Because she said that they agreed on a budget and he won't stick to it. That being said to me screams that he doesn't actually care about what they agreed upon together and now she is trying to figure out how to get it to go back to her way. The only way for them to work this out isn't a money problem its a respect problem that only they can figure out. Maybe they can go spend some money first on couseling then IVF.0 -
I don't understand why people are getting their knickers in a twist about the "allowance".
The OP and her husband have agreed a budget between them. They have also agreed between them a fixed and maximum amount of money that they will spend on non essentials - in this case $100 - because they are working towards a long term goal.
Sounds sensible to me...
To see a grown man defending the concept of another grown man being handed an allowance by his wife is disheartening to my outlook on the male gender..
To see a grown man defending the concept that a "man" should be "in control" of all of his decisions and the family money is disheartening. They agreed on a budget. He has an amount to spend. They both agreed on it. You are saying he should just do what he wants because "he's the man" right? Sounds chauvinistic and childish to me.
Great. Put words into my mouth in order to argue against them.
Well done.
Please......by all means tell me how you meant it. Do try to explain.
Though I'm able to do so, I don't feel the need to explain myself to whoever you are.
You've gleamed what you need to from my statement and I'll sleep just fine tonight having forgotten all about it.
Translation: Na, I was wrong and had no point but I won't let you know that.0 -
I don't understand why people are getting their knickers in a twist about the "allowance".
The OP and her husband have agreed a budget between them. They have also agreed between them a fixed and maximum amount of money that they will spend on non essentials - in this case $100 - because they are working towards a long term goal.
Sounds sensible to me...
To see a grown man defending the concept of another grown man being handed an allowance by his wife is disheartening to my outlook on the male gender..
To see a grown man defending the concept that a "man" should be "in control" of all of his decisions and the family money is disheartening. They agreed on a budget. He has an amount to spend. They both agreed on it. You are saying he should just do what he wants because "he's the man" right? Sounds chauvinistic and childish to me.
Great. Put words into my mouth in order to argue against them.
Well done.
Please......by all means tell me how you meant it. Do try to explain.
Though I'm able to do so, I don't feel the need to explain myself to whoever you are.
You've gleamed what you need to from my statement and I'll sleep just fine tonight having forgotten all about it.
You're so full of crap. You made some chauvinistic bs comments and got called out on it and now you want to pretend like it didn't happen. This isn't the 50s. Men aren't better than women. We don't rule the household. Marriage is a partnership and it's a two way street.0 -
He gets an ALLOWANCE??
Seriously though, good luck conceiving. The sooner you're able to have a child, the sooner you'll stop treating your husband like one.
If you would have read my whole post, you would know that WE, HE and I decided to give him 100.00 a week to spend. I dont have to justify this at ALL! This is a decision WE made together. That is part of a marriage. You decide on things together. No, I dont treat him like a child. We make all of our decisions together. Thanks though lol
But the $100 obviously isn't working out if he's spending more.
And again, he doesn't seem willing to save which makes me think that he is NOT on the same page with you regarding IVF and having children. You need to talk to him -- not the people on the internet -- about all of this. If he was truly 100% "with you" on this then he would have no problem curbing his spending to save the money to get the procedure done.
She'd save a hell of a lot MORE money if she just took his balls out of her purse and gave them back to him.
Just saying.
I am sensing that this comment is more about your personal issues than the obvious financial arrangement that has been explained here and agreed on by both parties. Just saying.0 -
I don't understand why people are getting their knickers in a twist about the "allowance".
The OP and her husband have agreed a budget between them. They have also agreed between them a fixed and maximum amount of money that they will spend on non essentials - in this case $100 - because they are working towards a long term goal.
Sounds sensible to me...
To see a grown man defending the concept of another grown man being handed an allowance by his wife is disheartening to my outlook on the male gender..
To see a grown man defending the concept that a "man" should be "in control" of all of his decisions and the family money is disheartening. They agreed on a budget. He has an amount to spend. They both agreed on it. You are saying he should just do what he wants because "he's the man" right? Sounds chauvinistic and childish to me.
Great. Put words into my mouth in order to argue against them.
Well done.
Please......by all means tell me how you meant it. Do try to explain.
Though I'm able to do so, I don't feel the need to explain myself to whoever you are.
You've gleamed what you need to from my statement and I'll sleep just fine tonight having forgotten all about it.
You're so full of crap. You made some chauvinistic bs comments and got called out on it and now you want to pretend like it didn't happen. This isn't the 50s. Men aren't better than women. We don't rule the household. Marriage is a partnership and it's a two way street.
Preach :flowerforyou:0 -
I like the idea of having the savings account with no on-line access to it, so there is no temptation to take from it, because you wont have the access and you wont have to be reminded of the balance every time you log into your other accounts. I have a hard time sometimes with the savings aspect, because in my mind, pregnancy is something that comes SO easily for so many people, so why should I not only have to go through the procedures, but also have to save so much for them! Paying for a great vacation sounds a lot better than saving to pay for medicine to shoot in my butt!
As far as the adoption comments, I LOVE how fertile people, or those who do not want children, view adoption as a fix all for infertility. People just don't understand and it stinks! It costs A LOT to adopt and even that is no guarantee, you hear about failed adoptions ALL THE TIME!
And does one round of IVF cost $21K? NO it does not, but those of us who are at the point of going the IVF route, are willing to pay more up front, to have more of a guarantee at the end.
