Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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AngryViking1970 wrote: »I never really considered having children, even when I was going through the whole pre-cana thing pre-marriage. I was all "if it happens, it happens", not thinking it would happen. And I was thinking that mostly because I'd been kind of promiscuous before I met my husband with nary a pregnancy scare. Well, wouldn't you know I got pregnant on my honeymoon. LOL Now, I love my son with all my heart; he is the light of my life. Do I want more? Not even a little bit.
My husband keeps saying he wants to adopt or foster, so my son will have a brother. I DO NOT want another child. I am 45 years old next week, we live in a tiny house, and honestly, I just don't want to raise another kid. I am satisfied with my small family, even if that means my son is an only. Sometimes I think I'm being selfish, but that's just how I feel.
Is anyone an only child or have an only child? Am I damaging my kid?
I had my only child at 29. Before that I never wanted kids and never wanted anything to do with anyone else's kids. I got more grief from people after I had one child about not having another. SMDH My daughter is now (reasonably) adjusted 21 year old raising 2 kids of her own. I never regretted not having more kids!
I was complaining to my friend about this the other day. She does not want kids, I'm still on the fence. But I was saying that no matter how many kids you have (or don't have) people are never happy. Don't have any, people want to know when you're having one. Have one - people want to know when you're having your second. And so on. It's very annoying!
Yep. And if you have more than 2 people will say you have too many. There is always someone with an opinion about what your uterus should/should not be doing.0 -
Caught up!
I'm not too worried about this parenting thing. I'm worried about the nitty, grittiness of sleep deprivation and exhaustion that comes with the early days, but beyond ensuring the kid's physical well-being, I feel like the actual 'parenting' part will be okay. I'm a decent person. My husband is a decent person. My parents were decent people and my siblings and I turned out fine. Not a lot of drama, not a lot of scares and we all put up with one another to varying degrees. Sure I expect there will be arguments and frustrations and bumps in the road, but I'm not aiming for perfection as I think that probably doesn't exist.
Am I being too blasé about the whole thing?!
Nah. I will say though that based on nothing but my time on pregnancy message boards (tip: do not go to a pregnancy message board, the craziest people spend all day there) most first babies seem to be easy. That's how they trick you into having another one. My oldest was the easiest baby in the world. I found myself thinking "why do people complain about this?". Five years later when I had my daughter, I found out how bad it could be. My daughter has also taught me to be a lot less judgmental about parenting styles. I parented her in the same general way as my son, and she is 400% more willful, stubborn, possessed by demons... I feel like I shouldn't have to say this - but I love her so much and she is also amazingly creative and funny in addition to possibly being the devil.0 -
Something's been missing from this conversation:
Although now that I'm allegedly a grown up I prefer cininamon.
Confession: I still have 1500 calories to get in today, but I overslept, and have no motivation to do so. At all. I'll probably force down some eggs later just to cover the protein for working out, but that may be it today. For those who say they don't like/don't believe/envy the people who are never hungry and have to fight to get 1000 in a day, believe me, it's not all sunshine and roses.
Also, add me to the list wondering if @AgentOrangeJuice's boss went rogue today.
Great guys, now I have that song stuck in my head.0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »I am really upset this morning because my degu is dying, I am sure of it now.....he has almost completely stopped eating and now his fur is falling out.....I was up at 4am hand feeding him corn flakes but have to leave for work now and am terrified he is going to die by himself in his cage while I am not home....I can't stop crying......its gonna be a long day, or few days, every time I have to leave the house.....
Oh no! Another fur baby sadness on our thread. I'm so sorry. Even if you aren't there, I know he knows you love him and that you are with him at all times.0 -
rungirl1973 wrote: »Daily confession.
My husband's daughter's boyfriend broke up with her on Mother's Day and she is "living" with us now. I put living in quotes because since last Tuesday, she's stayed the night once or twice, the rest of the nights (she works evenings) she doesn't bother coming home or even calling to say she's not going to be home. I understand she's an adult being 19, but I also expect her to show us some gratitude and respect for taking her and her cat in when she didn't really have anywhere else to go. Although, she must have SOMEWHERE to sleep since she's not sleeping in our house.
