WOMEN AGES 50 + FOR JANUARY 2019

Katla49 wrote: »

Machka: I love the Theodore Roosevelt quotation. Sorry to hear about the bush fires. We had smoke from wildfires when Eastern Oregon, Canada, Montana were on fire a couple of years ago, but not so much from the recent California fires. It is great to hear that your DH is doing so well. I’m sorry that his former care giver is so far out of touch with his reality. I’m guessing she can’t begin to imagine how far he has progressed. :noway:

ydailey wrote: »

Machka - Sorry your "helper" isn't helpful, but I continue to be amazed at the progress your husband has made on his own.

skuehn48 wrote: »

Machka - That is why everyone needs an advocate if they have medical issues.

35C (95F) in Hobart today, but a little bit cooler out where we are.

Heavy smoke all around.

Evacuating several towns


I agree that everyone needs an advocate ... I feel for people who don't have someone to stand up for them. I've pushed and pushed to get my husband the help he needs ... physio, psychological, optical, etc., etc.. When your brain is injured, there are a lot of different things that are affected.

Fortunately he does have a doctor who has been absolutely wonderful and she has backed me up and has pursued things I haven't thought of as well.


The person we're having difficulty with is a "back to work coordinator" who deals with all sorts of workplace injuries. Probably the most common are things like strained backs or a broken bone. Those sorts of things usually have a finite healing process. For example, a bone heals in about 6-8 weeks. Back injuries might be a bit longer, but a person can often return to work on light duties with ergonomic measures in place.

But brain injuries are very different and each person with a brain injury is unique so you can't say, "In 12 months this person will be back to normal". Fortunately, brain injuries are less common workplace injuries, but unfortunately what this means is that this girl (who is very young and doesn't have a lot of experience anyway) hasn't dealt with people with brain injuries very often. So she is trying to apply what she knows from other injuries to my husband's situation.

More detail inside ...


Meanwhile ...

My Grandmother's memorial service is tomorrow. They're recording it for me and I've written a tribute which my father will read.


And I've been called into a neurosurgeon to discuss my brain cyst. I have an appointment in early Feb.


M in Oz

Hi Gals,


Lisa – glad you’re on the mend
Heather – hope DH is continuing to improve; I’ve not tried Haggis, but would – it doesn’t sound good but many times the individual components are better combined then they sound as a list.
Kelly – glad you are getting a kiddo break with an early evening
Sue – Important conversations, but hard ones – remember to think that you’ll need support both during this stage and after.

I am dealing with a change, and we’ll see what happens – I got notified – TODAY of 2 different things that will make a huge change for me…

I have a had a motto “leap and the net will appear” that has worked for me as I have had to make the big decisions in becoming and continuing in a business of my own. I do about 4 mornings of gardening (3 hours at each of private older clients = 6 hours a week, and then 10 hours a week at a children’s camp)

The children’s camp is run by the YMCA for the last 18 years but is on property owned by the local park department so there is a contract between the 2 agencies – well I had been told that the contract had been renewed last year for 5 years. NOT – so now the Y has decided to leave effective May 31, 2019 – so unless the park department finds another group to run the camp, and they want a garden, and I fit their needs for the gardener – I’m out a job. There are about 25 of us in the same boat.

Additionally, one of my garden clients has decided to remove her front and back English Gardens and put in lawn. I am sure she will be unhappy, but she has decided and wants to hear nothing about it, I’ll be gone from there in 6 months or so. I knew she was thinking lower maintenance and many things had been talked about – but this was a shock this morning. I had figured that the embroidery business was ramping up that it would cover the loss of the client; but it will not cover both - All of gardening is about 40% of my income – maybe it would have been 30% because the embroidery is doing so well this year; I will of course keep my fingers crossed about camp and will work there until the end of may as there is a $500 bonus for staying to the end, but do need to find something to fill in. There is a leap in my future!

The part that is such a bummer is I was beginning to get to a place that I could save some real money – as I don’t even have $100 in savings, and would really like to see at minimum a months house payment. I will be making no changes, just plans, until May and will tuck away as much as I can to help me over what ever might be ahead.

