Less Alcohol- July 2018- One Day at a Time
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JulieAL1969 wrote: »@snoo61 Thanks so much. Yes, I love your spin: Let the adventure begin.
I woke up and felt relieved that I feel good today. I'm looking forward to the meeting but I must say I hope I dont cry sitting there.
You've done an incredibly brave thing and should be proud. I hope the meeting goes well for you... and don't be afraid to cry!!2 -
JulieAL1969 wrote: »Last night, I reached out to a friend who is an addiction counselor. I called him crying and said i need you. We talked for a half hour and today I'm meeting him to talk. I think his presence in my life will be helpful. He's taking me to my first AA meeting - I know some people love it and some people don't , but it may be the hope I need. I don't want to live always teetering on the edge.
P.s. My friend says it takes 3 days for alcohol to leave the system. So, that's good news. i always thought it was ten days.
ErynVee great weekend for you! Like someone on our thread says, you are exercising your will power muscle.
snoo61 Great job ! You set a goal and was under it. And you probably slept soooo well. Xo
One of the things that has occurred to me while compiling tips is how different people respond to different mindsets/tricks/insights/courses of actions. Finding what works can take some trial and error it seems. I don't know you that well but I get the feeling this meeting is not something you are looking forward to attending. The fact you are going shows a strength and a commitment that I hope I have if I ever need it. I don't really know anything about the program other than the basics you see in TV shows so I don't have an opinion about it one way or another but I definitely see no harm in exploring it as an option.
I think the difference between the 3 days and the 10 days is that 3 days is how long it might take alcohol to leave your system and 10 days is how long it might take to get to the first recovery/withdrawal point after daily drinking. I don't know any of that as fact it is just from what I have read. I have read some pretty "tough" journals of some people who took close to 30 days before getting significant relief.
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I went to lunch today at a Tex-Mex restaurant that just re-opened after an extensive remodel. To get to the restaurant part, you now have to go through their new, huge bar that is a cathedral to the worship of alcohol if I've ever seen one. The wall is full of individual lighted glass cases, each featuring a beautiful bottle of alcohol (some probably vintage--they really are pretty). After coming to the conclusion that I have to regard alcohol as a poisonous prison for me, I felt like I needed to go to confession for being in there--and I'm not even Catholic. Just an observation of how attractive and alluring people can make alcohol in order to sell it. I get it that that is their job, but driving home through this college town, I was again bombarded by billboards, bars, and liquor stores attractively pushing alcohol. I think one day soon I might do an experiment and see how much time I can go through a normal day outside of my home without being subtly encouraged to drink. My guess is it will be under 5 minutes. Interesting.
I guess I have to defend the way I make a living, so don’t take this as an attack, hahahah.
Alcohol is a huge markup product and they are in the business of making money. It would make sense to not promote something that makes a profit.
You also probably can’t go 5 minutes without seeing marketing for unhealthy soda or candy or potato chips either.
Unfortunately, at least in the USA, not much that is healthy is marketed and in our faces all the time.7 -
@JulieAL1969 good luck on your journey and thank you for creating this platform..
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Good for you @JulieAL1969. I actually didn't like the first AA meeting I went to. So if that one isn't for you, there are many others to look at.4
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@JulieAL1969 Congratulations on a positive step in your journey
I have been wondering since I found this site how to react to some of the posts.I am a relative new comer here and don't participate nearly as much as some others so I tend to keep my opinions to myself.
I realize every journey is different and we each have to make our own way and seek our own path. I feel we are quick to say great job to one another but avoid pointing out what we feel may be an error in judgement sometimes. This is a hard journey and we need as much support as possible even if it isn't always positive
My point I guess is we have to be ready to hear the good and the bad sometimes to keep us on track
I kind of butchered your quote, but I would say how to react is with honesty, yet tactfully. I personally am working on being direct without being unkind. I prefer direct people because there is NO guessing what is on their mind....they just say it. I think it is an art to be able to speak truth in a way that appeals, BUT like you said sometimes the person we are speaking to isn't receptive to the truth no matter how it is presented. I suppose that is their issue then. A therapist once helped me to see that other people's reaction to me says more about them than it does about me.
I really hope that you don't hold back from sharing at risk of "offending" someone because it may help someone who is ready to hear it. It's a risk. Like you said it's "nice" to hear all the positives, but sometimes we "need" to hear the other stuff also. I think you have some valuable insight because you have been there & continue to work at becoming a better person....thank you for sharing
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I'm on day 8 and feeling strong and proud. I've tracked all of my food AND drink and have moderated myself well. I continue to be inspired by each of you.10
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JulieAL1969 wrote: »@snoo61 I'm looking forward to the meeting but I must say I hope I dont cry sitting there.
