always friendzoned - advice?
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slideaway1 wrote: »I've been in nightclubs with a group of mates and a few of the shy and quiet ones (even when intoxicated) have gone up to a group of girls etc to chat/introduce themselves etc and have been brutally humiliated by these girls. The kind of stuff that you can not laugh off (if your a bit sensitive/reserved etc) and will probably stay with them forever. Woman in these situations hold all the power (in the same way that men sort of hold the power in the street by whistling/swearing etc at girls) and I've seen friends destroyed by girls because they had the audacity to try and talk to them and even compliment them on a night out. Tough world we live in.
Absolutely. I've been on the receiving end and seen it happen to others. And it sucks but you can't take it personally. Hey, at least she let's you know straight away.0 -
TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »slideaway1 wrote: »I've been in nightclubs with a group of mates and a few of the shy and quiet ones (even when intoxicated) have gone up to a group of girls etc to chat/introduce themselves etc and have been brutally humiliated by these girls. The kind of stuff that you can not laugh off (if your a bit sensitive/reserved etc) and will probably stay with them forever. Woman in these situations hold all the power (in the same way that men sort of hold the power in the street by whistling/swearing etc at girls) and I've seen friends destroyed by girls because they had the audacity to try and talk to them and even compliment them on a night out. Tough world we live in.
Absolutely. I've been on the receiving end and seen it happen to others. And it sucks but you can't take it personally. Hey, at least she let's you know straight away.
It then creates a cycle of already shy/nervous (But perfectly brilliant people) to want to avoid this kind of pain, so become even more shy/introverted etc by avoiding approaching/chatting to girls/guys. I think the message is that we should try to be kinder to each other. But, in the real world, people will always be rude/ignorant etc. I think self confidence comes in when you realise that you can talk to anybody, nobody is better than you and it should be their privillage to hear what you have to say. Don't be intimidated by anybody.0 -
amyrebeccah, you're still doing it.
I am trying to not sound like I am talking to a child, but every time I make a comment it's got to be further boiled down and dissected. "The sky is blue." "That's really a demonstration of your position that you can call the sky blue. Sometimes it's red." Sweet mercy. Yes, there will be caveats and exceptions to everything.
Ok, let me rewind. When a dog barks at you it's just noise. That dog could be calling me the worst names in the universe in its little dog language, but I don't care. Dogs bark. I really do wish I had chosen to use birds squawking instead of dogs barking. Sheesh.
Sigh, this really is tedious.
For the vast majority of instances in which a woman will have to reject a man firmly because he didn't take the hint when she was polite, it will more likely end in foul language and name calling than it will end in a sexual assault. Could it end in a sexual assault? YES. IT COULD. But in the context of the question I was asked, my answer was the most succinct.0 -
Present yourself well, be kind, and dont be creepy. Being genuinely nice to someone even if you arent sure you will get their attention does a lot. My friends judged my current boyfriend, but he was so nice to me that I didn't care at all about any physical imperfections.0
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TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »amyrebeccah, you're still doing it.
I am trying to not sound like I am talking to a child, but every time I make a comment it's got to be further boiled down and dissected. "The sky is blue." "That's really a demonstration of your position that you can call the sky is blue. Sometimes it's red." Sweet mercy. Yes, there will be caveats and exceptions to everything.
Ok, let me rewind. When a dog barks at you it's just noise. That dog could be calling me the worst names in the universe in its little dog language, but I don't care. Dogs bark. I really do wish I had chosen to use birds squawking instead of dogs barking. Sheesh.
Sigh, this really is tedious.
For the vast majority of instances in which a woman will have to reject a man firmly because he didn't take the hint when she was polite, it will more likely end in foul language and name calling than it will end in a sexual assault. Could it end in a sexual assault? YES. IT COULD. But in the context of the question I was asked, my answer was the most succinct.
