Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

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Replies

  • spamarie
    spamarie Posts: 2,825 Member
    I confess that sometimes while I am sitting at my computer listening to music I will get a random spurt of energy from nowhere and it is so powerful that I just have to get up and dance around until the feeling goes away. It's actually super hilarious because most of the time it's some really obscure song...and I become really embarrassed. Thank god it only happens when my boyfriend is away hah!

    I am like this when channel hopping music channels during the ads. If either chandelier or elastic heart by Sia come on, I have to dance around like a loon. Scary faces and EVERYTHING.
  • FroggyBug
    FroggyBug Posts: 4,883 Member
    My life has been a roller coast the last 7 months. [...]

    Again, thanks for reading

    I'm sorry you've been through so much. Be proud of what you've accomplished (congrats on the weight loss!). Unfortunately we can't change the past but just try to do as many good things as you can from here on.
    Confession: I've got the month from hell coming up at work in terms of deliverables and travel and I've got a *kitten*-ton of things going on in my personal life (not bad things, just time commitments, taxes, etc.). I've already come to the realization that I have to take an MFP posting hiatus to get everything done and have decided in advance that I will not attempt to catch up on any threads except this one when I come back. No matter how many pages I miss, I'm reading it all. *kitten* those other threads, though. Every one of them.

    Good luck on getting caught up afterwards! We will miss you.
  • brandi9172
    brandi9172 Posts: 61 Member
    Thank you to everyone who responded to me. It is nice to get it out, even in this small way, and I appreciate all of your well wishes and understanding.
    Thank you.
  • Kalici
    Kalici Posts: 685 Member
    brandi9172 wrote: »
    My abusive and estranged husband committed suicide last week. He was in jail after beating his current girlfriend and trying to kill her and he hung himself in his cell. When I first heard the news, to be honest, I was excited he was dead. For many reasons really...he was more than abusive, the man was straight evil. He was excessively controlling and mean, he was a psychopath and I am truly lucky to have been able to escape with my life. There were times I thought I wouldn't. And I have been worried for the last year and a half that he would find me again, and that he would kill me this time. Why do I feel like a liar every time I say anything like that...he had me so screwed up, still has me so screwed up, that I don't even believe myself half the time when I talk about it. I actually look at the scars on my body and I read the police report and I look back at the pictures and I still feel like it's all wrong.
    Anyway...he's dead. And as happy as I am about it...I'm a little mad. But mad because he never had to face what he did, ever. He was never punished. He'll never be punished. And oh how I want him punished. I wish that I could have watched him die. And I think that makes me kind of awful.

    I'm a few pages behind so I don't know how many have commented on this. If this makes you awful then I'm awful too. I am glad on your behalf that he is dead. A lot of people will not understand because unless you've gone through this type of abuse, the fear and bottomless rage you experience can't even be expressed adequately. Even thinking about things that happened years ago I clench my jaw and my breathing gets jagged and I have to distract myself with something else. I've been made to doubt myself so much that even if I am feeling one hundred percent one way I end up questioning my motives and whether or not I'm behaving this way for attention.

    A lot of the people who abused me are still alive and when I hear news of their long over due demises I am going to throw a big party. I am going to refuse to feel bad about it. I am going to try to revel in the giddy relief I will experience knowing they will never find me again. They are disgusting human beings that don't deserve to be alive. You are normal, you don't sound awful and you deserve to be happy.
  • Pipara
    Pipara Posts: 79 Member
    edited March 2015
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Pipara wrote: »
    I've been trying for weeks to cut back on sugar (mostly chocolate) and the cravings are a lot more controllable now. That said, i've already pre-logged my white chocolate pistachio Easter egg :heart_eyes: for Easter Sunday, a half split over 2 days so I don't go over sugar goal. But who am I kidding? I know i'll probably devour the entire thing in one day.

    And that's why I do moderation, lol.

    In January my sister brought back some chocolates, I had been avoiding them (except a square of dark chocolate occasionally), and I ended up eating the whole bag in 2 days (ok I had some help, but still). Since then I bought a lot of chocolate... and I mean a lot. It's in my cupboard, I know it's there and I can have some anytime I want... and I just have a square or two every day. I haven't binged once in a month and only been a bit over a couple times.

