My husband cheated on me...
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OP, I'm so sorry to hear that, it is terrible. There is not much else I can say that hasn't already been said, I just want to offer my support. It sounds like you are one hell of a strong lady, and are handling this very well. Just stay strong. It can be difficult to trust again when you have been hurt so badly, but you will find someone worth trusting; it won't be quick and it won't be easy, but it will be worth the wait in the long run (and I speak from similar experiences).
This is your time now, to discover who you are, who you want to be and what you really want out of life. See this as an opportunity.
And ignore those people bashing you for coming to a forum for support; sometimes it's easier to speak to strangers, and unbiased ones, I totally get that
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OP, contact Cristina Morelli, Veronica Lario's lawyer.
Best deal on the planet.0 -
I'm so sorry... I've never quite gone through something that intense, but I've had a relationship suddenly end under poor circumstances. Figured I'd write a few things that helped me out, and hope that any of it can help you...
My advice: Remember why you have to leave him, and find something to pour yourself into (be it studies, gym, etc.). For me, I poured myself into my studies and, looking back after a 5 year treck, it has turned out unbelievably well...
An old instructor of mine gave me another piece of good advice: Don't feel bad for feeling bad. In such an emotional relationship, you will feel abused and hurt; and rightly so! Don't fight off his memory, but acknowledge it as something in the past (almost like a different person, as his good memories were from a different person who never would have done this). Accept any memories that flood back, and just let them pass through.
Last bit: Find some good folks, be it friends, family, coworkers, classmates, religious folks, w/e... In my recovery I found that finding people of the same gender to hang out with was very important to get me back on my feet socially, and to support me when I had no one else. Ideally, this will be a stable group of people who will be able to be consistent in your life for a couple years (or longer or shorter). It is tough to branch out after being so betrayed (or was for me), but connecting with people who can be there for you means the world when "getting over someone." Again, I am so sorry that you had to go through this. Wish you ALL the best, and sending positivities your way!
Michael0 -
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What wasn't aimed at her? The "you probably saw it coming a mile away?" It was in your very first post. [/quote]
ah yes i see it now. I was wondering where the OP was getting that from. Is it wrong for me to say that? Maybe she did maybe she didn't. I am not the type to get upset at people if they're being honest with me and sharing their opinion. Even if I don't agree with it. How many have insulted me and tried to belittle me through this entire topic? I don't' care i don't hold it against them.
Many have said through the post they been in similar situations and they saw red flags all over the person. I have seen red flags over some people, Often people in these situations see red flags from a mile away. I am not putting the blame on the op, that's what my first post was about. I also said, many men bs women(which is true). I also said, that there will be a guy that would appreciate her. Yet everyone wants to focus on the negative and not the positive.
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....Yes, it was wrong for you to say that. I've been following this thread with great interested, being well-read in psychology sociology (as you say you are), specializing in the minds of serial killers and serial rapists. Other people have done a very good job of pointing out exactly what is wrong with your mentality; assuming that ALL girls want 'a knight in shining armour', or a guy with money and a six-pack (I, for one, am incredibly independent and love a guy who will let me do things by myself and will treat me as an equal; I also love guys who are skinny and nerdy. And I am in the most amazingly loving relationship with a guy who respects that, and is more than happy with that because he is also independent). Assuming that because you are nice to a girl you are entitled to something. Assuming that there would be no other man who would be able to handle this woman so she should feel lucky that you would date her. Saying that there is no physical attraction there, yet you still want to be with her and tried very hard to be. You thinking that you know EXACTLY what she wants and what she is thinking, better than she does, and therefore thinking that you know what is best for her....
These are all behaviours I have come across in my studies, and not good ones. Do some research on feminism if you truly want to find out about the female sex, to counter your very old-fashioned views. Look at all the amazing things strong women are doing in our society and think about what kind of a guy they would like. Women want a man who will make them feel confident and like they can take on the world, not a man who will molly-coddle them into insecurity or uselessness. At the end of the day, we live for ourselves; you will most likely never, EVER be the entire centre of some woman's world, because no man should ever be, so stop expecting that or thinking you are entitled to it and start treating women with the respect that they deserve; as strong, independent creatures who know their own minds and hearts far better than you ever will.
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Mussronkey wrote: »I've lost family and friends. The weight loss that comes from the emotional toll would be great under different circumstances. The only way to heal is over time. That and gym, gym, and more gym. The routine of working out helps pass that time. It will get better!