No worries if you cry. Its just the alcohol being scared out of you, by your strength!
LOVE that....crying is "the alcohol being scared out of you by your strength."
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Heyooo, I made it through the day without drinking!
I actually went as far as pouring myself a drink (okay, it was 4 shots of tequila) but then I remembered that I *kitten* hate tequila. And I thought, I don't have to do this. I don't want to be dependent.
Poured down the drain.16 -
@ErikNJ, of course I didn't take your post as an attack. And as a businessperson, I totally understand that good advertising is a necessity for marketing a product. Maybe it's partially (but certainly not totally) due to my living in a college town, but I can assure you that alcohol is marketed and pushed much more heavily than sodas or chips. And not just by producers. The lovely display in the restaurant was designed to profit the restaurant. And it seems like every single big event in our town is accompanied by an often-city-sponsored alcohol tie-in (Like, which restaurant can make the best themed martini--come in and cast your ballot). Of course, the bottom line for all of these is profit.
My point is definitely not that producers shouldn't market their product. It was just an observation. And yes, there are many unhealthy things. But if you really like potato chips and decide to give them up for health reasons, you might be fleetingly tempted by a chip ad, but do we see "Less potato chips--July 2018" challenges attracting the kind of following we have here? Alcohol, no matter whether we are moderating or abstaining, is undeniably an addictive substance. There just isn't any other addictive substance that is so heavily pushed. The cigarette ads were curtailed decades ago. I was just noticing that on my foray out into the world today, on this first day after a tearful night pouring my heart out to my husband about my doubts that I can ever be successful in stopping this destructive behavior, I was simply surrounded by attempts to persuade me to drink. I don't see that kind of ubiquitous urging to eat chips or drink soda--and even if I did see this, chips and soda are not chemically addictive in the same way alcohol is.
I'm not trying to pass judgment. I'm just observing that in our society, it isn't easy to forget about alcohol for even a few minutes.
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To anyone who wants to quit completely
I read Alan Carrs “The easy way”
It made total sense to me.
It’s not the book for people who want to moderate.
Good luck to everyone.5 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »Heyooo, I made it through the day without drinking!
I actually went as far as pouring myself a drink (okay, it was 4 shots of tequila) but then I remembered that I *kitten* hate tequila. And I thought, I don't have to do this. I don't want to be dependent.
Poured down the drain.
@SoulOfRusalka Wow, that is freaking awesome!!
You are so strong!
I hope you remember that when you feel "the sun over the yardarm".4 -
@JulieAL1969
You must have really been feeling helpless to reach out like that.
Not sure if Kelly was implying he thought the AA meeting was a bad idea for you, but I think it is.
Or rather, I think it would be a bad idea for *me*.
AA teaches you to seek strength in a higher power, which wouldn't work for me. I believe *kitten* happens, and that's OK.
But AA may help *you*! x I'm just glad your friend gave you some hope.
I think it's long overdue for me to tell you I love seeing you in all my favourite threads being so insightful, kind, creative, consistent, thoughtful, intelligent, caring, and all-around wonderful.
You have some "bad days", but have a very sensitive reaction to one day of drinking. Overall, it seems you can go without for many days, drink once, then go straight back to AF. Maybe you're being too hard on yourself, a bit perfectionist, for want of a less negative word? Has anyone you know said that about you?3 -
Omg, you are so strong, well done you.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »Heyooo, I made it through the day without drinking!
I actually went as far as pouring myself a drink (okay, it was 4 shots of tequila) but then I remembered that I *kitten* hate tequila. And I thought, I don't have to do this. I don't want to be dependent.
Poured down the drain.
The future looks good
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@donimfp I think you took my examples to literal. I actually used soda and candy bars because as I was typing my response I saw two commercials on tv back to back - Mt Dew and Snickers. And just because there may not be a specific “stop eating chips” post like this doesn’t mean people don’t struggle with food addictions. I’m pretty sure that there are way more threads about eating less than there are drinking on the MFP forums. Obesity is a real scary problem in America. Maybe you notice alcohol advertisements more because that is your struggle? Me personally, I struggle with the food aspect of my diet way more than alcohol. Just cause I am not chemically addicted does not mean it isn’t an issue for me.
