Loserville Challenge 3 (CLOSED GROUP)

Okay, so now I am back with you guys. I have had a hard time eating this past week, but after the birthday party I seem OK again. I even feel hunger. It is awesome and is my Sunday success

My monday weight is 91.1 kgs or 200.8 lbs...

I am at work at the moment (another 24h shift), but I am definitely in for the 10x10 and will try to put my heart in it this time around. Will do some situps and pushups tonight and some skipping and biceps exercises tomorrow... I really need to get back on track!

O O O O O O oooooooooo OPEN TUESDAY IS NOW OPEN TO EXPRESS YOURSELF.

Wow this is hard. I have sat here staring at that sentence and not knowing where to go. I feel I am an open person but i'm not really. I hate it when people ask where do you see yourself in 5 years etc. I have no idea. But i guess the best thing for me today is it has made me look within and try to see myself. So I guess that is being open.

But on a lighter note, a couple a bits of trivia to share with you
i have trouble with the shift key on the computer
i have started wearing a warm hat during winter, i am well aware that i may look a bit weird, eccentric but i dont care, was tired of having cold ears.
i love that my daughter is having a wonderful life in her city unit and i get to stay with her each week.
i really desire to get my house all cleaned up, and i can make this happen.
i also really want to get my vegie garden up and growing again. 2 years ago i had a great garden.
happy happy tuesday everyone.

Open tuesday ...

I've never had a negative self image, and that is playing with my head at the minute. People keep saying, woah, you look great, you're disappearing etc. but I don't see it. I look at me in a mirror and I see me, same as I always have. Someone who I've made good friends with recently commented on a facebook photo, like "wow, look at you, you look really great now whoop whoop", but I look at the photo and think I looked lovely then. I don't see the fat, and I don't see the thin!! And that makes me worry that I won't see the fat come back! I'm scared that all this weight will just pile back on me! A few weeks ago, I felt like I had this whole lifestyle change totally sussed, but now I can see the old me peeping through the cracks! Nibbling on the kids leftovers ... just having a crisp ... just having a lolly ... just eating crap I shouldn't be ...

I've come so far, so far that I'm almost in shock about it, like I almost can't believe myself how well I've done and how much I've changed. It's almost like my head needs some time to catch up with where I am at.

I am totally obsessive also, with me it's either all hard out or not worth bothering. Like if I can't do it just how I think it should be done, then there's no point doing it, and that scares me too. Like with the housework, our house is either totally spotless or a complete mess, no halfway house! It has to be done to perfection, or not done at all! My whole MFP journey has helped to lessen that mindset a little, but I think my hubby can see that I'm at risk of going off track. He said yesterday, don't give up now, you're doing so well. He was impressed with my analysis of how work was affecting my eating, and of my admittance that maybe I needed to go easy this week, and knuckle down once this fulltime work is done.

Nice idea Jen, somehow I feel better about getting that out!

Wow Open Tuesday what a great idea!

I feel like I am sinking right now. I thought it would be esay to get back to a routine after teh move to teh new house was finished but i never get to the gym. I get exercise in but i am thinking about dropping my membership b/c I'm not getting ot the gym and money is tight. I am soworried about managing our money so we can keep our beautiful new house. I'm so stressed getting my stepson ready for college. but I guess the thing that upsets me most is that it seems like everyone is pregnant but me. I have been at my job for thre years and ther eare peopel I work with preparing for ther 2nd or 3rd child since I've been here. It breaks my heart. One of my best firends is pregnant as well. i am planning her baby shower and feelign teh baby move in her belly and all I want to do is cry. hubby and I have been tryign for 3 years ans it seem sliek it will never be my turn. We have unexplained infertility I can only hope the weight will help...but when i feel hopeless about gettign pregnant I feel hopeless about weight loss.

i am so thankful for you ladies and all your support nad I know I have wonderful things in my life like my excellent husband, my beautiful home and wonderful friends. I just continue to take life one day at a time.

Hanna - I think it's good you recognize you addiction to addictions If you understand how you work you can maybe choose healthy addictions. i think you are doign a great job.

Claire - i am teh same way with my food...i know french fries are bad for me, why can't i stop eating them. I am crossign my fingers you see teh 250;s soon and then kick the 250's butt nad on and on

Nikki - i think you are a beautiful person inside and out base don wht I know of you. Keep praticing sayign thank you and i think you will be able to see what others see.

Rach - I'm so glad you have a healthy body image but I can see why you find it worrisome. I think a continued positive attitude will get you where you need to go. I am obsesive about teh hosue too...all or nothing

Jenni -Open tuesday is awesome. I am so glad to have you a a freind. Thank you!

I'm really loving Open Tuesdays.... It's such a great idea and fab to get to know each other better!

Totally agree!!!

