Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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lemurcat12 wrote: »I'm nowhere near my goal weight, but I am officially in maintenance now. The eagle-eyed among you will know why (I posted about my motivation many pages back). I'm on cloud 9.
I'm taking a guess here, but I think congratulations are in order? and no more alcohol? or... nuts? or egg whites. I trying to think of others but having not been there, I don't know. YAY!
Oh, I totally had the hint fly over my head and I even recall the earlier post now that it's made obvious.
Great news!
I'm not figuring it out yet, unfortunately. Any other clues anyone can give? Or approx. what page the previous post was on? I've read the whole thread, but sometimes my retention is lacking due to multitasking.
Hint: Impending family expansion going on.
Thank you! I apologize for my slowness. Blaming it on the gray, rainy weather here today.0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »ladybuggnorris wrote: »
That's horrible! But I can totally relate.Italian_Buju wrote: »Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....
Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.
I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.
I would not say that my parents are uncaring...they would never make rude or hateful comments to me. But, I did learn a lot on how not to be a parent from them. I had my tonsils removed when I was six. My mom drove the 45 minutes to the hospital, stayed while they admitted me, did bloodwork, etc...then went home. She came and picked me up three days later. I do not remember a single time in my life where I was as scared as I was, waking up from that surgery and not knowing anyone.
I am sorry you experienced that.
I sadly have experienced this also. I was very sick as a child and spent a LOT of time in hospital. I had a kidney removed, and was in for a long time, I was very young, I barely remember anything, I was maybe 3, but I do remember that I was ALWAYS alone and scared.
When my son was three, he was in the hospital twice one winter with pneumonia, and both times I literally never left his side. I even had the nurses on the ward track me down a bottle of insulin when I ran out. I slept in the hospital bed with him, and did not even go to work or anything. I did not want him to be there alone because of how often that happened to me.
On kind of a funny note, but it also tells how often I was in hospital as a kid, some of the senior nurses on the pediatric ward remembered me when my son was there. I was sleeping in the bed with him one night and all of a sudden felt something in my ear. The nurse had come in for middle of the night temperature and did mine instead of his! She forgot I was not the patient, we laughed about that for literally days!
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. You sound like you are a wonderful, caring mom!0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »
That's horrible! But I can totally relate.Italian_Buju wrote: »Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....
Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.
I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.
I can relate to that because my mother did that to me! I was about 13 and was vomiting all day and in a lot of pain. A friend had slept over the night before, and by morning when she was leaving I headed over to the ER. My mother checked me in, and then left. I spent hours and hours in an ER room, puking my brains out and passing out over and over. The surgeon said I needed my appendix out, but they could not find my parents to sign the surgery consent. This was the mid 80's so before cell phones etc. My friend that had slept over stopped in with her mom that evening because they had been calling the house and could not get anyone so they came to the ER to see if I was still there. I vaguely remember seeing them between passing out. My friend's mother lost her mind when she realized I was there alone and that they hospital could not find my parents. She actually went out and hunted them down on her own. They were out at a restaurant having dinner. My father had come home from work, and my mother did not even tell him I was at the hospital or anything. I remember the DR reaming her out, and her excuse was that she was diabetic and needed dinner. REALLY? Grab a sandwich, wtf. Not only that, but she was gone for hours and hours before that.
Because they had to wait so long, my appendix burst while they were taking it out, I ended up in hospital for three weeks with a nasty infection and my scar is HUGE! My mother was a complete asshat. That is one of the lesser things she did to me......
It is a wonder they did not call CPS and have you removed from their custody, that would for sure happen now.0 -
Some positive vibes here. I have the best mom anyone could ever ask for. I learned so much from her about how to be kind a decent human being. She raised 5 daughters by herself (at least for most of the time) and we always had other kids at our house who weren't as fortunate as we were, who didn't get warm, filling meals on a daily basis, who didn't have clean, fitting clothes even though we were on a really tight budget ourselves. Everyone was always able to come back home whenever we needed to. When I moved to the states for a year and things didn't go as planned she stayed up way past her bed time to skype with me and already had a plan to get me back home. She helps wherever she can. Right now my uncle has lung fibrosis in a very late stage. No one knows how long he's still gonna be with us. He was an **** for so many years, being mean to almost everybody in our family so all of us had little to no contact. Now that he can't do anything by himself anymore my mom stays with him, sleeps on his couch, washes him while still working part time and babysitting my nephews and niece at least once a week. I never feel like I can quiet give back what she did and still does for us. I live at home again so the only thing I really can do to support her is make sure that the house is clean and make sure everything is alright when she gets home (I don't even know when that will be). I am proud of my mom for everything she does.0
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dearmrsowl wrote: »Some positive vibes here. I have the best mom anyone could ever ask for. I learned so much from her about how to be kind a decent human being. She raised 5 daughters by herself (at least for most of the time) and we always had other kids at our house who weren't as fortunate as we were, who didn't get warm, filling meals on a daily basis, who didn't have clean, fitting clothes even though we were on a really tight budget ourselves. Everyone was always able to come back home whenever we needed to. When I moved to the states for a year and things didn't go as planned she stayed up way past her bed time to skype with me and already had a plan to get me back home. She helps wherever she can. Right now my uncle has lung fibrosis in a very late stage. No one knows how long he's still gonna be with us. He was an **** for so many years, being mean to almost everybody in our family so all of us had little to no contact. Now that he can't do anything by himself anymore my mom stays with him, sleeps on his couch, washes him while still working part time and babysitting my nephews and niece at least once a week. I never feel like I can quiet give back what she did and still does for us. I live at home again so the only thing I really can do to support her is make sure that the house is clean and make sure everything is alright when she gets home (I don't even know when that will be). I am proud of my mom for everything she does.
