Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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nicsflyingcircus wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »Caught up!
I'm not too worried about this parenting thing. I'm worried about the nitty, grittiness of sleep deprivation and exhaustion that comes with the early days, but beyond ensuring the kid's physical well-being, I feel like the actual 'parenting' part will be okay. I'm a decent person. My husband is a decent person. My parents were decent people and my siblings and I turned out fine. Not a lot of drama, not a lot of scares and we all put up with one another to varying degrees. Sure I expect there will be arguments and frustrations and bumps in the road, but I'm not aiming for perfection as I think that probably doesn't exist.
Am I being too blasé about the whole thing?!
Nah. I will say though that based on nothing but my time on pregnancy message boards (tip: do not go to a pregnancy message board, the craziest people spend all day there) most first babies seem to be easy. That's how they trick you into having another one. My oldest was the easiest baby in the world. I found myself thinking "why do people complain about this?". Five years later when I had my daughter, I found out how bad it could be. My daughter has also taught me to be a lot less judgmental about parenting styles. I parented her in the same general way as my son, and she is ?
I feel this exact way about my 4th child. She can be so sweet sometimes, but EVERYTHING is a damned battle with her. I cannot possibly convey how mule-obstinate she can be about the smallest things. It doesn't help that the older three (one of whom has to share a room with her) have figured out how to trigger her demon rages.
All her teachers love her though, so I am occasionally "grateful" she saves her insanity for her father and I mostly.
This is my 3.5 yr old. Obstinate as anything, every frickin thing is an epic battle, etc.0 -
cheshirecatastrophe wrote: »If I'm over by just a few calories at the end of the day, I'll add in more of my exercise to keep the number in green."
LOL I totally do this!!!!!
Me too! I actually use my pedometer and walk a bit more to cover the food I ate (usually cheese; I crave melted cheese at night).0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Uh-oh! Totally hangry today. It's not yet lunch time and I've mowed through my breakfast, a Quest bar, almonds and an apple. There will be no calories left for dinner at this rate.
Nice pic! Everyone is switching up their pics today. Nice to meet you!
Way, way behind and working on catching up, but thanks!!!0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I am not sure if I ever said this on this thread before or not (I might have, it is so long and my memory is bad, so sorry if I am repeating the first part), but I had my son rather young, because of various health problems.
Basically when I turned 18 my diabetic specialist told me I should never have children and should consider getting 'fixed' so I would not have an accident. I had already been diabetic a number of years, had lost a kidney at two years old and was in hospital at least a couple times a year with infections in my lone kidney. He said a pregnancy would most certainly kill my kidney and might even cause death.
I decided I really wanted to be a mother, and decided I was gonna try and have a baby, and if it killed me, oh well, nobody was depending on me anyway yet.
It took me two years and several treatments to finally get pregnant. That whole time, I was always sad and depressed thinking it would never happen. Each month when my period came, I would feel like I was defeated.
When I finally got pregnant, I was so excited I cannot even describe it.
Then, when I was about half way through my pregnancy, I started to worry about what would happen if I did not bond with my baby. I was terrified. I think the messed up relationship between my mother and I was freaking me out making me think that maybe I would have a messed up relationship with my child too.
Luckily that never happened. But those really young years were rough at times. I was young (I would not have chosen to have my child so young if health was not a factor), and he was colicky and later on very hyper. But the times that were wonderful were SO wonderful that it made all the other stuff worth it. Now he is 17 and for the last handful of years have had no problems at all with him that lasted more than a few moments.
One of those most amazing things that happened is that since I have given birth, I have never, not even once, been in hospital due to my kidney. This really reinforced my faith in God.
There were times I struggled as a parent, like I said a few posts up, things I even still feel guilty about, but I cannot even imagine my life any other way. I figure as long as my kids have a happy, healthy, stable, supportive home, they are much better off than I ever was, and I must be doing okay.
As far as school breaks goes, I think the breaks are just the right amount of time. By the time summer break comes, I am SO happy to have a break from routine and be able to sleep in more often, make dinner later, etc. But by the time it is almost over, I am DYING for school to start to get back on routine, lol. It has been lik that as long as I can remember.....
You mentioned 'kids' here and a daughter later on so I assume you had more?
I always wanted kids. I confessed this a few hundred pages ago so sorry for the repeat. Never got married so never had them. When I realized I wasn't probably going to get married I had always thought I would do it on my own but then realized how hard that would be and opted to just be a great aunt and focus on my horses and pets? Sometimes I am sorry I never had them but I also have a great life. I am not sure I would have been a good parent. I am an awesome aunt.
