Boyfriends standards of weight?

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  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,949 Member
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    shredcamps wrote: »
    Its because your boyfriend is a BOY, not a MAN. when he grows up and matures he will stop being so stupid.

    I know many 5 year old boys who still know to treat people better than this. This creature is neither man, nor boy.
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
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    Leaz947 wrote: »
    Derpy_Hooves wrote: »
    Leaz947 wrote: »
    Hi guys!

    (No, I don't want to leave him, sorry)

    Why not? He sounds like a total t.w.a.t.

    There is also a good side to him and when I met him he was so fragile and broken and I'm scared that I'll hurt him, plus I don't like the thought of never seeing him again because he used to be the most wonderful person ever.

    USED to be is the operative word. he is no longer the person he used to be,he doesnt go from fragile and broken to abuser,sounds like he suckered you in to be honest.hes not longer wonderful hes abusive and it wont go back to the way he was,hes changed whether he did that on his own or what caused it. heck for all you know he could have another person on the side and he just keeps you as a backup,. point is he cares NOTHING about you,he doesnt love you or he wouldnt treat you like this,he's told you your opinion doesnt matter,and you are basically nothing unless you conform to what he wants. DO you really want to spend the rest of your life with this loser? you think people are telling you these things for *kitten* and giggles? they arent, some have lived this way,they got out.get out before it gets worse.

    God forbid you end up pregnant by this douche and he starts abusing you physically or gets jealous of the attention the baby is getting.would you want a child of yours to think its ok to act like this?do you want him to mold your child into what he is now? if you chose to stay you will have to be the one who has to deal with the consequences and you will wonder why you didnt listen to others.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
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    TannedTiger wrote: »
    all these men and women here talking smack about the boyfriend, why don't you pick a gf or bf who is over weight.

    Huh?
  • Adc7225
    Adc7225 Posts: 1,318 Member
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    I won't tell you to leave him because you don't need anyone to tell you that. I will offer this - - swallow it . . . when the time comes that you no longer want to put up with him - you still won't need anyone to tell you anything.

    Think of it as a growing process, there are things to be learned from what you are going through.
  • Lynn5707
    Lynn5707 Posts: 23 Member
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    Dump him
  • firlena227
    firlena227 Posts: 86 Member
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    Poop OP what a situation to be in, I've been there, he was 8 years older than me but very similar situation, highly manipulative, very intelligent, had had a bad time growing up, had mental health issues which he refused to get medical help for... I didn't even understand that it was abuse until I left, and I was with him for 6 years!

    Like you do I blamed myself for the way he behaved (that's the manipulation part...), I could never discuss anything (that he'd done) with him without him getting upset and then I felt like it was my fault... You might be telling yourself the same things I did, that the pain of staying with him is easier than the heartbreak of breaking up with him/the pain you think you'll cause him by leaving. Or that if you leave him you'll end up in the same situation again so why bother. Or that you love him so hard that you'll stand by him nomatter what because you love the person he really is. I was optimistic and hoped (lied to myself) that somehow everything would be alright eventually. Nobody telling me to leave him made me leave in the end. I just realised that nomatter what I did that things would NEVER change, that I'd never be able to improve the situation, nomayter how hard I loved him/cared.

    I had no backup plan - I slept in my car that night! I'd agree with others about changing/blocking your email/number/social media if (when) you reach this point,because otherwise things will probably become harassment city. (Certainly did for me - I was stupidly still trying to be kind to him and still apologising and feeling awful guilt about what I'd done).

    Whoops realise I'm rambling a bit here, sorry all!! Wasnt meant to be an essay!!!

    Anyways, of course I hope you leave him but nobody can tell you that. You sound like a good and kind person and he is taking advantage of that. You're not immature, you're not stupid. You are NOT responsible for the way he behaves. And I am sorry, but no matter how hard you try you can NOT fix him. I think deep down you probably know this already.
  • Derpy_Hooves
    Derpy_Hooves Posts: 234 Member
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    I honestly hope this thread is fake, I really do.
    If it's not fake, then please please seek help now, and get away from him ASAP.
  • marijasmin
    marijasmin Posts: 160 Member
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    My ex did the same to me. He has gone.
  • davidcliff
    davidcliff Posts: 144 Member
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    Take a kick boxing class, and kick his azz! No seriously run away and don't look back.
  • blwelch1
    blwelch1 Posts: 81 Member
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    firlena227 wrote: »
    Poop OP what a situation to be in, I've been there, he was 8 years older than me but very similar situation, highly manipulative, very intelligent, had had a bad time growing up, had mental health issues which he refused to get medical help for... I didn't even understand that it was abuse until I left, and I was with him for 6 years!

