Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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I told my fiancé that I was doing my pushups in the bedroom so the cat wouldn't bother me, but the real reason was that I didn't want him talking to me while I was doing them.
Oh, my husband is well aware that talking to me AT ALL while I'm working out is a no-no. Unless it is a dire emergency, of course. He had to learn the hard way, though. I mean seriously, you can talk to me any time - do you really need to interrupt me during a set?! I over react to this type of thing, though.
That's why I don't do strength training when I go to the gym. I will get through one circuit and he will want me to join him on the track/b ball/badminton court. I just want to get through my routine without being interrupted.
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ddrhellbunny wrote: »So my cousin just tried to kill herself tonight by ODing. I am actually not shocked at all, this girl has been in and out of hospitals her whole life. Getting arrested, doing drugs, stealing, *kitten* with her body (she's bulimic) and just a constant *kitten* up.
We (as a family) have tried constantly to help this girl, but she unfortunately keeps proving to us that she has no intentions to fix herself. Lies upon lies are all she knows.
I washed my hands clean of her when our grandmother died a year and a half ago. She tried and pleaded for us to help her, but she took advantage of my mother when my mom legitly wanted to help her (by stealing money from her).
So I sit here and think, well she tried it once and she will eventually try it again and succeed. I don't really know how to feel about it. I grew up with her brothers. ( they were like my brothers) so there is a level of sympathy there yet I don't feel terribly sad if she does off herself. I guess no amount of help can help the people who don't want help.
Sorry for the somber note, just irritated to see her do something incredibly stupid.
I'm sorry. My little sister is deep in the life, using hard drugs hanging out with scary people, doing scary messed up things.I understand your anger and irritation.
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You know when you do that thing where you speak the truth out of anger, and even though it's the truth, it irreparably damages multiple relationships. I did that tonight.
My sister is a high functioning drunk, she teaches autistic children by day, drinks a gallon of captain morgan in 1-2 nights. She said some pretty mean things to me because I called her after she had gone to bed, even though she had just drunk dialed me, I was returning her phone call not seconds later. So I called her out for being a drunk and in my rage also said "you're the reason your son is smoking pot, because you're too drunk every night to actually engage yourself with him." She didn't know her son is smoking pot, he's a decent church kid, maintains 4.0 and is in tons of extracirucular activies, however when he's with his sister who's 16 years older than he is, they like to blaze.
So now they're both pissed at me, he's lying to her, she's believing him, I'm getting angry drunk/high texted from the both of them. I'm glad i'm 1000 miles away from that.
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smashley_mashley wrote: »I told my fiancé that I was doing my pushups in the bedroom so the cat wouldn't bother me, but the real reason was that I didn't want him talking to me while I was doing them.
Oh, my husband is well aware that talking to me AT ALL while I'm working out is a no-no. Unless it is a dire emergency, of course. He had to learn the hard way, though. I mean seriously, you can talk to me any time - do you really need to interrupt me during a set?! I over react to this type of thing, though.
That's why I don't do strength training when I go to the gym. I will get through one circuit and he will want me to join him on the track/b ball/badminton court. I just want to get through my routine without being interrupted.I had a cup (maybe more) of plain chocolate chips in one sitting (~1000 cal). Too guilty to actually record it.
I can't have chocolate chips in the house for this reason.0 -
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I accidentally bought a large bag of coconut m&ms a few days ago. My first reaction was "Eww gross, that's not what I wanted!!" I polished off the bag tonight. They are delicious and I won't be buying them again!0
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I'm getting back into running after an injury and have been doing jog/walk intervals - the jog part never stops until a car passes me, though. Can't be seen to be whimping out and walking, nosirree
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I am a fast food junkie. Mostly because of my extreme laziness. I truly do love healthy food and if they had a drive thru that offered healthy food 24 hours a day (I work third shift), I'd be on it. I'm just far too lazy to make my own food.0
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shannonbun wrote: »Just binged very very hard (probably like 2,000 calories over for the day, I mean HARD) because I hated how I looked--yeah, that's helpful. And I kinda just want to give up because my weight hasn't budged for 2 weeks of eating at what MFP set me to, and coming from 3 months of constant weight loss, it's hard to handle.
