Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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brandi9172 wrote: »My abusive and estranged husband committed suicide last week. He was in jail after beating his current girlfriend and trying to kill her and he hung himself in his cell. When I first heard the news, to be honest, I was excited he was dead. For many reasons really...he was more than abusive, the man was straight evil. He was excessively controlling and mean, he was a psychopath and I am truly lucky to have been able to escape with my life. There were times I thought I wouldn't. And I have been worried for the last year and a half that he would find me again, and that he would kill me this time. Why do I feel like a liar every time I say anything like that...he had me so screwed up, still has me so screwed up, that I don't even believe myself half the time when I talk about it. I actually look at the scars on my body and I read the police report and I look back at the pictures and I still feel like it's all wrong.
Anyway...he's dead. And as happy as I am about it...I'm a little mad. But mad because he never had to face what he did, ever. He was never punished. He'll never be punished. And oh how I want him punished. I wish that I could have watched him die. And I think that makes me kind of awful.
I had similar feelings when my ex boyfriend committed suicide. He was so similar to what you described your ex being. I am happy that he is out of your life and hope that you are successful in letting go of the anger.
I didn't find out until 6 months after if happened that he had died and then I was angry with myself for holding on to all of this anger when he wasn't even around for me to hate anymore. It has been almost 5 years and I am now happily married with 2 great kids, and I have to confess that some of that anger is still there.
One of the main reasons I gained weight was because of his manipulation and emotional abuse. I ended up eating tons because I just needed to feel full of something since he made me feel so empty. I am hoping that once I shed the weight I gained when I was with him, maybe the anger will finally be gone as well.0 -
After being good when it comes to eating, I ate many and I mean many chocolaye chip cookies today. I feel kinda sad about it. But I did speed walk 4 miles today.0
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FluffySandwich wrote: »
I have resided in Ireland for over 10 years now and only this year it dawned on me that there are cadbury cream eggs on the shelf all year around. I don't like them because I feel they are to sweet.DH asked if you could freeze Cadbury Creme Egg's and I said (I don't know?) We had them as our snack last night (was going to Sat. whole nother' story there) but anyhow, he's like "if we can freeze them, we should buy some and have a bunch on hand." Not sure that would be a good idea. Tempting yes, but good, I don't know. I do love those little eggs.
I feel the same way... they are too sickeningly sweet for me. Yet I can devour a whole bag of gummy candy in one sitting. Or chocolate!!!
My downfall is defiantly the double chocolate oreo's0 -
Just binged very very hard (probably like 2,000 calories over for the day, I mean HARD) because I hated how I looked--yeah, that's helpful. And I kinda just want to give up because my weight hasn't budged for 2 weeks of eating at what MFP set me to, and coming from 3 months of constant weight loss, it's hard to handle.
Also, I'm almost 20 and I still can't eat in my college dining halls out of fear of being judged by everyone in them for eating...0 -
We all have those moments! At least I know I have. That three months of constant weight loss is AMAZING progress, good job! Don't let the binge monster bring you down. You're beautiful.shannonbun wrote: »Just binged very very hard (probably like 2,000 calories over for the day, I mean HARD) because I hated how I looked--yeah, that's helpful. And I kinda just want to give up because my weight hasn't budged for 2 weeks of eating at what MFP set me to, and coming from 3 months of constant weight loss, it's hard to handle.
Also, I'm almost 20 and I still can't eat in my college dining halls out of fear of being judged by everyone in them for eating...
I'm going to admit something very embarrassing... in my first year of college I was suffering from bulimia. I would buy lots of food items, like 6 donuts, two bags of chips, a carton of ice cream, a sub sandwich, etc... and eat them all very quickly in deserted bathroom. I ate them VERY FAST and then threw up and went to buy more stuff, went to the same bathroom, etc. I wasted so much money. I also exercised for 5 hours at a time on some days. I was very weak and dizzy and had a constant headache/stomach ache/chest pains.
Luckily those days are behind me now, but I'm still very embarrassed about it. Right now I'm trying to lose weight healthily and find that this place is very motivational and people are willing to help and offer up some kind words.
Thanks to all of you!