I am fully miffed about the whole thing because I feel like she is using us to store her stuff and take care of her cat. I have asked my husband to talk to her, but I'm sure he won't since he doesn't like confrontation and she's just now coming into our lives after not being allowed to see us for the past 14 years and he doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.
I am upset and hurt and don't know what to do.
Ugh. I'm sorry, but I always say the damage is done once kids are that age. My kids are 21 and 20. When they are staying with me, they LET ME KNOW if they are coming home or not, early in the evening. It's not always asking for permission, it's common courtesy.
My husband has 2 kids, a 16 year old son and a 12 year old daughter. We haven't seen the son since we got married. His mother told him it was perfectly acceptable for him to disrespect us and go against the rules we set in place. My husband told him, No, it's not. He's opted to consider me the antichrist for having rules and refuses to even speak to his father. That damage was done, he is his mother's child and there's nothing we can do to change it at this point. The JUDGE even told his mother in court earlier this year that she found it to be a sad state of affairs when a 15 year old (at the time) boy is allowed to call all the shots. Yep.
That's what this all boils down to, respect or lack thereof.
I'd say discuss it with the hubby, firmly. Come to an agreement then as a unified front take your requirements to your step-daughter with him taking the lead. And if needed, give her the (insert: subtle/stiff) reminder you both are doing her the favor. Sure there may be some heartburn on both sides but it should clear the air for everyone involved. *cross fingers*
I agree, thank you!
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orangesmartie wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I have to add that I think it is NOT selfish at all to realize you do not want children. What is selfish is to have children you do not want, just because you are 'supposed' to, and then treat them as such.
The whole point of my last post was that I really wanted to be a mother, I do not think my life would be complete without it, but, it is not for everyone, and should not be taken lightly, nor should be taken on because of pressure.
This made me feel awesome. I don't want kids. I just don't. I donate to children's charities occassionally and I would risk my own life to protect someone else's kid without a second thought*. But having my own is just not something I want.
*I actually have a problem with going to the grocery store and if a parent walks away from the cart, I will stand next to it until they come back. I know it creeps some people out, but it only takes a SECOND for a kidnapping to happen and I worry about that stuff.
I've never wanted children. I've always known that, since I was very young. I never played with dollies. I am not maternal in the slightest. I am very lazy. i want to have lie ins, and stay on the sofa drinking coffee, or chuck my passport in my handbag and just go to the airport (i've done that a few times, and once when i took my dog on a ferry to Spain and then drove across it). But generally, I don't like children, don't want to be around them.
When my younger sister was pregnant, I was really excited to be an Auntie. I planned to do all the cool auntie things, buy loud toys and have trips to the zoo. I was there when my nephew was born and fell in love with him from the first moment.
Unfortunately, my sister is an oxygen thief and a total waste of space. Social Services were involved all the way along (due to her age) and when my nephew was 6 months old, they removed him from her care and put him in the care of my mum. My mum and I share now share legal custody of him (he's 2 now) and she rarely sees him.
When i was working in Devon, he lived half the week with my parents and half the week with me. Now i work in London in the week, I drive 200 miles home every Thursday night. I do swimming with him and his class at school on a Friday morning, and he stays with me from Friday to Sunday, when i drive back to London. He is exhausting and I am having to learn patience, which is not easy, particularly when small children don't come naturally. My office/gym room is now a small boy's bedroom, (i was heartbroken to sell my treadmill. i still miss it) all decorated for him and full of toys. We've always bought things in pairs so he has one at grandma's house and one at Auntie's.
Here's my confession:
I resent my sister hugely for dropping this burden on me, and my mum. We were in the process of getting ready to emigrate to Spain and now that dream is gone. I have to organise my whole life around supporting my parents and ensuring they get a break, 2 year olds are hard work. My parents already raised 6 of us. My partners and I have to organise our weekends, holidays and social lives to take account of school holidays and having Charlie. I miss the peace and quiet of my house. I miss the tidiness. I'm generally a solitary creature and loved the solitude of my house.