    Cutting back and restricting is nice and all but unless you plan to never cave in, it just ends up badly, in my experience.

    My confession is that doing that, I actually realized that I'm actually ok with just having a square of chocolate, and I don't need half a bar to be satisfied anymore.
    Oh i'm all for moderation. I've ditched 100 lbs by not cutting anything out/restricting completely. When I say 'cut back on' I mean trying to find that 80%/ 20% balance rather than having 50% of my diary filled with sweet treats.

    I. like you, am at that point where I can just be satisfied with a square of dark chocolate but if there's two things I have a weakness for it's white chocolate and nuts (cashews and pistachios specifically). So i'll be nomming that Easter egg all day and will regret nothing.
  • kellienw335
    kellienw335 Posts: 1,745 Member
    kecmw25 wrote: »
    Talkradio wrote: »
    kecmw25 wrote: »
    A more light-hearted confession for my American football friends: I LOVE J.J. Watt. And I'm a Bears fan...

    unnamed_zpss1pp58hz.jpg

    You've made an opening for a confession I've been thinking about for a while. I also love JJ Watt but I'm from WI. BUT I can't stand Aaron Rodgers. I feel like I'm the only person in this state that doesn't worship him.

    I like Aaron Rodgers... and I'm a Bears fan. *shame*

    So then I might be the only person in the world that doesn't like him

    No, you're not the only person that doesn't like him. And shame on you, Talkradio!
  • brandi9172
    brandi9172 Posts: 61 Member
    edited March 2015
    Kalici wrote: »
    brandi9172 wrote: »
    My abusive and estranged husband committed suicide last week. He was in jail after beating his current girlfriend and trying to kill her and he hung himself in his cell. When I first heard the news, to be honest, I was excited he was dead. For many reasons really...he was more than abusive, the man was straight evil. He was excessively controlling and mean, he was a psychopath and I am truly lucky to have been able to escape with my life. There were times I thought I wouldn't. And I have been worried for the last year and a half that he would find me again, and that he would kill me this time. Why do I feel like a liar every time I say anything like that...he had me so screwed up, still has me so screwed up, that I don't even believe myself half the time when I talk about it. I actually look at the scars on my body and I read the police report and I look back at the pictures and I still feel like it's all wrong.
    Anyway...he's dead. And as happy as I am about it...I'm a little mad. But mad because he never had to face what he did, ever. He was never punished. He'll never be punished. And oh how I want him punished. I wish that I could have watched him die. And I think that makes me kind of awful.

    I'm a few pages behind so I don't know how many have commented on this. If this makes you awful then I'm awful too. I am glad on your behalf that he is dead. A lot of people will not understand because unless you've gone through this type of abuse, the fear and bottomless rage you experience can't even be expressed adequately. Even thinking about things that happened years ago I clench my jaw and my breathing gets jagged and I have to distract myself with something else. I've been made to doubt myself so much that even if I am feeling one hundred percent one way I end up questioning my motives and whether or not I'm behaving this way for attention.

    A lot of the people who abused me are still alive and when I hear news of their long over due demises I am going to throw a big party. I am going to refuse to feel bad about it. I am going to try to revel in the giddy relief I will experience knowing they will never find me again. They are disgusting human beings that don't deserve to be alive. You are normal, you don't sound awful and you deserve to be happy.

    Exactly this.
    And thank you. Thank you so much.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    Confession: I've got the month from hell coming up at work in terms of deliverables and travel and I've got a *kitten*-ton of things going on in my personal life (not bad things, just time commitments, taxes, etc.). I've already come to the realization that I have to take an MFP posting hiatus to get everything done and have decided in advance that I will not attempt to catch up on any threads except this one when I come back. No matter how many pages I miss, I'm reading it all. *kitten* those other threads, though. Every one of them.

