How to motivate my girlfriend to exercise?
Replies
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You yourself admit you used to have unhealthy habits, until you got motivated to change them. You should know that motivation comes from within, and that it's not something you can force on someone else. If she wants to change, she'll do so on her own schedule and time.
Meanwhile, you're blaming her for changes you've made, and you're calling her names even in your post to us. It sounds like if you're going to stay together, you need to love and accept her for who she is, and support her if she decides to make changes but not pester her. If you honestly can't do that, then your relationship is probably doomed.
Where is the like button.. We really need one added.. this really is the BEST reply.0 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
Hobbies are a tad bit different than breaking habits that leave you overweight and your boyfriend less sexually attracted to you. I'm guessing that the second one is a bit more loaded.
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
how paternalistic of him ..
sounds like a controlling jerk who wants to run your life....0 -
so when he cooked "rich" meals for her that is loving..but then switching to healthy meals makes him a level 1 scumbag???? really???
Can you please provide a source where I called him a level 1 scumbag? Or where I said the "rich" meals were loving?
He asked for help. I didn't call him names. I said he's probably not even aware that he's doing it. I'm not sure where all the emotion is coming from on this.
If I were talking about the meals I wanted to make and came home to find a good deal of it prepped, I'd be pretty pleased and grateful to my husband. If I came home and found the next three days of food he wants me to eat, not so much. And really? Neither would you. We know you like your moderation. Would it feel good to come home to three days worth of food that someone else deems acceptable for you to eat, or would you rather go out and grab some fast food?
She does state from time to time that she wants to eat healthier. I agree with the comment made that she may not have liked some of what he prepped, especially if they didn't have a conversation about options she might like first. But if I wanted to eat healthier and was being lazy but my fridge was always stocked with the fruit and veg, pre-cut up marinated meats, etc, that I wanted, personally I would not be offended
I state from time to time that I want all sorts of things. It doesn't mean I want my husband to make it his personal mission to make me get them.
Yes, I'd be thrilled if I came home and found my fridge stocked with spinach, pineapples, grapes, tofu, and fresh tomatoes, peppers, onions, and some sprouts. Because my husband knows I love those foods and already eat them and can turn them into meals I already eat regularly. He'd be doing that to support me, not change me.
I know GF says she wants to change sometimes, but OP wants her to change. It's obvious. If it's obvious from one post on the internet, it's obvious to her too. I don't think that makes it him a scumbag. But he asked for help, and what he is doing now clearly isn't working out for him. What he does next depends on what he feels is best for himself and his relationship.
Basically It's offensive that he helped because they both want the same thing
I don't even remember saying it's offensive. I said it's paternalistic. I said people don't usually take to being parented in romantic relationships. If she were the one posting, I'd be suggesting she tell him how she feels rather than acting defiantly. And if they really wanted to same things, this thread wouldn't exist.
In other words, they might find it a little offensive? What does it mean to not "take to" an action?
Words like "defiant" just make it sound like we're talking about a teenager and not an adult. Eh. That's all part of the fun, I suppose. No matter how strange we might find each other's thought process, we still get to seek out someone who might actually understand it and partner with them
Talking about a teenager and not like an adult? Exactly. My impression is that she's acting younger and he's acting older. Either one of them could break that pattern by changing how they are acting. He's here asking, she's not.
About the offensive, I don't know. Can't speak for everyone. I don't know that I'd be personally offended unless I thought he thought I was too dumb to make my own decisions. If I thought he was trying to help but going about it the wrong way, I'd say something for the sake of both of us.0 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
Hobbies are a tad bit different than breaking habits that leave you overweight and your boyfriend less sexually attracted to you. I'm guessing that the second one is a bit more loaded.
cooking is not a hobby, really?
it sounds like OP likes cooking..all he did was switch from "rich foods" to healthy foods and do some food prep, which somehow makes him a bad SO in your opinion...0 -
Put a Twinkie in front of a treadmill and make calling dog noises. Then find yourself the girl you want.-7
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I've been together with my girlfriend for 1 1/2 years and still madly in love with her. [...] Lately I began exercising a lot more and eating a lot more healthier, I've never felt more alive and was always full of energy. But over the time we've been dating, she's been growing very lazy and unmotivated, and her diet is a bit overindulging and I worry about her health. I exercise almost 5 times a week (less due to an injury recently), and every time I ask her if she would like to join me, she refuses every time (she even has a small gym right downstairs in her apartment complex and still refuses to go). [...] She also complains to me she is very self-conscious and insecure of her looks, and at the start of 2015, she made her new years resolution to exercise more and eat healthier, yet she has made virtually no effort in doing so.
I feel like her lifestyle is really affecting our relationship. I love her to death and she is still very beautiful in my eyes, but just the thought of her unhealthy lifestyle has diminished my sex drive. While it may seem shallow for saying that, I don't want her to keep going down this path since it'll lead to more health problems and she already is dealing with a condition called hyperthyroidism.
What can I do to approach her that she would be more interested in a healthier lifestyle. Is there any way I can get her to exercise with me or to push for eating healthier?
You aren't madly in love with her if you expect her to change to meet your expectations. Love means you accept a person just the way they are. You insult her and judge her to strangers here - that isn't very loving. If I found out a partner did this behind my back I would dump them in a heartbeat.
Her "lifestyle" isn't affecting your relationship - your expectations are. No one can motivate a person from the outside - motivation can only come from within. If she wants to get in shape FOR HERSELF she will. Nagging will not do anything to motivate her. And yes, you do sound shallow to be quite honest. You may claim it's her health you're worried about - but you listed your sex drive first - and before YOU started getting in shape, you didn't seem to have a problem with any of this. Now I suspect it's a matter of you want someone who looks batter to the rest of the world on your arm.
