always friendzoned - advice?
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I'm super glad to see that so many posters have addressed the (non)existence of the friend zone! I'll be glad to hear the day that word finally gets put to rest.
Your friends gave you excellent advice. Anyone, regardless of gender, can sense desperation. From the sounds of it, you're looking for a girl, not the girl. Focus on you, on doing the things you enjoy and spending time with people that make you happy. The right girl is going to come along when you least expect it. And don't be afraid to be friends with plenty of girls. The friendzone absolutely does not exist. I personally don't know any girl that's dated someone she wasn't at least sort of friends with at first. It just takes time, patience, and understanding.0 -
Just go up. Start a conversation and ask her to dinner. You can secure a date in under 60 seconds.
Law of averages applies as well. 9 of 10 will turn you down but all that matters is the one that says yes.
Get away from that online BS. Go meet girls in the real world. Build your confidence from getting shot down.
Women will be amazed that you're trying to pick them up at the gas station or grocery store when they're not all dolled up. Be confident. Speak clearly and maintain eye contact. Ask them what they're doing later. If they say "nothing or I dunno" that's the time to strike. Suggest a date. Such as. Well would you like to go to dinner, or wanna grab some lunch. And bingo.0 -
Just go up. Start a conversation and ask her to dinner. You can secure a date in under 60 seconds.
Law of averages applies as well. 9 of 10 will turn you down but all that matters is the one that says yes.
Get away from that online BS. Go meet girls in the real world. Build your confidence from getting shot down.
Women will be amazed that you're trying to pick them up at the gas station or grocery store when they're not all dolled up. Be confident. Speak clearly and maintain eye contact. Ask them what they're doing later. If they say "nothing or I dunno" that's the time to strike. Suggest a date. Such as. Well would you like to go to dinner, or wanna grab some lunch. And bingo.
This person has it right. Being direct and acting confident while asking someone out (even if it's fake confidence) works really well.0 -
So happy many others have said it. There is no such thing as being 'friendzoned'.
Everyone is different when it comes to finding relationships. Some people find it easy to ask others out, others struggle. Some go through partners only weekly basis, others are in much longer relationships. Just be yourself and act natural. Ask someone out for coffee or 'do you want join me for lunch?', or to somewhere like a zoo or park - somewhere you can feel relaxed (if you're a shy person, I'd avoid fancy restaurants on a first date as they can be nerve wracking).0 -
Heh, the advice I give all my guy friends about women only wanting to be friends with them...you made a new friend! Quit your wallowing. It takes me forever to make friends. XD Most guys I find tend to message girls on online dating sites that are...to put it politely...waaay out of their league. Not to say that some smokin' hot ladies don't want average looking guys ever or to say that everyone has the same tastes in partners, but generally speaking if you know you're about a solid 5 or a 6, asking out only 9 and 10 people won't get you far regardless of gender. I have one friend who does this exact thing and then always complains that he's single and "no women" will give him the time of day...I just shake my head and say "Well, -those- women won't, but maybe if you asked out someone a little less Kate Moss and little more Lena Dunham in the looks department you'd find someone who will date you."0
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mziegler01 wrote: »Heh, the advice I give all my guy friends about women only wanting to be friends with them...you made a new friend! Quit your wallowing. It takes me forever to make friends. XD Most guys I find tend to message girls on online dating sites that are...to put it politely...waaay out of their league. Not to say that some smokin' hot ladies don't want average looking guys ever or to say that everyone has the same tastes in partners, but generally speaking if you know you're about a solid 5 or a 6, asking out only 9 and 10 people won't get you far regardless of gender. I have one friend who does this exact thing and then always complains that he's single and "no women" will give him the time of day...I just shake my head and say "Well, -those- women won't, but maybe if you asked out someone a little less Kate Moss and little more Lena Dunham in the looks department you'd find someone who will date you."
Like this!0 -
Be good at something.