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FluffySandwich wrote: »
I have resided in Ireland for over 10 years now and only this year it dawned on me that there are cadbury cream eggs on the shelf all year around. I don't like them because I feel they are to sweet.DH asked if you could freeze Cadbury Creme Egg's and I said (I don't know?) We had them as our snack last night (was going to Sat. whole nother' story there) but anyhow, he's like "if we can freeze them, we should buy some and have a bunch on hand." Not sure that would be a good idea. Tempting yes, but good, I don't know. I do love those little eggs.
I feel the same way... they are too sickeningly sweet for me. Yet I can devour a whole bag of gummy candy in one sitting. Or chocolate!!!
Same here. And I have a huge sweet tooth... but I couldn't even finish one when I tried. Go figure.
Food sweetened with splenda typically does the same thing to me... too sweet.0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »
I have resided in Ireland for over 10 years now and only this year it dawned on me that there are cadbury cream eggs on the shelf all year around. I don't like them because I feel they are to sweet.DH asked if you could freeze Cadbury Creme Egg's and I said (I don't know?) We had them as our snack last night (was going to Sat. whole nother' story there) but anyhow, he's like "if we can freeze them, we should buy some and have a bunch on hand." Not sure that would be a good idea. Tempting yes, but good, I don't know. I do love those little eggs.
I feel the same way... they are too sickeningly sweet for me. Yet I can devour a whole bag of gummy candy in one sitting. Or chocolate!!!
Same here. And I have a huge sweet tooth... but I couldn't even finish one when I tried. Go figure.
Food sweetened with splenda typically does the same thing to me... too sweet.0 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »My confession: I am a huge procrastinator. This semester is (hopefully) my last one, but it's the hardest one yet. I've been suffering from anxiety, which also makes me an escapist. Now I have an essay due at midnight that I have hardly started on. Good thing it's only 1200 words. TIME TO MAKE MYSELF DO IT.
I'm a huge procrastinator. One day I procrastinated by reading this http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html
It was pretty eye-opening!
I love, love, love, love loved this! Read all 3 (surprisingly not while procrastinating as currently have a load of leave to use up, so not at work) really identified with it.0 -
I agree with you. It tastes sweeter than sugar and also has a slight chemical taste that I can't get used to. Coconut sugar, though, is yummy.FluffySandwich wrote: »
I have resided in Ireland for over 10 years now and only this year it dawned on me that there are cadbury cream eggs on the shelf all year around. I don't like them because I feel they are to sweet.DH asked if you could freeze Cadbury Creme Egg's and I said (I don't know?) We had them as our snack last night (was going to Sat. whole nother' story there) but anyhow, he's like "if we can freeze them, we should buy some and have a bunch on hand." Not sure that would be a good idea. Tempting yes, but good, I don't know. I do love those little eggs.
I feel the same way... they are too sickeningly sweet for me. Yet I can devour a whole bag of gummy candy in one sitting. Or chocolate!!!
Same here. And I have a huge sweet tooth... but I couldn't even finish one when I tried. Go figure.
Food sweetened with splenda typically does the same thing to me... too sweet.
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tincanonastring wrote: »tincanonastring wrote: »Confession: I've got the month from hell coming up at work in terms of deliverables and travel and I've got a *kitten*-ton of things going on in my personal life (not bad things, just time commitments, taxes, etc.). I've already come to the realization that I have to take an MFP posting hiatus to get everything done and have decided in advance that I will not attempt to catch up on any threads except this one when I come back. No matter how many pages I miss, I'm reading it all. *kitten* those other threads, though. Every one of them.
Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it.
It'll be tough, but I honestly don't even see how I'll be able to spend any time on the boards over the next 3, 4 weeks. I definitely won't be on when I'm in Texas.
Are you coming to Austin? That is where I am.