My mum was also recently diagnosed with skin cancer and will be undergoing a major operation this summer before radiotherapy. The care burden for my nephew, and her while she is bed bound, falls on my dad, who also works. That means i need to be home every weekend to try and lighten that load as much as i can.
to be clear: I do not resent my nephew in any way. I absolutely adore him, he is my world and my priority. He is the reason i work 200 miles from home (i can earn better money in London, and can afford to ensure he has everything he needs, and nice trips to the zoo etc. He does bring me such joy and happiness and he is the total light of my life.
But, i cannot help missing my Saturday morning boxing class, or my sunday morning lie in. I miss being able to book a holiday without a thought about money or child care. I resent that i spend 6 hours of my weekend, every weekend, driving. I feel overwhelmed by responsibilities all the time. My whole life has changed, through choices i didn't make. (Not strictly true, because i chose to to fight for custody of him, with my mum, and i promised my mum i would help her and support her). Charlie being fostered/adopted outside of the family was never an option in my mind). And mostly, i feel selfish for these thoughts and resentments.
everyone always said I would feel different about having kids, if they were my own. I don't think i would. And i was never prepared to risk having a child, just to find out. Thats not fair on the kid. But now I've got one (sort of) and i need to be a parent to him. All I can do is my best. And he will never ever know how i feel about his mother, or the loss of my freedom and independence.
TL;DR if you know you don't want children, good for you, stick to your guns and don't let the earth mothers try and tell you differently.
ETA: Charlie was my reason and motivation for starting my weightloss journey in the beginning. I wanted to be able to run around after him and keep up with him. I didn't want him to be ashamed of his fat auntie and have other kids tease him about me. I also do challenges as a way of teaching him that you have to work hard for things, that its the effort that you put in that counts.
I don't think I can come up with a response to how much I admire you for this. This is amazing and pretty much made me speechless, but I had to quote and acknowledge it. Charlie is truly blessed. Thank you for what you are doing and for sharing this with us.
this. you are an amazing person.0 -
Honestly, I just really do not like children, especially babies. I have a very difficult time relaxing around them and avoid being alone with them at all costs.
When I had to watch a relative's kid, I couldn't even eat around them.0 -
My hair is straight without the slightest wave to it but my baby has super curly hair and I have no idea how to deal with it. It's not getting longer it's just getting biger
Curly hair takes time and practice to learn to work with. Do you have a salon you go to? Or a cosmetology school nearby? I'm sure someone would be more than happy to work with you! Probably someone like myself who had/has curly hair and a mother who did nothing with it when I was younger (NOT saying that is you) and would be glad to help someone else so that they don't go through a childhood with bad hair.
Also, the color of your hair is gorgeous! Love it!
*NODS* My mom had no idea what to do with my hair, and the internet didn't exist yet so there were many, many mornings I would be in a rage because my hair was being uncooperative, so into a ponytail it went.
i'm completely convinced that my hair is so thin/scraggly/hideous because my mom repeatedly had me get perms when i was a kid. i was the only white kid with an afro in my school....0 -
overlook237 wrote: »I get some of my best insights right when I wake up in the morning and my mind is clear. This morning, I woke up angry because I realized that there are a lot of people in my life that I allow to walk all over me. I'm angry with them and with myself for letting it happen. I want to confront them but since it'll come out of the blue, I know I'll look like a crazy person, so all I can do is sit here and be angry about it (and wait until they try to pull that crap again so I can confront them). I'm the worst at confrontation but I realize that I'm sick to death of being treated like this and upset that I've let it happen. I also realized that I've wasted so much time trying to be whatever I think people want me to be - and how it's never enough for them anyway - and that just makes me feel unbearably sad.
I'm 35 so I might be a bit ahead of schedule for a "mid-life crisis" but that's what this seems like. Or maybe it's just the by-product of actually feeling emotions and not numbing myself with food like I've always done in the past. Regardless, right now my emotions are all over the place, but I'm hoping that once I have a good cry, I'll feel more focused about who I am, where I want to be in my life, and how to get there.
