Husband sabotage

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  • MsJulesRenee
    MsJulesRenee Posts: 1,180 Member
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    maillemaker wrote: »
    so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???

    If someone has self control issues with item X, it's not very helpful when people bring that item around you. Nobody wants to have their noses rubbed in what they are trying to avoid but love to indulge in.

    Eventually, maybe, they will be able to tolerate being around donuts without eating them. Or maybe they will have enough calories in their daily allotment to devote 500 calories to an ice cream cone or 200 calories for a donut, along with the willpower to stop at just one.

    But a lot of people are not there right now. I wish people would stop the false incredulity as if this was a difficult situation to understand.

    Understand where you're coming from, but...Most people who are responding with "self control" are people who have been through it already and giving advice from experience. We all know how difficult it is to say no. Trial and error, you can't learn to say no and portion control if you're not put in the situation in the first place. It took me 6+ months to learn portion control for my favorite foods - now I know how to say no. Coddling and avoiding doesn't usually work in this situation.
  • tottie3912
    tottie3912 Posts: 48 Member
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    I don't think he is trying to sabotage. Probably just habit and new ones are formed over time. In relationships, boundaries should be a given. But sometimes a polite reminding is necessary. Let him know that you would be happy to help him take things out to the garage ect before of afterwards, but that you need a set time distraction-free to focus on your goals. Sometimes I actually ask my husband if he needs anything before my personal time, this way he knows to take advantage/make requests or leave me alone. lol Not sure about the living room idea though. We turned one of our spare bedrooms into a workout room so the door can be shut. But if you don't have that option, you will just have to work with it. As far as him bringing home junk food (or in my case alcohol), unless he jumps on board on his own, be prepared to deal with it. That's his choice. Does not have to be yours.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    HappyCampr1 wrote: »
    mwyvr wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???


    I'm with the OP on this.


    Bringing them home shows a lack of respect for his wife and indeed belies his professed support for his wife's efforts.

    Where's the lack of respect in expecting someone else to completely change their habits because you decided to change yours?

    For Ndj and HappyCampr -

    z205099164.gif
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
    edited July 2015
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  • aylajane
    aylajane Posts: 979 Member
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    Shoot, I thought this was looking for ideas on how to sabotage your husband. I had a list ready...
  • nmcrosier
    nmcrosier Posts: 268 Member
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    I had the same issue with my spouse. He would interrupt my workouts, demand dinner, eat & bring all sorts of unhealthy things into the house. I eventually (10 years!) built up the will power to ignore him, eat for me (and my son) and you know what - I've held firm, lost over 75 pounds (10 before mfp) in the past year & .5 and am now the same size of when we got married - he's even lost weight by default eating my left overs...sadly, the worst effect from all this... he's become more of a raving *kitten*, expert on all things weight loss and biligerent jerk who drinks too much... the best part, I've come to realize thru all this - it wasn't me, it was me hiding from my life and eating to console dealing with him... 4 counselors later I finally got it...HIS issues, became my issues...so I'm looking for a divorce attorney - drastic yes, but much needed for health & sanity sake.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
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    mwyvr wrote: »
    Bringing them home shows a lack of respect for his wife and indeed belies his professed support for his wife's efforts. Either that or he's simply an insensitive dolt that can't think obvious things through.

    This just doesn't make sense for me. My sister moved in with me for a while after breaking up with her partner, whom she used to live with, and was staying in MY house while I was actively working on losing weight last year. She would order pizza when I didn't wish to eat it, and leave leftovers in the refrigerator and even -- gasp! -- offer me some, and she knows I like pizza, and I just thought she was being considerate to offer. She knew I was losing weight. I can't imagine thinking this showed a lack of respect or that she should change her eating choices to mimic mine (indeed, as she wasn't trying to lose weight that would have been weird).
  • Serah87
    Serah87 Posts: 5,481 Member
    edited July 2015
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    urloved33 wrote: »
    good. keep refusing to give in. 5 yr old in an adult body (its all about him so he has to learn its not) when a 5 yr old has a tantrum or goes on strike...ignore them. so ignore him.

    Your wrong. She doing the tantrum, because hubby not bowing down to her wishes.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    Serah87 wrote: »
    urloved33 wrote: »
    good. keep refusing to give in. 5 yr old in an adult body (its all about him so he has to learn its not) when a 5 yr old has a tantrum or goes on strike...ignore them. so ignore him.

    Your wrong. She do the tantrum, because hubby not bowing down to her wishes.

    That poster clearly did not read the OP.

  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
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    JoRocka wrote: »
    So. I'd be pissed if someone asked me to do something in the middle of my workout. I set time aside- leave me alone.

    Agree with this.

