Obesity. Are you just lazy and dumb?

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  • Bobshayd
    Bobshayd Posts: 2 Member
    So when someone says they are having these issues, the appropriate reaction is to treat them like a person who can get past these things, not someone who just isn't trying. If someone had told you that you needed to fix those parts of your life in order to lose weight, would that have helped more than just feeling like something was wrong with you?
  • leanjogreen18
    leanjogreen18 Posts: 2,492 Member
    Bobshayd wrote: »
    So when someone says they are having these issues, the appropriate reaction is to treat them like a person who can get past these things, not someone who just isn't trying. If someone had told you that you needed to fix those parts of your life in order to lose weight, would that have helped more than just feeling like something was wrong with you?

    If I'm understanding your question correctly...

    You can hold my hand and walk me around, over or under a roadblock and thats great and kind of you to do so and some people respond to that. Have you empowered me to see that I can do it on my own power? Maybe and maybe not. It depends on the individual right?

    As I said in my original statement telling someone to take personal responsibility is a START not the end all be all.

    I have learned so much from insightful folks regardless if the post was "snarky/mean". And sometimes its hard to interpret the printed word without voice inflection and facial expressions as to the intent of the poster.

    But I understand some folks do need handholding and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think you and I agree on the basics.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    edited December 2016
    Bobshayd wrote: »
    So when someone says they are having these issues, the appropriate reaction is to treat them like a person who can get past these things, not someone who just isn't trying. If someone had told you that you needed to fix those parts of your life in order to lose weight, would that have helped more than just feeling like something was wrong with you?

    Who suggested that we "treat them" any way? No, I don't think we should be unhelpful to people having a tough time, and I don't think anyone here was suggesting that.

    For me, however, it was important that I figure it out myself (I think taking responsibility for it yourself is really important and powerful and it's why I find disturbing the number of MFP posts that seek to be told how to do the most basic things, and if I'd been saying "I can't, I can't" I do think it would have been helpful for someone to say "sure you can if you really want to." Indeed, two thing helped wake me up (in addition to seeing a terrible photo): First, complaining to a friend about how fat I was and her saying, matter of factly, if it bothers you, why not lose weight? This made me think: yeah, I supposed I could do that instead of sticking with the idea that I had no control over it. Took a while to convince myself, but helpful. Second, seeing that a co-worker HAD lost a bunch of weight, which made me think "if she can, so can I." Again, it was about seeing it as something possible.

    If I'd asked someone for help, of course I would have appreciated practical suggestions, and I don't think anyone here has suggested otherwise (it's usually the people saying "I can't" who insist there is something wrong with them, not others).

    I also think encouragement and being told you CAN do this is really important for many. You seem to be interpreting "you can" as "you just aren't trying," but that's not at all what people are saying, IMO.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    Motivation is intensely personal, and one of the cool things about the MFP boards is that we have a broad range of posters who approach things in different ways. Some people respond very well to sympathy and positive encouragement. That's fine, and there are lots of people here who will provide that. I don't respond well to hand-holding, and although I'm using myself as an example here, I don't think I'm alone in that.

    If you coddle me about my roadblocks, it tends to focus my attention on them and I'm less likely to move past them. If I say "I'm embarrassed about running outside" and a whole bunch of people come back with "me too! It's super embarrassing to have people see me running outside," that's not helpful at all; in fact, it will make me LESS likely to go run outside because now all I can think about is how justified I am in feeling embarrassed. However, if one poster comes back and says "nobody cares; just suck it up and go outside," I'm good. I personally need to hear "you can go over, under or around the roadblock, but YOU are responsible for making that choice, and you have to either make it or stay where you are," and I'm grateful to the mean MFP posters who will tell me that.
  • leanjogreen18
    leanjogreen18 Posts: 2,492 Member
    A personal experience I can draw from this...

    10 years ago I went to a gym and hired a PT I was overweight. He was gorgeous, supportive, pushed just the right amount, called me to follow up and I got an amazing muscle massage with those foam rollers from him.

    I went 3 times. He did nothing wrong, he was showing me how to help myself but I didn't take the personal responsibility to continue working out with him nor continue working out on my own with what he showed me.

    I'm ready again to hire a PT I need some handholding in areas of strength and conditioning. This time I'm taking personal responsibility to not only show up but continue to show up, because this is for me after all:).

    Obesity and individual human situation/circumstances are complex for sure and no one is saying that you have to do everything on your own without help. But at some point to maintain your goals you do have to show up for yourself.
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