    Nooooo. Oh this makes me sad. Glad you'll at least be reading if/when you can.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    My life has been a roller coast the last 7 months. And even now, when I try to grasp all that's happened, I somehow lose myself and break. I somehow feel writing makes it better but then maybe it won't. But let's go back before that. I started using this back in 2011. I was at my biggest in fall of '11 at 324 pounds. I didn't have a neck, I had a small face on a huge round orange of a head. Don't worry, I'll post that pic as well as a recent pic. I tried a couple fad diets. But what worked for me was counting calories and walking (when I could motivate myself to get up) I am a gamer and as most of you know, the gamer lifestyle is sit and move your fingers. So I had that going against me. But I counted and I walked and in the summer of 2013 I reached my lowest weight which was 227...4 pounds away from goal #1: triple digits lost. I had relationship issues which were at the fault of yours truly and things were really rough. But soon enough, things were repatched and come that august, a new game came out that my gf at the time and I played every hour of the day were not working or sleeping, Final Fantasy XIV, a new massively multiplayer online role playing game. Well there's no time to cook because killing monsters so we ordered out so much. I stopped caring about my diet. From August to Dec...in 5 months, I gained so much weight back, over 30 lbs, I really ate like *kitten*. I also work as a manager at arbys and while I do know of many ways to eat calorie healthy there, during that time, I didn't care. But when I weighed myself in Dec '13, I knew I had to get back on track.

    Fast forward to Sept of '14...I am still losing, still on track but things didn't go as planned. I fell in love with another while I was still engaged. I made a lot of mistakes...A LOT. I am not proud of the person I was. I beat myself up everyday about it still. I lived 2 separate secret lives so to speak and did this for 5/6 months. I couldn't deal with myself and what I did so I came clean and told every everything. I couldn't live with the pain I put them through and even more, I couldn't live with pain I put myself through. I contemplated suicide. I contemplated dark dark things. I was not happy of who I was and who I became. I became something I always hated...my father...my older brother...I Was better than this...but apparently I wasn't. I left Wisconsin, a home I had for 31 years to move to California. Then moved back to Wisconsin intending to make that my permanent home once again, then back to California.

    I've been through a lot and I lost a lot. I lost one of my best friends. I hurt so many people. I hurt myself. I still struggle on the daily. Sometimes my mind can't comprehend the crap I did and I lose it. I go into a depression. I cry myself to sleep. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself. I family says that I came clean because I want to be that better person I thought I was. That I need to give myself some slight credit because I am changing the person I was to the man who I want to be. I sometimes agree and disagree with that. Yes, I am a sweet, compassionate, caring guy who is lovable and funny and had a great personality. I have major faults but I am trying to be a better person, trying like hell to change to who I was. I hated that person. When I see posts on facebook saying real man treat their woman like this, and real men that...I lose my *kitten*.

    I am one of those guys.. I am one of those "bad guys"...and I am trying like hell to deal with that. My family says but you knew you did bad and you came clean to be a better person, that means something...does it? At the end of the day, I look at the people I hurt, the people I lost, and I cry. I have a lot to be thankful for sure. I still have my significant other, my pillar.

    When I came clean, I was prepared to lose both of them, I was prepared to be alone..I was prepared. My girlfriend/fiance of 6 years shut me out. My other girl, even through my faults, my horribleness, my flaws saw something good in me. She refused to let me go. I love her for that, for being that pillar to lean on. I put her through a lot and while we went through some hard times, she keeps me sane. When I go off to the deep end and dig myself into that hole, she pulls me out.

    This has been the last 7 months of my life...with the truth coming and moving back and forth literally in the last 20 days... We all try to be the best we can. We try to be strong. We try to do what's right. Not everyone's perfect. We have faults. We are human. Some of us our monsters...I was. I want to believe that monster is dead and what's left is the man I knew to be a good person. A couple days ago I had a bad night and went over 1500 calories. I know in my head we sometimes get weak and have bad moments...but I've been weak for so long and it's so hard trying to be strong when you feel like you aren't worth much.

    I keep telling myself to be strong, to push myself. Going through emotional hell, hurting people, losing friends and trying to eat xxxx calories and trying to work out while moving into a new home and getting situated back into a new job...it's a *kitten* lot to deal with. But I am staying strong. My girl started using mfp a couple months back with me and she's lost 10 lbs. We are staying strong and doing this together and I am glad for that.

