All of my friends are getting bigger............
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Packerjohn wrote: »MegaMooseEsq wrote: »MommaGem2017 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.
"(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)" is actually a huge part of it."
But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.
Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.
Exactly! It's a little disheartening, although not surprising, to see that even on a freaking weight loss forum, there are people whose primary idea of an overweight person is someone who just got lazy. Not everyone has babies (although many people do), or get injured (although anyone can and many do), but everyone ages. Major mental health crises happen. People move. Pets die. Parents die. Life happens. I find it much nicer to assume that people have their own lives going on rather than get grumpy about those worthless couch potatoes.
And wouldn't most mental health experts say medicating with food for these issues isn't the best strategy?
Oh, how I wish everyone actually followed "the best strategy" for everything in life, but alas.... We're just saying that people can get overwhelmed or caught up in life - not necessarily just letting themselves go because they've "hooked a mate."13 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »MommaGem2017 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.
"(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)" is actually a huge part of it."
But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.
Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.
I lived with someone in my 20s, and about 6 months into it, we both had gained a fair amount of weight. While it wasn't "intentional", the lack of pressure to stay fit was the primary cause. We didn't care to impress each other with our healthy eating habits like when we first met, there was a lot of fast food. We both skipped the gym because having a decent physique to attract the opposite sex wasn't a priority anymore. There was more laying around the house and eating comfort food While this is all evident in hindsight, I was not even aware of the reality of any of this until we were no longer together and I had to reverse what had happened to me.
Exactly, and you didn't realize it at the time. It wasn't like you thought, "Thank goodness I'm with some one. Now I can get FAT." That's kind of how your initial post in this sounded. Hindsight is a wonderful tool!15 -
Packerjohn wrote: »MegaMooseEsq wrote: »MommaGem2017 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.
"(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)" is actually a huge part of it."
But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.
Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.
Exactly! It's a little disheartening, although not surprising, to see that even on a freaking weight loss forum, there are people whose primary idea of an overweight person is someone who just got lazy. Not everyone has babies (although many people do), or get injured (although anyone can and many do), but everyone ages. Major mental health crises happen. People move. Pets die. Parents die. Life happens. I find it much nicer to assume that people have their own lives going on rather than get grumpy about those worthless couch potatoes.
And wouldn't most mental health experts say medicating with food for these issues isn't the best strategy?
Gaining weight due to a "mental health crisis" does not necessarily mean medicating with food.
Being in crisis and using best strategies do not often go hand in hand. For many, myself included, dealing with mental health issues means going into survival mode. I would think a mental health professional would concern them self with larger issues than your eating habits in a crisis.1 -
Seems like an attempt at a "humble brag"...but to answer the question...
I graduated college when I was 30 and was married that same year. I put on about 50 Lb over the course of the next 8 years or so. Why? When I was in college I didn't own a car for much of that time and walked or road my bike everywhere. I also spent my free time hiking with my friends or playing ultimate frisbee or frisbee golf and stuff like that. I went through on and off again phases of hitting the weight room. During the summers I worked landscape construction and during the school year I worked in a liquor store so spent quite a bit of my time doing manual labor of some kind. In summary, I was up and active most of the time.
When I graduated I took a job as an auditor at a CPA firm working anywhere from 60-80 hours per week and traveling about 25 weeks out of the year for business...I also bought a car. I went from being a very active person to being rather sedentary and working long hours pretty much overnight. I'd hit the gym here and there like I used to, but I was just way less active in general and eating pretty much the same as I always had which for my new professional lifestyle, was too much.
I knew I was gaining weight, but no...I didn't really care...at least not until I crossed the 200 Lb mark and then I kept thinking to myself that I should do something...but really, it wasn't a huge priority at that time. My priorities were climbing the corporate ladder and starting a family with my wife. When I hit around 215/220, my wife started making comments and was worried so that made me at least try to do some things differently...but really, it wasn't until my 38 birthday checkup and some nasty blood work that showed I was 1 element away from metabolic syndrome that really got me going.