WOW!! I just read each post and sat and cried as reading each one. Some were tears of sadness and some tears of joy. Sadness because I can feel the pain each of you are going through as I have either been there in the past or are there now. It was honestly like reading my own story. And tears of happiness because I know that vulnerability brings about healing. I know that through Open Tuesday we will see many positive changes come about in each of us.......and now to my own vulnerability and openness.....

I struggle with situational depression and have Borderline Personality Disorder. For those of you who may not know what that is....it is one step below Bipolar Disorder. I deal with intense moods swings at the drop of a hat and they are completely uncontrollable. And the hardest part of it for me is that I live entirely by emotions that I cannot control. I can one second be extremely happy and high on life, and the next drop into severe depression for absolutely no explainable reason. We have tried medications that only caused more depression and suicidal thoughts along with making me a zombie and unfunctional (is that even a word?). I told my doctor I would rather live with the erratic emotions than be a zombie and lose my job. This mixed with my husband suffering from PTSD from having fought in Iraq as a sniper makes for a hard time at trying to make marriage work. And then to top it off I have a major hormone imbalance (I do not produce Progesterone 2 weeks of the month) that causes even more intense emotional roller coasters.

@ Rach - I do not take compliments well from the outside world, yet at the same time I get upset that those closest to me do not comment about my weight loss. You are very fortunate (as am I) to have a husband who supports you and encourages you. I agree with him, don't give up. Mind over matter!! You are alert to the old behaviors and that is key!!

@ Hanna - I too have an addictive personality and though it has never been drugs or alcohol there has been some harmful ones such as sex addiction. Though it was a fun addiction, it was very demeaning and dangerous to my body. I also switch my addiction often. Right now it is housework to the point of being OCD and driving my husband crazy with it.

@ Fuhrmeister - We are also trying to get pregnant and have been for 17 months. We (the doctors included) do not know if it is weight related or hormone related that it has not happened. I so feel your pain Fuhrmeister in the desire to have a child. I have a 16 yr old; however she has not lived with me since she was 7 and my husband has never had children and really wants one.

@ Nikki - hang in there girl.....it will get better! And you will reach your goal and will one day swim with the Great White! My goal is skydiving. I am scared to death of flying and heights, but that is what I want to do once this excess poundage is gone. I think it is important to set a high reward for ourselves in this journey. We all deserve it!!

@ Claire - you will overcome this plateau and the will see the numbers dropping again! I was fluctuating with 5 pounds for just over 2 months. I know the frustration that comes with it and thoughts of why bother, but as you already know it is so worth the struggle!! You have come too far to throw in the towel now!

@ Jenni - open is one of the hardest things to be, yet here we are all successful at it. Thank you so much for the suggestion!! I had no idea what I was going to say. I dreamed several scenarios and threw them all aside when I woke up. I don't like to let people get too deep inside me and too personal because of fear of judgment and rejection. Yet with all of you ladies, I feel completely comfortable to open up and not only be myself, but to allow the healing of vulnerability to take place. And as far as a messy house -- anyone who judges you for it should be ashamed.....if they love you they will accept you for you, not for what your housekeeping is like. They should be ashamed if they do judge you because they too have some secret they don't want the world to know....we all do.

I love you all and I hope I have not missed anyone!

tami

Even though is not yet Wednesday on my side of the world (about 3 hrs 45 min to go), I will post my Wednesday Share a Health Tip now as my hubby and I are leaving in the wee hrs of the morning to go on a fishing adventure. I should burn LOTS of calories as I always do on our day trips.

My health tip is: don't skip breakfast. It has been proven that eating a healthy breakfast keeps you full longer and in the long-run results in eating fewer calories during the rest of the day. And according to a study done by the Mayo Clinic, eating eggs in the morning helps even more with remaining full due to the protein content.

Have a great Wednesday and I look forward to my return from my day out with the husband to read all of your health tips.

tami

Ok, so I missed Open Tuesday so this is day late but felt so moved reading everyone’s stories I had to join in. I have already touched on this but I have binge eating disorder. It was only properly diagnosed just over a couple of years ago and this time last year I was in therapy for it. I asked my doctor for a gastric band / bypass surgery and part of the process was a psychiatric assessment. To begin with, the process was horrible. The first (male) doctor I saw who did all my bloods /thyroid tests was horrible, he asked if I ate ‘a lot of chips’ (I hate chips) and pointed out I have a lot of stretch marks when he examined me and asked if I had had children. I was horrible, humiliating and even know it upsets me to think about. Looking back, I should have made a complaint against him. But yeah, I came out of the room in floods of tears and a lovely nurse calmed me down, but I still went home and cried and cried. I just felt like the only thing people ever saw about me was my weight and his actions cemented that fact, coupled with the fact I had been called names in the street etc. I don’t know where people get off thinking they can make other people feel like crap for no reason other than their appearance, but there you go. I nearly gave up on the process there and then, but am glad I didn’t, because the psych assessment brought about the help I needed.