Your mother is a saint! Good for you for being there for her now. She deserves it.0 -
dearmrsowl wrote: »I really want to get a slow cooker or crock pot but it would scare the heck out of me to leave it on for a couple of hours while I'm not in the house. I'd be too afraid that the thing might catch on fire and burn the whole house down. I'm also kind of obsessive over checking if the stove is off at night and if all doors are locked. Once I walked 30 minutes (after already being at the library to study) just to check if I really locked the door to the community center I have the key for because I couldn't remember if I did or not.
I have the same slow cooker fear. Like how can you leave a burning fire in your house without someone there to keep an eye on it?
Not nearly an issue now as it used to be. They changed the regulations for them to prevent burns a few years ago, so any made in the last 5-10 years (forget which year) don't get all that hot at all. IMO, that's actually a problem, because the new ones don't actually get hot enough to cook things like they used to, meaning where it used to be ok to put frozen chicken in and be assured it would get to a safe temp, now you can't guarantee it unless you check with a thermometer.0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »pleasepleaseno wrote: »Confession: I've relapsed completely into bulimia.
I was clean about 8 months.
My total time bulimic is 7 years.
I afraid of dying
I'm so sorry. I've relapsed before, too. I'm currently about two months from my last purge, and about a year from doing it super regularly. You can get over this setback. Just remember you are worth it and so much stronger than you think. The first time you say no is the hardest, and it gets slightly easier every time after that. I'll be thinking of you.
@pleasepleaseno - It's not unusual to relapse. You have to do all of the things that helped you stop 8 months before. If that means going back to a therapist/doctor/dietician (I was seeing all 3 for about a year), then do that. I still fight it. All. The. Time. I still have the occasional binge/purge episode. I admit it. They are few and far between, I know my triggers and try to avoid them.
When I was at my worst, I was doing it 5-10 times per day. Exhausting and expensive.
I guess I was pretending it was a "Slip", lying to myself. I know what my main triggers are, and I'm trying to avoid ALCOHOL these days. I am really hoping it will help. I am trying to remember my worth and how it felt being clean. Thanks for the support all xoxo0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »ladybuggnorris wrote: »
That's horrible! But I can totally relate.Italian_Buju wrote: »Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....
Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.
I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.
I would not say that my parents are uncaring...they would never make rude or hateful comments to me. But, I did learn a lot on how not to be a parent from them. I had my tonsils removed when I was six. My mom drove the 45 minutes to the hospital, stayed while they admitted me, did bloodwork, etc...then went home. She came and picked me up three days later. I do not remember a single time in my life where I was as scared as I was, waking up from that surgery and not knowing anyone.
I am sorry you experienced that.
I sadly have experienced this also. I was very sick as a child and spent a LOT of time in hospital. I had a kidney removed, and was in for a long time, I was very young, I barely remember anything, I was maybe 3, but I do remember that I was ALWAYS alone and scared.
When my son was three, he was in the hospital twice one winter with pneumonia, and both times I literally never left his side. I even had the nurses on the ward track me down a bottle of insulin when I ran out. I slept in the hospital bed with him, and did not even go to work or anything. I did not want him to be there alone because of how often that happened to me.
On kind of a funny note, but it also tells how often I was in hospital as a kid, some of the senior nurses on the pediatric ward remembered me when my son was there. I was sleeping in the bed with him one night and all of a sudden felt something in my ear. The nurse had come in for middle of the night temperature and did mine instead of his! She forgot I was not the patient, we laughed about that for literally days!