I think it's pretty typical for people to gain weight when they get out of college and start a profession...particularly a sedentary profession. I think it's also fairly common when couples are together for a long time and married couples as they get comfortable in life...10 -
I don't mention other people's weight. They know if their gaining, they don't need me to point it out.
As I have been losing I have had a few people ask how I'm doing it. I find the best response especially if the person who asked is overweight, is to say "counting calories and running, ugh isn't running the WORST!" and then sigh like I hate it all. I always thank them for the compliment too. It's the best way I know to validate their own feelings, while proving that it works.
I've been overweight and overwhelmed with life in the past. It wasn't always a priority and regardless of what anyone else said there wasn't always anything I could do about it. I had other more important things that required my attention, like depression, colicky infants and just trying to make it to the end of the day. I know it isn't a priority for everyone all the time and I think thats okay.
So even though I actually no longer hate running, and calorie counting has become habitual, not everyone wants or needs to know that. I don't need people I love and care about thinking I'm judging them along with everything else they likely have going on.
Weight loss isn't easy. It's a long term commitment. I believe it's achievable, but not everyone does, and who am I to tell them different.3 -
Chances are if I haven't seen you in a year and you're talking smack about me on the internet we aren't friends.33
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This turned out about as expected...21
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Packerjohn wrote: »MegaMooseEsq wrote: »MommaGem2017 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.
"(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)" is actually a huge part of it."
But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.
Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.
Exactly! It's a little disheartening, although not surprising, to see that even on a freaking weight loss forum, there are people whose primary idea of an overweight person is someone who just got lazy. Not everyone has babies (although many people do), or get injured (although anyone can and many do), but everyone ages. Major mental health crises happen. People move. Pets die. Parents die. Life happens. I find it much nicer to assume that people have their own lives going on rather than get grumpy about those worthless couch potatoes.
And wouldn't most mental health experts say medicating with food for these issues isn't the best strategy?
Because humans are wired to make logical, thoughtful decisions? Hint: we're not; our decision making heuristics are abysmal. They work "well enough" for most situations but they aren't actually logical or well thought out.
If you want to talk about people self-medicating, then go to the root of the problem: the stigma against mental health, the lack of education about it, and the difficulty in accessing good help. Once you solve those issues, then you can solve self-medicating.11 -
I've found adults gain weight when they finally gain full financial control of their diet, which fits the false "slow metabolism in adulthood (25+yrs)" theory most attach themselves to. These adults can finally have that cake for dinner every night after dreaming of it as a kid and no one can stop them.9
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Bry_Lander wrote: »While this is all evident in hindsight, I was not even aware of the reality of any of this until we were no longer together and I had to reverse what had happened to me.
In light of your comments, this is a really interesting choice of words.
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I here same here my coworker introduce me to this app in January now Iam only one using it, they gave up Iam still going I lost 27 pds they look at me as if Iam nut .. Denise5
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I love how OP is writting this ridiculous brag on a website where most people are or were the one's she is judging.20
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I've found adults gain weight when they finally gain full financial control of their diet, which fits the false "slow metabolism in adulthood (25+yrs)" theory most attach themselves to. These adults can finally have that cake for dinner every night after dreaming of it as a kid and no one can stop them.
I think a great deal more of it is that people hit adulthood, and find adulting isn't easy, and self care is one of the first things to slip. When there are so many competing priorities, letting go of healthy habits and taking care of one's self is one of the easier sacrifices to make (right up until it's not, but it is easy to ignore future ramifications when you're looking at the now).
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@MegaMooseEsq I'm always impressed by your comments; you have a good noggin!
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tabletop_joe wrote: »@MegaMooseEsq I'm always impressed by your comments; you have a good noggin!
Aw thanks - that's nice to hear at the end of a semi-crummy day!
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MommaGem2017 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.
"(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)"
But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.
Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.