Lol. You need to need to make your analogies clearer. Or at least use different animals.0 -
slideaway1 wrote:It then creates a cycle of already shy/nervous (But perfectly brilliant people) to want to avoid this kind of pain, so become even more shy/introverted etc by avoiding approaching/chatting to girls/guys. I think the message is that we should try to be kinder to each other. But, in the real world, people will always be rude/ignorant etc. I think self confidence comes in when you realise that you can talk to anybody, nobody is better than you and it should be their privillage to hear what you have to say. Don't be intimidated by anybody.
Yes, it definitely can exacerbate an individual's shyness. I've seen a woman tell a man who had asked her to dance, "No. You're too short. Go away." I was actually at this club with the girl (not as a couple) and I told the guy, "Hey, don't take that too hard. I promise, it's not you."0 -
I'm going to just have to switch over to using pictures.0
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lol...Mario's 'girlfriend' is constantly at Bowser's house...
At some point she's not being kidnapped.0 -
rsdnation . com
youtube . com /alexsocial
Those are the best of the best in the matter0 -
TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »lol...Mario's 'girlfriend' is constantly at Bowser's house...
At some point she's not being kidnapped.
Frankly, do you blame her?
Assertive, ambitious, domineering Bowser with his strong arms, wickedly smart dungeon designs, carefully constructed society of minions and a cool red mohawk, versus a plumber with a really tacky mustachio, dreadfully unfashionable overalls, an annoying brother, the physique of Danny DeVito and a "mushroom" addiction?0 -
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It's simple really... Like yourself... It's all about Karma... what you put out you get back... Be happy, enjoy what you do, smile at everyone you meet, be kind to all you greet. help when you can... BE a noble man... a gentle man and being a gentleman will become second nature...be that and a worthwhile woman will find that appealing, and she'll let you know she is interested one way or another... be interesting... be interested...participate in your own life and not only will youattract women.. you'll attract friends who will introduce you to women. do as you choose with this young padawan... "do or do not.. there is no try"`yoda0
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Where does Mario live? Cause Bowser has a castle.
And we don't KNOW Bowser is domineering...maybe he's just enthusiastic and offers a good salary.0 -
rsdnation . com
youtube . com /alexsocial
Those are the best of the best in the matter
Ah yes, "rsdnation.com", with key articles like "How to seem to cool to every single girl" and "Miami Nights: life of a pickup artist" and "How to brainwash her" or even "Shocking: how women work EXPLAINED!"
Even if she might screw you once or twice, no woman in her right mind will ever take you seriously if you are the kind of guy who wastes his time and internet traffic and money having professional scammers tell him what "her magic switch is".
This is the exact equivalent of running after fad diets: going for the "the cabbage soup recipe" and "the 45 day coconut challenge" instead of just sobering up, realizing that there is no mysterious formula to solve your problems and no secret code to unlock dating or weight loss, realizing that you are accountable for your own failures. Just as weight loss at the end of the day is little more than CiCo, so is dating little more than how attractive who you actually are is to whom you are trying to appeal to.
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Alright. Some good pro-Mario points raised here.... Hmmm.... I'll have to think about this more.0
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lookin4gains wrote: »I see a lot of women here hating on the word friend zone. The OP said he met girls on a dating site and they put him in the zone. Instead of just being honest and saying ya know I really don't think we are compatible or something of that nature, they just continue to respond and act nice. Lol. Almost every girl has done that in some way or another. And the women know damn well the dude is interested. But it makes them feel good about themselves, so a lot of women keep them around for a confidence booster. Some dudes just can't see past the sweetness and still have hope and would bend over backwards for the girl. If you do get put in the zone and can see the signals. Just keep hanging out with her till you meet some of her cute friends. Then ask them out.
Has it crossed your mind that women online don't just "act nice"? When I was still looking for a bf online, I replied to everybody's message as long as it was grammatically correct and at least a little interesting. Lots of interesting conversations started with that and I built a connection to some of these guys but not necessarily with some sort of spark. Now, you assume that if a guy messages a girl online, it MUST be because he wants sex. Has it crossed your mind that guys might be OK with meeting women who end up being friends?
I'm all in favour of honesty. If a guy asks me out and I definitely know I'm not interested, I'll tell him just that but if he just keeps messaging about topics I'm interested in talking about, why should I assume he wants sex? Why isn't it equally possible that he is interested in me as a friend?