Also, it isn't like people take IVF lightly. It is a BIG decision and not one that you just wake up and say "let's do IVF, lets spend $21K for a CHANCE of having a baby". Let me shoot myself up with all these different medicines that make me slightly crazy and hormonal, again, at a CHANCE of having a baby. A lot of people just don't understand the heartache that goes into infertility and what every procedure that ends in disappointment, does to you. I am sorry you are going through this, trust me, I know it sucks... BIG TIME! We are in the waiting period for starting IVF treatments... I had a blood panel done and apparently I have a factor for a blood clotting disorder... FUN! I am also in Minnesota and working with a doctor in the cities... If you don't mind me asking, what clinic are you working with and how has your experience been so far (YOU can PM me if you want! If not, I know it is a personal topic...), because mine has been less than stellar! Good Luck to you and I hope you can figure something out for the savings.0 -
I don't understand why people are getting their knickers in a twist about the "allowance".
The OP and her husband have agreed a budget between them. They have also agreed between them a fixed and maximum amount of money that they will spend on non essentials - in this case $100 - because they are working towards a long term goal.
Sounds sensible to me...
To see a grown man defending the concept of another grown man being handed an allowance by his wife is disheartening to my outlook on the male gender..
Wait, hold the phone.
He's supposed to control the purse strings simply because he's the man, right? Because that's how it should be, right? She should be barefoot and in the kitchen, right?
I feel bad for you if you think that's how marriage works. The OP has said ad nauseum that her and her husband both agreed to this. Stop painting it like she's Scrooge McDuck with his money.
You're ridiculous.
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I don't understand why people are getting their knickers in a twist about the "allowance".
The OP and her husband have agreed a budget between them. They have also agreed between them a fixed and maximum amount of money that they will spend on non essentials - in this case $100 - because they are working towards a long term goal.
Sounds sensible to me...
To see a grown man defending the concept of another grown man being handed an allowance by his wife is disheartening to my outlook on the male gender..
To see a grown man defending the concept that a "man" should be "in control" of all of his decisions and the family money is disheartening. They agreed on a budget. He has an amount to spend. They both agreed on it. You are saying he should just do what he wants because "he's the man" right? Sounds chauvinistic and childish to me.
Great. Put words into my mouth in order to argue against them.
Well done.
Please......by all means tell me how you meant it. Do try to explain.
Though I'm able to do so, I don't feel the need to explain myself to whoever you are.
You've gleamed what you need to from my statement and I'll sleep just fine tonight having forgotten all about it.
You're so full of crap. You made some chauvinistic bs comments and got called out on it and now you want to pretend like it didn't happen. This isn't the 50s. Men aren't better than women. We don't rule the household. Marriage is a partnership and it's a two way street.
If you say so.
Again, I don't have to defend myself against words that I never uttered.
So you can repeat as many truisms as you want, it doesn't make a difference. I'm just entertaining myself with the last few minutes that I have at my desk.0 -
Makes a statement, promptly refuses to defend it.
Mmkay then, on to business as usual:
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I can't believe this thread is still going on. She has to be in her second trimester by now...0
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I was looking for SUPPORTIVE comments. NO need to comment if you are just going to be negative! Goodbye!how about you just have a conversation with your husband and just your husband about it. I wouldn't consider dragging things like this into the public.
I understand the request for ideas but I am sure you can come up with something together. After all you are grown up and married and I am pretty sure also capable of sorting out your finances.
The supportive comments you are looking for are there. You're too wrapped up in the its my way or the highway mentality to see them.
Step back look at your situation as a whole. You're being childish by throwing tantrums, he's being it by being selfish. Is this how you want your kid(s) to be? Fix you first.
You actually sound kind of bitter. There really isn't anything wrong with her posting a relationship question on the internet.
Your supportive suggestion was to talk to her husband. That one has been covered in this thread. Life isn't always cut and dry. Some problems are more pervasive and troubling than others. Some people are better able to problem-solve by bouncing ideas off other people. The internet is a great place to do that as you are sure to get a variety of opinions. She has not put her husband down. She has not painted him in a bad light. I don't see at all that she has a "my way or the highway" mentality. She has said that she would not be leaving her husband because of this issue. Were you referring to the way she treated you? Because your suggestion, while a wise one, is only going to get her part way to the solution. And in the process of providing her with only a partial solution that has already been covered, you attacked her and called her childish.
Why don't you fix you before you give out advice on the internet? Especially since you have such a huge problem with people asking for it.
Life is that cut and dry. Communicate, make a decision and follow through. I'm not bitter at all. I called her childish because after 14 pages and the repeated advice of talk to your husband because there seems to be a difference in pages of what they both actually want out of life, has been ignored. I'm all for the internet and getting opinions and learning from others who are in different walks of life than yours. However if a majority are all telling you the same thing its called get a clue. She has painted her husband in a bad light. She basically has told us that he has no regard for how she feels. Because she said that they agreed on a budget and he won't stick to it. That being said to me screams that he doesn't actually care about what they agreed upon together and now she is trying to figure out how to get it to go back to her way. The only way for them to work this out isn't a money problem its a respect problem that only they can figure out. Maybe they can go spend some money first on couseling then IVF.
Nah. He could really want to save for IVF long-term and do a poor job with "in the moment" decisions. There's been a lot of research on some of the weaknesses the human brain has for these sorts of things.
However, it's his issue and he needs to be the one to take responsibility for sorting it out. There are things that they can do together that will make it easier for him to make the decisions he *really* wants to be making, but he's got to be the actor here.0 -
Ok, so I hope I don't get yelled at for this, but......If it's not happening naturally, then maybe it's not supposed to happen. Try adoption. There are lots of kids out there who need homes. All the nagging and such will cause problems in the marriage. I know adoptions cost money too, but it might be less stress on both of you. Just my opinion.0
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