Your stupidest joke
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What do you a call a fish with no eye?
fsh. ( I still crack up with that one.... not sure why)
No eye deer.
How do you catch an unusual rabbit?
Unique up on it.0 -
2. lets do math.. add the bed, subtract the clothes divide the sheets and hope like heck we dont multiple.0
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this might offend (so I apologize)but I guess it's really funny to me since my DH is a cop.... read at your own risk! lol
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" to which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work
from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *kitten*?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs. $45.00
The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS0 -
my dad says this one a lot:
I had the strangest dream last night about eating a giant marshmallow... I woke up and my pillow was gone!
Its a terrible joke.0 -
a penguin is driving down the road in his car when it breaks down. Luckily he's right next to a garage so he asks the mechanic to take a look. The mechanic asks him to come back in around an hour so the penguin decides to get some lunch.
Now what penguins like for lunch is fish fingers dipped in vanilla ice cream so the penguin heads to the nearest supermarket (preferably Iceland *g*) and buys his lunch. He sits in the park in the sunshine dipping his fish fingers into the ice cream and having a generally lovely time in the sun (although the ice cream gets a bit melty).
He heads back to the garage and says to the mechanic
"any idea whats wrong with the car?"
The mechanic replies
"you've blown a seal"
The penguin very quickly wipes his beak and says
"no honestly, it's only ice cream"0 -
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, if they're small enough.
Cheers.
-wtk
This got a good giggle from me.
Tell this to your favorite youngster:
Why did the elephant paint his toenails blue?
So he could hide in the blueberry patch.
Why did the elephant paint his toenails purple?
So he could hide in the grape vines.
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
So he could hide in the strawberry bush.
Why did the elephant paint his toenails yellow?
(wait for the 'So he could hide in the lemon tree' answer)
Silly! Elephants can't climb trees!
Why did the elephant paint his toenails blue, purple, red, yellow and green?
So he could hide in the gumball machine0 -
Should I eat my exercise calories.......0
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what do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.0 -
There was a building that had 46 stories. Some people say it had 47 stories, but that's another story.0
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Which bug is the holiest?
A praying mantis0 -
'Silver' walks up to "Gold' and says... A U what's up?
very clever!
A lot of people don't get it... and I just don't get that!0 -
'Silver' walks up to "Gold' and says... A U what's up?
very clever!
A lot of people don't get it... and I just don't get that!
I assume that AU is the other name for gold....like H20 for water etc.0 -
Should I eat my exercise calories.......
BEST JOKE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now that question needs to be posted on MFP 10,000 times a day....oh wait it is!! lol0 -
Awesome topic!!! Here's mine
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella??
Fo' Drizzle
What did the kid say when the Apartment Complex fell on his head?
Get off me Homes!!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cargo
Cargo Who?
Car go Beep Beep!!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Olive
Olive Who?
Olive you!!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow
Interrupting Co......MOOOOOOO!!!!0 -
What did the bra say to the hat?
You go on ahead and I'll give these two a lift.
BaDondon!0 -
pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants, bartenders goes "hey pirate you no youve got a steering wheel in your pants?" pirate replys "Arghhhh its driving me nuts" xD0
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Did you know Beethoven is still making music? He's now de-composing!
(Groan)
ohhh this made me laugh so much xD hahahaha!0 -
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his mistress..."I'll be back"0
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i says to pi "be rational"
pi says to i "get real"0 -
Two scientists walk into a bar. One orders H2O and the other says, "I'll have H2O too." He takes a sip and dies.
....Ahhhh science jokes0
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