Weird gender attraction question

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Replies

  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,589 Member
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    You might feel like you fall into one of these categories:

    Pansexual = You can be sexually attracted to any gender, whether or not it is within the male/female binary
    Demisexual = You are only sexually attracted to certain people with whom you have an emotional connection
    What's self attraction's label?

    I am not conceited but my self esteem, won't allow me; to be loveless!

    I don't know. Maybe auto-sexual. I might have just made that word up. But, I have found that if you search anything sexual that it probably has people talking about it or proclaiming a fetish for it.

    This is more of a meta comment....

    I hate the current LGBTQ-academic movement to stick a label on every feckin mode of sexuality out there

    It also seems quite "anti-queer" as the point of queer theory has been to break the confines of societally imposed labels and recognize things like sexuality as self-determined and sometimes fluid/uncategorizable

    Anyway, carry on....

    I understand and agree to a degree. I understand that people are wanting to understand their sex drive because it leads to less conflict in relationship when people understand and are up front about that. It's not an issue for me personally. I think it's more of an issue for people with low sex drive or asexual.

    I personally just identify as bisexual. Like I always have. I don't really understand why pansexual had to come into existence. I guess people didn't like the term bi meaning two. But, I feel like pansexual is just unnecessarily singling people out based on their gender orientation. But, whatever. I don't care. People can do what they want. I don't want to make an issue out of it.

    I think some people go overboard with too many labels. But, again, whatever, they can do what they want.

    I just studied sexuality and learn a lot about it and certain things just stick in my mind.

    Sexuality is definitely fluid and on a spectrum.

    I have to agree that the labeling is getting ridiculous. I thought pansexual used to be the old term for bisexual and I think queer morphed from meaning homosexual to more about a persons view of their gender but the thing I object to the most is that gender is a social term and not a biological one. Gender is not the male/female binary (leaving out hermaphrodites here) but masculine and feminine as defined by ones culture. The signal to noise ratio is getting lower right now and starting to become meaningless due to political correctness. I'm just hoping we can get a handle on this sooner than later so we can have an open and honest dialogue about how to treat everyone with the same respect and decency without the gender politics.

    Queer just means outside of normative or mainstream gender/sex/sexuality categories

    And, actually, uncoupling gender identity (how you feel/present yourself/identify with the world)from sex (what your genitals are determined to dictate you are) is the kind of "uncategorizing/unconstraining" that I appreciate. It makes useful sense of why some people don't fit into our societally determined categories for identity. It allows for the complexity that simply does exist in human experience.

    We've made productive strives to reveal how the world and human experience does not fit into the bubbles we've put it in for thousands of years. It's a simple, yet scary thing to trust that people can feel and be something that you yourself don't understand.

    I think "politically correct" is sometimes used by people to undermine big ideas that they can't quite grasp their head around (and thus, of course, must be b.s.)

    Also, there is no "outside of gender politics." Regardless of what you think the gender politics are, we live inside them.

    No, I'm not using those terms to disregard or undermine any ideas, I was helping the fight for LGBT rights long before it even became a term because I had a lot of good friends who were gay and lesbian and were being mistreated just because they choose partners of their own sex or didn't feel they were the correct sex. My issue is that political correctness and gender politics has become a cacophony of ever expanding terms that aren't really helping. And there are political agendas being pushed that I do not appreciate but that's for another place.

    My argument here is that all people need to treat each other as people first and labels are often a barrier to proper treatment. Do we live within a world of gender politics? Yes, and although I very much agree with what LGBT community is doing I do not agree with many of the PC actives that try to stifle discussion with those who do not completely agree with them. I know this is not what you are trying to do here but there are many who do.

    Fair enough :smile:

    But, ironically, I think that "politically correct" is one of those terms that, as you put it, is a barrier to proper discussion of ideas.

    People (not necessarily you) use that term to undermine ideas rather than thoughtfully engage/discuss what they don't like about the idea

    But certainly, we are in agreement....more openness to discussion and understanding each other is what we need

    Completely agree, the one thing I'm really glad to see is that even younger evangelicals are coming around to see that who we choose to love shouldn't be a judgment and condemnation upon us. :)
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,843 Member
    And people buy into these stereotypes rather than work on whatever the real issues are.