To begin with, we explored my past and it is pretty obvious my issues with food were triggered by a traumatic experience from my late childhood and the way that was subsequently handled. I can’t begin to tell you how amazing CBT is and how it can really help you change your patterns. After about 8 months, in March last year, I moved into group therapy, which ran until September. Group therapy really was the best thing that ever happened to me. I really wish that our NHS would spend more money on this kind of treatment for people. Anyway, they tell you not to diet at all while in the treatment and I was in a group of six other women. One had actually had gastric surgery a couple of years before, but obviously that doesn’t fix the mental issues behind overeating. (Hence it’s now part of the process when considering surgery) I think the problem was, I thought if I was thin, then all my problems would be solved. But the therapy made me realise that wasn’t the case. Around this time I also got involved in Fat Activism and Acceptance on various blogs and the internet. I really opened my eyes to a world I didn’t know existed, women who were proud of their bodies at any size and also blogs dedicated to fat fashion etc. It made me love myself a lot more, made me realise that being fat doesn’t define who I am as a person and also, being skinny doesn’t equal happiness. Self worth absolutely should not be associated with your weight. I started dressing differently, embracing certain things and working what I had. This new self confidence made my eating issues easier. I managed to maintain my weight for almost a whole year, so this year I was able to concentrate on losing weight. But this time, it was for me, because I want to ensure I don’t develop health problems related to obesity and because I’m 31, I want to think about having children in the next few years and want to set a good example to them. So it just clicked, this year has been such a massive year of change, I’m losing weight, I’ve got a new job, I’ve met a wonderful guy. I’ve got my self confidence back! Nicki will tell you how far I have come, as she has known me for over three years now(and been such an amazing friend, seriously, I can’t begin to tell you how much that girl has had my back, through the bad and the good, she has always been there on the end of the phone for me, love her!) will tell you. And now I am sharing my journey with all you lovely ladies. I really can’t emphasis enough how much your support has helped and means to me. I really couldn’t have done all of this without you!

Ok, emo moment over! My Wednesday health tip is GREEN TEA! It is full of anti-oxidants and you can get it in several different varieties and it is proven to boost your metabolism. I have my morning caffeine fix with a latte in the morning and then it’s green tea all day for me! Plus, each cup counts to ½ of your water allowance. Oh yes!

Hi ladies

It's my birthday!! Woohooo! Had a fabulous day, out for dinner with hubby, which was just lovely. My friend made me a cake and came over, which was also lovely! Feeling really special even if I have eaten for too much food and done no exercise!!

Jen - I love the hand cream top tip, distraction eh?! I'm going to give that one a go, as it's the late night munching that has been getting to me recently!

My top health tip is high protein and low carbs; I've changed my settings so that 30% of my calories come from protein and 40% come from carbs. I aim to stay below the carbs and hit the protein target. I usually manage the below the carbs, but the protein target is tough for me. I find I feel fuller for longer on more protein.

Grattis på födelsedagen Rach!!!! (That's Swedish for Happy B-day - but I guess you figured that one out )

Yeah, eating a lot when your on a high protein diet is hard.... but give it your best.

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Dearrrrr Rachellllllllll
Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuuooooo.

Be very thankful I typed it and you could not actually hear me sing

And A special birthday message for you, from one of my many positive books, I just let the page fall open and this is what it opened to for you.

"Pursue inner peace. It's the deepest of all blessings."

Katie! Welcome back! Hope you're doing good! If you could send me your starting weight and measurements that would be awesome... and also get some photos of yourself as we'll be doing measurements and photos again at the end of the challenge so we can see the difference in our before and after...

Chiliflea... no worries, I will try and find my measuring tape tonight to take measurements in the morning (cause i haven't measured for months and months). Did you want my starting from tomorrow morning or when i started doing this again seriously??
Photos?? Hmmmmm i have some probably from my last trip to NZ, but i am not sure if they are full bodied ones or ones on my own that show my size. I will get on facebook and see what i can find for you...

Thank you everyone for welcoming me back
I was so annoyed, i had a pretty stressful day yesterday and was planning on heading to the gym after work. I got there, parked the car and went to the back seat to where i had put all my gym gear only to realise i didn't pack my shoes!! Grrrrr!! And to go home, get them and come back to the gym would have taken around an hour and it was super late already, so i had to just suck it up and go home.
I have my first PT session with the trainer at the gym tonight though so i am super excited about that and i double, and triple checked that my shoes were in the car this morning haha!

Hope everyone has a great day!!!
K

Heading into the city now, may not be home till late tomorrow. So can someone else put up the reminder for Recipe day. Can even just be a food idea. Love you all.
cheers Jen