+1
OP, I haven't been through the situation you've had to go through, but I have found, when dealing with my own pain, the gym really does help. The physical exertion helps me release that energy that's built up. Taking 30-60 minutes a day to focus on the workout and not the source of the pain helps my mind disengage and unwind. And the capacity for progress, whether it's knocking out a few more reps or adding a few more pounds to the weights, helps me get in the mindset of being able to look to the future and move forward.
For me, those distractions and mind-games help me get through the dark times and help the healing process while continuing on my fitness path.
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myfelinepal wrote: »A few months go by i got over it. We became friends again, closer then ever. They broke up(NO SURPRISE THERE), a few months go by we where drinking i brought up the relationship thing again,she said "idk why i didn't give you a chance" i said "what about now?" she's like, "idk what i want." i said, "only one way to find out, let me kiss you", she said "if i kiss you it's because i want to, not right now, i don't feel it now.", but the dynamics of our relationship changed we where flirting and it looked like things where going. I was to happen. One day we wher flirtign i was caressing her face and hair. She said, "i am not used to this, it's flattering. It's nice" (she never been with a guy who truly appreciated her.)
Wow.
This is the creepiest paragraph I've ever read on MFP.
creepy: causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.
False...
And just to inform you, the dynamics of courtship have changed in this day in age.
So, you feel you can judge what others are feeling?
That is a major part of your problem.
Feelings are personal and subjective to the person. You don't get to tell them what they're feeling.
I also found your post and described actions creepy and that's from your own viewpoint. I dread to think how the girl is feeling.
Because of the kiss? All that stuff happened the same day. As I said, if it was such a problem, She wouldn't have woken me up to an invite to the city... Should i have just grabbed her and kissed her and possibly violated her? That would have been better? And honestly, i told her later, "i don't really care if i kiss you, i was just flirting with you." I honestly don't care if i did. It was more to test the water if anything.
But i guess i should just have used her like other guys have, mentally abuse her and emotionally. Cheated on her like 4x like her ex did, and start arguing with her like the other guy she dated. Is that what you're recommending?
Yet i been there for her through thick and thin, When you really care for someone they can do no wrong in your eyes. That's how she was to me, she did no wrong in my eyes. The whole world would be mad at her, because of how misunderstood she is, not me. But women don't want that obviously. But according to everyone, that's all wrong. Thanks for the advice.
ETA: i know how she was feeling, I could see it on her face, when she would blush, smile, laugh...
When you really love someone, you know that they can mess up and make mistakes but you love them anyways. You don't treat them as if they can do no wrong, you treat them with respect and allow them to know it's ok to make mistakes (within limits) and you'll still be there for them, you'll still accept them exactly as they are.
Thinking they can do no wrong does cause blindness and the issues that "you should see coming", as you mentioned.0 -
Are these threads real??0
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Trolllllllllllllllllllllllllllll in the dungeon!0
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Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
Of course, the inevitable "Women only like jerks and never appreciate nice guys" post.
This is not true. I'm a jerk and feel very under appreciated
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consistency - I am consistant
Please for the love of all that is good and just tell me that you did this on purpose. Even if it isn't true, just tell me that it was intentional.
Never mind. Don't tell me. I'm going to pretend that it was. Speak of it no more.0 -
You are taking me to seriously. And just to be clear, I NEVER told her those things. I wouldn't do that to her. If you knew her, you'd understand what i am saying. SHe can be with other people she has been, but she always ends up hurt. But yes that's what she wants, so that's on her.
I don't want a woman who's completely dependent on me. As I said, i think she's a wonderful girl and I want whats best for her. Based on what I have seen, how she interacts with others, and guys. Things just aren't going to work out. Some guys not all, but I seen a few guys ask this question of me, "would you do that girl?" Some guys where talking about her like that. They say, "yeah that's it nothing more she's too crazy" And honestly, I am pretty damn good at predicting things.
I do it cause I want whats best for her, That's why. When we're together she's happy, that's the bottom line.
1. YOu're taking me too seriously.
2. Have you/would you date a guy whom is obese?
3. Most of my friend's are women, i am nice to them, if i wasn't they wouldn't be around me.
4. I am not sure if we're understanding eachother. This girl is cute, the "unattractive" thing i said earlier was an example I said, "i would date someone who i am not physically attracted to if they made me happy." And yes I have. I can think of a few girls.