    Or get snapchat, KIK, and hang out on MFP.

  • Karb_Kween
    Karb_Kween Posts: 2,681 Member
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    OP, you are the only one who gets to determine (and label) your sexuality. If you were to just reading through a list of sexualities, based only on what you've told us, demi-sexual may be the best fit.

    Orrrr, OP, you could just not label it and just go with it.

    Why is our society so obsessed with labels? It seems very odd to me that we desire to stick labels on very complex parts of who we are (everyone must have a sexuality label, a religious label, a political ideology label....blah)

    Labeling/categorizing EVERYTHING is very anti-queer imo

    Labels make it easy for the straight and narrow types i think
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,938 Member
    edited September 2016
    Just want to add. I said I didn't understand why the word pansexual had to come into existence. I thought bisexual works. And pansexual seems to create a barrier that was never intended. But, I understand it a little more now in terms of events. It's just an easy way of saying that anything goes and all are welcome. Like some events are predominantly straight oriented. Some are predominantly homosexual oriented. Pansexual event means you will see gay, straight, bisexual, other genders, transgender, cross dress, etc...etc...etc. That all are welcome and can approach or be approached and just say yes or no without there being any drama. And no one is going to complain about what they see among others.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,843 Member
    Karb_Kween wrote: »
    Labels make it easy for the straight and narrow types i think

    Or ANY type to alienate and categorize that which is not aligned to their world. I have seen just the reverse from non-straight people who tend to call straight people narrow minded because they don't fully support non-straight people.

    Got that straight now?

    Labels are ways people rationalize the world around them. They are both for understanding and filters for morality, unfortunately.

  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,582 Member
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    I would just stick with dudes, OP. Women are so high maintenance and a few days a month it's a no go for sex.

    It certainly doesn't have to be a no go for sex, there are plenty of options regardless of where either lady is in her menstrual cycle. Also, lesbian bed-death is a greatly exaggerated stereotype, (just like u-hauling) it certainly can happen but it has zero to do with attraction. No one questions a straight woman's sexuality when she is too tired or "not in the mood" to have sex with her husband, so why is that if gay women going through the same thing it's because they "don't stay physically attracted" to each other, or their relationship was a result of a "fantom symptom"??

    Relationships take work, regardless of the gender. OP, you are the only one who gets to determine (and label) your sexuality. If you were to just reading through a list of sexualities, based only on what you've told us, demi-sexual may be the best fit. Whether you are attracted to no one, or everyone, it's 100% ok.

    Like scissoring? How do lesbians have sex on their periods!? For Science of course!

    with fries

    everything is better with fries....

    ...with ketchup, apparently.
  • Karb_Kween
    Karb_Kween Posts: 2,681 Member
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    You might feel like you fall into one of these categories:

    Pansexual = You can be sexually attracted to any gender, whether or not it is within the male/female binary
    Demisexual = You are only sexually attracted to certain people with whom you have an emotional connection
    What's self attraction's label?

    I am not conceited but my self esteem, won't allow me; to be loveless!

    I don't know. Maybe auto-sexual. I might have just made that word up. But, I have found that if you search anything sexual that it probably has people talking about it or proclaiming a fetish for it.

    This is more of a meta comment....

    I hate the current LGBTQ-academic movement to stick a label on every feckin mode of sexuality out there

    It also seems quite "anti-queer" as the point of queer theory has been to break the confines of societally imposed labels and recognize things like sexuality as self-determined and sometimes fluid/uncategorizable

    Anyway, carry on....

    I understand and agree to a degree. I understand that people are wanting to understand their sex drive because it leads to less conflict in relationship when people understand and are up front about that. It's not an issue for me personally. I think it's more of an issue for people with low sex drive or asexual.

    I personally just identify as bisexual. Like I always have. I don't really understand why pansexual had to come into existence. I guess people didn't like the term bi meaning two. But, I feel like pansexual is just unnecessarily singling people out based on their gender orientation. But, whatever. I don't care. People can do what they want. I don't want to make an issue out of it.

    I think some people go overboard with too many labels. But, again, whatever, they can do what they want.

    I just studied sexuality and learn a lot about it and certain things just stick in my mind.

    Sexuality is definitely fluid and on a spectrum.

    I have to agree that the labeling is getting ridiculous. I thought pansexual used to be the old term for bisexual and I think queer morphed from meaning homosexual to more about a persons view of their gender but the thing I object to the most is that gender is a social term and not a biological one. Gender is not the male/female binary (leaving out hermaphrodites here) but masculine and feminine as defined by ones culture. The signal to noise ratio is getting lower right now and starting to become meaningless due to political correctness. I'm just hoping we can get a handle on this sooner than later so we can have an open and honest dialogue about how to treat everyone with the same respect and decency without the gender politics.

    Queer just means outside of normative or mainstream gender/sex/sexuality categories

    And, actually, uncoupling gender identity (how you feel/present yourself/identify in relation to the world) from sex (what your genitals are determined to dictate you are) is the kind of "uncategorizing/unconstraining" that I appreciate. It makes useful sense of why some people don't fit into our societally determined categories for identity. It allows for the complexity that simply does exist in human experience.

    We've made productive strives to reveal how the world and human experience does not fit into the bubbles we've put it in for thousands of years. It's a simple, yet scary thing to trust that people can feel and be something that you yourself don't understand.

    I think "politically correct" is sometimes used by people to undermined big ideas that they can't quite grasp their head around (and thus, of course, must be b.s.)

    Also, there is no "outside of gender politics." Regardless of what you think the gender politics are, we live inside them.

    I think "political correctness" as we know it has changed in the last 15 years
  • Karb_Kween
    Karb_Kween Posts: 2,681 Member
    Timshel_ wrote: »
    Karb_Kween wrote: »
    Labels make it easy for the straight and narrow types i think

    Or ANY type to alienate and categorize that which is not aligned to their world. I have seen just the reverse from non-straight people who tend to call straight people narrow minded because they don't fully support non-straight people.

    Got that straight now?

    Labels are ways people rationalize the world around them. They are both for understanding and filters for morality, unfortunately.

    Alrighty
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    Maximus wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    I would just stick with dudes, OP. Women are so high maintenance and a few days a month it's a no go for sex.

    It certainly doesn't have to be a no go for sex, there are plenty of options regardless of where either lady is in her menstrual cycle. Also, lesbian bed-death is a greatly exaggerated stereotype, (just like u-hauling) it certainly can happen but it has zero to do with attraction. No one questions a straight woman's sexuality when she is too tired or "not in the mood" to have sex with her husband, so why is that if gay women going through the same thing it's because they "don't stay physically attracted" to each other, or their relationship was a result of a "fantom symptom"??

    Relationships take work, regardless of the gender. OP, you are the only one who gets to determine (and label) your sexuality. If you were to just reading through a list of sexualities, based only on what you've told us, demi-sexual may be the best fit. Whether you are attracted to no one, or everyone, it's 100% ok.

    Like scissoring? How do lesbians have sex on their periods!? For Science of course!

    with fries

    everything is better with fries....

    ...with ketchup, apparently.

    can I supersize that for you?

    Yes please!
  • Karb_Kween
    Karb_Kween Posts: 2,681 Member
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    You might feel like you fall into one of these categories:

    Pansexual = You can be sexually attracted to any gender, whether or not it is within the male/female binary
    Demisexual = You are only sexually attracted to certain people with whom you have an emotional connection
    What's self attraction's label?

    I am not conceited but my self esteem, won't allow me; to be loveless!

    I don't know. Maybe auto-sexual. I might have just made that word up. But, I have found that if you search anything sexual that it probably has people talking about it or proclaiming a fetish for it.

    This is more of a meta comment....

    I hate the current LGBTQ-academic movement to stick a label on every feckin mode of sexuality out there

    It also seems quite "anti-queer" as the point of queer theory has been to break the confines of societally imposed labels and recognize things like sexuality as self-determined and sometimes fluid/uncategorizable

    Anyway, carry on....

