Fat and Jealious new year

myfelinepal wrote: »

ninerbuff wrote: »

myfelinepal wrote: »

ninerbuff wrote: »

myfelinepal wrote: »

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »

myfelinepal wrote: »

ninerbuff wrote: »

myfelinepal wrote: »

ninerbuff wrote: »

The correct response would have been to smile and walk away. He got the response he wanted and you fell for it. Emotional control might be something you want to work on this year. And as mentioned, physically attacking someone shouldn't be the way to handle a problem.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

I don't necessarily think smile and walk away is the right response either. That sounds like an awfully archaic ladylike response and shows the guy he can get away with insulting women without repercussions.

If someone insults you do you smile and walk away?

Why not? I've had people at the gym laugh at me as "the trainer" with insults of why are they paying this guy for a job that the average gym rat could do. Eh. If that's their feeling, more power to them. What's confronting them going to do? People ALREADY know that they are being buttheads and confronting them could just lead to more unneeded BS. What happens if I walk away from it? Nothing. Letting it AFFECT ME is what they want. You're putting power in the hands of people who have ego issues. Must be my thick skin from doing door to door sales for years.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

It's nice that it can fluff your ego like that but what about the next person?

I agree you have to read the situation and sometimes you can walk away. But sometimes you have to stand up for yourselves and stop the BS even if you're at risk of violence from the other person.

But maybe that's my thick skin from coming out in a Christian school at 15.

This wasn't one of those times, she wasn't cornered with no way out. All she had to do was wave a bouncer/bar staff member over and he would have been kicked out.

But the suggestion wasn't even to do that it was to smile and walk away aka not address the man's negative behaviour in any way.

To be clear I do not support the OP (if you read my other posts) but a blanket statement that all women should smile and walk away is so wrong.

Lol, if you think standing up to someone is going to "change" them, have fun with that. May they leave that one person alone? Maybe, but habitual behavior would just have them find someone else to do it to regardless of how many "stand up" to them.
Why do you think people with money seem to get away with everything? Peoples character don't change unless they want to change it willfully.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

You're probably right. But waving a white flag against unlikely odds is not my style.

I'm thinking in terms of my own DD. Any physical altercation usually results in the smaller person getting hurt, especially if it's a female vs a male. As I mentioned, if the dude was relentless, you mention it to the right people to have it taken care of. Most dudes like this who harass females get thrown out. Problem usually solved.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

So you're amending your original statement of 'smile and walk away' to 'contact the relative authorities'?

Not really the same thing.

Touche'. How about "smile and walk away" first. If the person is relentlessly insistent on harassing, then involve the right personnel.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

ninerbuff wrote: »

Personally I'd like to hear the "friends" account of the situation. Always 2 sides to every story.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Always 3 sides when there is two people involved.

And there were 3 people involved here.

Larissa_NY wrote: »

wonut wrote: »

So there was drinking, someone hitting on a woman who wasn't interested, insults traded and one person hits another. Sounds like the story of every bar fight ever. Logically, I know that OP was wrong and she recklessly endangered herself but emotionally, I'm a little bit proud that she didn't let random dude crap on her.

I am really getting depressed by the number of people on this thread with absolutely zero awareness of the vast, gaping chasm full of conflict resolution tactics that exists between "let someone crap on you" and "become physically violent with them." I mean, that gap is basically where adult human civilization exists.

Thank you.

jemhh wrote: »

Hearts_2015 wrote: »

peppermintpudgy wrote: »

This guy did a lot more than insult the OP. He was also aggressively pursuing her friend all night and wouldn't leave her alone in spite of the fact that it was quite clear she was not interested. He was aggressive, pushy, and violent. OP snapped and this guy pushed her when she slapped him. I'm guessing thanks to OP he found someone else to harass and/or rape last night. Give the girl a break. Stay out of that awful scene, OP.

Whoa! You got all that from the OP she wrote drunk? She was drunk when she wrote it...so we only know bits of what happened or didn't happen. The story she shared was merely 'her' view point, not necessarily what actually happened. Those are some huge assumptions you've made from a drunk poster on the internet.

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »

peppermintpudgy wrote: »

This guy did a lot more than insult the OP. He was also aggressively pursuing her friend all night and wouldn't leave her alone in spite of the fact that it was quite clear she was not interested. He was aggressive, pushy, and violent. OP snapped and this guy pushed her when she slapped him. I'm guessing thanks to OP he found someone else to harass and/or rape last night. Give the girl a break. Stay out of that awful scene, OP.