Not a confession, really, but if I didn't get this out, I'd probably have an epic meltdown.
Yes, to the bold. Yes, it is and that is a HUGE victory! Feeling your feelings is the only way to deal with and resolve them. Numbing them makes them never go away.
My suggestion to the anger you noted above: compartmentalize it. You know it's there, you found the source, you even know your resolution (when the time arises). Put it away in a "file" in your brain and access it when you need it. No need to carry it around with you actively.0 -
Was so tempted to binge on leftover popcorn that I threw the popcorn in the trash and sprayed air freshener on it! Furthermore, I was still tempted to binge on SOMETHING so I had to leave the house! The urges are strong sometimes
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AngryViking1970 wrote: »I never really considered having children, even when I was going through the whole pre-cana thing pre-marriage. I was all "if it happens, it happens", not thinking it would happen. And I was thinking that mostly because I'd been kind of promiscuous before I met my husband with nary a pregnancy scare. Well, wouldn't you know I got pregnant on my honeymoon. LOL Now, I love my son with all my heart; he is the light of my life. Do I want more? Not even a little bit.
My husband keeps saying he wants to adopt or foster, so my son will have a brother. I DO NOT want another child. I am 45 years old next week, we live in a tiny house, and honestly, I just don't want to raise another kid. I am satisfied with my small family, even if that means my son is an only. Sometimes I think I'm being selfish, but that's just how I feel.
Is anyone an only child or have an only child? Am I damaging my kid?
I had my only child at 29. Before that I never wanted kids and never wanted anything to do with anyone else's kids. I got more grief from people after I had one child about not having another. SMDH My daughter is now (reasonably) adjusted 21 year old raising 2 kids of her own. I never regretted not having more kids!
I was complaining to my friend about this the other day. She does not want kids, I'm still on the fence. But I was saying that no matter how many kids you have (or don't have) people are never happy. Don't have any, people want to know when you're having one. Have one - people want to know when you're having your second. And so on. It's very annoying!
This! People still ask us all the time when we're having another one. Our daughter turned 13 in February. I would think it's safe for them to assume that time is never. That shipped has sailed. Or any other term you choose to use to say NO, we're not having anymore now STOP ASKING!!!
I had a C-section after 27 hours of labor and only getting to a 4 1/2. I didn't want to do the whole birth thing again. I loved being pregnant, if I could just do that and someone else could HAVE the babies, I'd sign up for that.
And now that my husband's daughter has started coming around, we really have 2 kids, even though I only had to give birth once.
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I skipped the first 637 pages...
Confession: I don't eat nearly the calories MFP says I should.0 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »I confess if you are a walker/jogger/cyclist (yes, even cyclists....) that talks on your phone WITHOUT a Bluetooth or even a wired headset, chances are I want to slap the phone out of your hand for how ridiculous you look holding that device up to your head during a 'workout'. Don't have a Bluetooth or you're technology challenged? Fine. Most phones come with a headset right out of the box. Plug it in and USE IT. Better yet.... save the poor soul on the other end from your non-stop drivel in labored form (oh how pleasant that heavy breathing must sound) and call them afterwards.
Unless it's an emergency I refuse to be on the receiving end of those calls. If I can tell someone is doing something else or is preoccupied, I tell them to call me back later, then hang up. Doesn't happen often because very few people call me and the ones who do know how I am about that. But, as in your example, I often wonder who would put up with that?
LOL... good question. I know I wouldn't nor would I subject someone else to such torture.
It wasn't more than a week ago while cycling home I saw a lady riding her bike.... up a somewhat steep hill.... with head cocked to the side and her cell phone literally pinned between her shoulder and ear so she could pedal up the hill and still keep both hands on the handlebars..... pardon me but WTH... did I just SEE that ?!?!
What did 5 fingers say to the face? *SLAP*
How does that not KILL your neck?! I have a shoulder rest on my work phone and with my cell phone I never hold it up to my ear with my shoulder. Granted I have 3 vertebrae in my neck turned the wrong way and I get monthly massages to deal with the kinks in my neck and the chain reaction in my shoulders and back, but I can't imagine working out (attempting to do something good for your body) and then damaging your neck at the same time. I suppose some phone calls just can't wait.
