Fit for Future Families - February 2011

Katie and Erica--hugs...that stinks.

Heather and Ashley--hang in there!

Everyone else--keep on trying!!

AFM:Did not have a very fun time at the Drs office today for my Clomid check. 100 mg of Clomid making me act like a crazy woman, and my progesterone level results from day 22 was 0.9. Yikes. Lower than the month before. Dr doesn't want to do the Femara because it is an off-label use of the medication. So I was asking about progesterone levels and stuff, and if there was a chance that I could have ovulated and then just started bleeding 4 days later since I had a positive OPK test. She said that she wasn't an RE, but that yes, it was possible, but that would mean I might just have bad eggs.

Well. That makes me feel so much more optimistic. You have a nice day too, Dr. I wish I hadn't asked.

So, I really don't know any more than I did earlier today before the appt, but I just feel cruddy. And then I had to relay the whole visit to my husband which just made his day into a real downer too. I"m going to go ahead and do one more round of Clomid 150 mg. If this doesn't work, then the Dr and I are in agreement, if we are going to pursue further treatment, it's time to see an RE. I"m not expecting it to work, and I"m not getting my hopes up after the last round. So hubs and I have a lot of thinking, planning and praying to do.

If we didn't have a kid already, I'm fairly certain I know that we would pursue treatment. But, since we already have one, and we live on a pretty tight budget as it is, spending what could amount to a second new car to try to have another feels like a really hard question to answer. I know that we might not have to spend that much, but every little bit counts with us. Ugh. Do you go into debt to try to have a child that will cost even more money because that's the way you always pictured it? I just don't know what should change, my picture or my money attitude. Maybe both. Who knows.

So we both are just feeling a whole lot of disappointment right now...which we aren't really used to. I think hubs is feeling it keener. I've had months and months of this to build up some tolerance, while it is just really starting to sink in for him, to a level that he can't hide it or brush it off, and I"m not sure how to help/support him. Plus, he wants to tell his parents, and I know that's weighing on him because his mom is going to start crying when we tell her we might not be able to have more kids. It's just never a good time to say "By the way, I don't know if we are going to be able to have more kids...just wanted you to know." I'm hoping we can recover quickly, regain some perspective and get on with this next cycle. Which is what it is. I think I"m going to go cope with a margarita and some chocolate. Don't bother looking at my food diary--it's probably going to look like food porn. Haha.

Karen, I'm so sorry to hear the cruddy news. As for your question about money vs life picture, i think the answer is different for every couple. I did want to ask you what you did to conceive your first child and why is that no longer an option?

Thanks Ash--the answer is different for every couple. It's figuring out what OUR answer is going to be that is hard, of course. With Joshua, I went off the patch and two weeks later we were pregnant. Hows that for ironic? We didn't know how good we had it! That's part of the reason this whole process has been such a shock--we really didn't see it coming. But, the stats hold up--secondary infertility is just as common as primary infertility. I keep telling my husband that maybe I should just go back on birth control to try to get pregnant. Haha....

I just wanted to say--thanks for letting me spew my negative energy out. I always feel so much better afterwards. Just tell me if I'm being too much of a negatron, ok? I don't want to drag anyone on my rollercoaster of emotions with me, if I can avoid it.

Well I am out too. AF showed up a little while ago. I can handle the whole negative thing but getting 2 BFP and then AF showing is just mean. I don't know what is going on with my body but it is making me mad. :mad: The worst part is that I have already given DH the onsie. I guess I should have waited until today. I have to go to the dr tomorrow to see if my ovaries look okay to start over with the Femara. I guess we are going to do the IUI this time and if it doesn't work, then I think I am just going to give up. I really want to just sit around and cry and eat comfort food. If it wasn't DH's birthday, I would but I guess I need to be happy for him. At least know I can have a couple of drinks.

Sorry for everyone elses' frustrations. I am glad you guys are always here when I need to vent.

Kim, I'm so sorry your niece still isn't home with her mom. Hopefully after the court date, she'll be granted full custody and won't ever have to go through this again.

Karen, sorry your appointment wasn't helpful. They can test your FSH levels on CD 3 to give you an idea of what kind of egg quality you have. It's not 100%, but it's better than not knowing. An RE would probably be good. They can try injectible medication to help you ovulate without having to do anything besides timed intercourse. It's expensive, but still less expensive than other options.

Katie, I'm so sorry! That's part of the reason I hate testing early. I can't imagine how much more that disappointment would hurt than just having AF arrive. I really hope that you don't have to be on this rollercoaster much longer.

Heather, that's an awesome progesterone number!!!! No wonder you feel all out of sorts!

Katie I'm so very very sorry....that happened to me last month and in December. Actually in December it was weeks of I kept getting a positive followed by a negative until the day before my 30th birthday I began to cramp and bleed heavily. Big hugs! It is okay to cry and eat...just give yourself a day (or two) and then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on the wagon. We all need time to grieve when we are disappointed like that. It is human. So drink those margaritas and pick back up Monday.

Erica I know that having a high level doesn't mean I'm pregnant, but at least if sperm did meet egg I have enough progesterone in me to sustain the pregnancy! Gives me a little more hope. I've been lacking on the sunny positive vibes lately... With this weather and my hubby home (they closed the base due to weather) I really wanna eat junk and veg, but with my "official" weigh in and measurements tomorrow I'm choosing to not and be healthy!

Evening ladies

Pam - must say I have never had my breasts double up like that but I'm not exactly top heavy up there in the first place.

Katie - so very sorry, hun.

AFM - The witch showed up this morning after another temp drop so back to square one for me as well.

I woke up with a cold this morning and am feeling so drained. I came across this quote and thought it fit nicely for all in this thread.

“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?”

Happy Friday All! Hopefully the next round brings more happy news. I really think once the weather gets warmer we will be getting my BFP's:flowerforyou:

~Nichole

TGIF!
History~ Good luck this cycle! You're not alone...
Nichole~ love the quote.
Erica~We got some more snow too. Thankfully our earlier ice/snow melted enough, so the roads weren't too bad here.
Pam & Heather~ Way to go on the loss!!!! That's awesome!

I have been thinking lately and if DH and I get preggo this month EDD would be November or possibly into December. I'm a little unsure about having a little one that close to the holidays. I don't know... Money always gets tight now and we don't have any kids, I can only how stressful it would be around that time with one. Maybe I'm just looking into it too much. LOL I guess it will happen regardless. Maybe I shouldn't be picky. LOL Does anyone have a preferred time due?