Husband sabotage
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HappyCampr1 wrote: »
Where's the lack of respect in expecting someone else to completely change their habits because you decided to change yours?
For Ndj and HappyCampr -
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Shoot, I thought this was looking for ideas on how to sabotage your husband. I had a list ready...0
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I had the same issue with my spouse. He would interrupt my workouts, demand dinner, eat & bring all sorts of unhealthy things into the house. I eventually (10 years!) built up the will power to ignore him, eat for me (and my son) and you know what - I've held firm, lost over 75 pounds (10 before mfp) in the past year & .5 and am now the same size of when we got married - he's even lost weight by default eating my left overs...sadly, the worst effect from all this... he's become more of a raving *kitten*, expert on all things weight loss and biligerent jerk who drinks too much... the best part, I've come to realize thru all this - it wasn't me, it was me hiding from my life and eating to console dealing with him... 4 counselors later I finally got it...HIS issues, became my issues...so I'm looking for a divorce attorney - drastic yes, but much needed for health & sanity sake.0
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Bringing them home shows a lack of respect for his wife and indeed belies his professed support for his wife's efforts. Either that or he's simply an insensitive dolt that can't think obvious things through.
This just doesn't make sense for me. My sister moved in with me for a while after breaking up with her partner, whom she used to live with, and was staying in MY house while I was actively working on losing weight last year. She would order pizza when I didn't wish to eat it, and leave leftovers in the refrigerator and even -- gasp! -- offer me some, and she knows I like pizza, and I just thought she was being considerate to offer. She knew I was losing weight. I can't imagine thinking this showed a lack of respect or that she should change her eating choices to mimic mine (indeed, as she wasn't trying to lose weight that would have been weird).0 -
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That poster clearly did not read the OP.
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So. I'd be pissed if someone asked me to do something in the middle of my workout. I set time aside- leave me alone.
Agree with this.
I suspect this is just a matter of talking about it and clarifying that she wants to be left alone while working out and maybe addressing some conflict over the use of the room and the timing.0 -
OP - if you stick to your goals eventually you could be in the most magnificent dessert filled room and (A) not want to have any of it because you know how to control your cravings or (B) indulge because you worked hard for it and one day/meal/snack/treat isn't going to destroy your hard work. Lighten up on your husband. It could always be worse.0
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I think that it's a hard thing for any significant other if they're not doing it as well. Whether it's the wife or the husband - he or she isn't dieting or isn't ready or willing to commit to regular exercise. Whatever it may be, the change is one-sided and it throws the proverbial wrench into that person's "normal" life. He/she may have greatly enjoyed the evening watching TV, or sharing a bowl of buttery popcorn and m&m's - that may be his/her fond memory of bonding. So while being healthy is absolutely essential to life, a change to a healthier state that is one sided will almost always present a complication or two. Sometimes it requires re-working your exercise schedule or modifying healthy dishes to satisfy everyone. The best time for me to work out is at 5:30 am before my family is active. It doesn't disrupt anyone. Weekends are filled with activities and evenings are spent taking one child or the other to something, or helping with homework, cleaning up, etc. The best thing in my opinion is to change what you've changed until the change fits right. You don't have to sacrifice your new healthy outlook, but you do have to sacrifice for your family balance - that may mean stupid-early exercise or cooking 2 separate things. These are my opinions, of course...0
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I've been meaning to try to lose weight for months now, but it was really hard to start until my boyfriend went 2 hours away for the summer. When he was here we ate almost every meal together (except when I was at work for breakfast/lunch) and although he also wants to be healthy he doesn't really have to watch what he eats. I also feel awkward working out when there's other people around (why I HATE going to the gym). We ate out a lot, and mostly sat around the house because he always had homework. The most exercise I was really doing was dancing at his frat parties.
Once he left it was a lot easier. I'm in charge of all my meals and since I live alone it's a lot easier for me to work out anytime I get a whim.
It's not that my boyfriend doesn't want me to lose weight (although he does always tell me I'm perfect the way I am), it's just that my working out and eating healthy is very different from what he needs... basically he could eat whatever, do a little cardio, and lift and he'll be hot as hell (and I'm not just saying that because I'm biased.)
I have to be the one to be conscious about what I'm eating and how I'm working out even when he visits and when he comes back in the fall.
Your husband probably isn't trying to sabotage, he may just not understand how or why you're doing things, if he brings home donuts just don't eat them!0 -
The donuts, I don't have issues with. Maybe he's just being thoughtful? Also, you CAN make adjustments to your daily limit to allow this.
The interruptions? Talk to him. Tell him that that hour is off-limits. It's like when he's watching his favorite TV Show/sports team/whatever. He doesn't want to be bothered then, so this is your equivalent of that.0 -
my boyfriend is the same way. just keep at it and he will get the point. us completely changing eating habits and all the food in the house isn't just affecting us, it affects them as well. we may want to change and be dead set on it but they aren't at that point yet. be patient. this is a change that is affecting him as well. he'll come around sooner or later.0
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »My husband still brings me donuts. Because I like donuts and he loves me. My "diet" is my business to manage - not his. It's not sabotage. It's realizing that the world doesn't actually revolve around me.
this. perfectly said girl!0 -
UltimateRBF wrote: »I wish my husband brought me donuts
Oh wait.
I don't have a husband.
Sabotage via non-existance? That's some top level sabotage.0 -
My husband brings home sweets all the time. He also interups me at the gym by calling me and asking where I put his shoes and other dumb things. He's not sabotaging me . the only way he could sabotage me would be if I let him.
Its my choice what I eat and its my choice to ignore him while working out. Its not that big of a deal that he brought donuts home. Its up to you if you eat them or not.
You also can't expect him to totally change his ways just because you have decided to lose weight.0 -
My husband was a sweet JUNKIE, but he is also frugal. I showed him how much money we can save if we don't buy cookies. He was posting his calories and exercise on MFP by sundown.
I like the way you think!
Maybe I ought to try to sell my dad that way, too, as he's more money conscious than health conscious, ha ha!0 -
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
I'm with the OP on this.
Hubby can chow down on doughnuts all day while he's at work or stuff his face while driving home.
Bringing them home shows a lack of respect for his wife and indeed belies his professed support for his wife's efforts. Either that or he's simply an insensitive dolt that can't think obvious things through.
Eating his lump of flour, fat, and sugar elsewhere is not a hardship for the hub-meister.
Bringing donuts home for himself isn't a hardship to the OP. He's not forcing her to eat them.
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Maybe OP is powerless to the foods she loves. Also still waiting to see if anyone got any husband saying like the happy wife happy life saying.0
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Divorce is clearly the only option here.
Unless you're willing to change your views about sabotage, he should totes divorce you.0
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