    So here I am. 5.4 lbs away from my first goal of triple digits lost (224)... currently at 229.4. After that, I am gunning for the under 200 lbs (goal number 2) After that, I have no plans.
    This is my story. I am not proud of it...but I hope to become proud of the person I can be from here on out. It's hard doing this with life struggles. I am sure we all deal with it from time to time, maybe not as severe as this, maybe even more severe. It's how we deal with those hard times and persevere through them.

    I am having a hard time. I am...but day by day, it seems like it gets better..all we can do is push forward. Having friends on here and seeing those motivational comments helps too. Thanks for reading. As promised, here is a before/after Aug '11 and Aug '14

    before.jpg

    Again, thanks for reading

    We all have done (and will continue to do) things we regret. Thanks for sharing - you SHOULD be proud of your story. It's YOU. It's your life. It has brought you to where you are today and you have succeeded in many ways! That's awesome! Sometimes I look back at some of the things I've done and cringe, but my motto is "Learn from it and let it go". I tell myself this many times every day. Hope you continue to post!
  • ShibaEars
    ShibaEars Posts: 3,928 Member
    I may be on this site too often, as I was dreaming about reading this thread. Then I was all panicked this morning that I'd sleep-confessed or sleep-replied to something. Phew! Doesn't look like I did.
  • Talkradio
    Talkradio Posts: 388 Member
    kecmw25 wrote: »
    Talkradio wrote: »
    kecmw25 wrote: »
    A more light-hearted confession for my American football friends: I LOVE J.J. Watt. And I'm a Bears fan...

    unnamed_zpss1pp58hz.jpg

    You've made an opening for a confession I've been thinking about for a while. I also love JJ Watt but I'm from WI. BUT I can't stand Aaron Rodgers. I feel like I'm the only person in this state that doesn't worship him.

    I like Aaron Rodgers... and I'm a Bears fan. *shame*

    So then I might be the only person in the world that doesn't like him

    In all fairness, when Cutler is your QB, what are you supposed to do? Us Bears fans have to have some QB to admire.

    This x1000.
  • ShibaEars
    ShibaEars Posts: 3,928 Member
    Vmax1992 wrote: »
    Some days I will eat less to allow for a vodka on the rocks or a whisky or two. I don't go over my daily, but a chunk of it is not good calories.

    Yes, but then I usually don't log it because I don't want it on my diary!

    I'll log the pop, but not the alcohol. So if my diary says I had 4 Cokes, you can bet they contained vodka.
  • Talkradio
    Talkradio Posts: 388 Member
    kecmw25 wrote: »
    Talkradio wrote: »
    kecmw25 wrote: »
    A more light-hearted confession for my American football friends: I LOVE J.J. Watt. And I'm a Bears fan...

    unnamed_zpss1pp58hz.jpg

    You've made an opening for a confession I've been thinking about for a while. I also love JJ Watt but I'm from WI. BUT I can't stand Aaron Rodgers. I feel like I'm the only person in this state that doesn't worship him.

    I like Aaron Rodgers... and I'm a Bears fan. *shame*

    So then I might be the only person in the world that doesn't like him

    No, you're not the only person that doesn't like him. And shame on you, Talkradio!

    I thought this was a safe place! ;)
  • LBuehrle8
    LBuehrle8 Posts: 4,044 Member

    @quiksylver296 I've been keeping up with that one too haha so entertaining I honestly can't believe people get so heated and argue over something so irrelevant and silly but that's just my opinion and I can't help but go back for more!
  • Talkradio
    Talkradio Posts: 388 Member
    ShibaEars wrote: »
    I may be on this site too often, as I was dreaming about reading this thread. Then I was all panicked this morning that I'd sleep-confessed or sleep-replied to something. Phew! Doesn't look like I did.

    This is awesome.

    One of my teacher friends is on spring break this week, and we're celebrating today with some day drinking at a sports bar. I dreamed the whole night about whether or not they will have diet tonic. *facepalm*
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    caddir wrote: »
    Today I got really angry at work: so angry that my boss took me into another office to talk to me about it. He said that while I might well be right in what in was saying, I was doing it all wrong. I know I am right in what I was saying.