There are a few guys I met online who got pretty upset when I met my boyfriend and they stopped talking to me, also because they felt they didn't have time to nurture a friendship when a relationship is what they were looking for. That's perfectly understandable. But there are also guys I met in this way who know I am not single and we still keep chatting because we LIKE each other without wanting to get into each other's pants.0 -
I would really like to see how do the people who flip when they hear the term friendzone react when a woman friend complains about being friendzoned by a guy whom she's set on orbiting around, unrequited. The friendzone is toxic and one should take their leave asap, and that's what I say to those women. No "it doesn't exist" or "blah blah genders". I generally agree that it's a narrative frequently used in sexist speech and should be fought against, but maybe not on top of someone's problems.
But it's also good to suggest to stop girlfriend-zoning women, OP. Make more women friends. And male friends, you mention asking women for advice but seem to be lacking your peers' input. Take some time off dating, try to lose the desperation, reassess later.
It's happened to me. Met a guy and actually worked pretty hard for him to feel comfortable around me. I really liked him, we spent lots of time together just the two of us but often he complained that women just didn't see him or weren't interested etc. Gave him a bit of a talking to about that. It hurt that he rejected me even when I flat-out told him I was interested.
So yea, I was "friendzoned". This guy rejected my sexual advances but he's made me a part of his life. He's opened up to me and I feel honored that he calls me a friend. It's a great zone to be in.
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HumboldtFred wrote: »Mumble, I prefer a solid No to a soft Yes. The simpler the better. That way I can get on with asking the next young lady if she would privilege me with an enjoyable exchange of time and companionship. (Yes I talk like this in real life.)
Hehe that's cute
@TheLegendaryBrandonHarris I tend to growl at misbehaving dogs. Not sure that would help....
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so many women in this thread giving me life with their replies thank goddess for them
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slideaway1 wrote: »What some people consider the Friend zone, others just see as playing the long game. Just try to put a more positive slant on it
.
No. If you are going to be friends with someone be friends with them. Playing the long game isn't being friends it is being manipulative and dishonest and I don't think that is something to be proud of.
Yes. The long game? It's broken my platonic heart more than a few times. I've developed great friendships only to discover that the friendship was great to only me - the guy had other ideas.
It's made me wary about building friendships with men, or consciously filter what I say to male friends.
Honestly, I could be so much funnier!
So I tell myself.
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0_o I have never been one for rating people... I don't agree with it.... we ( men and women) are not a cattle market...... leagues..... figment of your own imaginations.... no one is out of reach of anyone... people have different preferences, different people they attract and that are attracted to. Does money, looks etc really narrow it down for you... if it does... kinda shallow... no offence but it's the truth! yes I love looking at handsome men...( My kind of handsome could be soo different to others!) who doesn't! but again looks are not everything.... when looks fade and money ( hopefully money wont exist in the future... but it will) vanishes what have you truly got left? If I found someone that meant the world to me, that I loved, the connection, the spark! and they felt the same ... and the thought of losing them would kill me.... I couldn't care if he was gorgeous, ok or in alien form I'd marry him on the spot! lol. I mean look at brad pitt... people used to swoon over him... I honestly didn't see anything spectacular about him... looks or personality...
everyone is different and if you live by leagues and ratings... well good luck
I'd rather live a life with no regrets..... because one day you may reject the person that would have gave you the world 0 -
determined_ella wrote: »0_o I have never been one for rating people... I don't agree with it.... we ( men and women) are not a cattle market...... leagues..... figment of your own imaginations.... no one is out of reach of anyone... people have different preferences, different people they attract and that are attracted to. Does money, looks etc really narrow it down for you... if it does... kinda shallow... no offence but it's the truth! yes I love looking at handsome men...( My kind of handsome could be soo different to others!) who doesn't! but again looks are not everything.... when looks fade and money ( hopefully money wont exist in the future... but it will) vanishes what have you truly got left? If I found someone that meant the world to me, that I loved, the connection, the spark! and they felt the same ... and the thought of losing them would kill me.... I couldn't care if he was gorgeous, ok or in alien form I'd marry him on the spot! lol. I mean look at brad pitt... people used to swoon over him... I honestly didn't see anything spectacular about him... looks or personality...