You know how women always say they like guys who are confident? That's where you get the confidence. Be really good at something. Play guitar, juggle, work on cars, ski, cook, write... whatever. We notice when you're good at something because it comes out in the way you speak and act and behave. We may not all be entirely impressed with whatever it is you do, but we will notice how you act.
And then the other thing is just be good at talking to people. ALL people - not just the ones you want to hook up with.
Other things that we notice - good hygiene, grammar, courtesy and manners - and some humility goes a long way as well.
Additional: No such thing as the friendzone. That's somewhere that you have put yourself. The "nice guy" who just hangs around, not making himself known, expecting that if he's "nice" and does everything for her, she'll "come around" and go out with him. That hardly ever works. Because we see you as just this shy puppy dog - not a sexual being at all. And "those jerks" that she does go out with - they made themselves known up front to her. They were confident and moved right in for the kill. The "nice guys" are just jealous that they didn't have the courage to do so. You can have courage and confidence without being a complete knuckledragger.
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OMG this. I pinpointed when I went from a crush on my partner (who is very classically good-looking) to full on attraction/falling for him. I saw him order in a restaurant and treat the server with perfect manners, frequent thank-yous, and a friendly smile. Does that seem silly? It really shouldn't. It's a great signal for how someone will treat everyone else in their life.
My first real boyfriend was charming on the surface (that taught me that "charming" is not a good thing). But we went to a grocery store to buy a few things and his debit card didn't work for some reason. He proceeded to throw a fit to the clerk and caused a scene which was completely embarrassing. I broke up with him not long after that. The way you treat people who are serving you tells us a lot.
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amyrebeccah wrote: »OMG this. I pinpointed when I went from a crush on my partner (who is very classically good-looking) to full on attraction/falling for him. I saw him order in a restaurant and treat the server with perfect manners, frequent thank-yous, and a friendly smile. Does that seem silly? It really shouldn't. It's a great signal for how someone will treat everyone else in their life.
Not at all silly! The first time I spent time with my partner, it wasn't an official date. We met up at the mall with a few of his friends and walked/talked. His friends wandered off, got into some shenanigans, and got kicked out and tried to drag my partner down with them. When the security guard approached him, he was friendly, polite, and compliant to the point that instead of telling us to leave we were informed that his friends were kicked out but we were free to stay if we wished. That was the behavior that sent him skyrocketing away from the "friend" label!0 -
Hey!
Would love to get some advice.....
I tried a couple of times to pick up girls per online dating (30-40 dates) and it also worked couple of times (3-5). Had some short relationships and ONS but it hardly ever lasted and also werent that much
I read A LOT of books on flirting and similiar subjects but have no idea what to do really. I dont really buy in that PUA stuff.. but especially the "daygame" , at least so to say, is what I really lack despite being on campus right now... I am just shy somehow and dont know how I get over it...
do you guys have some serious advice?
I asked a couple of Friends (female) and ex-GF for advice but usually get.. "time isnt right" ...."just be yourself"..... "you will find her".. and stuff like that
"Just be yourself" is the right advice. if you are spending time with someone while pretending to be something you are not they will figure it out. It is exhausting to pretend to be something you perceive to be desirable, especially when you perceive WRONG.
Also thought about trying NoFap to lessen social anxiety of girls a bit; but am I not objectifing the girls even more because I know its only possible to get sex with the girls?
Do they like to be looked at (sexually)?
Women like to be viewed as desirable, just like us men. They also like to be "though" of as desirable. Attractive women know they are attractive. It is your job as the MAN to delve bit deeper and find something to like about her besides the skin deep looks. They tend to be averse to being drooled on or leered at. there is a limit between flirty winks and creepy stares. Her eyes are the window to her mind which is her biggest most influential sexual organ.
As far as the "no *kitten*" is concerned....Never feed a frothing dog.
Also don't take this the wrong way but as long as you see women as something to be obtained rather than someone to experience with, give to and share with, you are objectifying.
What do girls care for (first)?
Looks? Sympathy? Weight? Stature?
