Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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Yeah, we've had some interesting dinner table conversations and have worked out that my daughter and I CAN smell it, and my husband and sons CAN'T. Lots of confused looks and "What are you talking about?!" exclamations.Has anyone heard of asparagus pee? Apparently, everyone's pee smells after eating asparagus but not everyone can smell it. I can, it's strong. I thought everyone could. My husband can't and neither can my parents. They all looked at me like I was crazy. I think they might be right because I have had this conversation twice in the last month or so. The 1st was at an annual girls weekend where we always talk about crazy stuff.
http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/why-pee-smells-funny-eat-asparagus
It's a pretty common thing. In fact, I've never met someone that didn't notice the smell after eating it.
I never thought about it until my sister in law told me she couldn't smell it
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Wow, that's hard. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask her to let you know whether she'll be home or not each night. Maybe start there. Just say "Oh, I know I'm such a worrier, but I can't sleep if I'm waiting for you to come home. Can you just send me a text to let me know?" Maybe she's not used to anyone caring if she's home or not.Daily confession.
My husband's daughter's boyfriend broke up with her on Mother's Day and she is "living" with us now. I put living in quotes because since last Tuesday, she's stayed the night once or twice, the rest of the nights (she works evenings) she doesn't bother coming home or even calling to say she's not going to be home. I understand she's an adult being 19, but I also expect her to show us some gratitude and respect for taking her and her cat in when she didn't really have anywhere else to go. Although, she must have SOMEWHERE to sleep since she's not sleeping in our house.
I am fully miffed about the whole thing because I feel like she is using us to store her stuff and take care of her cat. I have asked my husband to talk to her, but I'm sure he won't since he doesn't like confrontation and she's just now coming into our lives after not being allowed to see us for the past 14 years and he doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.
I am upset and hurt and don't know what to do.
Edited because grammar.0 -
Daily confession.
My husband's daughter's boyfriend broke up with her on Mother's Day and she is "living" with us now. I put living in quotes because since last Tuesday, she's stayed the night once or twice, the rest of the nights (she works evenings) she doesn't bother coming home or even calling to say she's not going to be home. I understand she's an adult being 19, but I also expect her to show us some gratitude and respect for taking her and her cat in when she didn't really have anywhere else to go. Although, she must have SOMEWHERE to sleep since she's not sleeping in our house.
I am fully miffed about the whole thing because I feel like she is using us to store her stuff and take care of her cat. I have asked my husband to talk to her, but I'm sure he won't since he doesn't like confrontation and she's just now coming into our lives after not being allowed to see us for the past 14 years and he doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.
I am upset and hurt and don't know what to do.
I see your point but to play the devils advocate I would ask would you rather her be there more? Maybe she's also getting an uncomfortable vibe as well so she's doing it to give you guys some of your normalcy back? I only ask this because I suspect given the circumstance (young adult returns home to live), it could be worse. (like her lounging around all the time or inviting friends over and leaving a mess, etc).0 -
Today I accidentally gave my SO a Smores Quest Bar (he isn't a fan of Quest bars). I got a call at work this morning which was him eating said Quest Bar and telling me I am a horrible person for hiding them from him, he's going to be home before me today and I know the whole box will be missing before I get home. Dammit lol.
On the topic of kiddlets, I cannot wait to have children. I practically raised my younger siblings, I've always wanted to have kids but I know I need to slow my roll a bit. Cannot wait lol0 -
No, you're just right. Over-thinking it causes stress and anxiety. You'll be great. Yes, the tiredness sucks, but the more relaxed you are, the more relaxed the baby will be.Caught up!
I'm not too worried about this parenting thing. I'm worried about the nitty, grittiness of sleep deprivation and exhaustion that comes with the early days, but beyond ensuring the kid's physical well-being, I feel like the actual 'parenting' part will be okay. I'm a decent person. My husband is a decent person. My parents were decent people and my siblings and I turned out fine. Not a lot of drama, not a lot of scares and we all put up with one another to varying degrees. Sure I expect there will be arguments and frustrations and bumps in the road, but I'm not aiming for perfection as I think that probably doesn't exist.
Am I being too blasé about the whole thing?!
When I was pregnant with #3 my husband and I would collapse in the evening after wrangling two other little kids into bed and wonder how we'd manage with a third. But he was the most laid-back little guy who slept through the night at 3 months, and even before that would politely wake me up for feeds and go right back to sleep. I think this is how people end up with really big families - more playmates, more little helpers, not that much more work really.
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xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »
Parenting is so hard, I am taking every effort to never have to do it.
And think about it, parenting with TWO parents is hard... and single parents...woah. AND if everyone is working?!