Go ahead and dump her - she'll be better off without you.
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
how paternalistic of him ..
sounds like a controlling jerk who wants to run your life....
I sincerely hope that you find yourself someone who does all the things OP is doing for his girlfriend. Enjoy it.0 -
How do people get through life being offended by such miniscule things.
If you mean me, I'm not offended. I think he's trying to help. I think it's coming off as overbearing, and considering that he said he's madly in love with her, I thought he might be interested in some ideas about why it's not having the results he wants.
Daiko, my husband doesn't meal prep for me or get involved in my health goals other than listening to me when I talk. I don't think he's a jerk. I guess some people do get to win.
I assure you if you wrote a post talking about your husband who doesn't get involved in your health goals at all a dozen people would flock to call him a jerk.
I thought about that same exact thing a little while ago. There is a huge double standard. Huge. I'm just really happy to see a few women in this thread that can see things from both sides.
So, real talk time. I've been kinda meh about my motivation lately. I want to get leaner but I'm also happy with how I look, so its harder to be as focused as I was 30 pounds ago. I do my best work with a tangible goal and a general desire to be leaner cause idk, it'd be cool...not that tangible.
Husband says to me "you stick to your goal for 30 days and I'll take you to Disney."
If I came to the forums and told this story he'd be ripped apart for holding rewards over my head and 'bullying' me or forcing me to adhere to something I'm not willing to do on my own or some such bull crap. He'd probably be called paternalistic and controlling.
None of that is true though. He's just a guy who wants to help out his lazy wife.
Also I'm totally working to go to Disney.0 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
The answer to your question is it's called "supper time" in the majority of households. Here's what Mama cooked. You don't want it, take a long walk off a short cliff. Did I just invent this??
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_dracarys_ wrote: »kristen6350 wrote: »
Willing to spend thousands in legal fees over being called lazy. LOL
Over verbal abuse? Yes.0 -
You two are a team, sometimes she will be the strong one, helping you through something you struggle with- while other times, like this one, you are the strong one. I think it's important to share your feelings with her while keeping it light, use yourself as an example. Instead of telling her that SHE needs to work out because- or SHE needs to eat healthier because... Tell her the reasons YOU are doing this for yourself, and how this lifestyle makes YOU feel. Then explain how you would love for her to have the same benefits! Focus on the positive of the lifestyle change! Find activities you can do together that are easier and maybe more enjoyable to start out- like taking walks together, a bike ride or even playing Wii or something similar. Look up a local high schools pool open swim hours and take her swimming, make it a date- it's a fun thing you chose to do with her that also benefits her health. Build your relationship while making the lifestyle change together. Introduce her to the joys of a healthy lifestyle and most likely she will like the benefits. As for healthy foods, that can be a hard one to get people to try, so maybe just ask her to take a bite of what you're eating, and she might realize it's not as bad as she thought.
And BTW- this isn't changing her. Encouraging someone isn't changing them especially when it comes to health, society is so focused on treating ailments and don't put any emphasis onto preventing them with a healthy lifestyle. I look at it this way- on my deathbed, am I going to say "I wish I had eaten more cheesecake and fried foods instead of eating all those fruits and vegetables" or am I going to say "I wish I had taken better care of my health so I could have more time with my loved ones"? I choose to take care of myself because it's important to me, I don't ever want to regret the way I lived.0 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
Hobbies are a tad bit different than breaking habits that leave you overweight and your boyfriend less sexually attracted to you. I'm guessing that the second one is a bit more loaded.
Fitness and food prep aren't hobbies?
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You are making thrilling life changes that she's not ready for. You are growing apart. You can't rush her to catch up to you, and frankly from her point of view it must be intimidating.
She's not going to the gym because she does not like the way she looks and feels.
Lots of people TALK about getting fit, eating healthier, then fall down at implementation. Because it requires leaving their comfort zone and changing. She may have every intention of eating your healthy meals, but the call to play is stronger.
You love her, which is sweet, but you may need to find a new girlfriend who more closely matches the new you.
Me, I'm in a ten year marriage where hubby has not kept up with my changes. But he's my buddy, we have a long commitment together, and I am allowing his difference. He's very generous with the time this new activity is taking me away. He eats my meals, though.0 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
Hobbies are a tad bit different than breaking habits that leave you overweight and your boyfriend less sexually attracted to you. I'm guessing that the second one is a bit more loaded.
Fitness and food prep aren't hobbies?
Does it sound like they are for his girlfriend? Really?0 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
how paternalistic of him ..
sounds like a controlling jerk who wants to run your life....
I sincerely hope that you find yourself someone who does all the things OP is doing for his girlfriend. Enjoy it.
if I had a GF that wanted to cook me meals and was generally concerned about my health I would be happy ...
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
Hobbies are a tad bit different than breaking habits that leave you overweight and your boyfriend less sexually attracted to you. I'm guessing that the second one is a bit more loaded.
Fitness and food prep aren't hobbies?
Does it sound like they are for his girlfriend? Really?
They don't have to be her hobbies for him to do the food prep tho. It's his hobby, as gaming is my husbands. Interest was expressed in his hobby and he acted.
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
The answer to your question is it's called "supper time" in the majority of households. Here's what Mama cooked. You don't want it, take a long walk off a short cliff. Did I just invent this??
Thank you for proving my point, mama. She's not his child, they aren't living together, and she's not the one here complaining food. She's taking that long walk to a fast food place. He's the one having an issue with her not eating what he makes her. She clearly doesn't want him to make her food if she isn't eating it. So just stop. If he enjoys cooking, he can cook and offer her some. She shouldn't be obligated to eat it.0 -
HypERthyroidism? You sure you have that correct? Usually it's people with hypOthyroidism who are too tired to work out and who gain weight easily.0
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And the internet/mfp police.
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