I am, actually. I'll be there the weekend after Easter through the following Wednesday.0 -
No judgement, but do you have shoes and purse to match? would hate to be seen in a miss matched trash bag shoes and purse.
my confession.Sometimes i just lick chocolate for the flavour and don't eat it. then don't log it.0 -
orangesmartie wrote: »brandi9172 wrote: »My abusive and estranged husband committed suicide last week. He was in jail after beating his current girlfriend and trying to kill her and he hung himself in his cell. When I first heard the news, to be honest, I was excited he was dead. For many reasons really...he was more than abusive, the man was straight evil. He was excessively controlling and mean, he was a psychopath and I am truly lucky to have been able to escape with my life. There were times I thought I wouldn't. And I have been worried for the last year and a half that he would find me again, and that he would kill me this time. Why do I feel like a liar every time I say anything like that...he had me so screwed up, still has me so screwed up, that I don't even believe myself half the time when I talk about it. I actually look at the scars on my body and I read the police report and I look back at the pictures and I still feel like it's all wrong.
Anyway...he's dead. And as happy as I am about it...I'm a little mad. But mad because he never had to face what he did, ever. He was never punished. He'll never be punished. And oh how I want him punished. I wish that I could have watched him die. And I think that makes me kind of awful.
I don't think that makes you awful at all, I think it makes you human.
And depending on your religious beliefs, he may well be getting punished right now. For my own part, I believe in karma and the universe will always ensure balance. Debts are always paid.
Yep.
And there's NOTHING wrong with being glad something terrible is over.
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I have a specialist appointment this afternoon and I'm actually HOPING she tells me my issue is tied to my weight so I have a reason (more than just my internal ones) to put my foot down and get back on track.
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lemurcat12 wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »sherbear702 wrote: »Today I got really angry at work: so angry that my boss took me into another office to talk to me about it. He said that while I might well be right in what in was saying, I was doing it all wrong. I know I am right in what I was saying.
He might be right. He probably is right. I don't know what to do. I am rather shouty at moment. I might be taking work too seriously.
This one time at work, I snapped at my then supervisor because a) I was PMSing and b) I didn't like her, so she was convinced I had "anger issues" and talked me into going to counseling. I only went to smooth things over in the office...man she was such a b!#c#. I'm a nice person and she deserved my snappy attitude.
One time at my old job, I got in to trouble because everyone kept "replying all" on every email about some dumb thing, and I snapped at them to stop emailing me about nonsense because I was trying to work. (we got pop ups when email arrived). I didn't even feel bad. Reply all is obnoxious after about 2 emails.
I used to work for an employer with offices in several cities, and invariably some idiot in some other city would send all personnel emails to say "who stole my lunch out of the refrigerator" which would provoke endless "humorous" responses by various people, also reply all. It was maddening.
I would assume (hope) that these days, email software has something in place to prevent this, but I think the most aggravating was at my job back in the 90's. You could set your email to auto-reply all to any email you received, stating you were out of the office and would return on whatever date. All well and good until 2 or more people copied on the same email had it set up, and it just kept auto reply all to say they were out of the office over and over again. Even if you weren't copied in the message, everyone's email would grind to a halt. If it went on long enough, it would bog down the whole system.
It happened more than once. The IT guy would shut everything down until he could get into their accts and kill the auto-reply, then send another nastygram to all the department heads (who were also the ones most likely to use the auto-reply) saying it shouldn't be used. Everyone would behave for a month, and then boom, hello spam.0 -
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lemurcat12 wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »sherbear702 wrote: »Today I got really angry at work: so angry that my boss took me into another office to talk to me about it. He said that while I might well be right in what in was saying, I was doing it all wrong. I know I am right in what I was saying.
He might be right. He probably is right. I don't know what to do. I am rather shouty at moment. I might be taking work too seriously.
This one time at work, I snapped at my then supervisor because a) I was PMSing and b) I didn't like her, so she was convinced I had "anger issues" and talked me into going to counseling. I only went to smooth things over in the office...man she was such a b!#c#. I'm a nice person and she deserved my snappy attitude.
One time at my old job, I got in to trouble because everyone kept "replying all" on every email about some dumb thing, and I snapped at them to stop emailing me about nonsense because I was trying to work. (we got pop ups when email arrived). I didn't even feel bad. Reply all is obnoxious after about 2 emails.
I used to work for an employer with offices in several cities, and invariably some idiot in some other city would send all personnel emails to say "who stole my lunch out of the refrigerator" which would provoke endless "humorous" responses by various people, also reply all. It was maddening.
