Lame Jokes. And I mean REALLY lame.
Replies
-
Where do animals go when their tails fall off?
The retail store.0 -
mojohowitz wrote: »A man sees a dog licking its privates and says "Man, I wish I could do that."
His friend replies, "Maybe you should pet him first."
This is my favorite so far.
From Rocky, "Why do cows wear bells?" "Cause their horns don't work"
How do you stop a rhino from charging? Take away it's credit cards.
0 -
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.0 -
Not gonna lie.. I laughed at a lot of these.
Man walks in to the doctor with carrots stuck in his nose and ears. "doc, I'm not feeling well".. The doctor says "well, you're not eating right!"0 -
What did the snail say while riding on a turtle's back?
WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!0 -
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.0 -
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?
He sold his soul to Santa.0 -
ok.
There were two muffin in an oven.
One muffin turns to the other and says "Damn! It's hot in here! Are you hot too?!"
The other muffin looks over and yells "HOLY *kitten* A TALKING MUFFIN!"0 -
What do you call a pig that does karate?
Pork Chop.0 -
A blonde goes to the doctor, and says "I hurt all over!" The doctor asks her to point out specifically where it hurts. She points to her nose and says "Ouch!" She points at her shoulder and says "Ouch!" She points at her knee and says "Ouch!" The doctor says, "I know whats wrong. Your finger's broken."0
-
what's grey and takes the piss ?
a dialysis machine0 -
How do you milk an ant? First, you get a low stool. . .
What sort of noise annoys an oyster? A noisy noise annoys an oyster
Bovine humor
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef
A cow with one leg? Extra lean beef
Did you hear about the cow that tried to jump a barbed wire fence? It was an udder disaster
What are cows best subjects? Ther-moo-dynamics and Cow-culus
Cuisinart is French for "missing fingers".
My own creations
Did I ever tell you about my uncle who had the rabbit farm? He always said it was a hare raising experience.
I once tried prospecting for gold. It didn't pan out.
I think the most dangerous job in the world is a mortician. Every day is a near death experience.0 -
What did the white mouse do to the blue mouse?
Mouse to mouse resuscitation0 -
0
-
The 11 year old's favorite:
Why are fire engines red?
Fire engines a red because books are read too. Two times two is four. Four times three is twelve. Twelve inches make a ruler. Queen Mary was also a ruler. Queen Mary was also the name of a ship. Ships sail oceans. Oceans have fish. Fish have fins. The Finns fought the Russians. Russians are known as 'Reds'. Fire trucks are always rushin', so that's why they're red.1 -
What's the only part of a vegetable you can't eat?
The hospital bed.0 -
A 3 legged dog walks into a bar, says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my pa(w)"0
-
What did the Buddhist order from the hot dog vendor? One. . . .with everything.0
-
Kid comes in arms flailing.
Kid: Daaaad its so cold in here
Dad: Go stand in the corner
Kid: huh? Why?
Dad: cause its 90 degrees!0 -
personally, i like steak puns... They're a rare medium, well done0
-
Capt_Apollo wrote: »personally, i like steak puns... They're a rare medium, well done
Reminds me of: Television is called a medium because it is neither rare, nor well-done.
0 -
_Terrapin_ wrote: »What did the Buddhist order from the hot dog vendor? One. . . .with everything.
There is a sequel to this joke.
When the Buddhist paid for the hot dog with a twenty, he asked for his change, and the vendor said, " Change must come from within."0 -
Texasgntlman wrote: »How many men does it take to change a toilet paper roll?
Nobody knows because it's never been done
LOL I like this one even more because a guy is telling it!
0 -
Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To Who?
To whom.0 -
How come sharks do not eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.0 -
There are only two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data...0
-
A duck walks into a bar three days in a row and asks the bartender "you got any grapes?"
The bartender fed up says you ask me that one more time and I'm going to nail your beak shut. Next day the duck walks in and asks," you got any nails?" Bartender says "no". Then duck says then "you got any grapes?"0 -
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Never mind, I better not spread it.0 -
Texasgntlman wrote: »There is a whole list of jokes about a guy with no arms and no legs: I'll start it and you can ad too it.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of the door? -Matt
What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the lake? -Bob
What do you call a man with no arms and legs beside a hole in the ground? -Doug
...the one who's in the hole is Phil.
...in a pile of leaves, Russell.
...in the mailbox, Bill.
...on the wall, Art.
...stuck in the tub, Dwayne (drain, said with a lisp)
0 -
coolraul07 wrote: »Texasgntlman wrote: »There is a whole list of jokes about a guy with no arms and no legs: I'll start it and you can ad too it.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of the door? -Matt
What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the lake? -Bob
What do you call a man with no arms and legs beside a hole in the ground? -Doug
...the one who's in the hole is Phil.
...in a pile of leaves, Russell.
...in the mailbox, Bill.
...on the wall, Art.
...stuck in the tub, Dwayne (drain, said with a lisp)
where do you find a man with no arms and legs?? Right where you left him.
0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 427 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions