Other people's reactions to your weight loss or diet

itislizard146 wrote: »

One of my friends kept telling me and everyone else that I was anorexic. Which is/was not true. It made me feel awful, I'm not sure why. And then it sabotaged my progress and I wound up gaining weight back and I still can't get it out of my head.

I read your post about a friend calling you anorexic and you gained weight because of that statement. My older sister did that to me years ago.. I'm "little" sister. I had lost weight ..and now that I look back.. I most likely was looking a bit too good for her. She told me that her mother in law asked if there was something wrong with me..that i was too so thin she was worried.

Now that I'm older and wiser.. I have my sister's number. She was nothing but jealous and put that seed of doubt in my mind that people thought I looked sickly. When the problem was I looked better than her. I also gained weight because I didn't want to be talked about.

So, I write in support.. .. We all know the chart number of what weight range is safe.. we can lose to that who cares what jealous women and rude people say.. Good luck in your fitness goals.

I have got pretty positive responses. Some people at work have mentioned my weight loss, but a lot haven't and I think because they think it might be inappropriate to say anything.

My husband and family have been extremely supportive and are really proud of me. And one close friend is great and always congratulating me. But I do have another group of friends that said nothing. I talked about it and told them about it, but they just didn't respond. They completely ignore that I said anything about it and change the subject and have never commented on how I look. The one time they did respond it was the... 'Doesn't matter what I do, I can't lose weight or if I do, no matter what I do I put it back on'. Kind of making out that it must have been easy for me. Bit disheartening, but I know that it isn't my problem, and just don't mention it now.

lol, I get mixed reactions those who knew me think I am getting too thin and should stop now, those who don't think I am due to have another child...I still have a long way to go yet although I have lost a lot of weight...and friends/relatives who are still struggling with their weight tend to avoid me lol

I'm bmi 20 and always get comments from others if they see me eat "non diet" calorie dense food and they comment how lucky I am. It isn't lucky, it's math

My friends and coworkers have been very supportive with two telling me I inspired them to do something themselves. My two best work buddies are quite fit and have really helped me along on this journey. Acquaintances don't know what to think, but they usually want to know what diet I'm doing. I tell them portion control and no processed foods, but they usually don't believe me.

But the person that p*ssed me off was my own mother. Four months in, my bro showed her a new pic of me (she lives 1400 miles away from me). Her comment was "She'll be fat again by the end of winter." This was last October. I'm now 44 pounds down with 10-15 to go. I wear a size 6 pant and have given her my old fat clothes (size 14).

bugsypemberton wrote: »

I'm going to focus on something I think is more important: how do you react to others after your weight loss.

Years ago there was a made for TV movie called "the girl most likely to". Played by Stockard Channing, the story revolved around an obese college student who admittedly was not very pretty but was trying her best to fit in. During the course of winding her way through the muck and mire of peerdom, she ended up being the brunt of a joke that was so humiliating to her that she ran out and ended up in an accident that landed her in the hospital getting extreme plastic surgery.

You can probably guess that she ended up beautiful and thin.

And then she exacted her revenge for every hurtful, painful thing anyone ever did to her.

I was 380 pounds. I am now down to 240. I wonder how many in this thread would look at me with disdain still? I hope none would. I would like to think everyone here- even the ones here to gain weight- would say "wow thats great!"

The other day, while sitting in the B&N waiting on some good herbal tea, I looked over and saw a woman eating her scone. They serve very large scones in the one near us. With a custard sauce. She was enjoying it. I would guess her weight to be around 400 or so. She was a big girl.

At first the thought crossed my mind: "doesn't she see how she looks eating that?"

Then I looked over at a very lovely, thin girl and her friends. They were laughing and looking at me. One even said:"Its okay for old ladies to be fat" (she needed to learn how to whisper). Since I was the only woman there with gray hair it was safe to assume who the object was.

It was wrong of me to see someone else the way others see me.

Changing how we see others after we lose our weight is as important as how others see us, I reckon.

This is really interesting as I have reached a similar conclusion. I have changed my outlook on others (unlike my husband, so it causes some "discussion" between us). I am no longer disgusted by myself, even though I am still carrying 30-40lbs excess weight. Maybe I have lost the disgust I felt in my looks because I am doing something about it. I don't know. I do know that I hated how I looked but it took me many, many years (decades) to get to grips with it and change things. I wouldn't eat in public for fear of "looking awful", especially if it was a "bad" food. I used to think that everyone was judging me. They probably weren't but I suspect that many were as that, sadly, is human nature. Pick on those that don't fit the "normal" mould.

Losing weight has actually changed how I see others - I once had the attitude of "Yes, I can judge others because I am really fat" and I would think thoughts similar to yours, "why can't s/he see how awful that looks?" because that it how I used to view myself. I don't think like that anymore. I now know that we are all different, have different problems and are at different stages of emotional development. I now very occasionally think, when I see an overweight/obese person, "I wonder if they are on a journey to better health as I am?". Because we don't know what their lives are like, or what they did prior to "looking awful" whilst eating something regarded as unhealthy. That unhealthy food they are eating at that moment might be their once-a-week/month treat, or it just fits in with their calorie goal that day. Any why shouldn't an overweight/obese person enjoy their food?