I would assume (hope) that these days, email software has something in place to prevent this, but I think the most aggravating was at my job back in the 90's. You could set your email to auto-reply all to any email you received, stating you were out of the office and would return on whatever date. All well and good until 2 or more people copied on the same email had it set up, and it just kept auto reply all to say they were out of the office over and over again. Even if you weren't copied in the message, everyone's email would grind to a halt. If it went on long enough, it would bog down the whole system.
It happened more than once. The IT guy would shut everything down until he could get into their accts and kill the auto-reply, then send another nastygram to all the department heads (who were also the ones most likely to use the auto-reply) saying it shouldn't be used. Everyone would behave for a month, and then boom, hello spam.
I hate reply all emails! I also get annoyed when group texts go on for too long.0 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »sherbear702 wrote: »Today I got really angry at work: so angry that my boss took me into another office to talk to me about it. He said that while I might well be right in what in was saying, I was doing it all wrong. I know I am right in what I was saying.
He might be right. He probably is right. I don't know what to do. I am rather shouty at moment. I might be taking work too seriously.
This one time at work, I snapped at my then supervisor because a) I was PMSing and b) I didn't like her, so she was convinced I had "anger issues" and talked me into going to counseling. I only went to smooth things over in the office...man she was such a b!#c#. I'm a nice person and she deserved my snappy attitude.
One time at my old job, I got in to trouble because everyone kept "replying all" on every email about some dumb thing, and I snapped at them to stop emailing me about nonsense because I was trying to work. (we got pop ups when email arrived). I didn't even feel bad. Reply all is obnoxious after about 2 emails.
I used to work for an employer with offices in several cities, and invariably some idiot in some other city would send all personnel emails to say "who stole my lunch out of the refrigerator" which would provoke endless "humorous" responses by various people, also reply all. It was maddening.
I would assume (hope) that these days, email software has something in place to prevent this, but I think the most aggravating was at my job back in the 90's. You could set your email to auto-reply all to any email you received, stating you were out of the office and would return on whatever date. All well and good until 2 or more people copied on the same email had it set up, and it just kept auto reply all to say they were out of the office over and over again. Even if you weren't copied in the message, everyone's email would grind to a halt. If it went on long enough, it would bog down the whole system.
It happened more than once. The IT guy would shut everything down until he could get into their accts and kill the auto-reply, then send another nastygram to all the department heads (who were also the ones most likely to use the auto-reply) saying it shouldn't be used. Everyone would behave for a month, and then boom, hello spam.
.... I confess, I would totally abuse that for my own amusement.0 -
i want to make s'mores, except, use peeps for the marshmallows.0
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Alatariel75 wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »sherbear702 wrote: »Today I got really angry at work: so angry that my boss took me into another office to talk to me about it. He said that while I might well be right in what in was saying, I was doing it all wrong. I know I am right in what I was saying.
He might be right. He probably is right. I don't know what to do. I am rather shouty at moment. I might be taking work too seriously.
This one time at work, I snapped at my then supervisor because a) I was PMSing and b) I didn't like her, so she was convinced I had "anger issues" and talked me into going to counseling. I only went to smooth things over in the office...man she was such a b!#c#. I'm a nice person and she deserved my snappy attitude.
One time at my old job, I got in to trouble because everyone kept "replying all" on every email about some dumb thing, and I snapped at them to stop emailing me about nonsense because I was trying to work. (we got pop ups when email arrived). I didn't even feel bad. Reply all is obnoxious after about 2 emails.
I used to work for an employer with offices in several cities, and invariably some idiot in some other city would send all personnel emails to say "who stole my lunch out of the refrigerator" which would provoke endless "humorous" responses by various people, also reply all. It was maddening.
I would assume (hope) that these days, email software has something in place to prevent this, but I think the most aggravating was at my job back in the 90's. You could set your email to auto-reply all to any email you received, stating you were out of the office and would return on whatever date. All well and good until 2 or more people copied on the same email had it set up, and it just kept auto reply all to say they were out of the office over and over again. Even if you weren't copied in the message, everyone's email would grind to a halt. If it went on long enough, it would bog down the whole system.
It happened more than once. The IT guy would shut everything down until he could get into their accts and kill the auto-reply, then send another nastygram to all the department heads (who were also the ones most likely to use the auto-reply) saying it shouldn't be used. Everyone would behave for a month, and then boom, hello spam.