    I suspect this is just a matter of talking about it and clarifying that she wants to be left alone while working out and maybe addressing some conflict over the use of the room and the timing.
  • cathipa
    cathipa Posts: 2,991 Member
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    OP - if you stick to your goals eventually you could be in the most magnificent dessert filled room and (A) not want to have any of it because you know how to control your cravings or (B) indulge because you worked hard for it and one day/meal/snack/treat isn't going to destroy your hard work. Lighten up on your husband. It could always be worse.
  • Deena_Bean
    Deena_Bean Posts: 906 Member
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    I think that it's a hard thing for any significant other if they're not doing it as well. Whether it's the wife or the husband - he or she isn't dieting or isn't ready or willing to commit to regular exercise. Whatever it may be, the change is one-sided and it throws the proverbial wrench into that person's "normal" life. He/she may have greatly enjoyed the evening watching TV, or sharing a bowl of buttery popcorn and m&m's - that may be his/her fond memory of bonding. So while being healthy is absolutely essential to life, a change to a healthier state that is one sided will almost always present a complication or two. Sometimes it requires re-working your exercise schedule or modifying healthy dishes to satisfy everyone. The best time for me to work out is at 5:30 am before my family is active. It doesn't disrupt anyone. Weekends are filled with activities and evenings are spent taking one child or the other to something, or helping with homework, cleaning up, etc. The best thing in my opinion is to change what you've changed until the change fits right. You don't have to sacrifice your new healthy outlook, but you do have to sacrifice for your family balance - that may mean stupid-early exercise or cooking 2 separate things. These are my opinions, of course...
  • KateSimpson17
    KateSimpson17 Posts: 282 Member
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    I've been meaning to try to lose weight for months now, but it was really hard to start until my boyfriend went 2 hours away for the summer. When he was here we ate almost every meal together (except when I was at work for breakfast/lunch) and although he also wants to be healthy he doesn't really have to watch what he eats. I also feel awkward working out when there's other people around (why I HATE going to the gym). We ate out a lot, and mostly sat around the house because he always had homework. The most exercise I was really doing was dancing at his frat parties.
    Once he left it was a lot easier. I'm in charge of all my meals and since I live alone it's a lot easier for me to work out anytime I get a whim.
    It's not that my boyfriend doesn't want me to lose weight (although he does always tell me I'm perfect the way I am), it's just that my working out and eating healthy is very different from what he needs... basically he could eat whatever, do a little cardio, and lift and he'll be hot as hell (and I'm not just saying that because I'm biased.)
    I have to be the one to be conscious about what I'm eating and how I'm working out even when he visits and when he comes back in the fall.
    Your husband probably isn't trying to sabotage, he may just not understand how or why you're doing things, if he brings home donuts just don't eat them!
  • stfuriada
    stfuriada Posts: 445 Member
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    The donuts, I don't have issues with. Maybe he's just being thoughtful? Also, you CAN make adjustments to your daily limit to allow this.

    The interruptions? Talk to him. Tell him that that hour is off-limits. It's like when he's watching his favorite TV Show/sports team/whatever. He doesn't want to be bothered then, so this is your equivalent of that.
  • michaelafoor916
    michaelafoor916 Posts: 710 Member
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    my boyfriend is the same way. just keep at it and he will get the point. us completely changing eating habits and all the food in the house isn't just affecting us, it affects them as well. we may want to change and be dead set on it but they aren't at that point yet. be patient. this is a change that is affecting him as well. he'll come around sooner or later.
  • michaelafoor916
    michaelafoor916 Posts: 710 Member
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    TheVirgoddess wrote: »
    My husband still brings me donuts. Because I like donuts and he loves me. My "diet" is my business to manage - not his. It's not sabotage. It's realizing that the world doesn't actually revolve around me.

    this. perfectly said girl!
  • senecarr
    senecarr Posts: 5,377 Member
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    UltimateRBF wrote: »
    I wish my husband brought me donuts

    Oh wait.

    I don't have a husband.

    Sabotage via non-existance? That's some top level sabotage.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
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    My husband brings home sweets all the time. He also interups me at the gym by calling me and asking where I put his shoes and other dumb things. He's not sabotaging me . the only way he could sabotage me would be if I let him.

    Its my choice what I eat and its my choice to ignore him while working out. Its not that big of a deal that he brought donuts home. Its up to you if you eat them or not.

    You also can't expect him to totally change his ways just because you have decided to lose weight.
  • ThatMouse
    ThatMouse Posts: 229 Member
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    jmd543 wrote: »
    My husband was a sweet JUNKIE, but he is also frugal. I showed him how much money we can save if we don't buy cookies. He was posting his calories and exercise on MFP by sundown. :smiley:

    I like the way you think! :smiley:
    Maybe I ought to try to sell my dad that way, too, as he's more money conscious than health conscious, ha ha!
  • MexicanOsmosis
    MexicanOsmosis Posts: 382 Member
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    mwyvr wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???


    I'm with the OP on this.

    Hubby can chow down on doughnuts all day while he's at work or stuff his face while driving home.

    Bringing them home shows a lack of respect for his wife and indeed belies his professed support for his wife's efforts. Either that or he's simply an insensitive dolt that can't think obvious things through.

    Eating his lump of flour, fat, and sugar elsewhere is not a hardship for the hub-meister.

    Bringing donuts home for himself isn't a hardship to the OP. He's not forcing her to eat them.

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