Some people talk for the simple sake of hearing their own mouth run. LMAO >_<
The people that get me are the ones who talk on their cellphone while they're in a public restroom in the stall doing their number one or number two. I guess to each their own.
I heard/saw someone do this at the gym once. Just continued talking as she peed, and then flushed. If I was on the phone with someone and heard all that, I wouldn't be too impressed. Really, you can call me back!
Seriously.
Reminds me of how a secretary at a place where I had a summer job, once upon a time, told me about how she'd been transcribing this dictation left for her by one of the partners and thought it had some strange background noises until it ended with a flush, causing her to put everything together.
I just can't imagine doing that. What are people thinking sometimes?0 -
Came to say I'm an only child too and I am so grateful for it. I have an excellent relationship with my parents, no family drama, and because they only had me they were able to provide me with a lot of stuff I might not have had otherwise. Having only one kid meant they were able to let me take tons of classes and lessons and go to camps and stuff (not only because they could be expensive but because they had the time and energy to take me to all of it), travel (including a student exchange), let me graduate uni without debt, etc etc. They gave me a lot, both materially and otherwise, because one kid meant I got a lot of their time and energy.
Not to say that people don't or can't do that for their kids if they have more than one, just saying that one kid is easier to shuttle around to piano and horseback riding and gymnastics and you don't have to worry about being fair and giving both kids the same opportunities when one wants to go on a school trip abroad or whatever. And it's definitely selfishly nice to not have to share my parents' attention, truthfully.
My mom did start a dayhome out of our house when I was three, though, to make sure I spent lots of time with other kids and didn't end up a spoiled little terror. So I would say that making sure only children get plenty of interaction with other kids is a good idea.
On an unrelated note, I'm leaving to get married in Vegas tomorrow! Weeeeeeee! And I confess that I'm more excited about going on vacation than I am about the wedding, lol. Like, I'm really happy we're getting married, but I just don't care much about the actual wedding...0 -
AngryViking1970 wrote: »I never really considered having children, even when I was going through the whole pre-cana thing pre-marriage. I was all "if it happens, it happens", not thinking it would happen. And I was thinking that mostly because I'd been kind of promiscuous before I met my husband with nary a pregnancy scare. Well, wouldn't you know I got pregnant on my honeymoon. LOL Now, I love my son with all my heart; he is the light of my life. Do I want more? Not even a little bit.
My husband keeps saying he wants to adopt or foster, so my son will have a brother. I DO NOT want another child. I am 45 years old next week, we live in a tiny house, and honestly, I just don't want to raise another kid. I am satisfied with my small family, even if that means my son is an only. Sometimes I think I'm being selfish, but that's just how I feel.
Is anyone an only child or have an only child? Am I damaging my kid?
I had my only child at 29. Before that I never wanted kids and never wanted anything to do with anyone else's kids. I got more grief from people after I had one child about not having another. SMDH My daughter is now (reasonably) adjusted 21 year old raising 2 kids of her own. I never regretted not having more kids!
I was complaining to my friend about this the other day. She does not want kids, I'm still on the fence. But I was saying that no matter how many kids you have (or don't have) people are never happy. Don't have any, people want to know when you're having one. Have one - people want to know when you're having your second. And so on. It's very annoying!
It's so true. I have three and people say one of two things to me: "when are you going to have another one" [never! Isn't 3 enough?] and my personal most hated phrase "You know how that happens, right" wink wink. <--- General public, please do not say this to people. I'm begging you.