Also, I'm almost 20 and I still can't eat in my college dining halls out of fear of being judged by everyone in them for eating...
Have you tried re-training yourself to do something positive when you are feeling this way?
An example: one of the small things that I used as a non-food reward when I first started losing weight was nail polish. When I began, I probably had two colors--now I have maybe 50. Sit down, give yourself a nice manicure or pedicure and focus on doing something good for yourself.0 -
shawnaes91 wrote: »I wanted the last bit of wine I had left that I was given for my birthday.
I scanned the bottle into MFP then I poured all that was left into a measuring glass. I was 1/2 a cup so I googled how many ounces are in a 1/ 2 a cup. Apparently 4 so then because I'm terrible at math I googled how to make 4 ounces into a decimal so that I could correctly add the amount of calories I was taking in.
Afterwards I had a big wtf moment and couldn't believe I did all that to have a glass of wine.
I've also did this to figure out how many calories I'm getting by adding almond milk to my coffee.
Are you sure you didn't have any wine before you started trying to figure this out?
Your measuring cup should have the fractions of a cup as well as the fluid ounces listed right on it. If it doesn't, invest in a new measuring cup.
Here are a couple of images you might find useful--these sort of things can be printed and hung on the refrigerator.
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pofoster21 wrote: »Oh and last confession! I made a MFP profile years ago and put in 140 as my weight even though I most likely wasn't because I didn't know it, so when I started using it again this year it kept saying I hadn't lost anything even though I lost almost a stone because I'm still way over 140. So I made a new profile with my January start weight then put in my new weight the next day so that when I check in it says 'mellb has lost 11lb so far', which I think makes me a bit shallow but it's nice to see it
I love when mine tracks the weight loss but...I hate when I gain, it says I lost, when in reality, I gained and lost less than I had lost previously. Now I watch the "pofoster21 has lost 24.3 lbs so far!" rather than "pofoster21 has lost 1.2 lbs since her last weigh in". I also hate I started over 5 lbs in to having already lost weight, I always really want to say "I really lost 29.3 lbs so far!". Its the little things...
Oh haha so everyone knows you haven't lost, like when it just says mellb completed her food diary and you can tell it's over the calorie goal
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azulvioleta6 wrote: »shannonbun wrote: »Just binged very very hard (probably like 2,000 calories over for the day, I mean HARD) because I hated how I looked--yeah, that's helpful. And I kinda just want to give up because my weight hasn't budged for 2 weeks of eating at what MFP set me to, and coming from 3 months of constant weight loss, it's hard to handle.
Also, I'm almost 20 and I still can't eat in my college dining halls out of fear of being judged by everyone in them for eating...
Have you tried re-training yourself to do something positive when you are feeling this way?
An example: one of the small things that I used as a non-food reward when I first started losing weight was nail polish. When I began, I probably had two colors--now I have maybe 50. Sit down, give yourself a nice manicure or pedicure and focus on doing something good for yourself.
This is what I'm trying to do, when I lose a stone I'm buying this expensive face mask I really want instead of a big pig out like I usually would do to reward myself. I like your idea of doing it when you feel bad too!
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azulvioleta6 wrote: »shawnaes91 wrote: »I wanted the last bit of wine I had left that I was given for my birthday.
I scanned the bottle into MFP then I poured all that was left into a measuring glass. I was 1/2 a cup so I googled how many ounces are in a 1/ 2 a cup. Apparently 4 so then because I'm terrible at math I googled how to make 4 ounces into a decimal so that I could correctly add the amount of calories I was taking in.
Afterwards I had a big wtf moment and couldn't believe I did all that to have a glass of wine.
I've also did this to figure out how many calories I'm getting by adding almond milk to my coffee.
Are you sure you didn't have any wine before you started trying to figure this out?
Your measuring cup should have the fractions of a cup as well as the fluid ounces listed right on it. If it doesn't, invest in a new measuring cup.
Here are a couple of images you might find useful--these sort of things can be printed and hung on the refrigerator.
common sense and I are not on the best of terms. I really should print out a conversion chart though it would come in handy. I was horrible at conversions in school.0 -
The f to c conversion is wrong. Divide instead of plus.0
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She hugged me (at the party) and whispered into my ear. She basically threatened smearing the food leftovers from the Christmas party all over my workspace... the whole story of it is pretty creepy and actually kinda funny looking back.