5. Countless times I have guided her or tried to(when she didn't listen). When she didn't listen it always bit her in the rear end. Then after what she wanted didn't work out, then she listens and becomes successful.
6. That's what i do, her mother was extremely abusive. SHe has very low self esteem and self worth. I always tell her positive things about herself to build her confidence. So no, that's not what women want.
7. Honestly... of course everyone should be treated with respect. There are things women "say they want" and things they "respond to" it's very common to know, they don't know what they want most of the time, they're indecisive and confused. They are not logical thinkers, they're more emotional. They might want something one minute, then a change of mood hits them and then they want something else. A good example is they constantly say, What is funny I just looked up "What women want" I had my own ideas. I just clicked on the first page that came up here is the list...
Respect- I GIVE
sex - OF CORUSE
romance - I AM
time - I GIVE
dinner - Brought food to her on a few occasions as a surprise.
consistency - I am consistant
engagement - To soon
humor and humility - Humor yes(we always make eachother laugh) humility, probably not.
challenge - Yes.
i got 9.5 out of 10. So what's the problem??? The answer is in my reply to this question.
You have to admit, he makes a very compelling case.0 -
Good Lord woman!0
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Okay i was going to go do my work, but just wanted to be clear. All jokes and bs aside. I know where i went wrong. It's simple.
I became her friend, I should have showed my interest up front, but at that time i wasn't sure if it's something i wanted so we became friends. It's hard for people to get out of the friends zone. That's the real issue.
I couldn't disagree with this more if I actively tried.
Yes, if a romantic interest was never to be, you may indeed remain friends and not develop anything romantically...but if a romantic interest was to be, whether or not you were short- or long-term friends will not affect this possibility negatively at all. This "hard to get out of the friend zone" argument is how guys justify that someone isn't romantically interested in them. It's just simply not factual.0 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »consistency - I am consistant
Please for the love of all that is good and just tell me that you did this on purpose. Even if it isn't true, just tell me that it was intentional.
Never mind. Don't tell me. I'm going to pretend that it was. Speak of it no more.
If they did it on purpose, it's comedy gold. Well spotted sir. It went right over my head.
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Also remember there are still really good men in the world!0
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hezemakiah wrote: »Also remember there are still really good men in the world!
Are you coming on to me?
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slideaway1 wrote: »hezemakiah wrote: »Also remember there are still really good men in the world!
Are you coming on to me?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7gQo9vQYoM 0 -
I'm very sorry to hear this. I too went through a similar thing about four years ago. Not international but I had two kids with him and my youngest had just turned one. It is devastating. It gets better, I promise. And you will learn to trust again. HUGS!0
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this is worse than a latin soap.0
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Burt_Huttz wrote: »slideaway1 wrote: »hezemakiah wrote: »Also remember there are still really good men in the world!
Are you coming on to me?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7gQo9vQYoM
Glad I watched the video before commenting. Not cool and not funny. Seriously.
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First.... *Hug* I am so sorry this happened to you
Second, what helps me in times of incredible stress and heartache is running. I hate running but when I'm running, that feeling overtakes everything else in my mind and helps me stop obsessing and stop hurting even for those few moments. It's a great way to channel your negative energy, and although you won't feel those endorphins the way you usually do, they are working and they're keeping your from feeling as depressed as you would feel.
Hang in there, before you know it, the time will pass. Prayers, light, and love out to you
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Rule 1: never marry someone who comes from old European money and expect working class American values.
Rule 2: never marry anyone who wants to be a rock star when he grows up.
Hire a divorce lawyer, realize the error of your ways for marrying an entitled wannabe musician, and move on with your life.0 -
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Why don't you go make your own post instead of making this one all about you?
Your friend isn't interested. You cant force liking someone as more than a friend even if you think you two should be together.0 -
Really ?? This is a fitness forum if you need to talk to somebody talk to a shrink or your friends in person. Whats the world coming to.0
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jofjltncb6 wrote: »consistency - I am consistant
Please for the love of all that is good and just tell me that you did this on purpose. Even if it isn't true, just tell me that it was intentional.
Never mind. Don't tell me. I'm going to pretend that it was. Speak of it no more.
:laugh:0 -
Looking back on it, I can't even imagine the disaster it would have been if I had married the dude I was dating when I was 20.0
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Am I too late to get on the "creepy" train?0
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Ouch. I'm sorry you're going through this
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This discussion has been closed.
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