Less Alcohol - March 2018- One day at a Time

Thank you for the support friends. The loss would be hard because he was my son one way or the other. I saw him the day before he passed on April 2nd, 2015 for the last time, without knowing it. He came up with his friend to pick up his motorcycle for the spring. He had been living at his own apartment for about 5 mo. The next day, he passed away on the motorcycle or within a half hour or so in a collision with another vehicle. 22 years old. I will never be the same again. I hear the pain of that kind of loss never goes away. I am just learning how to have joy at the same time while living with the forever pain. Drinking had made it so bad that I didn't want to even be here anymore. I wished, in hindsight that I had many days of being AF before that loss occurred. I do have a daughter. That was not fair to her that I was drinking like that or fair to myself or anyone else. Drinking didn't start with his passing, but it skyrocketed to a new horrid level. Anyways I could not moderate and I am happy to be done with it for almost 2 mo. now. Thank you for listening and being here. This week I have to give notice at one of my jobs. The stress with these 2 jobs has become unbearable in and of itself. Wouldn't you know, it has just ramped up considerably lately.

I have been a drinker most of my adult life. I was AF when I was pregnant and breastfeeding for 5 1/2 years then slowly started drinking again until I felt it was just too much and went AF for almost 6 years. Then started dating a fellow who worked at a winery and had a huge wine cellar of beautiful wine. He was a very controlled drinker so I did not feel bad about having a glass of wine with meals here and there with him for about four years. Then we broke up and not long after I started seeing a new fellow and it was an awful relationship that I finally ended after 10 months but started drinking very regularly. I think it was to numb the pain and disappointment. Unfortunately what seemed like a few months to numb pain and loneliness turned into 6 years of see-sawing between moderate drinking and drinking too much. I am fine to drink one or two glasses of wine in the evening but the trouble is if anything goes wrong or what have you in my life I often will drink til I'm drunk (1 bottle sometimes 1.5bottles). So I have been trying since I started tracking my food to be really honest and just track how much I drink without any judgments on it. I have been worried about it for years and always saying "I have to cut back or quit" but never doing it. Tracking really helps me cut down.
So that is my story. I am not sure if I will be able to find a place where I can really drink in moderation without the inevitable overdoing it days but that is my goal right now. I think tracking at least keeps me honest about how much I am drinking and that seems to help me cut down. Thanks for letting me share and I read the thread up to this point and wish everyone all the best in their own journey to balance, moderation and happiness in life.
I started tracking to lose 10lbs with a different tracker the first week of January 2018 and switched over to My fitness buddy because my daughter uses it too! So I have been tracking daily since the first week of January and I believe I will always track now.
BTW I am also a recovered bulimic (11years old to 24 years old) So I have a lot of addiction issues in my past. I did recover from the bulimia and went on to do counseling in the field to help others with bulimia or anorexia. Often bulimia and anorexia go hand in hand with drug and alcohol abuse.
Whew Sorry but that's a part of my history with the drink . . .

AF 3 in a row. That is better than a bloody nose. Er, a bloody Mary, Er, a hangover.

These posts are incredibly moving. To those of you that have lost children, I am so sorry and send my love. My late and very wise father used to say, "everyone carries an invisible bucket of tears", meaning we cannot see each other's pain but it is there. I hope this thread is a refuge and comfort to all that come here. It certainly has been for me.

No ritual Bloody Mary at the airport for me!!