    He might be right. He probably is right. I don't know what to do. I am rather shouty at moment. I might be taking work too seriously.

    This one time at work, I snapped at my then supervisor because a) I was PMSing and b) I didn't like her, so she was convinced I had "anger issues" and talked me into going to counseling. I only went to smooth things over in the office...man she was such a b!#c#. I'm a nice person and she deserved my snappy attitude.


    One time at my old job, I got in to trouble because everyone kept "replying all" on every email about some dumb thing, and I snapped at them to stop emailing me about nonsense because I was trying to work. (we got pop ups when email arrived). I didn't even feel bad. Reply all is obnoxious after about 2 emails.

    Oh, that is a valid rage-inducing event. Been there many times myself.

    Similarly, we often have mandatory conference calls for the entire company nationwide. Instead of the home office just placing everyone on "mute" they rely on their idiot smart employees to mute their lines themselves. NEVER happens. Cannot express how annoying that is.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    shannonbun wrote: »
    Just binged very very hard (probably like 2,000 calories over for the day, I mean HARD) because I hated how I looked--yeah, that's helpful. And I kinda just want to give up because my weight hasn't budged for 2 weeks of eating at what MFP set me to, and coming from 3 months of constant weight loss, it's hard to handle.

    Also, I'm almost 20 and I still can't eat in my college dining halls out of fear of being judged by everyone in them for eating...
    We all have those moments! At least I know I have. That three months of constant weight loss is AMAZING progress, good job! Don't let the binge monster bring you down. You're beautiful.

    I'm going to admit something very embarrassing... in my first year of college I was suffering from bulimia. I would buy lots of food items, like 6 donuts, two bags of chips, a carton of ice cream, a sub sandwich, etc... and eat them all very quickly in deserted bathroom. I ate them VERY FAST and then threw up and went to buy more stuff, went to the same bathroom, etc. I wasted so much money. I also exercised for 5 hours at a time on some days. I was very weak and dizzy and had a constant headache/stomach ache/chest pains.

    Luckily those days are behind me now, but I'm still very embarrassed about it. Right now I'm trying to lose weight healthily and find that this place is very motivational and people are willing to help and offer up some kind words. :) Thanks to all of you!

    You should not be embarrassed. We all go through our struggles. Sharing sometimes takes that last piece of burden off of you so that you can move ahead fully and forget about it. Hope that is the case for you!
  • melimomTARDIS
    melimomTARDIS Posts: 1,941 Member
    Geez I have to catch up on this thread.

    Confession- I rarely add anyone to my friends list. I decline most requests.

    First of all, I am a recovering binge eater, and I log.my.binges. So I need any friends on my list to not be delicate fainting couch types. (YES, I SAID A WHOLE BOX OF CLUB CRACKERS. Dont be a hater)

    Also- I like all my friends to be honest, daily loggers. I delete friends who dont regularily log in , dont comment, and barely use the site.

    Also also- I am painfully shy, and I really put myself out there with my MFP friends. I prefer a small group of supportive friends then a large number of silent ones.

  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    ivima25 wrote: »
    After being good when it comes to eating, I ate many and I mean many chocolaye chip cookies today. I feel kinda sad about it. But I did speed walk 4 miles today.

    I don't have a sweet tooth at all, but sometimes chocolate chip cookies are hard to resist. Don't beat yourself up.
  • CountessKitteh
    CountessKitteh Posts: 1,505 Member
    edited March 2015
    Geez I have to catch up on this thread.

    Confession- I rarely add anyone to my friends list. I decline most requests.

    First of all, I am a recovering binge eater, and I log.my.binges. So I need any friends on my list to not be delicate fainting couch types. (YES, I SAID A WHOLE BOX OF CLUB CRACKERS. Dont be a hater)

    Also- I like all my friends to be honest, daily loggers. I delete friends who dont regularily log in , dont comment, and barely use the site.

    Also also- I am painfully shy, and I really put myself out there with my MFP friends. I prefer a small group of supportive friends then a large number of silent ones.

    This is why I adore you. :)
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    i want to make s'mores, except, use peeps for the marshmallows.