Everyone else can go ahead and make successful and wonderful humans. I do not feel strong enough to partake in that endeavor.
ETA: I am serious about everything in this post. I see parenting as very difficult. It takes skills and abilities that I am pretty sure I do not possess.
Here's something I've never confessed IRL before...
I don't enjoy parenting. I don't think I was meant to be a mum.
Don't get me wrong, I love my boys with all my heart. I give all of myself to them to ensure they feel loved, are happy and healthy.
But I just don't think I was cut out for it. I've had pretty severe postnatal depression since my first was born 3 years ago and I'm sure that contributes, but I do wonder if its just my personality. Also, I carry a lot of guilt over my depression, its so unfair to them and I worry I'm messing up their whole lives
Aaaaaaaand now I want to cover my feelings in food.
I could've pretty much wrote this post, word for word. I have a 3.5 yr old and an 8 month old (both boys). Everyone tells me I'm an awesome mom, but I feel like I'm failing at it constantly. It's not effortless for me like everyone else I see on Facebook. I have to WORK at my patience.
To be fair, I'm pretty sure I have PPD and my 3.5 yr old is a DRAMA QUEEN and can be difficult, but still. I give everything I have in me to them, literally, and I still feel like I'm doing it wrong.
Part of my inability to keep the weight off is I eat my feelings at night alone when they're in bed, because I sit and relive my parenting failures for the day in my head, over and over.
And hi, I've lurked but decided to post in the thread today
Hi, and welcome!
Not a parent, but I've been around on the planet for a fair number of years and I'm pretty sure almost everyone needs to work at their patience... I've never known anyone who doesn't lose it from time to time, even the most "saintly" types.
At least you recognize and put forth the effort... some don't.
Your post made me feel better last night- for the first time in a long time, I actually went to bed at a semi-normal time and just drank a bunch of water instead of eating.
I just feel like being a mom is the most important "job" I'll ever have and I don't want to mess it up. But it was nice to relax a bit about it last night.
I'm so glad!
Not just blowing smoke up your you-know-what either. Seriously. My BFF is pretty much the most amazing mum on the planet, I've known her since before she had her two kids (who are now adults), she's incredibly kind and patient... but I've seen her totally lose it in the midst of a text conversation with her then-teenage son when he was being particularly defiant. And she's certainly told me enough tales of her parenting mishaps through the years.
I agree that being a parent is a very important job... and one for which there is no training or education or licensing exams to qualify, unlike most of the other important jobs -- which we only do 40-odd hours a week, not 24/7.
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I get some of my best insights right when I wake up in the morning and my mind is clear. This morning, I woke up angry because I realized that there are a lot of people in my life that I allow to walk all over me. I'm angry with them and with myself for letting it happen. I want to confront them but since it'll come out of the blue, I know I'll look like a crazy person, so all I can do is sit here and be angry about it (and wait until they try to pull that crap again so I can confront them). I'm the worst at confrontation but I realize that I'm sick to death of being treated like this and upset that I've let it happen. I also realized that I've wasted so much time trying to be whatever I think people want me to be - and how it's never enough for them anyway - and that just makes me feel unbearably sad.
I'm 35 so I might be a bit ahead of schedule for a "mid-life crisis" but that's what this seems like. Or maybe it's just the by-product of actually feeling emotions and not numbing myself with food like I've always done in the past. Regardless, right now my emotions are all over the place, but I'm hoping that once I have a good cry, I'll feel more focused about who I am, where I want to be in my life, and how to get there.
Not a confession, really, but if I didn't get this out, I'd probably have an epic meltdown.0 -
Wow, that's hard. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask her to let you know whether she'll be home or not each night. Maybe start there. Just say "Oh, I know I'm such a worrier, but I can't sleep if I'm waiting for you to come home. Can you just send me a text to let me know?" Maybe she's not used to anyone caring if she's home or not.Daily confession.
My husband's daughter's boyfriend broke up with her on Mother's Day and she is "living" with us now. I put living in quotes because since last Tuesday, she's stayed the night once or twice, the rest of the nights (she works evenings) she doesn't bother coming home or even calling to say she's not going to be home. I understand she's an adult being 19, but I also expect her to show us some gratitude and respect for taking her and her cat in when she didn't really have anywhere else to go. Although, she must have SOMEWHERE to sleep since she's not sleeping in our house.
I am fully miffed about the whole thing because I feel like she is using us to store her stuff and take care of her cat. I have asked my husband to talk to her, but I'm sure he won't since he doesn't like confrontation and she's just now coming into our lives after not being allowed to see us for the past 14 years and he doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.
I am upset and hurt and don't know what to do.