    I understand and agree to a degree. I understand that people are wanting to understand their sex drive because it leads to less conflict in relationship when people understand and are up front about that. It's not an issue for me personally. I think it's more of an issue for people with low sex drive or asexual.

    I personally just identify as bisexual. Like I always have. I don't really understand why pansexual had to come into existence. I guess people didn't like the term bi meaning two. But, I feel like pansexual is just unnecessarily singling people out based on their gender orientation. But, whatever. I don't care. People can do what they want. I don't want to make an issue out of it.

    I think some people go overboard with too many labels. But, again, whatever, they can do what they want.

    I just studied sexuality and learn a lot about it and certain things just stick in my mind.

    Sexuality is definitely fluid and on a spectrum.


    Fair points. I get that "sexuality" labels are convenient ways to communicate your preferences and also important for validating a multiplicity of forms of sexuality

    I think labeling things has historically been a weird subconscious way for humans to avoid dealing with the scary complexity of the world. The problem is, when everything has a label/category, things that fall outside that are then "othered" or labelled as "unnatural." Plus, it's a shame to simplify/categorize every aspect of what makes one human.....since humanity's beauty is in its complexity.

    It's just seems so strange to me.... With all these labels it seems like the queer community itself is afraid of the gray O_o

    I dunno though. To each their own. I guess if you want a label, then pull one out of the hat that applies to you.

    labels can also comfort those of us who have been only seen as "other". when i realized that asexual was a thing, i felt relief. there's a name for how i feel. other ppl feel this way. i am not alone. look, i have found my tribe.

    and i think that feeling of "finding your tribe" is very deeply ingrained in every human, nearly all of us look for it, strive for it, feel more whole when we have it.

    the day i realized that my lack of sexual attraction was NOT a symptom of me being BROKEN was a joyful day for me. so use the pronouns that people prefer and listen to them when they share those labels. b/c they've just let you know a little more about who they are at the core of their being. and that's the part of labeling that can be kind of beautiful.

    So i say go out there, find your labels, find you people, make yourself whole; i think that's a huge part of what life is about. the only real trick to it is this: if someone tells you their labels, respect them.

    Agreed

    Sometimes you don't realize something about yourself until you find a label to align to

    I've had that happen to me
  • jenmar222
    jenmar222 Posts: 9,279 Member
    edited September 2016
    ...
  • thisonetimeatthegym
    thisonetimeatthegym Posts: 1,977 Member
    edited September 2016
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    May I ask, why is it that when a question is asked and an answer given, that the immediate reaction is to run to the extreme?

    When I say it's a beautiful day outside, that should not bring out "so you think I'm an idiot because you think I can't see how nice it is outside?"

    It's bc your answer was a bit extreme.... You seemed to have a lot of knowledge/experience (shockingly even more-so than the OP herself) about what the OP is feeling O_o

    It seems, ironically, that you are the one who ran to the extreme (made a lot of assumptions) w/your response to the OP.

    Nothing like the old, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you defense. It would be so much easier for you to say, "perhaps I was over sensitive and jumped to conclusions. Maybe its not homophobia if the LGBT people are discussing it." Instead, you open for more. So here you go:

    The sexualization of intimacy is why many men crave closeness from their friends but can't achieve it.

    Because every step towards depth in their friendship has to be prefaced "no homo."

    To the extent now that people are trying to look at historical figures with close frienships and labeling it a homosexual relationship.

    Sometimes, people want to be intimate, without being "intimate."

    Note how we have overlapped one word to mean both closeness and sexual act. That is what I'm talking about.

    People of both sexes should be able to enjoy the friendship of another on a deep connected level without worrying about what that means about their sexual identity.

  • thisonetimeatthegym
    thisonetimeatthegym Posts: 1,977 Member
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    You might feel like you fall into one of these categories:

    Pansexual = You can be sexually attracted to any gender, whether or not it is within the male/female binary
    Demisexual = You are only sexually attracted to certain people with whom you have an emotional connection
    What's self attraction's label?

    I am not conceited but my self esteem, won't allow me; to be loveless!

    I don't know. Maybe auto-sexual. I might have just made that word up. But, I have found that if you search anything sexual that it probably has people talking about it or proclaiming a fetish for it.

    This is more of a meta comment....

    I hate the current LGBTQ-academic movement to stick a label on every feckin mode of sexuality out there

    It also seems quite "anti-queer" as the point of queer theory has been to break the confines of societally imposed labels and recognize things like sexuality as self-determined and sometimes fluid/uncategorizable

    Anyway, carry on....

    I understand and agree to a degree. I understand that people are wanting to understand their sex drive because it leads to less conflict in relationship when people understand and are up front about that. It's not an issue for me personally. I think it's more of an issue for people with low sex drive or asexual.

    I personally just identify as bisexual. Like I always have. I don't really understand why pansexual had to come into existence. I guess people didn't like the term bi meaning two. But, I feel like pansexual is just unnecessarily singling people out based on their gender orientation. But, whatever. I don't care. People can do what they want. I don't want to make an issue out of it.

    I think some people go overboard with too many labels. But, again, whatever, they can do what they want.

    I just studied sexuality and learn a lot about it and certain things just stick in my mind.

    Sexuality is definitely fluid and on a spectrum.

    I have to agree that the labeling is getting ridiculous. I thought pansexual used to be the old term for bisexual and I think queer morphed from meaning homosexual to more about a persons view of their gender but the thing I object to the most is that gender is a social term and not a biological one. Gender is not the male/female binary (leaving out hermaphrodites here) but masculine and feminine as defined by ones culture. The signal to noise ratio is getting lower right now and starting to become meaningless due to political correctness. I'm just hoping we can get a handle on this sooner than later so we can have an open and honest dialogue about how to treat everyone with the same respect and decency without the gender politics.

    Queer just means outside of normative or mainstream gender/sex/sexuality categories

    And, actually, uncoupling gender identity (how you feel/present yourself/identify with the world)from sex (what your genitals are determined to dictate you are) is the kind of "uncategorizing/unconstraining" that I appreciate. It makes useful sense of why some people don't fit into our societally determined categories for identity. It allows for the complexity that simply does exist in human experience.

    We've made productive strives to reveal how the world and human experience does not fit into the bubbles we've put it in for thousands of years. It's a simple, yet scary thing to trust that people can feel and be something that you yourself don't understand.

    I think "politically correct" is sometimes used by people to undermine big ideas that they can't quite grasp their head around (and thus, of course, must be b.s.)

    Also, there is no "outside of gender politics." Regardless of what you think the gender politics are, we live inside them.

    No, I'm not using those terms to disregard or undermine any ideas, I was helping the fight for LGBT rights long before it even became a term because I had a lot of good friends who were gay and lesbian and were being mistreated just because they choose partners of their own sex or didn't feel they were the correct sex. My issue is that political correctness and gender politics has become a cacophony of ever expanding terms that aren't really helping. And there are political agendas being pushed that I do not appreciate but that's for another place.

    My argument here is that all people need to treat each other as people first and labels are often a barrier to proper treatment. Do we live within a world of gender politics? Yes, and although I very much agree with what LGBT community is doing I do not agree with many of the PC actives that try to stifle discussion with those who do not completely agree with them. I know this is not what you are trying to do here but there are many who do.

    And that. My point precicely.

    There is a nuance that neither the far left nor far right seems to be able to hear. It's as if they are tone deaf and only listen to dog whistles.
  • jenmar222
    jenmar222 Posts: 9,279 Member
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    May I ask, why is it that when a question is asked and an answer given, that the immediate reaction is to run to the extreme?

    When I say it's a beautiful day outside, that should not bring out "so you think I'm an idiot because you think I can't see how nice it is outside?"

    It's bc your answer was a bit extreme.... You seemed to have a lot of knowledge/experience (shockingly even more-so than the OP herself) about what the OP is feeling O_o

    It seems, ironically, that you are the one who ran to the extreme (made a lot of assumptions) w/your response to the OP.

    Nothing like the old, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you defense. It would be so much easier for you to say, "perhaps I was over sensitive and jumped to conclusions. Maybe its not homophobia if the LGBT people are discussing it." Instead, you open for more. So here you go:

    I didn't say any of that O_o .... You asked a question. I answered it. Here you go YET AGAIN with the "extreme" response

    And.... "Instead, you open for more"..... What a childlike, immature way to interact with someone O_o

    If you read my response again (reading comprehension is a wonderful thing) you'll see I wasn't responding to/engaging with your ideas about sexuality/intimacy in relationships at all...but rather, how you formulated your advice to the OP

    Ugh....
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,373 Member
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    OP, you are the only one who gets to determine (and label) your sexuality. If you were to just reading through a list of sexualities, based only on what you've told us, demi-sexual may be the best fit.

    Orrrr, OP, you could just not label it and just go with it.

    Why is our society so obsessed with labels? It seems very odd to me that we desire to stick labels on very complex parts of who we are (everyone must have a sexuality label, a religious label, a political ideology label....blah)

    Labeling/categorizing EVERYTHING is very anti-queer imo

    I don't care about the label. I'm just trying to figure out what is 'normal' as a heterosexual person, and what could be sign of bisexuality. I suppose it's harder to figure out when you don't necessarily feel much sexual attraction for anyone though.
  • thisonetimeatthegym
    thisonetimeatthegym Posts: 1,977 Member
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    May I ask, why is it that when a question is asked and an answer given, that the immediate reaction is to run to the extreme?

    When I say it's a beautiful day outside, that should not bring out "so you think I'm an idiot because you think I can't see how nice it is outside?"

    It's bc your answer was a bit extreme.... You seemed to have a lot of knowledge/experience (shockingly even more-so than the OP herself) about what the OP is feeling O_o

    It seems, ironically, that you are the one who ran to the extreme (made a lot of assumptions) w/your response to the OP.

    Nothing like the old, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you defense. It would be so much easier for you to say, "perhaps I was over sensitive and jumped to conclusions. Maybe its not homophobia if the LGBT people are discussing it." Instead, you open for more. So here you go:

    I didn't say any of that O_o .... You asked a question. I answered it. Here you go YET AGAIN with the "extreme" response

    And.... "Instead, you open for more"..... What a childlike, immature way to interact with someone O_o

    If you read my response again (reading comprehension is a wonderful thing) you'll see I wasn't responding to/engaging with your ideas about sexuality/intimacy in relationships at all...but rather, how you formulated your advice to the OP

    Ugh....

    So. I'm right. Thank you.

    Two clinks of the glass for better format and delivery next time.

  • jenmar222
    jenmar222 Posts: 9,279 Member
    edited September 2016
    Francl27 wrote: »
    jenmar22 wrote: »
    OP, you are the only one who gets to determine (and label) your sexuality. If you were to just reading through a list of sexualities, based only on what you've told us, demi-sexual may be the best fit.

    Orrrr, OP, you could just not label it and just go with it.

    Why is our society so obsessed with labels? It seems very odd to me that we desire to stick labels on very complex parts of who we are (everyone must have a sexuality label, a religious label, a political ideology label....blah)

    Labeling/categorizing EVERYTHING is very anti-queer imo

    I don't care about the label. I'm just trying to figure out what is 'normal' as a heterosexual person, and what could be sign of bisexuality. I suppose it's harder to figure out when you don't necessarily feel much sexual attraction for anyone though.

    For me, I've seen girls who I think are sexually attractive before, and given the right scenario, I would happily experiment and do stuff with a girl....

    But I consider myself straight bc I have never, nor do I imagine I could ever, be emotionally "in love" with a girl....

    Also, guys just get me all crushy and hot and bothered in a way a girl never could

    But I understand why it would be more difficult if you didn't really feel much sexual attraction overall. Have you tried going to a LGBTQ counseling center? Some of my friends have found that very useful (or going to a LGBTQ forum if you don't have those resources available)
This discussion has been closed.