Where did you read that?

I never saw anything like that written either... unless they're talking about a whole other thread!

Same here. Some of these posts remind me of the game Telephone.

Isn't that always how this goes?

TheBeachgod wrote: »

QueenBishOTUniverse wrote: »

TheBeachgod wrote: »

Larissa_NY wrote: »

salembambi wrote: »

standing up for your friend was the right thing to do his reaction is very typical and basic

Doesn't her friend get to decide if it was the right thing to do? Because I'd be *kitten* furious.

I mean, I'm making things up here, but think about it from the friend's point of view. It's New Year's Eve, you're just trying to have a good time at a bar, and not only do you have some doofus hitting on you and refusing to pick up on go-away signals, but then all of a sudden you have to deal with bouncers and bartenders and potentially the police because your drunk friend decides you need a knight in shining Spanx to protect you from bar doofuses and physically starts a fight with him.

I'd have hauled the drunk friend out of the bar, shoved her in a cab, and told her not to call me again until she stopped taking her cues for how to behave in public from Jersey Shore reruns.

Later that night after things calmed down:

Love the humor! LOL!

QueenBishOTUniverse wrote: »

TheBeachgod wrote: »

Larissa_NY wrote: »

salembambi wrote: »

standing up for your friend was the right thing to do his reaction is very typical and basic

Doesn't her friend get to decide if it was the right thing to do? Because I'd be *kitten* furious.

I mean, I'm making things up here, but think about it from the friend's point of view. It's New Year's Eve, you're just trying to have a good time at a bar, and not only do you have some doofus hitting on you and refusing to pick up on go-away signals, but then all of a sudden you have to deal with bouncers and bartenders and potentially the police because your drunk friend decides you need a knight in shining Spanx to protect you from bar doofuses and physically starts a fight with him.

I'd have hauled the drunk friend out of the bar, shoved her in a cab, and told her not to call me again until she stopped taking her cues for how to behave in public from Jersey Shore reruns.

Again with the gifs :huh: :noway:

nutmegoreo wrote: »

But from that snippet and from the rest of her post, we do not know if the friend told him to leave her alone or if she was just rolling her eyes and giggling when he turned his back. There is not enough information on the situation to make some of the leaps and bounds that are being taken in this thread.

By this reasoning, none of us should be posting opinions. Message boards should not exist ... there's NEVER enough info; you have to take what you see at face value and go from there.

My reading of this is that the guy was an aggressive *kitten*; if you read my previous posts, I don't think the OP has zero culpability, but why do we expect women to behave well in the face of men who don't? Plenty of women DO giggle and roll their eyes at unwanted advances because speaking your mind gets you dick-ish remarks. (If you don't believe me, see an instagram called "Tinder Nightmares"; you'll see plenty of examples of women letting men down easily and the men lashing out at them.)

Triplestep wrote: »

"WinoGelato wrote:

What? Is this a serious post? A guy hitting on a girl in a bar on NYE, possibly/probably unwanted based on the ranting of her friend who admits she was put out and didn't like playing the game, is likely to harass or rape someone because the OP reacted so badly and assaulted him?

You misunderstood. This post is saying the guy found someone else to harass because he is a pushy d!ck who moved on to his next target after the OP intervened.

No I didn't misunderstand. I understand that the only information any of us have are the words the OP wrote when she got home and was still drunk and very emotional. I think it is an extreme stretch to go from the OPs words about the guy not being able to take a hint from her friend, to that he's going to potentially harass and rape someone else. I also understood that the OPs friends were upset with her behavior (rightfully so) and so I'm not sure how much weight to put behind her observation that the guys advances were unwanted. Maybe her friend was trying to make OP feel better by telling her that she wasn't interested in the guy, since the OP felt like she wasn't interested in "playing the game" with any other men at the bar. Maybe as someone else said she was rolling her eyes behind his back.
Maybe she really wasn't into him, but didn't want to be rude.

The point is we don't really know what the situation was between the friend and the dude. And the recounting of what happened between OP and the dude was clearly influenced by a lot of alcohol and emotion. So I find bringing the concept of him finding someone else to rape completely and totally offensive in the context of what limited information we have.