The real point I was making though, is that we won’t see an ad for fruits or salads nearly as much as sugar, alcohol, fatty foods, etc.5 -
Wow where have I been? There has been some heavy stuff here. Julie, I am so proud of you. Remember, "Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is fear, walking." You have a lot of courage to go to AA. @donimfp I could not agree more. One day I was trying to keep track of all the ways alcohol was pushed or glorified etc and I gave up after listening to the radio for a half hour. Every song talked about "drinking a 40" or "day drinking" or "sippin gin and juice" etc etc etc. I've said here before when I quit smoking I had to give it up totally, I couldn't moderate. It is sadly the same with alcohol. I love my wine as much as I used to love my cigarettes but it has got to go.5
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@erikNJ, I totally get your points. And while I came to MFP originally because I wanted to lose some weight, I do not struggle with what I would consider food addictions. I also realize that those who do have that struggle have an added challenge because you can't simply stop eating food like you can stop drinking alcohol. On the other hand . . . to @JenT304's point, there aren't many songs and movies and TV shows that actually glorify stuffing your face with food. My original post started because I was struck by the godlike status afforded alcohol in that remodeled restaurant. A backlit bag of Cheetos or even a nice piece of cake, just wouldn't have the same effect as those gorgeous alcohol bottles.
I don't mean to minimize anyone's struggle with anything. And I'm absolutely sure you're right that my conscious struggle with alcohol makes me more aware of the omnipresent suggestions that it is what makes the world go 'round and adds "glamour" to life.
By the way, @erikNJ, your baseball post has me anticipating my first AF Astros game in September.2 -
@JulieAL1969
You must have really been feeling helpless to reach out like that.
Not sure if Kelly was implying he thought the AA meeting was a bad idea for you, but I think it is.
Or rather, I think it would be a bad idea for *me*. AA teaches you to seek strength in a higher power, which wouldn't work for me. I believe *kitten* happens, and that's OK.
But AA may help *you*! x I'm just glad your friend gave you some hope.
I think it's long overdue for me to tell you I love seeing you in all my favourite threads being so insightful, kind, creative, consistent, thoughtful, intelligent, caring, and all-around wonderful.
You have some "bad days", but have a very sensitive reaction to one day of drinking. Overall, it seems you can go without for many days, drink once, then go straight back to AF. Maybe you're being too hard on yourself, a bit perfectionist, for want of a less negative word? Has anyone you know said that about you?
I don't like the higher power model, either. I have trouble with that in ED treatment, too-- admitting that you're powerless over your addiction just seems really counterproductive to me. And I have a relationship with my higher power, but I believe she wants me to figure *kitten* out on my own. If all I had to do was ask for help, what would be the point?
Sorry, might be rambling a little.2 -
@donimfp I do agree with the point about songs glorifying alcohol and not food. Whether it’s a party song or sad song, that is often true.
TV shows I will argue against. Man vs Food is literally a show about people eating such disgusting amounts of foods that they often throw up. And there are more than one tv networks dedicated to food, but not one for alcohol. Although alcohol does get glorified on regular sitcoms and dramas. Especially dramas
Your backlit bag of Cheetos comment literally had me laughing out loud. Hahaha
The baseball game was so glorious. Just relaxing and exciting. And a bonus while alcohol free. I am jonesing to get to another now. May go in a few weeks for my birthday3 -
Apparently I am the only person with a back lit bag of Cheetos on display in my home
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WinoGelato wrote: »
Ha ha ha! That is amazing that this exists!1 -
6 months yesterday!!!!! Woo hoo!!!!!17
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Hi Guys! Im thankful for all your comments and posts. @Orphia I was in a really bad state of mind on Sunday which is why I reached out to my friend. I simply cannot understand why I cant just stop at two drinks. I don't think that's normal. While I was out on SAturday night, I felt like I was watching myself from above (bird's eye view) and I was thinking to myself, why do I keep doing this... going out with friends, drinking way too much, and then becoming very ill the next day or two. That just can't be normal behavior. That's really the reason I reached out my friend and AA.
I still know very little about AA. I sat there during the one hour meeting and heard a man tell a horrible tale of his experience (countless DUI's and time in prison) and of course, I sat there thinking I am NOT as bad as this poor guy. The place was packed; I think about 60 people there (mostly men) ; I thought there would be above five of us sitting in a circle of chairs talking. I didnt know it was so well attended.
My friend came with me and brought me the big book which I have yet to crack open. I think I will ease into this experience. A few kind women came up and gave me their numbers, if I ever need someone to talk to. I thought to myself, I'll probably never call them. One kind woman even bought me a daily affirmations book. Everyone was extremely welcoming.
Will I call any of them? I'm not sure. I don't like to bother people. But who knows.