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I'm afraid that one day I'll say f it and gain all my weight back.0
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@AngryViking1970 My daughter is an only child aged 14. She used to want siblings but after visiting cousins or friends who had siblings when she was younger that changed. Now she wouldn't have it any other way.0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »
I looked up diffusers- they go on the end of blowdryers? I always let my hair dry naturally, and never use gel eitherkellienw335 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »Another rather lame confession: I haven't the slightest idea what to do with my hair. I haven't had short hair since I was a baby just starting to grow it. I wish I had the courage to chop it up or do something with it, but I'm just scared of making it look worse. It's extremely wavy (and in my opinion, not the good kind of wavy!!!) and hard to manage, so I just straighten it all the time to make it easier for me to deal with, at least. It also wants to always be parted in the middle. I went to see a hair stylist last year and she told me that my hair was "refusing to be parted down the side." Dumb hair.
My sister has experimented with all kinds of cuts and colors (well, all shades of red), and I wish I could be more like her. For some reason I'm just too scared.
Have you ever tried a diffuser on your hair and do you use gel?
No gel, hairspray, or anything... though I probably should get something to protect my hair from the heat when I straighten it.
There are times I like my hair, like when I wake up and think I have ok looking waves for once. The bad thing is I can't brush my hair lest it turn into a frizzy mess. Someone on Facebook actually shared an image that shows what it's like for me. Before brushing and after brushing:
Before I started straightening my hair, I had a friend who would always ask me why I never brushed my hair. I WAS brushing my hair, but it was coming out looking like the picture on the right!!! (but worse)
my daughter has a natural wave to her hair and it always looked big and bushy when she brushed it; our hairdresser's advice was to stop brushing, just towel dry it and 'crunch it' with a bit of hair mousse- let it dry naturally; you can also use few drops of serum to stop it from getting frizzy.0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »
A clear gloss sounds awesome! I should probaby stop straightening my hair... I can't even imagine the damage I'm doing to it. When I last went to visit my mom she told me that she likes my hair curly and gave me some gel to use while I was there. I'd like to experiment with my hair but I'm always afraid of messing it up further. It also tangles like madFluffySandwich wrote: »
I looked up diffusers- they go on the end of blowdryers? I always let my hair dry naturally, and never use gel eitherkellienw335 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »Another rather lame confession: I haven't the slightest idea what to do with my hair. I haven't had short hair since I was a baby just starting to grow it. I wish I had the courage to chop it up or do something with it, but I'm just scared of making it look worse. It's extremely wavy (and in my opinion, not the good kind of wavy!!!) and hard to manage, so I just straighten it all the time to make it easier for me to deal with, at least. It also wants to always be parted in the middle. I went to see a hair stylist last year and she told me that my hair was "refusing to be parted down the side." Dumb hair.
My sister has experimented with all kinds of cuts and colors (well, all shades of red), and I wish I could be more like her. For some reason I'm just too scared.
Have you ever tried a diffuser on your hair and do you use gel? No gel, hairspray, or anything... though I probably should get something to protect my hair from the heat when I straighten it.
There are times I like my hair, like when I wake up and think I have ok looking waves for once. The bad thing is I can't brush my hair lest it turn into a frizzy mess. Someone on Facebook actually shared an image that shows what it's like for me. Before brushing and after brushing:
Before I started straightening my hair, I had a friend who would always ask me why I never brushed my hair. I WAS brushing my hair, but it was coming out looking like the picture on the right!!! (but worse)
No, you cannot brush curly hair! Your friend clearly did not know what she was talking about.
And, instead of coloring your hair have you ever considered getting a clear gloss? It doesn't change your color but it adds some body and weight to the hair. Naturally curly hair is a whole different animal and takes practice to see what works for you.
I do LOVE the feeling of getting my hair played with/styled/washed. Anyone in the same boat?
LOVE getting my hair cut and then I make my sister play with it and my boyfriend when he's here visiting!0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »One of my best friends is an only child and she turned out terrific. Very, very intelligent, witty, and mature. I don't think being an only child makes you damaged at all. I do love my siblings, though... even if sometimes I compare myself to my sister and feel inadequate
(she's beautiful and has the most gorgeous singing voice).
I feel you there- by the way I'm the brunette in my picture- the blonde is my sister. She is GORGEOUS it's not even funny. Love her to death but sometimes get so jealous of her haha. I know what you mean though!
I don't think it's damaging to only have one kid but I'm one of five and I can't imagine not having tons of siblings they're my best friends
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