My daughter is two years older than my son. I adopted her when she was 10 years old, when her bio mom, a friend of mine, passed away. She actually had lots of family, a -father- (I use that lightly), a grandmother and several aunts and uncles, but I was already fighting for custody of her before my friend died as she fell into a nasty crack habit.....people kept telling me it was weird to start a custody fight for a child I was not actually related to, but I did not care.....I had temp custody for over a year when bio mom died, so at that point it was easy to just make it permanent. Now she is 19, and just home from her first year away from university, and I am practicing patience to not kill her over the summer, lol.
This is great! Good for you and I am sure she is happy you made that move. I was a PITA in my teens/ early 20s I am sure she will get over it.
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I have a day off tomorrow and I'm going to try to make lots of dollhouse miniature food for my online hobby shop. Can't decide what to make though. Hopefully I will be more inspired tomorrow. If in doubt, I'll make dollhouse cupcakes. Please inspire me someone!0
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AngryViking1970 wrote: »I never really considered having children, even when I was going through the whole pre-cana thing pre-marriage. I was all "if it happens, it happens", not thinking it would happen. And I was thinking that mostly because I'd been kind of promiscuous before I met my husband with nary a pregnancy scare. Well, wouldn't you know I got pregnant on my honeymoon. LOL Now, I love my son with all my heart; he is the light of my life. Do I want more? Not even a little bit.
My husband keeps saying he wants to adopt or foster, so my son will have a brother. I DO NOT want another child. I am 45 years old next week, we live in a tiny house, and honestly, I just don't want to raise another kid. I am satisfied with my small family, even if that means my son is an only. Sometimes I think I'm being selfish, but that's just how I feel.
Is anyone an only child or have an only child? Am I damaging my kid?
My son is 11, and since his half-sister (my husband's daughter) is 24 and living 2 states away, I believe he qualifies as an only child. I DO NOT want more than one! I'm not overly maternal. My son is super easy, has been pretty much his whole life, (except for a colicky four weeks when he was born) and I am terrified that the second one would be the devil child.0 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »My only confession on here is that I have strictly went by the book! I have had a few drinks, but it was in my caloric intake, so it was ok. My only problem is that I am NOT eating back my burned calories for exercise! I know, that could be a bad thing! But with what I am eating during the day, I am not hungry for anything else! I am only 5 ft tall, and have a small bone structure. I have lost approx 30 lbs and need to lose 80 more. I am still new at this and need to know if I need to change anything in my profile! I am eating 1000 calories a day, MFP goal was 1000-1200. Since I had so much to lose, I have been hitting the 1000 mark. I have also upped my exercise to 2 hours a day doing continual dancing. No breaks! This is not my first time on the roller coaster weight loss thing! I have lost 100 lb at least 2 almost 3 times. I want this to be my last and make this my life change since I am 45. The smallest I have been was 118 lb. I wore a size 2 or 5 at the time. Sorry this "confession" turned into my life story! Any advice would be helpful
I know we're not supposed to judge posts, but please be kind to your body! Since you asked for advice then I would say to do it sustainably by eating a decent amount & exercising less or with breaks. Think of weight loss as a marathon & not a 100 yard dash. Also since you have more to lose you can get away with eating more & not starving yourself by eating around 1,000 calories. If you don't weigh your food you could be eating more than 1,000 calories & not realizing. My biggest suggestion would be to get a food scale & weigh in grams & ounces & to at least try to net 1,200.
I weigh EVERYTHING I eat I am very strict on myself about this. Do I need to update my profile any? MFP did put my caloric goal between 1000-1200, but I have lost 30lbs since starting, and exercising more.
Do you have any medical conditions that makes it hard at times to lose weight? I guess as long as you're eating at least 1,200 calories a day then you should be fine. The problem with eating less than that is you're not usually getting enough of your daily macro & micros & it makes it easier to binge when you eat more.0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »AngryViking1970 wrote: »I never really considered having children, even when I was going through the whole pre-cana thing pre-marriage. I was all "if it happens, it happens", not thinking it would happen. And I was thinking that mostly because I'd been kind of promiscuous before I met my husband with nary a pregnancy scare. Well, wouldn't you know I got pregnant on my honeymoon. LOL Now, I love my son with all my heart; he is the light of my life. Do I want more? Not even a little bit.
My husband keeps saying he wants to adopt or foster, so my son will have a brother. I DO NOT want another child. I am 45 years old next week, we live in a tiny house, and honestly, I just don't want to raise another kid. I am satisfied with my small family, even if that means my son is an only. Sometimes I think I'm being selfish, but that's just how I feel.
Is anyone an only child or have an only child? Am I damaging my kid?