Edited because grammar.
I don't think it is either. She'd lived with her ex for quite a while at his mom's house and she was not the most stable person. Out all hours of the night. So, no, she's probably not used to someone caring/expecting her home.Daily confession.
My husband's daughter's boyfriend broke up with her on Mother's Day and she is "living" with us now. I put living in quotes because since last Tuesday, she's stayed the night once or twice, the rest of the nights (she works evenings) she doesn't bother coming home or even calling to say she's not going to be home. I understand she's an adult being 19, but I also expect her to show us some gratitude and respect for taking her and her cat in when she didn't really have anywhere else to go. Although, she must have SOMEWHERE to sleep since she's not sleeping in our house.
I am fully miffed about the whole thing because I feel like she is using us to store her stuff and take care of her cat. I have asked my husband to talk to her, but I'm sure he won't since he doesn't like confrontation and she's just now coming into our lives after not being allowed to see us for the past 14 years and he doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.
I am upset and hurt and don't know what to do.
I see your point but to play the devils advocate I would ask would you rather her be there more? Maybe she's also getting an uncomfortable vibe as well so she's doing it to give you guys some of your normalcy back? I only ask this because I suspect given the circumstance (young adult returns home to live), it could be worse. (like her lounging around all the time or inviting friends over and leaving a mess, etc).
Maybe, but if that's the case, then she needs to be responsible for caring for her cat and not expecting us to feed, water, change the litterbox, etc., because she's never home. If she just needs a place to store her things, they have places that do that. If she needed a shelter for her cat, they have those too.
Don't get me wrong, I feel like a grade A jerk for feeling this way, but I see how hurt my husband is every morning that he wakes up and she didn't come home. He deserves better than that. Regardless of how old she is.
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overlook237 wrote: »smashley_mashley wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »
Parenting is so hard, I am taking every effort to never have to do it.
And think about it, parenting with TWO parents is hard... and single parents...woah. AND if everyone is working?!
Everyone else can go ahead and make successful and wonderful humans. I do not feel strong enough to partake in that endeavor.
ETA: I am serious about everything in this post. I see parenting as very difficult. It takes skills and abilities that I am pretty sure I do not possess.
Here's something I've never confessed IRL before...
I don't enjoy parenting. I don't think I was meant to be a mum.
Don't get me wrong, I love my boys with all my heart. I give all of myself to them to ensure they feel loved, are happy and healthy.
But I just don't think I was cut out for it. I've had pretty severe postnatal depression since my first was born 3 years ago and I'm sure that contributes, but I do wonder if its just my personality. Also, I carry a lot of guilt over my depression, its so unfair to them and I worry I'm messing up their whole lives
Aaaaaaaand now I want to cover my feelings in food.
I could've pretty much wrote this post, word for word. I have a 3.5 yr old and an 8 month old (both boys). Everyone tells me I'm an awesome mom, but I feel like I'm failing at it constantly. It's not effortless for me like everyone else I see on Facebook. I have to WORK at my patience.
To be fair, I'm pretty sure I have PPD and my 3.5 yr old is a DRAMA QUEEN and can be difficult, but still. I give everything I have in me to them, literally, and I still feel like I'm doing it wrong.
Part of my inability to keep the weight off is I eat my feelings at night alone when they're in bed, because I sit and relive my parenting failures for the day in my head, over and over.
And hi, I've lurked but decided to post in the thread today
Welcome to the thread!
That's the problem with Facebook. People post all their best happy moments and achievements to make themselves look better or make them appear as they are having the time of their lives every single day. People want to show everyone that they are "awesome" at everything and make it appear that they are having the most fun and nothing is ever wrong. No one is going to post pictures of themselves when they are hurling over the toilet from illness (except when friends post photos of you being an idiot after a night a drinking), changing diapers, the fights you have with your spouse, etc.
This is why I don't have facebook - I don't feel it is "real life" - it is more an edited version of "real life"
I think I knew this on some level, but every time I log on to Facebook and see my friends - mostly people around my age - posting about all of their successes at work, how fabulous their homes are, how wonderful their kids/SOs are, how many goals they've achieved, it always depresses the hell out of me because I'm sooooo far behind in all of that. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say that I'm basically George Costanza only female and not bald.
But the next time I see those posts and start to feel like crap about myself, I'm going to remember what you've written and remind myself that things are probably not as great as they seem.
So thank you. This might sound strange, but I really, really appreciate your words.
