Really?
Replies
-
The internet, technology & social media make communication so different.
You have no idea about tone of voice, body language, etc.
some people just convey their thoughts more directly and with no fluff.
I've learned this not only on social media but in corporate America too, with how people write emails.
You can't over analyze and take things personally- people are here to help and give you guidance, some people just communicate a little differently than you do. Don't worry too much about it.3 -
When I said"know it alls" I simply meant the posters who talk down to people's questions, I'm new here and don't know there's 8600 threads on ACV,I seen one poor guy ask and a bunch of peeps piled on him,I guess we're from all over the world and one persons way of saying things might be taken differently to someone from somewhere else, I never meant to start anything with my reply,I only meant to let OP see that she wasn't alone and try to get her to stay-that's all from me.0
-
I find the know it alls generally have the information I need and it's almost always correct.
6 -
Kermit is the best know-it-all of them all. Ive learned so much, thank you.3
-
I wish OP would cite these mean replies. There are a few posters on MFP who *are* donkeys when they post advice, but they are donkeys in every post.
If you don't like what someone says to you, you can use the ignore feature. Click the user's name and the Ignore button.7 -
whittlepauly wrote: »When I said"know it alls" I simply meant the posters who talk down to people's questions, I'm new here and don't know there's 8600 threads on ACV,I seen one poor guy ask and a bunch of peeps piled on him,I guess we're from all over the world and one persons way of saying things might be taken differently to someone from somewhere else, I never meant to start anything with my reply,I only meant to let OP see that she wasn't alone and try to get her to stay-that's all from me.
I found that your earlier cut so much deeper because it came on the heels of several of us, myself included, talking about how we've found these posts end up insulting everyone rather than solving anyone. I have to know: had you read my post before responding to the post. Were you thinking of my post when you called us all know-it-alls? (Although, frankly, it's one of the least insulting insults that's been directed at me in similar threads of the past.)9 -
nicolepburgess91 wrote: »comeonnow142857 wrote: »nicolepburgess91 wrote: »Look, y'all. I HAVE no problem with feedback. Someone offering advice. Someone saying I'm not doing something right. Someone telling me a better way to go about it. All of those are okay. But there is a difference between "maybe try doing <this> to gain that nutritient you're trying to get instead of what you're trying." Vs "that's not how you do it...youre not accomplishing anything by doing it that way"
I don't see anything wrong with either.
That is literally what my co-workers tell me all the time - at work OR in the gym. It's also what I get done told on musician forums when I speak out of my *kitten* or there's a disagreement (or sometimes the other person is wrong), and I've had my share of it in nutrition discussion. I feel dumb a lot, but overall it's great!
And it is possible that i just need to learn to take everything at face value. Some people don't word things as gently as I do, so I possibly look at it negatively when it wasn't meant that way. This post wasn't intended to cause such a big stink. It was just looking for this kind of response you gave. Whether other people experience the same thing and how they handle it.
Deriving emotion from an internet post is a waste of time. It is merely text. Take the information or don't, but don't disregard information because you feel someone is being mean/nasty/whatever.2 -
OP i get your frustration. While most people on these forums are great and give wonderful advice, there are some people who act very "know it all" and others who, without intending to, will sometimes word their posts in what could very easily come off as a "superior" tone. From what I've seen, this comes out most around controversial issues but can show up anywhere. One day it got to the point that i had an anxiety attack over it and hid in the bathroom at work to cry. It's really hard for some people (like me) to ignore people's bad attitudes. Because of personal experience, my advice would be continue to use the forums but if you start being effected by negative posts, stop checking that thread for a while, even if you started the thread. If you're feeling especially sensitive to something being posted, make a choice to not go back to it. Or once you're not feeling as upset about the comments, consider reading them over more analytically to see whether the advice, although it might be worded in a know or all tone, may still be sound advice. Occasionally I'll send someone a pm explaining how their post made me feel but asking them to clarify so i can understand the advice they were trying to give without feeling belittled by it.
Sorry for the long post. I know it can be hard navigating the forums if you're as sensitive as i am but i the knowledge and support here is worth the extra effort. Hope this helped
Once again, it's negative to call those that help "know it alls"..good old fashioned school yard finger pointing..
And stop deriving emotion from text where there is none. It's not the text that is the issue.4 -
I really don't understand. Aren't there people in real life who disagree with you and sometimes not in a civil manner? Don't you just ignore them in real life? I don't understand how is it any differently here. You don't like the advice ignore it and do you. No need for the billboard of meaness and the passive aggressive vague responses of know it alls. I just don't get it. Maybe because I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.4
-
Some folks on here are pretty blunt and direct when replying. If you're not used to this style of communication, it can be a little startling or off-putting, especially at first. After being here for years, I've found the good far outweighs the bad and the real trolls are very, very few. Which seems to be your experience. Why would you leave a place where you've found lots of help and support due to how you feel a few folks treated you?:
Most of it comes down to communication style and we don't get to preference how strangers on the internet do that in response to us.