She wasn't the reason we went travelling, but she was a big part of the reason for me to actually quit my job before we leftpofoster21 wrote: »mrsswisspea wrote: »rungirl1973 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »ladybuggnorris wrote: »
I'm really impressed by your honesty. I hope you're feeling better about yourself these days. I'm with you about not really understanding much about mental illness when you've always been fine yourself. My 19 year-old daughter has recently been diagnosed with depression, and I'm still struggling with the idea that it may NOT have been caused by her low iron levels, but may actually be a serious condition.fellowtraveler87 wrote: »confession:
(and this ties in to the past 2 or 3 topics in this thread somehow)
I used to be pretty judgmental of people with mental health issues. I'd dismiss it as weakness or attention seeking. Then about 2 years ago I started having panic attacks and anxiety. Fought it for a long time, tried to "fix" it on my own, nothing worked. Finally got help. Very humbling experience to say the least.
Was also drinking quite heavily during this time. Knocking on the door of full-blown alcoholism. I think the anxiety and panic attacks were correlated to the drinking but I'm not which came first. Anyway after getting help the desire to drink really dropped off. Every once in a while I want to have a casual drink like everyone else but I don't trust myself. It might be fine, or I might spiral out of control and right now I'm not willing to take that risk. Drinking heavily, at least for me, was symptomatic of deeper issues I had been harboring.
It all stems back to childhood I really believe that now. I didn't have that bad of childhood but for one aspect and it had a drastic effect on me without my realizing it until recently. I'll confess more on that later don't have the time now...
Oh, and I used to be one of those who thought about sex constantly but after seeking help they put me on an anti-depressant (one more thing I used to not "believe in" doing until it effected me). It has really helped me a lot, but one side effect is it has pretty much killed my libido. I don't necessarily mind it and in fact find it strangely liberating. I can focus my thoughts on more productive things and feel more in control of my mind and body.
Not a confession, but I highly recommend the book "Always the fat kid" - felt like I was reading my own biography and it really helped me understand myself.
I am so happy you got help! Through being overweight my whole life and bullied, I was still ALWAYS very mentally stable. (Arrogance runs in my family!) After I had my second child, I became a completely different person. I was angry ALL THE TIME. I treated my three year old son sooo bad. One day, when the baby was about 6 months old, I raged out on my 3yo to the point that I physically hurt him. I immediately lock myself in the bathroom and called my husband to come home from work. That very day, we went to our GP, who diagnosed me with severe post-partum depression, even though I was not sad, but angry. I took antidepressants and joined a post-partum support group and the change back to my old self was almost immediate. To this day, I still harbor so much guilt over hurting my son and I will NEVER forget the look in his eyes when it happened. It was a complete look of betrayal. I don't think he remembers it and I have never told anyone this story before. I am so glad this is a no judgement zone, because now that I have brought the memories back up, I feel about the worst human being ever.
When our third was born, I also had PPD, but we knew to watch for the signs and made sure to get on anti-depressants right away...my awesome husband also insisted that I get out at least once a week, for a couple of hours without the baby.
I had post-partum depression after my son was born. I used to fantasize, while driving down the road, about driving my car into a telephone pole. I would be holding the steering wheel in a death grip, trying not to swerve off the road. It was terrifying. I have never felt so out of control. Eighteen months of Paxil and I've never had any problems since. It was so weird. I'm glad my PPD didn't target my son, that must have been horrendous.
Yikes. Glad you got some help.
I used to fantasize about driving my car off the road into a pole on the way to a former job just so I could hopefully get some rest in the hospital (stressful and tons of hours). That was when I knew it was time to find a new job...
This reminded me of a problem I had at work a year ago (it was building up for two years). I felt very competitive feelings towards a co-worker of mine. She had leadership responsibilities, and I really respected her. She is beautiful, successful, and confident. She made some drunken threats towards me in my first few months of working there, and I kept them a secret, which didn't our personal relationship (professionally, we were great together). She apologized profusely, but I don't think I ever forgot it. There were only three other women we worked with who we around our age, and she was good friends with two of them. They would do things on the weekend together, never inviting me, but always talking about how awesome it was and it really upset me, because I was new and had no girlfriends in our town. Yes, it was as "highschool" as it sounds, and it was totally pathetic.