My son is 11, and since his half-sister (my husband's daughter) is 24 and living 2 states away, I believe he qualifies as an only child. I DO NOT want more than one! I'm not overly maternal. My son is super easy, has been pretty much his whole life, (except for a colicky four weeks when he was born) and I am terrified that the second one would be the devil child.
We always are
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krissyreminisce wrote: »LorraineZinn wrote: »Confession 1: I have lived in coastal Florida for three years now, and I still have not stepped a single toe on the beach.
Confession 2: I'm eating Talenti salted caramel peanut gelato while I'm writing this.
I just finished a serving for Talenti Coconut Chocolate Chip!
Ooh I may be going to Target today so I'll have to look for that:D.0 -
Caught up!
I'm not too worried about this parenting thing. I'm worried about the nitty, grittiness of sleep deprivation and exhaustion that comes with the early days, but beyond ensuring the kid's physical well-being, I feel like the actual 'parenting' part will be okay. I'm a decent person. My husband is a decent person. My parents were decent people and my siblings and I turned out fine. Not a lot of drama, not a lot of scares and we all put up with one another to varying degrees. Sure I expect there will be arguments and frustrations and bumps in the road, but I'm not aiming for perfection as I think that probably doesn't exist.
Am I being too blasé about the whole thing?!
On the sleep deprivation thing, my husband and I had a schedule that allowed us both to sleep (wasn't able to breastfeed, which would have changed it). But I would go to bed early, 8:00 or so. Hubby would stay up til about midnight and do the midnight feeding then go to bed. I would get up for the 4:00 a.m. feeding with about eight hours of sleep. It worked awesome!0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »I hid a pint of Ben & Jerry's Hazed & Confused by putting it an empty bag of frozen vegetables. My kids...husband...looked right past it as I secretly worked on it. Took me about four days to polish it off and I couldn't decide what was more satisfying. The ice cream itself Or having ice cream JUST FOR ME safely, closely, stored in my freezer and no one pestering me to let them have some! Issues, hu? Layed out for you there, clear as can be!
I think this is hysterical and applaud your ingenuity!
Hahaha, that's amazing! I might try this... maybe that would keep my fiancee from finding/eating all my ice cream! (He claims he's helping me because I'm lactose intolerant... but I find the lactose free ice cream very unsatisfying, so I help keep the Lactaid company in business by taking lactaid pills with my ice cream! hahaha)0 -
I think I have found the one type of pain that does not make me want to eat eat eat. (Probably comfort eating, but I digress.)
My back hurts? My period cramps hurt? My everything hurts? Gimme all the food.
Migraine? Leave me on the couch to die.
This is SO true! Even the smell of food has literally made me vomit she I get migraines0 -
xMrBunglex wrote: »Too many to quote, but re: kids
My wife & I have been together for almost 23 years, half of our lives. We knew early on that we didn't want kids, and don't regret it at all. We are firmly in the "Have kids if you want to, not because you're supposed to." We have had many 4 legged kids & they have enriched our lives immensely over the years.
Well, I said NO regrets, but I do have one: not giving my parents grandchildren. (My brother doesn't appear to want kids either.) That does bum me out, but at the end of the day it's MY life, not theirs.
I confess, at this point, I could not care less if I ever become a grandparent. I would like to use the time after my son moves out to do fun stuff with my husband, like traveling all over.0 -
Daily confession.
My husband's daughter's boyfriend broke up with her on Mother's Day and she is "living" with us now. I put living in quotes because since last Tuesday, she's stayed the night once or twice, the rest of the nights (she works evenings) she doesn't bother coming home or even calling to say she's not going to be home. I understand she's an adult being 19, but I also expect her to show us some gratitude and respect for taking her and her cat in when she didn't really have anywhere else to go. Although, she must have SOMEWHERE to sleep since she's not sleeping in our house.
I am fully miffed about the whole thing because I feel like she is using us to store her stuff and take care of her cat. I have asked my husband to talk to her, but I'm sure he won't since he doesn't like confrontation and she's just now coming into our lives after not being allowed to see us for the past 14 years and he doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.
I am upset and hurt and don't know what to do.
Sounds like a contract is in order. She agrees to abide by certain rules of the house, or live somewhere else that doesn't have those rules. You agree to abide by certain rules (to make it feel even) like not going into her room without permission, etc. All parties sign the contract. Break the contract - find a new place to live.0 -
raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »I've fallen off big time lately, and now I'm confused on how to get back. I've looked at the TDEE method but I'm so confused on that, but I can't do the 1200 MFP keeps setting for me. I really don't want to put up a new post about it but may just have to...