everyone is different and if you live by leagues and ratings... well good luck I'd rather live a life with no regrets..... because one day you may reject the person that would have gave you the world
A good way to put it.0 -
determined_ella wrote: »0_o I have never been one for rating people... I don't agree with it.... we ( men and women) are not a cattle market...... leagues..... figment of your own imaginations.... no one is out of reach of anyone... people have different preferences, different people they attract and that are attracted to. Does money, looks etc really narrow it down for you... if it does... kinda shallow... no offence but it's the truth! yes I love looking at handsome men...( My kind of handsome could be soo different to others!) who doesn't! but again looks are not everything.... when looks fade and money ( hopefully money wont exist in the future... but it will) vanishes what have you truly got left? If I found someone that meant the world to me, that I loved, the connection, the spark! and they felt the same ... and the thought of losing them would kill me.... I couldn't care if he was gorgeous, ok or in alien form I'd marry him on the spot! lol. I mean look at brad pitt... people used to swoon over him... I honestly didn't see anything spectacular about him... looks or personality...
everyone is different and if you live by leagues and ratings... well good luck I'd rather live a life with no regrets..... because one day you may reject the person that would have gave you the world
I'm adding another term for you, "Keeper." Yup definitely a keeper right here.
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MikaMojito wrote: »I would really like to see how do the people who flip when they hear the term friendzone react when a woman friend complains about being friendzoned by a guy whom she's set on orbiting around, unrequited. The friendzone is toxic and one should take their leave asap, and that's what I say to those women. No "it doesn't exist" or "blah blah genders". I generally agree that it's a narrative frequently used in sexist speech and should be fought against, but maybe not on top of someone's problems.
But it's also good to suggest to stop girlfriend-zoning women, OP. Make more women friends. And male friends, you mention asking women for advice but seem to be lacking your peers' input. Take some time off dating, try to lose the desperation, reassess later.
It's happened to me. Met a guy and actually worked pretty hard for him to feel comfortable around me. I really liked him, we spent lots of time together just the two of us but often he complained that women just didn't see him or weren't interested etc. Gave him a bit of a talking to about that. It hurt that he rejected me even when I flat-out told him I was interested.
So yea, I was "friendzoned". This guy rejected my sexual advances but he's made me a part of his life. He's opened up to me and I feel honored that he calls me a friend. It's a great zone to be in.
Exactly. The friend zone has pizza and laughing and beer and cutthroat board games. It's the best of all the zones!
Also, I have never met a guy who believes in "friendzoning" who doesn't also think he "deserves" a "hot girl." So....he ignores the millions of women out there who are also lonely and calls the ones who reject him "shallow" while he also calls the ones who make a move "desperate" and "pathetic."
I've never met a guy who complained about "friendzoning" who wasn't also a colossal douche. Not sure if I've got a statistically relevant sample going, but I'm definitely convinced by the data. Look, my little Trilby-wearing, neckbeard-sporting bros....go back to claiming it's about "ethics in gaming journalism." Your dating complaints and PUA "How to Rape" guides skeeve me out.0 -
Exactly. The friend zone has pizza and laughing and beer and cutthroat board games. It's the best of all the zones!
Also, I have never met a guy who believes in "friendzoning" who doesn't also think he "deserves" a "hot girl." So....he ignores the millions of women out there who are also lonely and calls the ones who reject him "shallow" while he also calls the ones who make a move "desperate" and "pathetic."
I've never met a guy who complained about "friendzoning" who wasn't also a colossal douche. Not sure if I've got a statistically relevant sample going, but I'm definitely convinced by the data. Look, my little Trilby-wearing, neckbeard-sporting bros....go back to claiming it's about "ethics in gaming journalism." Your dating complaints and PUA "How to Rape" guides skeeve me out.
