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    I grant then ruin someone's wish...

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    Replies

    • Posts: 105 Member
      Granted but the waffels were sketchy and have now run out of you instead.

      I wish the office wasn't so hot.
    • Posts: 3,678 Member
      Ooh, this is easy to ruin. Now it's freezing in there!
      I wish I could get rid of this dumb illness!
    • Posts: 5,787 Member
      zcb94 wrote: »
      Ooh, this is easy to ruin. Now it's freezing in there!
      I wish I could get rid of this dumb illness!

      Granted. Now your illness has mutated into a super intelligent sentient virus that takes over your body and makes you a super mutant, antibiotic-resistant, raging omnipotent Typhoid Mary and everywhere you go, people drop dead and their insides liquefy all over your Mary Janes.

      I wish winter was coming.
    • Posts: 2,732 Member
      jaymvita wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Granted. Now your illness has mutated into a super intelligent sentient virus that takes over your body and makes you a super mutant, antibiotic-resistant, raging omnipotent Typhoid Mary and everywhere you go, people drop dead and their insides liquefy all over your Mary Janes.

      I wish winter was coming.

      Granted: Winter is coming. It's personified and it's coming for you. It's hard, cold and it intends to Avalanche you with its full fury. Better wear mittens.

      Wish I could drink hot cocoa and watch that.

    • Unknown
      Unknown
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    • Posts: 5,787 Member
      Maximus wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Granted but the selfie video of you drinking cocoa goes viral in India and you get 1 billion FR

      I wish Forrest Gump still played for Alabama

      Granted but little 10 year old Forrest is outmatched especially with those leg braces hampering him. His first snap is an utter disaster that leaves him in worse shape than he was before. The resulting brain damage only allows him to say "Two shoes" before he spits down his chin. And Alabama loses to Clemson.

      I wish I didn't already know that I'm going to win tonight Powerball.
    • Posts: 2,132 Member
      jaymvita wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Granted but little 10 year old Forrest is outmatched especially with those leg braces hampering him. His first snap is an utter disaster that leaves him in worse shape than he was before. The resulting brain damage only allows him to say "Two shoes" before he spits down his chin. And Alabama loses to Clemson.

      I wish I didn't already know that I'm going to win tonight Powerball.

      I feel like a horrible person for almost spitting out my coffee while reading this.
    • Posts: 2,732 Member
      Iguessicandothis wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      I feel like a horrible person for almost spitting out my coffee while reading this.

      granted: you are not a horrible person for spitting out coffee- you are now an internet celebrity; its on a repeat Internet loop and you will never escape infamy. Make the most of it: Sign a book deal. Get a reality show. Welcome to your new life.

      Wish: she could be happy with the simple life.
    • Posts: 105 Member
      jaymvita wrote: »

      I wish I didn't already know that I'm going to win tonight Powerball.

      Granted but when you won you don't know it either because Forres's first snap went astray and gave you a head injury which makes you unable to retain any short term memory. Bummer.

      I wish I had a cupcake.
    • Posts: 5,787 Member
      Granted. You have the most succulent cupcake ever baked. It's frosted with the rarest ambrosia frosting, is as moist and tender as can be imagined and tastes like your mouth is having the most rapturous orgasm on the planet ... Too bad you're allergic to eggs, gluten, dairy and oxygen.

      I wish I could finish this whole cupcake without having so many mouthgasms.
    • Posts: 105 Member
      Granted no more mouthgasms for you. Sadly all of the varieties of gasm are now lost to you forever.

      I wish someone would write this paper for me.
    • Posts: 5,787 Member
      just_silk wrote: »
      Granted no more mouthgasms for you. Sadly all of the varieties of gasm are now lost to you forever.

      I wish someone would write this paper for me.

      Granted, I write the paper for you and it is the most stirring deconstruction of post-Soviet era politics as it relates to the price of tea in China by way of provocative thinking on the existence of man as mired in a morass of overtechnologization and instant gratification ... Too bad it has nothing to do with the subject you're studying ... Nor is it written in anything resembling the Queen's English.

      I wish my BS had earned me. B.S.
    • Posts: 9,271 Member
      edited January 2016
      Okay, you BSd your way to a Bachelor of Science....in astronomy. But right after you graduate we discover that NASA has been pulling one over on us all these years, and there is no space. There's nothing else out there but us... All the existing knowledge is a fake. And the best you can do is hope that people confuse your astronomy degree with "astrology" and let you tell them their fortunes for a living.

      I wish Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum would threesome with me
    • Posts: 5,787 Member
      jenmar22 wrote: »
      Okay, you BSd your way to a Bachelor of Science....in astronomy. But right after you graduate we discover that NASA has been pulling one over on us all these years, and there is no space. There's nothing else out there but us... All the existing knowledge is a fake. And the best you can do is hope that people confuse your astronomy degree with "astrology" and let you tell them their fortunes for a living.

      I wish Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum would threesome with me

      Granted. But they insist on recreating 2 Girls, 1 Cup. Except you're the cup.