OP, you can't control how the things that happen to you, but you can control how you react to them. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt7 -
Once again, it's negative to call those that help "know it alls"..good old fashioned school yard finger pointing..
And stop deriving emotion from text where there is none. It's not the text that is the issue.
Some people can't do that. For example, people with some forms of anxiety have very little control over whether they read emotion into what's written. Since i am one of those people, i was suggesting a method i have found helpful in dealing with it.1 -
Once again, it's negative to call those that help "know it alls"..good old fashioned school yard finger pointing..
And stop deriving emotion from text where there is none. It's not the text that is the issue.
Some people can't do that. For example, people with some forms of anxiety have very little control over whether they read emotion into what's written. Since i am one of those people, i was suggesting a method i have found helpful in dealing with it.
I used to get offended by everything. I used to derive emotion from posts where there obviously wasn't any.
I was making life difficult for me by pointing fingers at everyone else instead of me. Once I realised that I was the one causing the unnecessary feelings making ME feel like *kitten*, I worked on it. I am a much more relaxed person for realizing it.
Yes, you CAN stop deriving emotion from text... if you want to stop. Like with everything in life, we must work for it. Practice by reading every post in a monotone voice or in the voice of Daffy Duck. It's not everyone else's responsibility.
I read most forum posts in Samuel L Jackson or Betty White's voice. Sometimes Donald Trump, depending on the poster.
It's what you make of it in the end. If you choose to be offended and let text bother you, then it is..... you. It was me, once.
I have bipolar and anxiety. It's me, not everyone else.
9 -
When I first came here in 2013 I was sensitive to being wrong, and i took things more personally. I don't know the thread you're referring to, but just wanted to give you my perspective. Anyways there were so many "know it alls" I began to wonder if they were on to something and I reluctantly took their advice. If I could thank them each individually for saving me from suffering needlessly while I lose 80lbs I would but I can't remember who they were. A user named Jonnythan was so abrupt with me once, bless him because I actually considered the information he offered me and I owe much of my success to people like him. Try and take it with a grain of salt and evaluate the message not necessarily the delivery. (I know that's easier said than done but I promise it will be worth it lol)10
-
I've met some great people on here and had a few run ins with people I didn't get along or agree with. That happens anywhere that you have so many members and different opinions. No one will agree and get along with everyone 100% of the time.
Ive also found it is much easier to come across as rude or condescending when typing because there is no tone of voice. Things often get misinterpreted that way.3 -
In defense of the OP, I've seen quite a bit of the "this is my experience, and your experience is different, so your experience is wrong" mentality on this site. I've also seen the term "snowflake" thrown around when someone's opinion or experience differs from their own, and quite frankly that incredibly rude and disrespectful. I've seen fat shaming and micro-aggressive comments being thrown without anyone calling the offender out on their behavior. There are also some really smart people on here that may have great information, but deliver it in a condescending way and really like to argue.
With that said, this is the internet and everyone is free to have their opinion. There are also a TON of really smart, well-intentioned people who have great advice and truly want to help. More often than not, when people ask you hard questions or challenge your point of view it's to help you think about the situation differently or consider alternative solutions. Weight loss isn't easy for anyone, and most of the people with good advice tried and failed at several methods before finding success (myself included), so sometimes when people seem to 'know it all' it's because they've traveled down your road, and many other roads, before they got to where they are.
My advice, if you don't like someone's comments and you feel are being condescending and or argumentative, or simply not helpful, don't engage. It takes two to tango. Just move on, engage with people you find helpful and supportive, and (most importantly) keep an open mind so you can learn.2 -
One more piece of advice- don't post these types of posts. They never end well for anyone. Don't throw a punch if you're not ready for a fight.9
-
comeonnow142857 wrote: »nicolepburgess91 wrote: »Look, y'all. I HAVE no problem with feedback. Someone offering advice. Someone saying I'm not doing something right. Someone telling me a better way to go about it. All of those are okay. But there is a difference between "maybe try doing <this> to gain that nutritient you're trying to get instead of what you're trying." Vs "that's not how you do it...youre not accomplishing anything by doing it that way"
I don't see anything wrong with either.
That is literally what my co-workers tell me all the time - at work OR in the gym (and it's really the only answer to any of the myriad of things I do that are objectively just wrong). It's also what I get done told on musician forums when I speak out of my *kitten* or there's a disagreement (or sometimes the other person is wrong), it's what other musicians tell me sometimes speaking out of their butt and sometimes not, and I've had my share of it in nutrition discussion. I feel dumb a lot, but overall it's great!