Anyways, I slowly noticed how I was letting her "presence" really destroy my self image. I started over-analyzing everything I said about her, I'd replay every conversation I had with her over and over and over again in my head. We lived close to each other, and whenever I passed her house, I would always look in her apartment window to see what she was doing (because it would always be "cooler" than what I was doing). I would dread running into her if I was in our town because she would always look so beautiful and put together. I couldn't make a decision for what clothes to wear, what clothes to buy, what exercises to do without comparing what she did (or worse, what I assumed she did). I'd laugh to myself if she had lipstick on her teeth, and was in general really critical of her. It got pretty intense, and my husband got worried.
This was one of the many reasons why my husband and I quit our jobs and travelled around the world. I now see that we got off to a bad start, and although she did some terrible things to me, she didn't deserve me making every thing she did have something to do with me. She was just doing the best she could, and it's a shame I got out of control.
I have never had mental health problems before, and I appear to people (even during this time) as being really outgoing, friendly and confident. I hope I have better skills now to deal with my competitive nature, and my insecurities in the future.
I'm still trying to figure out what kind of 'threats' she made to you when drunk and why was she threatening you as a co-worker? Although quitting your jobs and traveling around the world sounds pretty awesome!
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I love popping candy chocolate pancake spread. I buy it and hide it in the cupboard. When i need something to eat which is sweet or when i just see it, i eat a couple of spoons. Some times i log it, sometimes i don't.0
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hollyberry061082 wrote: »I love popping candy chocolate pancake spread. I buy it and hide it in the cupboard. When i need something to eat which is sweet or when i just see it, i eat a couple of spoons. Some times i log it, sometimes i don't.
popping.... candy..... chocolate..... spread.....
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I've been trying for weeks to cut back on sugar (mostly chocolate) and the cravings are a lot more controllable now. That said, i've already pre-logged my white chocolate pistachio Easter egg
for Easter Sunday, a half split over 2 days so I don't go over sugar goal. But who am I kidding? I know i'll probably devour the entire thing in one day. 0 -
*coff* I miss carb fuelled poos. Those suckers couldn't wait to vacate the premises.........0
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I've been trying for weeks to cut back on sugar (mostly chocolate) and the cravings are a lot more controllable now. That said, i've already pre-logged my white chocolate pistachio Easter egg for Easter Sunday, a half split over 2 days so I don't go over sugar goal. But who am I kidding? I know i'll probably devour the entire thing in one day.
And that's why I do moderation, lol.
In January my sister brought back some chocolates, I had been avoiding them (except a square of dark chocolate occasionally), and I ended up eating the whole bag in 2 days (ok I had some help, but still). Since then I bought a lot of chocolate... and I mean a lot. It's in my cupboard, I know it's there and I can have some anytime I want... and I just have a square or two every day. I haven't binged once in a month and only been a bit over a couple times.
Cutting back and restricting is nice and all but unless you plan to never cave in, it just ends up badly, in my experience.
My confession is that doing that, I actually realized that I'm actually ok with just having a square of chocolate, and I don't need half a bar to be satisfied anymore.0 -
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Will_Run_for_Food wrote: »I was craving something sweet the other night but had absolutely nothing in the house that would satisfy me except some hot chocolate. So I ate two spoonfuls of the powder. Two spoonfuls. Of the powder.
I used to do this with nesquick powder when I was little. Sooooo gooooood!0 -
_Pastafarian_ wrote: »I'm getting back into running after an injury and have been doing jog/walk intervals - the jog part never stops until a car passes me, though. Can't be seen to be whimping out and walking, nosirree
I've totally done that too
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quiksylver296 wrote: »A more light-hearted confession for my American football friends: I LOVE J.J. Watt. And I'm a Bears fan...
You've made an opening for a confession I've been thinking about for a while. I also love JJ Watt but I'm from WI. BUT I can't stand Aaron Rodgers. I feel like I'm the only person in this state that doesn't worship him.