The type of women I care to spend time with value honesty, clarity, sanity, humor, authenticity, genuineness, empathy, manliness, masculinity and solidarity. (I aint bad lookin neither)
How do you girls give hints to the guy?
Just eye contact? or something else?
If she smiles a lot she likes you. If she touches you during conversations she likes you, If she maintains eye contact during your conversations she likes you. Subtle touches on the arms, shoulders, or hands during conversation mean a lot to me.
Should I approach in the supermarket/studio/on their regular schedule?
What if they don't see me/notice me? Do they feel overwhelmed`? Insecure? Suprised?
I avoid asking out women that are being paid to be nice to me. if I just can't live without asking that bank teller or waitress out on a date, it needs to be neutral ground where she is comfortable telling me No without compromising her customer service job. Bookstores, school, grocery stores, coffee shops, and civic associations are great. I actually started going back to school to meet women and got a degree out of it. I also found I really, really like being single.............until I get lonely
The word confidence has been mentioned here a bunch. I had no idea what that meant when I found myself suddenly single at 34 years old after being married since 18.
For me confidence means being 100 percent secure in exactly "Who" I am all the time. No faking, no playing, no changing for someone else. Just being me all the time.
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mziegler01 wrote: »Heh, the advice I give all my guy friends about women only wanting to be friends with them...you made a new friend! Quit your wallowing. It takes me forever to make friends. XD Most guys I find tend to message girls on online dating sites that are...to put it politely...waaay out of their league. Not to say that some smokin' hot ladies don't want average looking guys ever or to say that everyone has the same tastes in partners, but generally speaking if you know you're about a solid 5 or a 6, asking out only 9 and 10 people won't get you far regardless of gender. I have one friend who does this exact thing and then always complains that he's single and "no women" will give him the time of day...I just shake my head and say "Well, -those- women won't, but maybe if you asked out someone a little less Kate Moss and little more Lena Dunham in the looks department you'd find someone who will date you."
I am not pop culture aware so I had to look up Lena Dunham. She is positively breathtaking, I would not rate her less than a 9.0 -
Advice? Don't use BS terms like 'friendzoned' to turn the blame entirely on women for you being single.
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mziegler01 wrote: »Heh, the advice I give all my guy friends about women only wanting to be friends with them...you made a new friend! Quit your wallowing. It takes me forever to make friends. XD Most guys I find tend to message girls on online dating sites that are...to put it politely...waaay out of their league. Not to say that some smokin' hot ladies don't want average looking guys ever or to say that everyone has the same tastes in partners, but generally speaking if you know you're about a solid 5 or a 6, asking out only 9 and 10 people won't get you far regardless of gender. I have one friend who does this exact thing and then always complains that he's single and "no women" will give him the time of day...I just shake my head and say "Well, -those- women won't, but maybe if you asked out someone a little less Kate Moss and little more Lena Dunham in the looks department you'd find someone who will date you."
It surprises me when average-looking guys sincerely believe they're entitled to a model-like girlfriend. I think the problem is that they don't really see themselves as a 5 or 6 but have an inflated perception of their attractiveness. This is the only way I can understand why an average guy with nothing out of the ordinary going for him (crazy talent, fame, etc.) feels it's realistic.0 -
DearestWinter wrote: »
It surprises me when average-looking guys sincerely believe they're entitled to a model-like girlfriend. I think the problem is that they don't really see themselves as a 5 or 6 but have an inflated perception of their attractiveness. This is the only way I can understand why an average guy with nothing out of the ordinary going for him (crazy talent, fame, etc.) feels it's realistic.
Wow. I wonder what its like when your poop doesn't stink. Can you tell me?0 -
DearestWinter wrote: »mziegler01 wrote: »Heh, the advice I give all my guy friends about women only wanting to be friends with them...you made a new friend! Quit your wallowing. It takes me forever to make friends. XD Most guys I find tend to message girls on online dating sites that are...to put it politely...waaay out of their league. Not to say that some smokin' hot ladies don't want average looking guys ever or to say that everyone has the same tastes in partners, but generally speaking if you know you're about a solid 5 or a 6, asking out only 9 and 10 people won't get you far regardless of gender. I have one friend who does this exact thing and then always complains that he's single and "no women" will give him the time of day...I just shake my head and say "Well, -those- women won't, but maybe if you asked out someone a little less Kate Moss and little more Lena Dunham in the looks department you'd find someone who will date you."