    You mean this hasn't been done already?! I thought that picture a few pages back with the hot pink marshmallow was a smushed peep. Guess I was wrong. Make them and then post a picture, please!
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    tiona83 wrote: »
    81Katz wrote: »
    DH asked if you could freeze Cadbury Creme Egg's and I said (I don't know?) We had them as our snack last night (was going to Sat. whole nother' story there) but anyhow, he's like "if we can freeze them, we should buy some and have a bunch on hand." Not sure that would be a good idea. Tempting yes, but good, I don't know. I do love those little eggs.
    I have resided in Ireland for over 10 years now and only this year it dawned on me that there are cadbury cream eggs on the shelf all year around. I don't like them because I feel they are to sweet.
    kecmw25 wrote: »
    Talkradio wrote: »
    kecmw25 wrote: »
    A more light-hearted confession for my American football friends: I LOVE J.J. Watt. And I'm a Bears fan...

    unnamed_zpss1pp58hz.jpg

    You've made an opening for a confession I've been thinking about for a while. I also love JJ Watt but I'm from WI. BUT I can't stand Aaron Rodgers. I feel like I'm the only person in this state that doesn't worship him.

    I like Aaron Rodgers... and I'm a Bears fan. *shame*

    So then I might be the only person in the world that doesn't like him

    I confess I have no idea who he is. And I grew up in WI. Hate football!
  • AgentOrangeJuice
    AgentOrangeJuice Posts: 1,069 Member
    Talkradio wrote: »
    kecmw25 wrote: »
    Talkradio wrote: »
    kecmw25 wrote: »
    A more light-hearted confession for my American football friends: I LOVE J.J. Watt. And I'm a Bears fan...

    unnamed_zpss1pp58hz.jpg

    You've made an opening for a confession I've been thinking about for a while. I also love JJ Watt but I'm from WI. BUT I can't stand Aaron Rodgers. I feel like I'm the only person in this state that doesn't worship him.

    I like Aaron Rodgers... and I'm a Bears fan. *shame*

    So then I might be the only person in the world that doesn't like him

    In all fairness, when Cutler is your QB, what are you supposed to do? Us Bears fans have to have some QB to admire.

    This x1000.

    WHAT?!?!?!? I'm not a Chicago fan at all. Cutler is a great QB, has solid numbers, he has no one defending him from the blitz. He's also an introvert, much like everyone of us here. He's not popular, but that doesn't make him a bad QB. He's listed as 21 on the NFL QB Ranking system, but that same POS system has Tony Romo listed as #1 and Aaron Rodgers as #2, neither had stellar 2014's. just sayin.
  • Talkradio
    Talkradio Posts: 388 Member
    Talkradio wrote: »
    kecmw25 wrote: »
    Talkradio wrote: »
    kecmw25 wrote: »
    A more light-hearted confession for my American football friends: I LOVE J.J. Watt. And I'm a Bears fan...

    unnamed_zpss1pp58hz.jpg

    You've made an opening for a confession I've been thinking about for a while. I also love JJ Watt but I'm from WI. BUT I can't stand Aaron Rodgers. I feel like I'm the only person in this state that doesn't worship him.

    I like Aaron Rodgers... and I'm a Bears fan. *shame*

    So then I might be the only person in the world that doesn't like him

    In all fairness, when Cutler is your QB, what are you supposed to do? Us Bears fans have to have some QB to admire.

    This x1000.

    WHAT?!?!?!? I'm not a Chicago fan at all. Cutler is a great QB, has solid numbers, he has no one defending him from the blitz. He's also an introvert, much like everyone of us here. He's not popular, but that doesn't make him a bad QB. He's listed as 21 on the NFL QB Ranking system, but that same POS system has Tony Romo listed as #1 and Aaron Rodgers as #2, neither had stellar 2014's. just sayin.

    I actually like Cutler too, but he's certainly not likeable. He's kind of a sulky party boy. I mean, I'd be a jerk too if I got sacked that much.
  • denielle715
    denielle715 Posts: 101 Member
    In the past, I've eaten an entire jar of White Chocolate Wonderful peanut butter. It's my drug of choice. Literally.

