Weight Loss opposite sex attention?

Eskimo Mark:

There are also men who are very shallow. The thing is that there are nice men and women out there who care more about personality and a person's values rather than their looks. There are shallow men and women who expect a perfect looking person.

I don't know about you, but I prefer to have friends and to go on dates with someone who is not shallow and who care about me as a person rather than just how I look or how I dress. Do you have nice friends who are not shallow? How can you tell that they are that kind of person? I've learned ways to try and tell how a person is really like. One way is to see how they treat other people around you, do they ever talk about fat people in front of you in a negative manner? Also, it takes time to get to know someone, wait awhile to see how they are like after awhile. Every person tries to make a good impression and to be on their best behavior when they start out dating, after awhile things start to become more relaxed and you can get to know a person better during that time.

Really, you should give women a chance. A negative attitude can prejudice a negative result. I'm a really nice person, but I have met men who initially misunderstood and immediately assumed something negative about myself. They took only TEN MINUTES to get to know me and already made a judgement about my character. If you immediately start out the date with a negative attitude, you are going to assume the worst of her when she could in fact be a good person. I had a guy who was talking about his work. I was nodding along to show I was listening. Immediately he started nodding along too and said "oh! You know about ___?" In a very sarcastic manner. I then looked surprised and said, "No. I was just nodding to show that I was listening." I stopped nodding when he continued to talk because it obviously bothered him and I was showing consideration towards his feelings. It didn't matter though, he made a snap judgment and obviously didn't like my company though out the whole date. It's sad because if he really liked a nice girl, he met one but didn't open up or give an opportunity for me to show my character.

I have heard men say stuff like "she would be cute if she lost fourty pounds. What is her problem? Just go run a few miles each day" or just earlier I was walking from a co-op to my apartment and there were these really good looking jocks that said to each other "must be hard to walk with all that weight" and they were talking about me. When I weighed less there was this really cute guy at work who kept on flirting with me. There was this really obese girl who was a customer and kept bending over to set her groceries on the wheel. He got my attention and started to point at her and silently laugh, making gestures about her being fat. I wasn't interested in him at all after he started making those remarks. Did I immediately assume that all men are shallow and I will have a hard time meeting a good guy just because there are some a**holes in the world? No. I think it's really sexist to assume one sex is more shallow than another sex. It's about figuring out how to weed out the jerks from the nice people.

It's not only girls.
I lost ~45 pounds while still in high school, and now i get attention from guys that had rejected me 4, 5, 6, years ago. 2 years ago nobody would look at me, and now i have people asking me for dates. I think it's amusing.

Both men and women have preferences. Not all have the same preferences. Also the attitude you present to the world can also change with your weight for some people. I don't expect every guy to find me attractive, and I am happy with the ones that do (my husband specifically).

sentaruu wrote: »

become gay, guys only go after people for their personality.

Yeah. There are plenty of superficial guys in the gay community. I have gay friends to talk about it all the time. "I'm only interested in ______." It depends on the individual, not their sex or what their sexuality is.

lh3828 wrote: »

EskimoMark wrote: »

Yeah I could get a gold digger, but I want to actually feel a connection. But I don't understand why the *kitten* can't a girl realize that just because a dude is big or something doesn't mean he's a bad person.

Wooooowww.... There are many different types of users in the world. Maybe you should look at what you look for in a girl and what types of girls you are persuing. There are nice women in the world. Are you looking over the nice girls? Is there something about your personality rather than your looks that are detracting nice girls out there? Are you not even putting yourself out there to look for a date? Plenty of people (men and women of all shapes and sizes) get rejected, but every 'no' leads to a 'yes.' Just because a girl says 'no' isn't because of your weight either. It could be that you both aren't a good connection or many other reasons. As a human being she has the right to say 'no' and she doesn't owe you anything because she is not a commodity that owes you a date just because you are nice to her or just because you like her.

Just a heads-up...OP was a troll and deactivated their account...
but we can continue the lively discussion!

Mr_Bad_Example wrote: »

EskimoMark wrote: »

Hey guys, I'm going to keep this short and sweet. Why is it that girls tend to only recognize skinny people or athletic people as dating material? I honestly believe that once I lose weight I Will have trust issues. I have a friend named Gunnar, he went from 370 to 205 pounds in about a year, and suddenly girls who originally rejected him now are begging to go back to him.

How the hell do I deal with that? I don't think I can date a girl once I'm skinny because I know she likes me for my apperance. If she liked my personality, she could've went for me when I was fat.

You must be new to the world, so I'm going to let you in on a little secret. People have to find each other physically attractive in some way or another in order for any kind of dating relationship to occur. Your sparkling personality is probably suffering in some manner from the craptastic attitude that you have, and I guarantee that anyone who comes into contact with you will pick up on that attitude before anything else, whether you lose weight or not.