It surprises me when average-looking guys sincerely believe they're entitled to a model-like girlfriend. I think the problem is that they don't really see themselves as a 5 or 6 but have an inflated perception of their attractiveness. This is the only way I can understand why an average guy with nothing out of the ordinary going for him (crazy talent, fame, etc.) feels it's realistic.
And that my friends is how to go from a ten to a two in three sentences...........We all deserve to be with someone who rates us an eleventeen.0 -
DearestWinter wrote: »
It surprises me when average-looking guys sincerely believe they're entitled to a model-like girlfriend. I think the problem is that they don't really see themselves as a 5 or 6 but have an inflated perception of their attractiveness. This is the only way I can understand why an average guy with nothing out of the ordinary going for him (crazy talent, fame, etc.) feels it's realistic.
Wow. I wonder what its like when your poop doesn't stink. Can you tell me?
Seriously, come on. Men display and women choose.
A woman who is a 9-10 in the looks department can have her choice of guys. It should be no shock at all that she will very likely choose a man who is relatively close to her own level of looks and/or status.
This is a no-brainer. And an entitlement attitude in anyone is not attractive.
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DearestWinter wrote: »
It surprises me when average-looking guys sincerely believe they're entitled to a model-like girlfriend. I think the problem is that they don't really see themselves as a 5 or 6 but have an inflated perception of their attractiveness. This is the only way I can understand why an average guy with nothing out of the ordinary going for him (crazy talent, fame, etc.) feels it's realistic.
Wow. I wonder what its like when your poop doesn't stink. Can you tell me?
I have no idea. You should ask one of those men with unrealistic expectations.
In case you are confused, I am not a model-like person and I don't aim for guys who are out of my league.0 -
HumboldtFred wrote: »
And that my friends is how to go from a ten to a two in three sentences...........We all deserve to be with someone who rates us an eleventeen.
This.
Sometimes they're so pretty until they start talking
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DearestWinter wrote: »DearestWinter wrote: »
It surprises me when average-looking guys sincerely believe they're entitled to a model-like girlfriend. I think the problem is that they don't really see themselves as a 5 or 6 but have an inflated perception of their attractiveness. This is the only way I can understand why an average guy with nothing out of the ordinary going for him (crazy talent, fame, etc.) feels it's realistic.
Wow. I wonder what its like when your poop doesn't stink. Can you tell me?
I have no idea. You should ask one of those men with unrealistic expectations.
In case you are confused, I am not a model-like person and I don't aim for guys who are out of my league.
So my question to you is this. What happens when beauty or status changes?
I married someone who was stunningly beautiful. All of my friends, (even my family) thought she was way out of "my league." It just so happens that she didn't. Maybe she saw something inside me that showed that when accidents happen and scars and burns covered her beauty I would still love her. We have since gone our own ways but she still commands my respect and I think her not an iota less beautiful than the day I met her at sixteen years of age.
So what is your contingency plan for when your man becomes ugly, sick, scarred, wrinkled, or unemployed. Are you going to cash him in on a new model or just denigrate yourself until your status and beauty matches his?
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So what is your contingency plan for when your man becomes ugly, sick, scarred, wrinkled, or unemployed. Are you going to cash him in on a new model or just denigrate yourself until your status and beauty matches his?
Like attracts like. If you choose someone who's a shallow a**hole you should not be surprised when she/he acts as such.
Besides, rates of divorce are higher when it is the woman who becomes ill.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/03/06/in-sickness-and-health-wifes-serious-illness-increases-chance-of-divorce-later-in-life-husbands-doesnt/
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