If I'm eating 6 times a day to speed up my metabolism and for no other reason, and somebody who KNOWS that's nonsense coaches it in maybes or whatevers or gentle suggestions whispered into my ear instead of directly stating "that's not how you do it...youre not accomplishing anything by doing it that way", they are doing me a great disservice.
I'm really liking you! 0 -
nicolepburgess91 wrote: »I came to this forum for support on my weight loss journey and I found a lot of that. But there are a few people on here that are very strong in their belief that they know everything and they talk down to you and manage to make you feel about 2 inches tall and dumb. I'm seriously considering removing MFP because I only use it for the support and community. But I can't even post on here without someone jumping in knowing everything and making me feel stupid for asking questions.
Is anyone else having this problem on this forum or is it just me?
If you wait long enough, some of those users are banned.
There are some folks around here who rub me the wrong way. I know my posts irritate some others. I use the ignore button on them, but I've been around long enough to anticipate whose posts I don't want to read. Otherwise all you can do is put up with it or leave. Frustratingly it isn't like the real world where I can exclude those people from my life. They have access to everything I have access to here. No avoiding them.
Sometimes private groups, or just specific topic groups, are better for limiting contact with those who feel it is their way or the highway. Conversely that works for others who dislike what I have to say on nutrition. Most of my posts are not on the main boards. KWIM?
Good luck.2 -
whittlepauly wrote: »When I said"know it alls" I simply meant the posters who talk down to people's questions, I'm new here and don't know there's 8600 threads on ACV,I seen one poor guy ask and a bunch of peeps piled on him,I guess we're from all over the world and one persons way of saying things might be taken differently to someone from somewhere else, I never meant to start anything with my reply,I only meant to let OP see that she wasn't alone and try to get her to stay-that's all from me.
There's a search option towards the top of the forums, really comes in handy.3 -
When I first came here in 2013 I was sensitive to being wrong, and i took things more personally. I don't know the thread you're referring to, but just wanted to give you my perspective. Anyways there were so many "know it alls" I began to wonder if they were on to something and I reluctantly took their advice. If I could thank them each individually for saving me from suffering needlessly while I lose 80lbs I would but I can't remember who they were. A user named Jonnythan was so abrupt with me once, bless him because I actually considered the information he offered me and I owe much of my success to people like him. Try and take it with a grain of salt and evaluate the message not necessarily the delivery. (I know that's easier said than done but I promise it will be worth it lol)
I've been on and off MFP for years now and yeah, he was one of the greats (and yes, he was really blunt lol).7 -
Almost ALL of the questions asked have been asked before--many ad nauseum. If newbies would just LURK for awhile they'd learn so much. That's what I did when I started. I've been here 4 yrs and NEVER started a thread of my own. Why--because I didn't have to , everything has been covered, or will be soon. Use the search function, use the stickies and learn something. "Mean people threads" are not well looked upon by regular posters--they give up too much of their precious time trying to help.17
-
crooked_left_hook wrote: »In defense of the OP, I've seen quite a bit of the "this is my experience, and your experience is different, so your experience is wrong" mentality on this site. I've also seen the term "snowflake" thrown around when someone's opinion or experience differs from their own, and quite frankly that incredibly rude and disrespectful. .
I have NEVER seen anyone say, or even imply, that if someone's experience is different from theirs, then it's wrong, UNLESS.....that person claims that their body defies the laws of physics, and that they're not doing ANYTHING wrong and they just CAN'T lose weight because they have some indefinable something that makes it IMPOSSIBLE for them to do so. Well, then, they are in denial and they kind of are acting like a snowflake.12 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »crooked_left_hook wrote: »In defense of the OP, I've seen quite a bit of the "this is my experience, and your experience is different, so your experience is wrong" mentality on this site. I've also seen the term "snowflake" thrown around when someone's opinion or experience differs from their own, and quite frankly that incredibly rude and disrespectful. .
I have NEVER seen anyone say, or even imply that if someone's experience is different from theirs, than it's wrong, UNLESS.....that person claims that their body defies the laws of physics, and that they're not doing ANYTHING wrong and they just CAN'T lose weight because they have some indefinable something that makes it IMPOSSIBLE for them to do so. Well, then, they are in denial and they kind of are acting like a snowflake.
You rang?11 -
I'm not a fluffy poster. But I am not a fluffy writer generally. I am short and to the point (which back in the day made writing essays tricky because I always needed to fluff, it was annoying) but I mean no ill from it. I am also sarcastic but I feel only when warranted and largely when things have gone south and insulting towards me. But I'm not really expressing any emotions especially, I remain pretty detached from internet people on the whole unless I have had personal interactions.