I wouldn't say they're all *kitten*. That friend of mine used the word "friendzoned", too when complaining about how girls weren't interested in him. Now I know him extremely well and he is just plain clueless. He's adorable as f*** but he doesn't know how to act when he's actually interested in somebody. We were hanging out with a new girl and she's smart and funny and just as average looking as him, me and most other people. He was SO keen on her but felt she was totally friendzoning him. And since he's incredibly shy (it took me a few weeks to get him to talk to me), she just hadn't realized that he cared for her in a non-friendshippy way. She still wasn't interested but she honestly hadn't realized because he just treated her like he treats me and other women. He was friendly and funny in his wonderfully dorky way. He never tried to touch her (even when they accidentally met up alone), he never asked her out or anything. How could she have known. But since he's so clueless, he didn't know he wasn't showing obvious signs of interest. They were pretty obvious to me but not to anybody who doesn't know him well.
Damn. I really really need to find him a nice girl. Any people around from southern Germany who want to date a wonderful, caring, funny but shy and clueless guy? Good cook, too. No *kitten*, I'll vouch for that.0 -
Yeah, but see, this is where I feel that language matters. In the case you mentioned, she didn't "friendzone" him. She didn't do anything. She initially didn't really realize he was interested, and furthermore he was not attractive according to her own personal criteria; she did not actively harm him in any way. Using the bro-language that makes the woman the subject and the man the "victim", that she "did" something to him, something heartless and selfish and cruel and cold called "friendzoning", and poor him for getting "friendzoned"... Well, that just creates a mentality that is *kitten*: that the default should be women giving in to all advances, and that when a woman doesn't do that, woe is us.0
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determined_ella wrote: »0_o I have never been one for rating people... I don't agree with it.... we ( men and women) are not a cattle market...... leagues..... figment of your own imaginations.... no one is out of reach of anyone... people have different preferences, different people they attract and that are attracted to. Does money, looks etc really narrow it down for you... if it does... kinda shallow...
I feel exactly the same way. However, PLENTY of people have "leagues" and the good men I see getting friendzoned are pursuing shallow women who "are out of their league"
That's not my reality. That's the reality of a lot of women though, in my opinion. I do think they grow out if it by late 20s early 30s for those who are shallow like that.
If that helps explain things...
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pewh.. ok the thread somehow got quite out of hand for me ^^
Didnt knew there was so much to say about dating *g*
@rambabean
cool article and yeah quite true.. but I never even pictured that they owe me something
It just feels like, if you follow your heart and act nice (like I always do): you get told how A and B met and you think, why does he behave so *kitten* and still get the girl.. I think this is a huge problem. Because after a breakup the dirty secrets get revealed and you think, dude ... he is flawed and still got the princess....because the good parts wont be told to other people after a breakup
@mikamojito
funny.. are you talking about me (also south germany^^)? exactly my problem here in germany.. maybe the dating here is just "colder".. I mean whistle in france -> a girl she smiles. Do the same in germany you're a creep
maybe germans arent used to flirt?
@determined
I also dont like to rate anyone. I play for keeps. but somehow my keeper didnt show up ^^
no really... how do I miss all the girls?
@lydiakitten
Also how do I know which league I am in? I thought rating isnt good?
I dont know anymore....
also... being overweight I KNOW what bombardement is believe me...
I hear it all my life that I am fat... no matter how much I lose or gain...
Online isnt my thing anymore I guess... tried them all...but:
Mostly/only looks matter (especially apps like tinder)
you barely get a reply due to the huge amounts of messages the girls get.
and no impression of the person on the other line.
So honestly I have no clue what to do.
How can I tell if someone is even interested? Maybe this will get me a clue, which girl really wants to talk to me (and which I should ask) and avoiding further false hopes and awkward approaches ^^
Maybe the problem is also that I dont have a single friends circle or something like this, who gets out dating, drinking or something like this. But I also dont want to be socialising this way.. I am looking always for friends.. not drunk dudes
Do you guys also go alone to venues (concert, bar, club, disco, cinema, theatre, etc)??
Maybe I also never met a girl where I said "wow, that is fascinating (girl)!!" ? or I didnt realized it back then? or I was too shy to talk to her then?
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