I am a religious person (privately), and I do believe in a higher power. But I still havent accepted that I'm powerless over alcohol, although it seems like I am. It sounds so drastic. But maybe I am powerless. So, as you can with my ramblings, I'm still trying to work this out. I think I will go again in a week and give it another try. I think AA probably has saved millions of lives but I still dont know if I will embrace their steps or not. I am still figuring this all out.
But just for today, i wont be drinking anything but tea and water:) I love all of our open dialogue and discussion about marketing of alcohol, etc. I really do. Thanks for your support and input. I love how everyone is welcoming our newer friends. Keep it up! I am positive we are making a difference for the better in a lot of people's lives. I really hope so.13 -
@salleewins Wow! You are amazing and an inspiration. Big hugs!1
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Hello, beautiful people! I have sucked pretty badly at checking in - both because life has been busy and also probably because I have been less than stellar at sticking to my goals. In any case, today is a new day, and I am grateful for all of you (and the 300+ posts I am going to try to catch up on!) 4
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I was wondering what is a drink? I see posts that proclaim the amount of drinks you will drink and think to myself how much alcohol is that. When my drinking was at its worse I figured and told myself I was having about 4 drinks a day that's not so bad right. I said before I had a really big glass and a drink in a rocks glass was about 4 ounces of Bombay so that's a pint of gin a day. When someone states how many drinks do they measure out a shot glass as a drink or a jigger which would be an ounce or an ounce and a half per drink. I NEVER DID for me it was a few ice cubes and then fill the glass or tumbler with gin or scotch ( I would change gin in the spring and summer scotch in the fall and winter). I don't have an issue with someone saying moderation but unlike abstinence moderation can vary small glass big glass 80 proof or 100 proof or even sometime on vacation 150 proof. So if you are working on moderation will you possibly define a drink for me.6
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@Ke22yB
The technical definitions of a drink are as follows:
12oz of beer (5%)
5oz of wine (12%)
1 1/2oz of liquor (40%)
So to your point, hard liquor on the rocks is much more than one standard drink. And also higher proof liquors. Same goes for craft beer. They can be as much as 15% and up. Unfortunately I am sure some people think that if they have 2 rocks drinks or two craft beers they are only having two drinks when it is really much more.
Also, moderation is a tough term to define as we all have different goals. For me it may mean having a few light beers one day a week. Others may still drink every night but are cutting back how many drinks they consume. It’s really just about supporting others no matter what their goal is5 -
@JulieAL1969 AA was never for me as a grouchy old man I tend to keep to myself IRL. However two people very near and dear to me have been going to meetings and been AF, one over 20 years now. I have tried to change opinions and to no avail they are steadfast supporters of the program. I have the big book for close to 10 years without really looking at it. Whether it is for you or not I cant say but if you decide with an open mind to apply yourself to working the program I can say I have seen success achieved.3
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I was wondering what is a drink? I see posts that proclaim the amount of drinks you will drink and think to myself how much alcohol is that. When my drinking was at its worse I figured and told myself I was having about 4 drinks a day that's not so bad right. I said before I had a really big glass and a drink in a rocks glass was about 4 ounces of Bombay so that's a pint of gin a day. When someone states how many drinks do they measure out a shot glass as a drink or a jigger which would be an ounce or an ounce and a half per drink. I NEVER DID for me it was a few ice cubes and then fill the glass or tumbler with gin or scotch ( I would change gin in the spring and summer scotch in the fall and winter). I don't have an issue with someone saying moderation but unlike abstinence moderation can vary small glass big glass 80 proof or 100 proof or even sometime on vacation 150 proof. So if you are working on moderation will you possibly define a drink for me.
Not sure if my input would be helpful but I almost exclusively drink wine, or the occasional beer. A drink for me is a 5 oz pour of wine, and I'm pretty accurate at measuring it because I've been doing this and logging my calorie intake consistently for over 5 years. A beer is just that - I don't differentiate if it is a 12 oz bottle or a pint draft - both are "a drink" for me, but the calories are logged appropriately.
My focus on moderation is "mindful" moderation - so that when I do drink I try to make sure that I don't just mindlessly refill my glass and wind up over doing it. I usually know the days I'm going to drink because it's a social event, or a weekend where I've planned to drink with and after dinner, or on a vacation where I drink more frequently now even during the week. I generally stick to less than 3 "drinks" on those nights, and am not necessarily trying to limit myself to the number of glasses I can have. I do sometimes try to hold off on having my first drink - the other night while we were cooking dinner on a family camping trip I thought about opening a beer while I was getting ready to cook and thought - no, I should wait till I actually eat because after dinner I will probably want some wine and if I start too early with beer I will be 1) full and 2) tipsy.
Hope this helps.5
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