.... I confess, I would totally abuse that for my own amusement.
I may or may not have "accidentally" added a reply once or twice when I didn't feel like working for the rest of the afternoon.0 -
I keep bingeing on something here and there, and I dont track it....
I also keep going way over on my carbs daily, and my calories are between 1400 to 1600.. not got a hold on anything..... 0 -
I wanted the last bit of wine I had left that I was given for my birthday.
I scanned the bottle into MFP then I poured all that was left into a measuring glass. I was 1/2 a cup so I googled how many ounces are in a 1/ 2 a cup. Apparently 4 so then because I'm terrible at math I googled how to make 4 ounces into a decimal so that I could correctly add the amount of calories I was taking in.
Afterwards I had a big wtf moment and couldn't believe I did all that to have a glass of wine.
I've also did this to figure out how many calories I'm getting by adding almond milk to my coffee.0 -
Thanasi140 wrote: »I once was only 10 pounds (maybe a little less) away from ending my 50 pound journey and I gained it all back and then some when my grandmother died. I'm here trying to conquer the journey once again.
Every little bit helps. Good luck0 -
shannonbun wrote: »Childfree1991 wrote: »Confession~ I sometimes get jealous of women with "bigger chests". Despite having lost over 60 pounds, and said goodbye to stubborn belly fat, thigh fat, hip fat, etc. I had to say goodbye to "chest fat" as well which is what I didn't want to see go...
same! especially when people post about how they haven't lost anything from their breasts but they've lost everywhere else... the girls were the first to pack their bags and head out, sadly
Confession: I am one of those people who has lost weight everywhere else BUT my chest. I am having surgery in 3 weeks to have them reduced - doctors orders. The grass is always greener...0 -
I've 1 bottle of wine a night for the last 3 nights. It fit in my calories... Today I got to eat all my calories and I'm soooo fullllll0
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So my cousin just tried to kill herself tonight by ODing. I am actually not shocked at all, this girl has been in and out of hospitals her whole life. Getting arrested, doing drugs, stealing, *kitten* with her body (she's bulimic) and just a constant *kitten* up.
We (as a family) have tried constantly to help this girl, but she unfortunately keeps proving to us that she has no intentions to fix herself. Lies upon lies are all she knows.
I washed my hands clean of her when our grandmother died a year and a half ago. She tried and pleaded for us to help her, but she took advantage of my mother when my mom legitly wanted to help her (by stealing money from her).
So I sit here and think, well she tried it once and she will eventually try it again and succeed. I don't really know how to feel about it. I grew up with her brothers. ( they were like my brothers) so there is a level of sympathy there yet I don't feel terribly sad if she does off herself. I guess no amount of help can help the people who don't want help.
Sorry for the somber note, just irritated to see her do something incredibly stupid.0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »A more light-hearted confession for my American football friends: I LOVE J.J. Watt. And I'm a Bears fan...
You've made an opening for a confession I've been thinking about for a while. I also love JJ Watt but I'm from WI. BUT I can't stand Aaron Rodgers. I feel like I'm the only person in this state that doesn't worship him.
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quiksylver296 wrote: »A more light-hearted confession for my American football friends: I LOVE J.J. Watt. And I'm a Bears fan...
You've made an opening for a confession I've been thinking about for a while. I also love JJ Watt but I'm from WI. BUT I can't stand Aaron Rodgers. I feel like I'm the only person in this state that doesn't worship him.
I like Aaron Rodgers... and I'm a Bears fan. *shame*
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I had a cup (maybe more) of plain chocolate chips in one sitting (~1000 cal). Too guilty to actually record it.0
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I ate a whole medium pizza the other night and didn't log it. It may have balanced out cause I felt so sick the next day I could barely eat. Lesson learned.
I'm also horrible at hitting my macros, and I honestly don't believe it's possible for me to consume ~250g of carbs a day.0 -
I ate a whole medium pizza the other night and didn't log it. It may have balanced out cause I felt so sick the next day I could barely eat. Lesson learned.
I'm also horrible at hitting my macros, and I honestly don't believe it's possible for me to consume ~250g of carbs a day.0
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