    Like you do I blamed myself for the way he behaved (that's the manipulation part...), I could never discuss anything (that he'd done) with him without him getting upset and then I felt like it was my fault... You might be telling yourself the same things I did, that the pain of staying with him is easier than the heartbreak of breaking up with him/the pain you think you'll cause him by leaving. Or that if you leave him you'll end up in the same situation again so why bother. Or that you love him so hard that you'll stand by him nomatter what because you love the person he really is. I was optimistic and hoped (lied to myself) that somehow everything would be alright eventually. Nobody telling me to leave him made me leave in the end. I just realised that nomatter what I did that things would NEVER change, that I'd never be able to improve the situation, nomayter how hard I loved him/cared.

    I had no backup plan - I slept in my car that night! I'd agree with others about changing/blocking your email/number/social media if (when) you reach this point,because otherwise things will probably become harassment city. (Certainly did for me - I was stupidly still trying to be kind to him and still apologising and feeling awful guilt about what I'd done).

    Whoops realise I'm rambling a bit here, sorry all!! Wasnt meant to be an essay!!!

    Anyways, of course I hope you leave him but nobody can tell you that. You sound like a good and kind person and he is taking advantage of that. You're not immature, you're not stupid. You are NOT responsible for the way he behaves. And I am sorry, but no matter how hard you try you can NOT fix him. I think deep down you probably know this already.

    OP- read and reread this. You can learn from others that have gone through situations similar to yours.
  • CaraRahl
    CaraRahl Posts: 72 Member
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    OP, just get out, the "crying broken" boy that you remember sounds so familiar, I had a boyfriend like that, that was the guy who controlled how I dressed, how long my hair was, had even told me how our children would be raised, what their names would be, and how much of the maternity/parental leave I would get to take. Guys like this don't want a partner, they want an object they can control.

    As for you not wanting to talk about the same stuff he does, that's NORMAL! My husband and I don't have exactly the same interests, although we do share some similar ones. He's gotten used to me telling him that I need a break from hearing about the latest in the video game world or that no, I really don't need to come look at the latest spoiler card for MTG right now, I can see it later. Putting things the other way around however, he does tell me when he can't handle any more health and fitness news that I keep throwing at him. We both have space for our interests, we compromise, that's what being in a real relationship is about, the give and take. From what I read, he's the one doing all the taking in your relationship and that isn't healthy or sustainable.

    Therapy isn't going to fix all your problems right now. It will help, but the biggest problem is the 70kg dead weight POS that's dragging you down. Kick his butt to the curb and don't look back. Staying with him to protect other girls from him isn't going to help, all it does is reinforce for him that what he's doing is ok and ITS NOT! I'm not going to lie, this is not the easy way out, but it is the best thing for you and your well-being. You're not alone here, I don't know what your situation is as far as friends and other support where you live right now but at the very least there is a supportive community here that you can lean on.

    Run from this guy and don't look back. You are not some object to be molded into what your owner wants you to be, you are a unique, beautiful individual who deserves way better than the bull you're being fed by some loser who refuses to accept or acknowledge your value. If you need support, keep posting on this thread, or PM one of us, since some of us have openly said that we've been through this before and can at least offer moral support.
  • trigden1991
    trigden1991 Posts: 4,658 Member
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    I can't help but feel this is a troll. The OP has ignored every iota of help and advice.
  • Juliapadg
    Juliapadg Posts: 28 Member
    edited November 2016
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    I was married for 16 years in a bad relationship. You've been with him for 2--long enough that he feels like he's your normal, you don't know what you'd do without him. That's how I felt too. 16 years, 2 kids, a house, and a life. That's hard to split up. But when I was on my own, the relief, the realization I can just be and not have someone tearing me down, it was incredible. I instantly felt lighter. You deserve better. You deserve what I got. Please, please, do not put up with this. You know in your heart that it is wrong, but change is scary. Be brave. Friend me if you'd like, I'd love to see you do better.
  • YahairaGomez
    YahairaGomez Posts: 1 Member
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    YOU are not the problem no matter how much weight you lose he'll find something else to belittle you about-
  • firlena227
    firlena227 Posts: 86 Member
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    firlena227 wrote: »
    Poop OP what a situation to be in, I've been there, he was 8 years older than me but very similar situation, highly manipulative, very intelligent, had had a bad time growing up, had mental health issues which he refused to get medical help for... I didn't even understand that it was abuse until I left, and I was with him for 6 years!

    Lol whoops that's meant to say "poor" not "poop"!!! Freudian slip maybe!!
  • Leaz947
    Leaz947 Posts: 69 Member
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    trigden1991 wrote: »
    I can't help but feel this is a troll. The OP has ignored every iota of help and advice.

    I don't really know how to prove it to you, this is about 0.1% of the total messages that are like this but just to see that I am being serious about this, and this is just over text. There are other reasons why I can't leave him too.
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  • Leaz947
    Leaz947 Posts: 69 Member
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    Jakep2323 wrote: »
    1 cent? You are English but he is American?

    No, he is from Europe (not going to specify where) but he works in an international company whose main currency is dollars.

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