      I wish I was able to stifle that vomit reaction just now ...
    • Posts: 105 Member
      Granted. You can no longer vomit. But that disgust all has to go somewhere and so your pores now ooze a greenish fluid. It's gross, it smells and it's never coming out of your favourite shirt.

      I wish I hadn't grossed myself out imagining the smell.
    • Posts: 2,132 Member
      Granted. You didn't imagine it. You actually smelt it.

      I wish I could lay in bed all day.
    • Posts: 5,787 Member
      Granted. You're perpetually locked in a state of sleep paralysis. Old Hag syndrome makes it feel like there's an elephant sitting on your chest and you see demons and beasties crawling all around you. You want to scream but you can't. It's a living waking nightmare and all you can do there is lie in dread.

      Sweet dreams.

      I wish there wasn't someone under your bed too.
    • Posts: 2,132 Member
      Phew, granted! There's no one under there.

      I wish I was eating an icecream sundae right now.
    • Posts: 272 Member
      Granted, but it's ketchup icecream with bacon fat drizzled over it.

      I wish my feet were smaller.
    • Posts: 5,787 Member
      AClark1023 wrote: »
      Granted, but it's ketchup icecream with bacon fat drizzled over it.

      I wish my feet were smaller.

      Granted but your head is no four times larger. Your neck is proportionally thicker to support the weight so you look like a giant bobble head walking down the street. When people nod at you pleasantly, you think they're making fun of you and head butt them into unconsciousness.

      I wish my financial lawyer was ready to manage my lottery winning tonight.
    • Posts: 3,678 Member
      Granted, you now have peg legs.
      I wish I didn't have a severe case of the runs right now.
    • Posts: 9,271 Member
      @xcb

      O_o Okay you can never poo again. And you become so constipated that you slowly turn into a human size turd. And your medical case makes the cover of the NYT

      @Jay

      Your lawyer is ready. But I used my sonic mind control device to convince you to will it all to me. I've already picked out my new apartment and new ride. If you're nice to me, I'll buy you a couple new gadgets

      I wish my roommate wasn't having a party tonight and that I could just chill in my undies and play FIFA
    • Posts: 272 Member
      edited January 2016
      Granted, your roomie doesn't throw a party, it's a huge business meeting, and you still can't hang out in your undies or play FIFA.

      @Jay - oh your lawyer is ready, but he embezzles all of it, leaving you with a massive tax burden while he absconds to South America.
      I wish the recipe I made tonight tasted as good as it looked.
    • Posts: 5,787 Member
      @jenmar22 Granted. Your shame and self-consciousness have been completely obliterated. Your roommate is not having a party, instead it's a high class cotillion but you still choose to chill in your undies and play FIFA. The undies you choose are your most comfortable pair that have thinned to holes in most places and is only held together by sheer force of will in other places. And you skip wearing a top altogether because it's warm in there with all those bodies. And you lose at FIFA.

      @AClark1023 Granted because you have developed a healthy appreciation for the taste of paper and ink. You eat most magazines and newspapers like potato chips and the resulting ink bloat turns your lips, eyes and fingernails blue. The excellent roughage keeps you nice and regular though which literally makes you full of shi++y information.

      I wish I had my favorite Scotch in my hand right now...
    • Posts: 2,132 Member
      Granted. It's in your hand...because you've stolen it, and have been caught in the act. You will now face charges of theft and public urination. I'm not sure why you also chose to do THAT.

      I wish my visa bill was paid.
    • Posts: 46 Member
      Granted, but you had to open up a Mastercard in order to pay it.

      I wish I had a self-cleaning house.
    • Posts: 9,271 Member
      MandyVSG wrote: »
      Granted, but you had to open up a Mastercard in order to pay it.

      I wish I had a self-cleaning house.

      You do, but it's constantly spraying you down and scrubbing you whenever you're inside it. You can never keep makeup or dry clothes. And your skin is in a perpetual prune state.

      I wish I was married to Jaun Mata (soccer player)

      yk4evckwosry.jpg

    • Posts: 272 Member
      MandyVSG wrote: »
      Granted, but you had to open up a Mastercard in order to pay it.

      I wish I had a self-cleaning house.

      Granted, but while your house now cleans itself, it dumps everything including bags of garbage, loose in your front yard...and its windy.

      I wish there was something good on TV rather than this crap I'm watching.
    • Posts: 6,993 Member
      Granted, but you've subscribed to every premium cable channel
    • Posts: 5,787 Member
      AClark1023 wrote: »
      show previous quotes

      Granted, but while your house now cleans itself, it dumps everything including bags of garbage, loose in your front yard...and its windy.

      I wish there was something good on TV rather than this crap I'm watching.

      Granted. The most satisfying bowel movement you've ever had is now sitting on your tv. It is decidedly better than the crap you WERE watching in terms of texture, viscosity and overall aroma. You're welcome.

      I wish I could forget that whole exchange.
    This discussion has been closed.

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