You are very very welcome
I was in the same boat as you. One of my old high school friends, for example, posted all the time about his life in Montreal & Ottawa. Then about his move to England and time in France. His fiance was knighted for some reason and he met Kate Middleton and I was so jealous. I felt like I had accomplished nothing in life. He then posted about his marriage and only three months later he was divorced. I knew then that nothing on FB is at is appears. It still took me a while to ditch FB and when I did it was more b/c I didn't want eyes prying into my life and having "everyone" know what I was doing all the time (like they really cared anyways). I have been w/o FB for over a year and a bit now and you truly find who cares about you b/c the only time you talk to anyone is when you call them or they call you.
Since then, I have come to appreciate what I have in life and what I have accomplished this far and am no longer comparing myself to others.
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krissyreminisce wrote: »Confession no.2
I got myself a peanut butter Kit-Kat Chunky! I really wanted a mint one to satisfy the whole mint and chocolate conversation as well as the kit-kat conversation, but I couldn't find one. I will run as far as I need to to work this baby in! 226Kcal, how far do you recon that is?
I can usually burn around that running 5k.
I usually figure about 100 calories per mile0 -
I am really upset this morning because my degu is dying, I am sure of it now.....he has almost completely stopped eating and now his fur is falling out.....I was up at 4am hand feeding him corn flakes but have to leave for work now and am terrified he is going to die by himself in his cage while I am not home....I can't stop crying......its gonna be a long day, or few days, every time I have to leave the house.....0
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Italian_Buju wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I am not sure if I ever said this on this thread before or not (I might have, it is so long and my memory is bad, so sorry if I am repeating the first part), but I had my son rather young, because of various health problems.
Basically when I turned 18 my diabetic specialist told me I should never have children and should consider getting 'fixed' so I would not have an accident. I had already been diabetic a number of years, had lost a kidney at two years old and was in hospital at least a couple times a year with infections in my lone kidney. He said a pregnancy would most certainly kill my kidney and might even cause death.
I decided I really wanted to be a mother, and decided I was gonna try and have a baby, and if it killed me, oh well, nobody was depending on me anyway yet.
It took me two years and several treatments to finally get pregnant. That whole time, I was always sad and depressed thinking it would never happen. Each month when my period came, I would feel like I was defeated.
When I finally got pregnant, I was so excited I cannot even describe it.
Then, when I was about half way through my pregnancy, I started to worry about what would happen if I did not bond with my baby. I was terrified. I think the messed up relationship between my mother and I was freaking me out making me think that maybe I would have a messed up relationship with my child too.
Luckily that never happened. But those really young years were rough at times. I was young (I would not have chosen to have my child so young if health was not a factor), and he was colicky and later on very hyper. But the times that were wonderful were SO wonderful that it made all the other stuff worth it. Now he is 17 and for the last handful of years have had no problems at all with him that lasted more than a few moments.
One of those most amazing things that happened is that since I have given birth, I have never, not even once, been in hospital due to my kidney. This really reinforced my faith in God.
There were times I struggled as a parent, like I said a few posts up, things I even still feel guilty about, but I cannot even imagine my life any other way. I figure as long as my kids have a happy, healthy, stable, supportive home, they are much better off than I ever was, and I must be doing okay.
As far as school breaks goes, I think the breaks are just the right amount of time. By the time summer break comes, I am SO happy to have a break from routine and be able to sleep in more often, make dinner later, etc. But by the time it is almost over, I am DYING for school to start to get back on routine, lol. It has been lik that as long as I can remember.....
You mentioned 'kids' here and a daughter later on so I assume you had more?
I always wanted kids. I confessed this a few hundred pages ago so sorry for the repeat. Never got married so never had them. When I realized I wasn't probably going to get married I had always thought I would do it on my own but then realized how hard that would be and opted to just be a great aunt and focus on my horses and pets? Sometimes I am sorry I never had them but I also have a great life. I am not sure I would have been a good parent. I am an awesome aunt.
My daughter is two years older than my son. I adopted her when she was 10 years old, when her bio mom, a friend of mine, passed away. She actually had lots of family, a -father- (I use that lightly), a grandmother and several aunts and uncles, but I was already fighting for custody of her before my friend died as she fell into a nasty crack habit.....people kept telling me it was weird to start a custody fight for a child I was not actually related to, but I did not care.....I had temp custody for over a year when bio mom died, so at that point it was easy to just make it permanent. Now she is 19, and just home from her first year away from university, and I am practicing patience to not kill her over the summer, lol.
It's really not that weird or unheard of here. I work in child support and come across cases where people who are unrelated to the child are in court to get custody of that child. Lots of godparents and close family friends.0 -
I think I am finally starting to get my life together. I almost to my goal weight and I finally know what I want to do with my life career wise. Hoping to work on getting my GED in August and to start taking prereq's required to apply for for the radiology program at my local college.