What are your stats? Height, weight and activity level? I'll figure it for you and try to explain it.0 -
Came to say I'm an only child too and I am so grateful for it. I have an excellent relationship with my parents, no family drama, and because they only had me they were able to provide me with a lot of stuff I might not have had otherwise. Having only one kid meant they were able to let me take tons of classes and lessons and go to camps and stuff (not only because they could be expensive but because they had the time and energy to take me to all of it), travel (including a student exchange), let me graduate uni without debt, etc etc. They gave me a lot, both materially and otherwise, because one kid meant I got a lot of their time and energy.
Not to say that people don't or can't do that for their kids if they have more than one, just saying that one kid is easier to shuttle around to piano and horseback riding and gymnastics and you don't have to worry about being fair and giving both kids the same opportunities when one wants to go on a school trip abroad or whatever. And it's definitely selfishly nice to not have to share my parents' attention, truthfully.
My mom did start a dayhome out of our house when I was three, though, to make sure I spent lots of time with other kids and didn't end up a spoiled little terror. So I would say that making sure only children get plenty of interaction with other kids is a good idea.
On an unrelated note, I'm leaving to get married in Vegas tomorrow! Weeeeeeee! And I confess that I'm more excited about going on vacation than I am about the wedding, lol. Like, I'm really happy we're getting married, but I just don't care much about the actual wedding...
HAPPY WEDDING DAY!!!0 -
Confession: I want to go on a vacation with just my husband without the 5 and 7 year old. I am willing to let them stay with family for a few days. Not a month or anything, like a long weekend. My husband doesn't trust a sole on this earth with his kids so this won't happen. At least until my kids are out of the house. So I will get a kid free vacation in about 11 years if I'm lucky. This is sad to me because I think couples need time together, but I feel guilty too like he's the better parent because I'm ok with them being with other people for a few days and he won't have it. ok rambling over.0
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kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »My only confession on here is that I have strictly went by the book! I have had a few drinks, but it was in my caloric intake, so it was ok. My only problem is that I am NOT eating back my burned calories for exercise! I know, that could be a bad thing! But with what I am eating during the day, I am not hungry for anything else! I am only 5 ft tall, and have a small bone structure. I have lost approx 30 lbs and need to lose 80 more. I am still new at this and need to know if I need to change anything in my profile! I am eating 1000 calories a day, MFP goal was 1000-1200. Since I had so much to lose, I have been hitting the 1000 mark. I have also upped my exercise to 2 hours a day doing continual dancing. No breaks! This is not my first time on the roller coaster weight loss thing! I have lost 100 lb at least 2 almost 3 times. I want this to be my last and make this my life change since I am 45. The smallest I have been was 118 lb. I wore a size 2 or 5 at the time. Sorry this "confession" turned into my life story! Any advice would be helpful
I know we're not supposed to judge posts, but please be kind to your body! Since you asked for advice then I would say to do it sustainably by eating a decent amount & exercising less or with breaks. Think of weight loss as a marathon & not a 100 yard dash. Also since you have more to lose you can get away with eating more & not starving yourself by eating around 1,000 calories. If you don't weigh your food you could be eating more than 1,000 calories & not realizing. My biggest suggestion would be to get a food scale & weigh in grams & ounces & to at least try to net 1,200.
I weigh EVERYTHING I eat I am very strict on myself about this. Do I need to update my profile any? MFP did put my caloric goal between 1000-1200, but I have lost 30lbs since starting, and exercising more.
Do you have any medical conditions that makes it hard at times to lose weight? I guess as long as you're eating at least 1,200 calories a day then you should be fine. The problem with eating less than that is you're not usually getting enough of your daily macro & micros & it makes it easier to binge when you eat more.
I did update my profile last night, and it did increase my caloric intake to 1200! Won't I gain weight if I am eating more?? Is that a stupid question? I am still gonna exercise 2 hours a day, dancing or walking. I am sorry if I am not understanding any of this!0 -
On the only child thing, I have 3 brothers so was used to being surrounded by other kids. Then when I was 9 I went to live with an aunt for a year whose kids were grown so was essentially an only child for that year. It wasn't due to any bad circumstances - it was to learn French by immersing myself in the country/culture, worked a treat!. So I was in a different country to my brothers and really didn't hear from them for most of the year.
On the one hand there weren't any kids to talk to in the house, but on the other hand I've always valued my own company. I was awesome at imaginary play, or just disappearing for an afternoon to paint pictures. From a quality of life point of view, I enjoyed myself either way. Kids are adaptable, so I think I just adapted to whatever environment I was in. I think the main thing is that the child feels secure and loved. Everything else will sort itself out, be it single child or siblings galore.0
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