At least these experiences have made us better parents! When my daughter was in the hospital for three weeks, with a nasty infection (she was 2), the longest we left her alone was for the switch-up (me to drive home and my husband to drive back). This took about 15 minutes and we were very careful to do it while she was sleeping, so she never knew we left. The reason this was necessary is that we had three other kids at home that were not old enough to be alone...and they also needed Mom time.0 -
pleasepleaseno wrote: »Confession: I've relapsed completely into bulimia.
I was clean about 8 months.
My total time bulimic is 7 years.
I afraid of dying
I'm sorry to hear this, can you get professional help at all?
8 months is a good run! I recently quit smoking, i'm on about 2 & half months and going well.
I'm not particularly knowledgeable on ED's but is this something you could just dust yourself off and keep going? Consider it a little stumble, but get up smiling and carry on as you were?
This is good advice. Sorry for your struggles, but it doesn't mean you've failed. Just try again. Fear of death is extremely serious, though. Do you have a doctor or therapist you can see ASAP?
I tried getting help at my Uni and they basically said that my problems were a bit extensive for what they can do and asked if I could go somewhere else. I am graduating and moving in about 5 weeks though, and I don't want to start with a therapist then find a new one. I am going to reopen my bag of tricks and try what I learned before. I hope this works! Thanks so much for caring.
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dearmrsowl wrote: »I really want to get a slow cooker or crock pot but it would scare the heck out of me to leave it on for a couple of hours while I'm not in the house. I'd be too afraid that the thing might catch on fire and burn the whole house down. I'm also kind of obsessive over checking if the stove is off at night and if all doors are locked. Once I walked 30 minutes (after already being at the library to study) just to check if I really locked the door to the community center I have the key for because I couldn't remember if I did or not.
I have the same slow cooker fear. Like how can you leave a burning fire in your house without someone there to keep an eye on it?
Not nearly an issue now as it used to be. They changed the regulations for them to prevent burns a few years ago, so any made in the last 5-10 years (forget which year) don't get all that hot at all. IMO, that's actually a problem, because the new ones don't actually get hot enough to cook things like they used to, meaning where it used to be ok to put frozen chicken in and be assured it would get to a safe temp, now you can't guarantee it unless you check with a thermometer.
I know that they are safe, otherwise they would never be able to sell them. I also know that the fear of it going up in flames is irrational and my head / mind is to blame for it. But still. I know that our stove top doesn't get hot unless there is the right pots and pans on it (it's an induction stove top). Still doesn't stop me from checking if it's cold before I leave the house or go to bed.0 -
I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.
I am so sorry you went through that and had to do it alone. Sexual abuse is extremely damaging and taxing on the mind. I was very lucky that my mother was very progressive and neither of my parents ever placed blame on anyone but the men. Sadly I had two instances of sexual abuse and have been able to mostly get over them with support from those close around me. I hope you came out without much hurt.
I'm sorry you went through that.
I had very supportive friends, one of whom had worked at the same place before me and who had also been a victim of this guy (AND a girl prior to her!), which helped... made it less personal, and more of "something he did to the part-time girls"... like it wasn't about ME. I also had a great experience with the police when I reported it (no one else had).dearmrsowl wrote: »I really want to get a slow cooker or crock pot but it would scare the heck out of me to leave it on for a couple of hours while I'm not in the house. I'd be too afraid that the thing might catch on fire and burn the whole house down. I'm also kind of obsessive over checking if the stove is off at night and if all doors are locked. Once I walked 30 minutes (after already being at the library to study) just to check if I really locked the door to the community center I have the key for because I couldn't remember if I did or not.
I have the same fear but my loathing of cooking is greater than my fear, lol. Having a crock pot is a godsend, although I don't use it nearly often enough as the majority of recipes seem to be geared toward meat, which I don't eat. I make a killer vegetarian chili, however!
I try to minimize the potential danger by placing it on a glass counter-protector thingy I have, and making sure it it pushed far back from the edge so as not to entice curious dogs.0 -
Confession: I will use the same k-cup 2-3 times. lol
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pleasepleaseno wrote: »pleasepleaseno wrote: »Confession: I've relapsed completely into bulimia.
I was clean about 8 months.
My total time bulimic is 7 years.
I afraid of dying
I'm sorry to hear this, can you get professional help at all?
8 months is a good run! I recently quit smoking, i'm on about 2 & half months and going well.
I'm not particularly knowledgeable on ED's but is this something you could just dust yourself off and keep going? Consider it a little stumble, but get up smiling and carry on as you were?
This is good advice. Sorry for your struggles, but it doesn't mean you've failed. Just try again. Fear of death is extremely serious, though. Do you have a doctor or therapist you can see ASAP?
I tried getting help at my Uni and they basically said that my problems were a bit extensive for what they can do and asked if I could go somewhere else. I am graduating and moving in about 5 weeks though, and I don't want to start with a therapist then find a new one. I am going to reopen my bag of tricks and try what I learned before. I hope this works! Thanks so much for caring.