Kim from N. California

Viv ((( ))) I am so sorry that your dad is ill and your mother is having a difficult time with it. IMO it does sound like your mom is in denial. Can you make sure when a carer is in the house, perhaps she gets a little time away to get some time to clear her head. Also, sometimes those closest to us don't want to hear or accept reality from us but will hear it from a professional. Perhaps a very compassionate doctor/nurse or carer can explain the prognosis to your mom. This is a challenging time, sending love and strength.

I've been swamped with work but will take time this weekend to celebrate my birthday weekend (57!) and, as many of you know, my DH's bday and our wedding anniversary (22 years of marriage) as well. We will celebrate as usual, staying at home cozy and warm, 2 happy introverts!

NYKAREN

wizzywig wrote: »

Advice needed please. I'm not sure how to handle my mum, she is the main caregiver to my dad who has cancer and is at home.
Carers are starting on Monday to help wash and get him dressed if he feels well enough to go downstairs, if not to make him comfortable in bed ( prop him up for breakfast etc) It's as if my mum has "forgotten" how poorly my dad is.
I don't know if she is in denial or what, but she seems to expect him to do more for himself than he is able. Whether she is just letting off steam to me I'm not sure, but she'll say things like he's "driving me mad I'm up and down stairs all the time/he knows I'm making his breakfast and when I take it up he's asleep" I know it can be difficult getting him to take all his tablets - he's never been good at taking tablets and he does have a lot to take, but the rest of the time he's no bother. This morning I gently reminded her that he is very poorly and probably can't help falling asleep at mealtimes.
Do you think she's in denial? I know I was when my hubby was in hospital and it was such a shock when he passed because I honestly didn't expect it - he was too young! Looking back now I can't understand how I didn't know, but I thought he would be one of the lucky ones to recover from cancer.
I'm not sure if I should keep reminding her that he is not going to get better or not. What do you think?

Thanks for listening, I'm not sure how to handle things and would appreciate your thoughts.

Viv UK

Yes, she is in denial.

As you might know, my husband had a fall which resulted in a severe brain injury last March. The last year has been an incredible learning experience for me and I was warned over and over not to expect too much ... more or less to expect the worst. I also did a lot of research so I knew the spectrum of possible outcomes.

Last July, my grandmother had a fall and hit her head. She was in and out of hospital from then until she passed away on January 3.

But during that time, my mother (a nurse!) emailed me in varying degrees of frustration about Gramma. "I don't know why she's doing this or that?" and so on. I'm on the other side of the world, but in everything she said, I could see elements of my husband's progress or of what I'd researched. Many times I was able to email back and say, "Gramma is doing that because ..."

For example, the family (my parents, aunt, uncle, cousins, etc.) were confused why Gramma kept saying the food tasted bad. They tasted it and it was fine. I was the one who told them that even a small knock on the head can destroy the senses of taste and smell. My husband has lost his taste and smell, but is ever-so-slowly getting it back a very, very little at a time. All of a sudden her comments made sense to them but for some reason they hadn't thought of it or hadn't been told.

And there were other things going on that suggested to me that she was nearing the end, based on what my mother told me ... and yet the family were making all sorts of plans for where she would live and what she would do and this and that. It baffled me.

But it is possible that those closest to the situation might not see the situation clearly.


You might try reminding her of the little things. Rather than the big picture of "he's not going to get better", more like, "he may not be able to do this".

Also, it might be time to suggest they consider a move into a more convenient location so that your mother's life is easier. That can be a very difficult discussion, but if it means that your mother has less work to do (for example, no stairs to climb or perhaps dinners provided at the evening meal time), it might be a good thing.

M in Oz

Good Morning All! I've all of you. Belated Happy New Years to all! My word for 2019 is BALANCE!

My goal for January 2019 was to change our eating habits. DH is focused on this after suffering with extreme bloat during the latter half of the year. After seeking direction from his doctor and getting a referral to a specialist he was told that he had gas easily cured with Gas-X and changing our foods. So we are doing an big decrease in white foods (sugar, flour, potatoes, pasta, and rice), decrease/elimination of fried foods (except fried chicken on Sundays ), and the active seeking of fresh produce. For the month of January we have both lost 6 pounds each thus far. The nice thing is that we don't feel deprived except in the late evening when we miss our usual desserts but since there is none in the house we just groan for a few minutes and move on.

Tere in RVA