But you are doing something about it, with mfp, or whatever.. life happens to everyone, don't let that get in the way of your health and happiness. (I know that most aren't happy with being overweight)!0 -
I agree. When we are fit, thin, and healthy, people stop being nice. Even "friends" find something to say about you out of jealousy, or whatever it is they feel towards you. Even on this app, people don't want to hear that you weigh 120#. I think that thin people get mistreated and don't get the respect as the heavier people in the midst of their weight loss,.. Although we started out at unhealthy levels just like the rest of them..RaeBeeBaby wrote: »Mom used to say "fat and happy, skinny and sad". That has been true my entire life. Why? Comfort eating and confident in the love no matter the shape or size. It is easier than you think to gain a few pounds here and there and shrug it off. At the end of the day it comes down to wanting a better body for yourself and making the changes to get there.
I've had (former) friends who dropped me when I got fit. As long as we were all struggling it was fine, but get thinner and fit and you're somehow a threat, even if you're absolutely not. You realize those aren't real friends after all. These days I make better choices all around - food, fitness AND friends.
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I agree. When we are fit, thin, and healthy, people stop being nice. Even "friends" find something to say about you out of jealousy, or whatever it is they feel towards you. Even on this app, people don't want to hear that you weigh 120#. I think that thin people get mistreated and don't get the respect as the heavier people in the midst of their weight loss,.. Although we started out at unhealthy levels just like the rest of them..RaeBeeBaby wrote: »Mom used to say "fat and happy, skinny and sad". That has been true my entire life. Why? Comfort eating and confident in the love no matter the shape or size. It is easier than you think to gain a few pounds here and there and shrug it off. At the end of the day it comes down to wanting a better body for yourself and making the changes to get there.
I've had (former) friends who dropped me when I got fit. As long as we were all struggling it was fine, but get thinner and fit and you're somehow a threat, even if you're absolutely not. You realize those aren't real friends after all. These days I make better choices all around - food, fitness AND friends.
I think there is a bit of "grass is greener" going on here.7 -
I agree. When we are fit, thin, and healthy, people stop being nice. Even "friends" find something to say about you out of jealousy, or whatever it is they feel towards you. Even on this app, people don't want to hear that you weigh 120#. I think that thin people get mistreated and don't get the respect as the heavier people in the midst of their weight loss,.. Although we started out at unhealthy levels just like the rest of them..RaeBeeBaby wrote: »Mom used to say "fat and happy, skinny and sad". That has been true my entire life. Why? Comfort eating and confident in the love no matter the shape or size. It is easier than you think to gain a few pounds here and there and shrug it off. At the end of the day it comes down to wanting a better body for yourself and making the changes to get there.
I've had (former) friends who dropped me when I got fit. As long as we were all struggling it was fine, but get thinner and fit and you're somehow a threat, even if you're absolutely not. You realize those aren't real friends after all. These days I make better choices all around - food, fitness AND friends.
Just got to say, no one on MFP has ever treated me with anything other than respect, and I have never been mistreated.
My weight only comes up in a thread if it is relevant, like now.
I have never even been overweight as per BMI, so no 'unhealthy level', and my posting history has been entirely while maintaining at 100-105 lbs.
Cheers, h.14 -
I am 31, 5'1, CW 115, GW 112 (keeps bouncing back up bc I am not maintaining properly). I have been married a year and most of my friends are married, with or without kids, or in a long term committed relationship. EVERYONE is getting HUGE. Seeing friends from college or somewhere after a year or so, and they have gained 50 pounds. What is going on? Do they not care? Also, I would never FORCE diet advice on them, but if they ask or it come up, I say "MFP" and they say im pyscho etc and have no interest blah blah, takes too long, excuse. WHAT GIVES???
I haven't seen this asked/answered so why do they think you're a psycho for using MFP? Maybe try "counting calories" instead.
People I know aren't getting bigger. I know a couple of people trying to lose baby weight, but otherwise everyone is more or less the same size.
It really is none of your business whether people are getting "HUGE" or not. If they ask you for advice, then I'd offer minimal advice unless they were really interested. Other than that, what they do has nothing to do with you.4
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