BOYFRIEND HELP!!!!! THINKS ABOUT HIS EX

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  • nxiety
    nxiety Posts: 84 Member
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    A lot of the responses are right. 7 years is a long time. From what you said he's only thinking about her, not trying to get back with her. I think about people(not specifically exes) that I knew all the time that I've met and didn't know for half that long.
  • ryanwood935
    ryanwood935 Posts: 245 Member
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    Would you rather have a guy who hides his infidelities, or one who talks about his feelings? Coming to you with this should have been a chance to build trust. Assuming you aren't leaving out some serious details, I would say packing crap up is a fairly serious overreaction. Good luck getting him to open up to you next time something is wrong.
  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,074 Member
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    Did I miss something? People keep saying the OP moved in with her bf, but I haven't seen any of that. All I saw was that they're together every day...maybe they're visiting eachother and sleeping over every day. Doesn't mean they're living together and sharing rent/household expenses.
  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
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    My DH was with his late wife for about 4 years. It's been a little over 10 years since she passed, and we've been together almost 9 years. It's not something that will ever cease to exist in our lives. His past is what makes him who he is today, both good and bad. I have a daughter from my ex-husband. A living breathing reminder of my past, and DH chose to adopt her. Everyone has a history, and either we can embrace it and understand it, or we can let it scare the s**t out of us.

    Obviously there are exceptions to that last part, and like others have stated if he's not out trying to find her then don't sweat it. Seven years *is* a very long time to be with someone, and to expect someone to just pretend it never happened to make you feel better is not healthy emotionally for either one of you.
  • mamadon
    mamadon Posts: 1,422 Member
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    a few issues here... two months & you're living with him??? wow, really??? and you already love him??? seriously??? way too fast in my opinion, but who am I to say.

    My thoughts exactly. :noway:

    Every relationship is different. My husband and I got engaged after knowing each other 3 months, got married 3 months after that. We've been married for 23 years.
  • Romyarts2014
    Romyarts2014 Posts: 201 Member
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    I do have insecurities I
  • Romyarts2014
    Romyarts2014 Posts: 201 Member
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    i
  • Romyarts2014
    Romyarts2014 Posts: 201 Member
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    I do have insecurities about myself.
    Honestly hes the best thing thats ever happened to me. First day we met sparks have been flying.
    I know Im stupid to think that he can just be over her.

    Its been a year since they broke up but he still talks to her sister.
    He says he wants me, he loves me. and yeahh 2 months might be short. But hes 26 im 22 if we are in love why not right?
  • Romyarts2014
    Romyarts2014 Posts: 201 Member
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    LEAVE HIM NOW! Pack you bags, get out, and let the poor guy find a secure understanding woman. Don't ruin his life any more with your personal insecurities and clingy ways. Poor Guy.


    You know I came on here to talk with a open mind and heart.
    DIdint ask for rudeness and bashing.
  • lemonsnlove
    lemonsnlove Posts: 200
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    He is with you not her, be secure in that. It's normal to think about an ex.
  • Romyarts2014
    Romyarts2014 Posts: 201 Member
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    I read all the replies and I agree..
    However alot of the bashing was not called for. Alot of women have things they get insecure about. For me knowing another women is on my mans mind is hard. But I also understand his point of view.
    I told him I understand there was a past and I understand thats not something you can just forget but if we are in a relationship I need his all put into it.
    He agreed.
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
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    I think maybe I would have been insecure about things like this when I was really young.

    Meh. My ex is one of my best friends.
  • meltedkeys
    meltedkeys Posts: 63 Member
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    if he's telling you, he's trying to be honest. this is awesome! most men bottle things up and never talk about it.
  • headofphat
    headofphat Posts: 1,599 Member
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    I still think about a sandwich I had in Boston 3 years ago.

    Don't overreact. Let your relationship play out and see what happens. Work on your confidence. You'll be fine.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    So your boyfriend cannot be honest with you. Trust issues two months in and you spend time everyday.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I've been with my fiance for nine years. I still think about all my exes. They were huge parts of my life and I loved them.

    I wouldn't ever tell my fiance that, though.

    (ETA: He probably thinks about his exes. He says he hates his ex-wife and he has a lot of reason to feel that way, but I'm sure he has good memories, too. I actually hope he does.)
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
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    Google "compartmentalized" and lay off him about this. Trust me, he thinks about a lot of things, 99% of which aren't important. If anything, he's guilty of loose lips sinking ships.

    Or just break up.
  • Strange_magic
    Strange_magic Posts: 370 Member
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    Insecurity is common, I don't expect you to apologize for that.

    But also, that kind of information he's willingly giving isn't common either.

    He spent a long time with her try to realize there may be growing pains for him. Best of luck.
  • Jess__I__Can
    Jess__I__Can Posts: 307 Member
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    Break up.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    I read all the replies and I agree..
    However alot of the bashing was not called for. Alot of women have things they get insecure about. For me knowing another women is on my mans mind is hard. But I also understand his point of view.
    I told him I understand there was a past and I understand thats not something you can just forget but if we are in a relationship I need his all put into it.
    He agreed.

    I'm sorry you feel like people were bashing. Really, it's just some brutal honesty.

    He's going to think about his ex from time to time. That doesn't mean he isn't putting his all into you. You can't tell him to stop thinking about her and by reacting so abrasively, you are going to make him close off and not share anything with you.

    I hate to say it but you've only been together 2 months. That's hardly at lot of time, especially to be making such demands. The best way to get through this issue is to do some work on yourself.

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