I like Aaron Rodgers... and I'm a Bears fan. *shame*
So then I might be the only person in the world that doesn't like him
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salembambi wrote: »ive binged massively 3 times this week & I know its because of finding lots of new foods I can eat after a year and a half of being on a restrictive elimination diet for my chronic health condition (to find what triggers it).Its also because of my loneliness but I think switching my thoughts to concentrating on my fitness will help with that instead of thinking of how lonely I am all the time
anyway I only hate myself 50% for bingeing I guess that's a self love win
Confession: Salembambi is my girl crush.
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quiksylver296 wrote: »A more light-hearted confession for my American football friends: I LOVE J.J. Watt. And I'm a Bears fan...
You've made an opening for a confession I've been thinking about for a while. I also love JJ Watt but I'm from WI. BUT I can't stand Aaron Rodgers. I feel like I'm the only person in this state that doesn't worship him.
I like Aaron Rodgers... and I'm a Bears fan. *shame*
So then I might be the only person in the world that doesn't like him
In all fairness, when Cutler is your QB, what are you supposed to do? Us Bears fans have to have some QB to admire.0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »A more light-hearted confession for my American football friends: I LOVE J.J. Watt. And I'm a Bears fan...
Bears fan here too!0 -
brandi9172 wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »brandi9172 wrote: »My abusive and estranged husband committed suicide last week. He was in jail after beating his current girlfriend and trying to kill her and he hung himself in his cell. When I first heard the news, to be honest, I was excited he was dead. For many reasons really...he was more than abusive, the man was straight evil. He was excessively controlling and mean, he was a psychopath and I am truly lucky to have been able to escape with my life. There were times I thought I wouldn't. And I have been worried for the last year and a half that he would find me again, and that he would kill me this time. Why do I feel like a liar every time I say anything like that...he had me so screwed up, still has me so screwed up, that I don't even believe myself half the time when I talk about it. I actually look at the scars on my body and I read the police report and I look back at the pictures and I still feel like it's all wrong.
Anyway...he's dead. And as happy as I am about it...I'm a little mad. But mad because he never had to face what he did, ever. He was never punished. He'll never be punished. And oh how I want him punished. I wish that I could have watched him die. And I think that makes me kind of awful.
None of your feelings make you an awful person. I think it's 'normal' that you feel such hatred towards him, he must have had so much hate within himself to do the things he did to you and he didn't care how badly he hurt you.
This is really well put.
He was the most miserable person I've ever known. And that makes me feel sad for him...but he was the most evil person I've ever known as well. And now I feel confused.
Just wanted you to know that I too was in an abusive relationship. I am now married to a wonderful man and have two great kids. It can get better!0 -
SchweddyGirl wrote: »I go through McDonald's sometimes when I am craving something salty...and I usually get the same thing, a cheeseburger, small fries, and a large diet coke. Fits perfectly into my calories.
I like anchovies when I get those salty cravings! I have to have them otherwise I find myself thinking constantly about crisps and chips and other delicious-but-not-good-for-you salty alternatives.
I LOVE anchovies! Fresh ones mind, not tinned ones. I have an anchovy salad at least once a week. My co-workers love me very much.0 -
brandi9172 wrote: »My abusive and estranged husband committed suicide last week. He was in jail after beating his current girlfriend and trying to kill her and he hung himself in his cell. When I first heard the news, to be honest, I was excited he was dead. For many reasons really...he was more than abusive, the man was straight evil. He was excessively controlling and mean, he was a psychopath and I am truly lucky to have been able to escape with my life. There were times I thought I wouldn't. And I have been worried for the last year and a half that he would find me again, and that he would kill me this time. Why do I feel like a liar every time I say anything like that...he had me so screwed up, still has me so screwed up, that I don't even believe myself half the time when I talk about it. I actually look at the scars on my body and I read the police report and I look back at the pictures and I still feel like it's all wrong.
Anyway...he's dead. And as happy as I am about it...I'm a little mad. But mad because he never had to face what he did, ever. He was never punished. He'll never be punished. And oh how I want him punished. I wish that I could have watched him die. And I think that makes me kind of awful.
I don't think you are awful.
I'm glad you are safe now. Please take care of yourself!
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