If I don't like what or the way someone consistently posts I just don't interact with them.7 -
It's the internet, people will agree, disagree it happens. No one I'm sure is being 'mean' on purpose. A lot of people on here have opinions just ignore it if your not happy3
-
snowflake954 wrote: »Almost ALL of the questions asked have been asked before--many ad nauseum. If newbies would just LURK for awhile they'd learn so much. That's what I did when I started. I've been here 4 yrs and NEVER started a thread of my own. Why--because I didn't have to , everything has been covered, or will be soon. Use the search function, use the stickies and learn something. "Mean people threads" are not well looked upon by regular posters--they give up too much of their precious time trying to help.
True story.
I've only been on MFP for a short while, but it's not my first trip to the weight loss rodeo and I lurked for awhile before posting. I also learned really quickly that there is a topic search function and stickies. The same questions get asked ad nauseam and I'm sure those that have been here longer than me get really sick of answering the same questions repeatedly just to get hit with the same arguments. The stickies usually can answer the majority of these questions and are a REALLY great place to find out what NOT to say if you don't want to get buried in a s**t pile of grief.
They should really make a sticky for MFP vs Weight Watchers questions...I'm so over those.7 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »crooked_left_hook wrote: »In defense of the OP, I've seen quite a bit of the "this is my experience, and your experience is different, so your experience is wrong" mentality on this site. I've also seen the term "snowflake" thrown around when someone's opinion or experience differs from their own, and quite frankly that incredibly rude and disrespectful. .
I have NEVER seen anyone say, or even imply, that if someone's experience is different from theirs, then it's wrong, UNLESS.....that person claims that their body defies the laws of physics, and that they're not doing ANYTHING wrong and they just CAN'T lose weight because they have some indefinable something that makes it IMPOSSIBLE for them to do so. Well, then, they are in denial and they kind of are acting like a snowflake.
Ugh, all the useless things I used to believe and then beat myself up for not being "strong" enough to follow. I am so thankful for the meanies who combat all the mythological BS. My stress levels (related to diet, anyway) are way down and I know what I need to do to get to my goal.8 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »crooked_left_hook wrote: »In defense of the OP, I've seen quite a bit of the "this is my experience, and your experience is different, so your experience is wrong" mentality on this site. I've also seen the term "snowflake" thrown around when someone's opinion or experience differs from their own, and quite frankly that incredibly rude and disrespectful. .
I have NEVER seen anyone say, or even imply, that if someone's experience is different from theirs, then it's wrong, UNLESS.....that person claims that their body defies the laws of physics, and that they're not doing ANYTHING wrong and they just CAN'T lose weight because they have some indefinable something that makes it IMPOSSIBLE for them to do so. Well, then, they are in denial and they kind of are acting like a snowflake.
I agree that if someone is in blatant denial, for example, "I'm only eating 700 calories a day, I'm afraid of gaining weight, and I weigh 80lbs but I am NOT anorexic" or "I'm only eating 1200 calories but I don't own measuring spoons or cups or a scale", then yes, they are wrong.
I have personally had people tell me I'm wrong because their experience differed from mine. Example: I gained 15lbs of water weight in less than a month when I had a Mirena IUD, held that weight for 4 months, then lost it in two weeks when it was removed. Not fat, water, and enough that my clothes didn't fit. User X says "I have a Mirena was able to lose weight and birth control doesn't cause weight gain" or user Y says "I didn't gain weight from mine, you're just eating too much". Water weight is weight; weight that caused me to buy bigger clothes, weight that didn't go away over time, and weight went away when Mirena was removed. It's not the norm, but it was my experience, and in this case yes, I am different and I was not wrong.
Not to mention that "snowflake" not only is a politically derogatory term, it is also a racially derogatory term in the vein of "cracker" or "honky" and offensive.1 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »booksandchocolate12 wrote: »crooked_left_hook wrote: »In defense of the OP, I've seen quite a bit of the "this is my experience, and your experience is different, so your experience is wrong" mentality on this site. I've also seen the term "snowflake" thrown around when someone's opinion or experience differs from their own, and quite frankly that incredibly rude and disrespectful. .
I have NEVER seen anyone say, or even imply, that if someone's experience is different from theirs, then it's wrong, UNLESS.....that person claims that their body defies the laws of physics, and that they're not doing ANYTHING wrong and they just CAN'T lose weight because they have some indefinable something that makes it IMPOSSIBLE for them to do so. Well, then, they are in denial and they kind of are acting like a snowflake.
Ugh, all the useless things I used to believe and then beat myself up for not being "strong" enough to follow. I am so thankful for the meanies who combat all the mythological BS. My stress levels (related to diet, anyway) are way down and I know what I need to do to get to my goal.
This is exactly how I feel. Vicious cycle broken. 5 -
crooked_left_hook wrote: »Not to mention that "snowflake" not only is a politically derogatory term, it is also a racially derogatory term in the vein of "cracker" or "honky" and offensive.
When used here, snowflake just means "super duper special" or "one of a kind", as in "no two snowflakes are alike".
But I understand your point.3
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions