Less Alcohol - August 2018 - One Day at a Time

I’ve been thinking a lot about this thread and the continued pattern of people who are moderating feeling like their goals aren’t good enough or that we are judged for not going AF, or that some others feel that we are deluding ourselves to believe we can moderate our intake, that we’ve somehow naively convinced ourselves that it tastes good and that it can be healthy to still partake as a moderate drinker.

I was ready last night to make a clean break, but I thought a lot about how hard it was for me in those early days... I didn’t even post until the last day of the January thread even though I had been reading along and working really hard on reducing my intake. I was worried my goals weren’t big enough for those who were going AF, or that me talking about drinking at all would be too difficult for someone who is struggling with theit abstinence goals. In those early days I had a lot of moments where I questioned my strategy and myself, I was having internal debates between my drinking brain and my abstinence brain, and when I did drink I was always worried that I was deluding myself that the fact that I had to think so much about it meant that maybe I did have a big problem.

But then I landed on my epiphany about using a similar approach that I was successful with for weight loss to implement “‘mindful moderation” for my drinking. And after that it became so much easier and I felt so much more in control and now I've just sort of settled into a pattern where some days I’m AF, some days I have 1 drink, and some days I have 3. The days where I drink more are like the days when I eat more - they are special occasions, they are the exception not the rule, and this feels totally normal and healthy to me when I see how my friends tend to partake.

I feel like I’m confident in my abilities to do this totally on my own - just like with my weight loss I’ve reached goal and am very comfortably in maintenance, so a lot of times when I participate on the boards people ask why someone would still be here after 5 years. And my answer is always, I’m not here for myself as much anymore as I am to try to participate and help others who are struggling. And there’s lots of drama on those main boards and people often say things like things anyone who eats processed foods, or sweets in moderation must not care about my health. I respectfully (and sometimes snarkily when warranted) challenge those opinions and I say that there are lots of paths to health and they don’t all require extreme restriction, sweeping changes, moral assignments of good/bad to every individual choice, and that it’s ok to make small changes on the path to a long term healthy and happy lifestyle. I know that this approach on the main boards has been helpful to new members who are struggling and I also know that my posts about moderation tactics in this group can be helpful for new members as well. Maybe they will start with cutting back, and eventually realize they need to cut it all the way out. I think that’s fantastic and I think many of you have gone down that path.

So after that long novella, I guess I won’t rage quit after all. I may be quiet for a while but I will chime in to help anyone who is trying to cut back, not cut out. I do respectfully ask that those going AF try to be considerate of the moderators the way I and many others are considerate and respectful of your goals. And the vast majority of this group absolutely is so supportive of anyone’s goal that is trying to adhere to the group name “less alcohol, one day at a time”

I don't think this is the right place for strong opinions. It's only a place for support and finding what has worked for others in similar situation. Guess who else has a strong opinion on the internet? Practically everyone

This was the post I removed. I am not going to correct the parts that don't apply anymore now that @WinoGelato has decided to stay because if she is more quiet it still mostly applies. As @lorrainequiche59 has already broached the subject there is no reason to keep my thoughts silent on it.

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@eriknj and @WinoGelato

I won't lie that I had a pretty adverse reaction to some of the posts initially. I am probably a little more accustomed to being uncomfortable with negative posts because I have a long history of posting in some rough and tumble places. I am not sure my later reaction to let it go was right though. If you longer term members are uncomfortable others that lurk and consider posting will be even more so.

I am very torn over your decision to leave. On one hand I think people who intend to moderate need help too. I have been helped by both of you. I have said it a few times now that if the moderators don't keep talking then all that is left is talks of abstinence. On the other hand I wonder if people who moderate need to get help here in this thread. Maybe it was always going to be easier for the Craig Beck-ian vibe of anti-alcohol to run free for those that need to have it in those extremes and for people choosing to cut back for non-"pickle" reasons to converse elsewhere.

The more I have thought about it since the end of last month the more I realize the resource post is clearly bent towards abstinence even though I thought I was doing a better job of keeping it mod-friendly. Trying to walk that line is very difficult... maybe even too difficult. It could also be that even attempting to walk that line makes it less helpful.

I am not suggesting anything here. I am stating my thoughts on the subject. I don't like change so I would rather keep the entire family together. The question is how to best serve people with abstinence goals and people with moderation goals.

I have not been posting this week since my grandkids are here and the days are full and the evenings are napping. I wanted to throw my 2 cents in. I have read the posts this month and understand that referring to alcohol as poison may be thought of as an attack on those that moderate. Some of the posters here know my history and the fact that I have to be alcohol free. Alcohol according to the Drs in my family and my personal physician almost killed me I was morbidly obese and extremely hyper tensive. To me it is poisonous even if not a poison if you can understand the distinction. As a defense mechanism for those that are starting to be AF you demonize alcohol to help remove the desire to partake. I am AF now over ten years and I don't think of alcohol at all as anything since it never really enters my mind. I enjoyed moderation but couldn't control it so had to give it up. All that said demonizing alcohol should not lead to attacks on those around us who can moderate. My nearest and dearest relative, my wife, moderates and drinks when we are on vacation or when we are out to dinner with our friends who are moderate drinkers and I never give it a thought. She enjoys good wines with meals.
I dropped in here and posted since I felt if I could help in any way people who were reducing their intake it was important. Reducing their intake, not just those striving to be AF. May 22 2008 I started my journey to better life and health by myself no meetings not conversations and such a guilt and shame that I discussed it with no one. This group should afford those here the ability to seek understanding from those in similar situations and find their way to a better life whatever their choices are.
I read posts sometimes that raise alarms as to what I FEEL it may indicate but I keep that opinion to myself since I judge it thru the prism of my experience and honestly none of us really knows the others here truly.
I am a runner and a swimmer for most of my fitness, should I pass judgement on someone who says to me OH I never run its bad for my knees or I cant swim a stroke? Not really but I will engage anyone who says to me YOU shouldn't run it bad for YOUR knees.
I guess in a long rambling way I am saying lets live and let live since that's what we are trying to do by reducing our alcohol anyway. Isn't it.

Since reading the whole alcohol is a poison post awhile back, I initially felt as some felt. At that time I wanted to post, "Hey I'm out.", just because I don't like to feel judged in any way, shape, or form. (And I'm sorry, it was a judgy post, maybe not on purpose, but it was.) I haven't found the time to post because I've had some serious *kitten* going on with my mom's health and it hasn't been worth investing the time it takes to type, but I keep coming back and reading other's posts. What I realized was that I need all of you guys on my Less Alcohol Journey and it doesn't matter what kinds of opinions you have and each of you are allowed your opinions whether it's for or against my lifestyle, as I am allowed mine. All of you guys made me realize that we are all Human, trying to make our way in this world, even it's making mistakes along the way. We are a family of a special kind. We need each other. Divided we are not the same and lack what the others have to offer.

I started to read these posts as a support for my intended moderation of alcohol use, as the title implied. I saw that some were AA bound, for reasons of their own, and some were struggling to cut way back. Neither camp seemed judgemental or preachy until the last few pages. Then all heck seemed to break loose.
For the past 2 months I've been alcohol free [okay, one unintended glass of wine, to be polite] in order to meet my weight loss goal. When that goal is reached, I plan to resume moderate [1-2 glasses] drinking. If I start to slip into more and more...I will need to quit altogether. Thus I seem to be a member of both camps. Since I enjoy the taste of wine, I hope I am successful in moderation.