I feel like life is starting to fall into place.0 -
Wow, that's hard. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask her to let you know whether she'll be home or not each night. Maybe start there. Just say "Oh, I know I'm such a worrier, but I can't sleep if I'm waiting for you to come home. Can you just send me a text to let me know?" Maybe she's not used to anyone caring if she's home or not.Daily confession.
My husband's daughter's boyfriend broke up with her on Mother's Day and she is "living" with us now. I put living in quotes because since last Tuesday, she's stayed the night once or twice, the rest of the nights (she works evenings) she doesn't bother coming home or even calling to say she's not going to be home. I understand she's an adult being 19, but I also expect her to show us some gratitude and respect for taking her and her cat in when she didn't really have anywhere else to go. Although, she must have SOMEWHERE to sleep since she's not sleeping in our house.
I am fully miffed about the whole thing because I feel like she is using us to store her stuff and take care of her cat. I have asked my husband to talk to her, but I'm sure he won't since he doesn't like confrontation and she's just now coming into our lives after not being allowed to see us for the past 14 years and he doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.
I am upset and hurt and don't know what to do.
Edited because grammar.
Yep I'm 29 and to this day if I go home to visit and end up going out with friends I always keep my parents in the loop about where I am and when/if I'll be home. I lived at home during the summers all throughout college and even though I was legally an adult I always made the effort to make sure they knew where I was just out of respect for them, plus they weren't charging me rent or making me buy groceries so easy peasy! I haev a really close relationship with my parents so it never bothered me having to let them know where I was or where I was going no matter what age I was.0 -
I've fallen off big time lately, and now I'm confused on how to get back. I've looked at the TDEE method but I'm so confused on that, but I can't do the 1200 MFP keeps setting for me. I really don't want to put up a new post about it but may just have to...0
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Oh, so sorry.Italian_Buju wrote: »I am really upset this morning because my degu is dying, I am sure of it now.....he has almost completely stopped eating and now his fur is falling out.....I was up at 4am hand feeding him corn flakes but have to leave for work now and am terrified he is going to die by himself in his cage while I am not home....I can't stop crying......its gonna be a long day, or few days, every time I have to leave the house.....
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lilaclovebird wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I have to add that I think it is NOT selfish at all to realize you do not want children. What is selfish is to have children you do not want, just because you are 'supposed' to, and then treat them as such.
The whole point of my last post was that I really wanted to be a mother, I do not think my life would be complete without it, but, it is not for everyone, and should not be taken lightly, nor should be taken on because of pressure.
This made me feel awesome. I don't want kids. I just don't. I donate to children's charities occassionally and I would risk my own life to protect someone else's kid without a second thought*. But having my own is just not something I want.
*I actually have a problem with going to the grocery store and if a parent walks away from the cart, I will stand next to it until they come back. I know it creeps some people out, but it only takes a SECOND for a kidnapping to happen and I worry about that stuff.
My husband and I don't want kids. He has a 14 year old from a previous relationship, and she's awesome, but we don't want kids of our own. What drives me bonkers is when I say I don't want kids because I don't really have an affinity for them, and people give me the old "It's different when they're your own". What, so I should pop out a baby I don't want, and just hope I like it once it's here? That's a recipe for disaster!
I ALSO love it when I say I don't want kids and people(coworkers) say "Oh but you would be such a GREAT mom!" Dude, you've known me for like a minute....don't even. In fact, go be odd somewhere else. :grumble:
THIS ON SO MANY LEVELS.
I'm partly in the not-wanting-kids club. I absolutely do not want to birth any of my own. The whole idea freaks me out.
I have not ruled out adopting because 1) My stepfather adopted me and that worked out splendidly, so I'd like to return the karmic favor, and 2) I do actually think that we would make great parents, especially for somebody who might need a bit more understanding. I'm damaged. I understand damaged.0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »I am really upset this morning because my degu is dying, I am sure of it now.....he has almost completely stopped eating and now his fur is falling out.....I was up at 4am hand feeding him corn flakes but have to leave for work now and am terrified he is going to die by himself in his cage while I am not home....I can't stop crying......its gonna be a long day, or few days, every time I have to leave the house.....
That's hard. I'm really sorry.0 -
Awesome! You can do it!shawnaes91 wrote: »I think I am finally starting to get my life together. I almost to my goal weight and I finally know what I want to do with my life career wise. Hoping to work on getting my GED in August and to start taking prereq's required to apply for for the radiology program at my local college.
I feel like life is starting to fall into place.
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Confession: I had Monday off from work and yesterday I didn't get caught up on my work or this thread. Today I got caught up on this thread but I still have work to do 0
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