ETA - Since the OP deactivated, one could assume that he was either a troll or that he didn't get the answers that he wanted. Either way... where's the Snickers?

Yup, I'm guessing "I don't want to date you because of your weight" is actually easier then, "I don't want to date you because you have a creepy woman hating negative vibe that makes my skin crawl."

I don't find it a negative and can't wait to be noticed. I think it's like picking the book because of the cover to find it to be a great read. Or picking the candy by the pretty wrapper and finding it sweet. It's not that some won't just pick the brown paper bag or plain cover, but it opens up more opportunities for someone to find out what's inside of me. But, even if it is attraction because of the wrapping, if it is still a terrible piece of candy or a hard to read book...the packaging no longer matters.

QueenBishOTUniverse wrote: »

Mr_Bad_Example wrote: »

EskimoMark wrote: »

Hey guys, I'm going to keep this short and sweet. Why is it that girls tend to only recognize skinny people or athletic people as dating material? I honestly believe that once I lose weight I Will have trust issues. I have a friend named Gunnar, he went from 370 to 205 pounds in about a year, and suddenly girls who originally rejected him now are begging to go back to him.

How the hell do I deal with that? I don't think I can date a girl once I'm skinny because I know she likes me for my apperance. If she liked my personality, she could've went for me when I was fat.

You must be new to the world, so I'm going to let you in on a little secret. People have to find each other physically attractive in some way or another in order for any kind of dating relationship to occur. Your sparkling personality is probably suffering in some manner from the craptastic attitude that you have, and I guarantee that anyone who comes into contact with you will pick up on that attitude before anything else, whether you lose weight or not.

ETA - Since the OP deactivated, one could assume that he was either a troll or that he didn't get the answers that he wanted. Either way... where's the Snickers?

Yup, I'm guessing "I don't want to date you because of your weight" is actually easier then, "I don't want to date you because you have a creepy woman hating negative vibe that makes my skin crawl."

I see a lot of pepper spraying and restraining orders in this guy's future.

Men are certainly not the only one who has this issue. It isn't a gender thing. If you really want to go that route, women will accept a bigger man long before a man will accept a bigger woman. Big men are viewed as strong or whatever, big women are viewed as lazy and sit on the couch watching oprah and eating bon bons and are disgusting. I have seen this happen way too many times. Life is full of stereotypes. How you choose to handle that is up to you.

I'm not going to join in the attitude bashing, but I will point out that in some ways it is a defense mechanism. They want to marry (I know you are not talking marriage here but ultimately, that would be on their mind as a possibility), somebody who they feel will be alive and not incapable of raising their family in 10-20 years...

Eskimo Mark:

When I was thinner I definitely got more looks from guys. I have had guys comment on my acne before, about my hair style, about my clothing style. There are some guys that are more picky and some guys that are less picky.

I know men who are severally obese and are happily married. If all women are superficial than how did that happen?

Have you asked every single girl who has rejected you if it is because of your weight or have a few girls explained to you what the reason was and made an assumption about all the girls who have rejected you?

I have had guys who I've decided weren't the right fit for me and the guys became very resentful about me saying 'no.' It is my right as a person to say 'no.' It's as if the guy was expecting something and I crushed their ego to say 'no' but should I just lie and pretend I'm interested in him just because it would hurt his feelings otherwise? Am I automatically superficial because I didn't want to date him? Even if it was his weight, it is my right to decide who I want to date or not and I don't owe to date him just so he can feel better about himself. Do you feel like the girls who weren't interested in you should lie or tell you the truth?

I have had guys who have rejected me before. It hurts and easy to feel resentful about it. Instead I moved on.

Do you seem desperate when dating girls? I remember a guy in high school who seriously tried to ask out every single girl in my group and other girls outside my group. It was a turn-off for all the girls because it felt like he just wanted to date anyone rather than like the particular girl for her personality.

A big thing that has helped me in dating is confidence and love for myself. I have found a lot of guys are attracted to confidence because they don't want someone who depends on their partner and have to constantly build them up. I can tell you that girls are also into confidence and love for yourself. Being single for me was a good time for me to build on myself and to find out more about myself and what I want in a man. You wrote about how you could basically date any girl as long as she is trying to finish college. This can be a time for you to build yourself up. Build in confidence and love for yourself. If you feel the need to date a girl to feel worthy of yourself, that is a sign you need to build in confidence.

Here is a good youtube video I thought you should watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xHp5iTtWRc

arditarose wrote: »

You just wrote all that for no one since the OP was a troll, but maybe the right person who needs it will stumble across it.

Interesting thread.