Well, what they SHOULD have done is refer you to someone immediately. If they don't have the experts to help, then by all means they should have a referral network! Sorry, that makes me unreasonably angry because so many people never seek out help and then those that do do not receive what they need.
I do understand the moving soon part of it. I sincerely hope a new start and a new therapist will help you put this chapter of your life behind you. You have your whole life in front of you! Others have overcome this and so can you.0 -
Confession: I will use the same k-cup 2-3 times. lol
Worst confession I've read here, ewwwwwww. I loathe weak coffee...I'm the one who likes the cup from the bottom of the french press that's practically strong enough to stand up on its own.
But that leads to a confession that I do put a splash of cold water in my super-strong coffee to cool it down for maximum immediate gulbability, and that grosses most people out too.0 -
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Confession: I will use the same k-cup 2-3 times. lol
Worst confession I've read here, ewwwwwww. I loathe weak coffee...I'm the one who likes the cup from the bottom of the french press that's practically strong enough to stand up on its own.
But that leads to a confession that I do put a splash of cold water in my super-strong coffee to cool it down for maximum immediate gulbability, and that grosses most people out too.
Title says no judgement. Poo on you0 -
I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.
I am so sorry you went through that and had to do it alone. Sexual abuse is extremely damaging and taxing on the mind. I was very lucky that my mother was very progressive and neither of my parents ever placed blame on anyone but the men. Sadly I had two instances of sexual abuse and have been able to mostly get over them with support from those close around me. I hope you came out without much hurt.
I'm sorry you went through that.
I had very supportive friends, one of whom had worked at the same place before me and who had also been a victim of this guy (AND a girl prior to her!), which helped... made it less personal, and more of "something he did to the part-time girls"... like it wasn't about ME. I also had a great experience with the police when I reported it (no one else had).dearmrsowl wrote: »I really want to get a slow cooker or crock pot but it would scare the heck out of me to leave it on for a couple of hours while I'm not in the house. I'd be too afraid that the thing might catch on fire and burn the whole house down. I'm also kind of obsessive over checking if the stove is off at night and if all doors are locked. Once I walked 30 minutes (after already being at the library to study) just to check if I really locked the door to the community center I have the key for because I couldn't remember if I did or not.
I have the same fear but my loathing of cooking is greater than my fear, lol. Having a crock pot is a godsend, although I don't use it nearly often enough as the majority of recipes seem to be geared toward meat, which I don't eat. I make a killer vegetarian chili, however!
I try to minimize the potential danger by placing it on a glass counter-protector thingy I have, and making sure it it pushed far back from the edge so as not to entice curious dogs.
Yah. The cops were not helpful to me at all. I filed a report with my parents but it magically disappeared a day later and no one at the station was down to do anything. I even had a lawyer intervene and nothing. Mind you i was 15 and the man was 39. Hence I never bothered reporting the second incident.0 -
Confession: I will use the same k-cup 2-3 times. lol
Worst confession I've read here, ewwwwwww. I loathe weak coffee...I'm the one who likes the cup from the bottom of the french press that's practically strong enough to stand up on its own.
But that leads to a confession that I do put a splash of cold water in my super-strong coffee to cool it down for maximum immediate gulbability, and that grosses most people out too.
Title says no judgement. Poo on you
If you can't handle a playful comment on coffee habits, maybe the Internet isn't a great place for you. Come on - "judgement"? Really?0 -
Confession: I will use the same k-cup 2-3 times. lol
Worst confession I've read here, ewwwwwww. I loathe weak coffee...I'm the one who likes the cup from the bottom of the french press that's practically strong enough to stand up on its own.
But that leads to a confession that I do put a splash of cold water in my super-strong coffee to cool it down for maximum immediate gulbability, and that grosses most people out too.
Title says no judgement. Poo on you
If you can't handle a playful comment on coffee habits, maybe the Internet isn't a great place for you. Come on - "judgement"? Really?
Let's not get into arguments and get this thread shut down. I just thought AlciaModa was being playful at you...0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »Confession: I will use the same k-cup 2-3 times. lol
Worst confession I've read here, ewwwwwww. I loathe weak coffee...I'm the one who likes the cup from the bottom of the french press that's practically strong enough to stand up on its own.
But that leads to a confession that I do put a splash of cold water in my super-strong coffee to cool it down for maximum immediate gulbability, and that grosses most people out too.
Title says no judgement. Poo on you
If you can't handle a playful comment on coffee habits, maybe the Internet isn't a great place for you. Come on - "judgement"? Really?
Let's not get into arguments and get this thread shut down. I just thought AlciaModa was being playful at you...
I'm not arguing with anyone, lol. And certainly not over coffee
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