    My store was out (said some was supposed to be on the delivery truck scheduled to arrive the next day), I couldn't wait, so I drove to 3 other stores in town with no luck, then drove 45 minutes to the next store that carried it!
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    So my cousin just tried to kill herself tonight by ODing. I am actually not shocked at all, this girl has been in and out of hospitals her whole life. Getting arrested, doing drugs, stealing, *kitten* with her body (she's bulimic) and just a constant *kitten* up.

    We (as a family) have tried constantly to help this girl, but she unfortunately keeps proving to us that she has no intentions to fix herself. Lies upon lies are all she knows.

    I washed my hands clean of her when our grandmother died a year and a half ago. She tried and pleaded for us to help her, but she took advantage of my mother when my mom legitly wanted to help her (by stealing money from her).

    So I sit here and think, well she tried it once and she will eventually try it again and succeed. I don't really know how to feel about it. I grew up with her brothers. ( they were like my brothers) so there is a level of sympathy there yet I don't feel terribly sad if she does off herself. I guess no amount of help can help the people who don't want help.

    Sorry for the somber note, just irritated to see her do something incredibly stupid.

    You are exactly right. I'm sorry you, your family, and she are going through this but there are just some people out there that refuse to change and seek help. Just keep doing what you're doing. Sounds like you have the right mindset.
  • melimomTARDIS
    melimomTARDIS Posts: 1,941 Member
    Geez I have to catch up on this thread.

    Confession- I rarely add anyone to my friends list. I decline most requests.

    First of all, I am a recovering binge eater, and I log.my.binges. So I need any friends on my list to not be delicate fainting couch types. (YES, I SAID A WHOLE BOX OF CLUB CRACKERS. Dont be a hater)

    Also- I like all my friends to be honest, daily loggers. I delete friends who dont regularily log in , dont comment, and barely use the site.

    Also also- I am painfully shy, and I really put myself out there with my MFP friends. I prefer a small group of supportive friends then a large number of silent ones.

    This is why I adore you. :)
    countess kitteh is in my small curated circle of AWESOME friends on MFP.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    You know when you do that thing where you speak the truth out of anger, and even though it's the truth, it irreparably damages multiple relationships. I did that tonight.

    My sister is a high functioning drunk, she teaches autistic children by day, drinks a gallon of captain morgan in 1-2 nights. She said some pretty mean things to me because I called her after she had gone to bed, even though she had just drunk dialed me, I was returning her phone call not seconds later. So I called her out for being a drunk and in my rage also said "you're the reason your son is smoking pot, because you're too drunk every night to actually engage yourself with him." She didn't know her son is smoking pot, he's a decent church kid, maintains 4.0 and is in tons of extracirucular activies, however when he's with his sister who's 16 years older than he is, they like to blaze.

    So now they're both pissed at me, he's lying to her, she's believing him, I'm getting angry drunk/high texted from the both of them. I'm glad i'm 1000 miles away from that.

    Well, maybe your delivery of this info could have been different, but overall it needed to be said. Sounds like the kid does have good things going for him and I hope he has a great future despite the issues his mother has. Yes, it's good that you are that far away, but you did probably do them a favor by getting it out into the open. Perhaps if she confronts her son he can address her drinking issue? I hope they can work it all out.
  • Oberon21
    Oberon21 Posts: 13,235 Member
    My confession: I am a huge procrastinator. This semester is (hopefully) my last one, but it's the hardest one yet. I've been suffering from anxiety, which also makes me an escapist. Now I have an essay due at midnight that I have hardly started on. Good thing it's only 1200 words. TIME TO MAKE MYSELF DO IT.

    I'm a huge procrastinator. One day I procrastinated by reading this http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html

    It was pretty eye-opening!

    I love, love, love, love loved this! Read all 3 (surprisingly not while procrastinating as currently have a load of leave to use up, so not at work) really identified with it.

    I thought this was brilliant and posted it on my facebook page. I am the WORLDS WORST PROCRASTINATOR I now have a name for it with the Instant Gratification Monkey! And the Panic Monster is truly what gets me going. I also thought the matrix discussion was really helpful, as I spend a lot of time in Quandrant 3...not important but definitely urgent. I am going to read these a few more times... To ingest them!