I was talking to the checkout cashier a couple of weeks ago whilst buying some new clothes - most were a UK size 12 but I'd added in a size 10 (my next goal size) just for fun and because it made me feel darn good to buy something that small. The cashier noticed and asked me if I wanted the size 10 or had I picked it up by mistake. I told her that I had meant to include it and that I'd shrink into it over the next few weeks and so a conversation about weight loss ensued. It turned out that she was also on a weight-loss programme and that she and her husband, between them, had lost 210lbs. I was totally in awe of this woman, she's lost way more than me at that point. Yet up until that point, I had no idea that the woman at the checkout was losing weight as well. I actually hadn't even noticed that she was overweight as I don't really care if others are overweight/obese, I still treat them as human beings with respect and dignity.

And that, I think, is the issue. Human beings aren't kind in general (not that the doctor was being unkind), especially if someone doesn't fit within the "normal" range. And they are judgmental towards others. We get it from everyone - kids at school (I was overweight with other health problems at school, so was a natural target for bullies), random people in the street, even those supposed to be helping us, like our doctors (you know, that "you need to lose weight, you are not in a healthy BMI range" conversation that happens each visit).

I was "judged" by a doctor over the weekend (spent in A&E, unfortunately) who saw my "Star Wars The Force Awakens" T-shirt. He then attempted to get me to talk about the Star Wars films (yes, I know he was trying to make me feel at ease). I don't like the Star Wars films, I have never been able to sit through one without falling asleep (I've tried, my children asked me to watch with them and I just didn't "get" the films so fell asleep, much to my children's disgust). I did like this particular T-shirt though, it looks good on me, so I purchased it. But there's an example - the doctor made an assumption, based on my appearance, that I was a Star Wars fan. I'm not, so the "at ease" conversation failed before it started. This has happened with others as well, just based on the Star Wars T-shirt; I certainly know how to kill a conversation by stating that I've not watched the film

I don't think that there's ever going to be a fix for this issue of being judged by others, it's a nasty human trait. Perhaps treating others as you would like to be treated is something that needs to be nurtured from birth (which I have tried to do with my children, and I think that I have succeeded as, to my knowledge, my children don't judge others).

I can say I was shocked by my husband's reaction to my 25 lb loss. Or should I say lack of reaction, he never said a single word. My sister made a comment and he just seemed to let it fly right by. I said something to him later. "You know, It hurts that you can't even speak on the fact that I lost this much weight. I always let you know that I see your progress when you get in shape." He responded with a heartfelt, "Eh. You look alright." With out so much as glancing in my direction. So yeah. Shocked indeed. And he wonders why this marriage is in the toilet.

ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »

I can say I was shocked by my husband's reaction to my 25 lb loss. Or should I say lack of reaction, he never said a single word. My sister made a comment and he just seemed to let it fly right by. I said something to him later. "You know, It hurts that you can't even speak on the fact that I lost this much weight. I always let you know that I see your progress when you get in shape." He responded with a heartfelt, "Eh. You look alright." With out so much as glancing in my direction. So yeah. Shocked indeed. And he wonders why this marriage is in the toilet.

I'm so sorry. That stinks. Hopefully you are ecstatic enough to more than make up for his lack of manners!

Not many of my friends have said anything, but I'm ok with that. It's not the basis of our friendship! A couple have complimented clothes or said I look good in something which I think is more flattering.

I got told I didn't need to calorie count at work, I've changed jobs a few times so they don't know the before - some were surprised!

Treece68 wrote: »

My Mother last weekend when we were swimming: "where did your boobs go?"

People say dumb things -the best is - oh your husband must be real happy now - bet he can't keep his hands off you .... I usually reply with that he never ever complained about my weight before and yes he is happy ....for me....

edalton2570 wrote: »

People say dumb things -the best is - oh your husband must be real happy now - bet he can't keep his hands off you .... I usually reply with that he never ever complained about my weight before and yes he is happy ....for me....

Yep. My aunt said, "I'm so glad because your husband deserves to have a good-looking woman."

I felt bad for her that she thought a husband's love or appreciation must be so much tied up in physical appearance or that a change in physical appearance was the most important result of weight loss. I wasn't too annoyed about it because I also tend to think she's a lil off her rocker. It's easy to forgive people when you believe them to be lacking sanity.

Mostly people have been impressed and happy for me and understand that I'm doing it (mostly) for health and mobility.

I'm blessed, I've got pretty supportive co-workers who have been saying nice things (down 23 lbs, 60 to go) and reminding me my slacks were getting too baggy. I finally went to Savers and found some smaller pants and the first day I wore them, they noticed and said nice things. So far nobody is trying to sabotage me and I'm grateful for that.