My bf cheated on me
Replies
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He didn't actually cheat on you. He told you he wanted to see other people without feeling guilty about it when he told you he wanted a break. That's the point at which you should've dumped him.
Here's what "break" means. It means... "I'm not that happy with you, so I'm going to see what else is out there. If I can find somebody better than you, I'm not coming back. If I can't find somebody better than you, I'll be back, but only for as long as it takes to find somebody better. I'll also be having guilt-free sex while I'm looking."
Honestly, the minute somebody asks for a break or a timeout or even an open relationship, if you have any self-esteem, you walk away from that person forever. Delete them from all of your social media. Delete their phone number. Block them from contacting you. Etc. Don't waste another minute on them.
PS - Be wary of your friend. There's more there than she's letting on. Your gut instinct should be telling you that. Guys don't just throw themselves at the best friends of their girlfriends. She's either led him on, or worse.13 -
Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?
This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.
Im not saying avoiding confrontation is right, im saying its human nature and not odd for someone to say in a case where they dont want to get sucked into the drama. I think its also foolish of people to think they deserve answers. The dude broke up with her and tried to get with her friend.....theres your answer. If she wants to delve into it deeper with her friend so be it, the book is closed on the dude. I look at a friends word with how much trust equity has been built up over the years. There are some people i dont trust anything they say, and there are the select few i would trust my life to. I think that also plays a part in how trusting a friend is and how much you need to question.
Yeah, no. It’s great you have friends like that, but that’s not me. I don’t blindly trust anyone but myself. And anyone who I do trust to a great extent would never even consider asking me to keep it between us, because we’re friends, and friends support one another. They don’t pass on some info and then duck out to avoid drama. Like hell I’d ask my friend to keep it between us. I hate drama but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to confront if it means I can help a friend out. And they weren’t done. They were on a break as OP said and it seems she agreed to it, or she wouldn’t be making this post. So yeah, she does deserve answers. And it’s up to her if she so chooses to seek them out or not. But she isn’t foolish if she thinks she deserves them. We don’t always get what we want but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek out the answers. Regardless as she’s said after I responded she’s done with him, so she’s made her decision and it’s a good one, I think. He wasn’t worth her time the second he needed timeout.
I agree with this. If you're going to open your mouth about something, then OWN it. If you're going to be a wuss, then keep your mouth shut.
I agree with this also.....but that doesnt change that most people are like that. Just wanting things to be a certain way doesnt mean they will be. I deal in facts and practicalities. People talk in anonymity all the time....the "unidentified source" thing happens constantly. Doesnt mean its right, just means thats how it is.
I don't necessarily think "most" people are this way. I think "most" of the people who are, are the biggest drama/gossip starters.
Yeah, and that seems to be a good majority of people.
Not the majority of people I hang around with.
Me either....but i also dont hang around with the majority of the population12 -
ButterIsGood wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?
This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.
Im not saying avoiding confrontation is right, im saying its human nature and not odd for someone to say in a case where they dont want to get sucked into the drama. I think its also foolish of people to think they deserve answers. The dude broke up with her and tried to get with her friend.....theres your answer. If she wants to delve into it deeper with her friend so be it, the book is closed on the dude. I look at a friends word with how much trust equity has been built up over the years. There are some people i dont trust anything they say, and there are the select few i would trust my life to. I think that also plays a part in how trusting a friend is and how much you need to question.
She's a friend I truly trust. She told me she doesn't want to start drama but is only telling me because she thinks I should know. She rejected him and even threw out the flowers and chocolate he got her. He gave her the silent treatment for a few days but talked to her yesterday about how he can't stop thinking about her and how much her rejection hurt him. Today he messaged me asking if I want the valentines day gift he had ordered for me before he had asked for time out. I said no and that I'm coming to get my own stuff this week from his place. He was shocked by this. Asking me why I was planning to do that. I told him " you've told me before that all things done in the dark will come into the light" and that I didn't love him anymore. He started acting stupid at this point hence I know he was trying to keep this whole thing hidden. With his " what are u talking about???". At the end of the convo he said " so you're giving up on me like everyone else has??" All I've done for the past year is love him and support his decisions and been there for him. This just hurts too much
Do you have the key to his place ?
Bring someone with you . Never go alone !
You never know how someone will act when you leave them .
It's better to be safe than sorry .7 -
Only advice I can give....Do not waste any energy thinking about him, or what went wrong or how. This energy should only be focused on yourself, self improvement etc.....In time you will find someone who deserves your energy. Until then, it should be focused solely on you.2
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You know he doesn't deserve you. He's an immature, pathetic jerk. I hope you block him on your phone and all social media and be done with him. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you-don't waste another second on this piece of trash.4
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CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?
This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.
This... I can't imagine a situation where any of my friends would tell me this and say "do not say anything please"... They would be all "girl, this just happened, and you need to go tell him WTF is up because I got your back".. Very strange indeed.6 -
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Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?
This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.
Im not saying avoiding confrontation is right, im saying its human nature and not odd for someone to say in a case where they dont want to get sucked into the drama. I think its also foolish of people to think they deserve answers. The dude broke up with her and tried to get with her friend.....theres your answer. If she wants to delve into it deeper with her friend so be it, the book is closed on the dude. I look at a friends word with how much trust equity has been built up over the years. There are some people i dont trust anything they say, and there are the select few i would trust my life to. I think that also plays a part in how trusting a friend is and how much you need to question.
Yeah, no. It’s great you have friends like that, but that’s not me. I don’t blindly trust anyone but myself. And anyone who I do trust to a great extent would never even consider asking me to keep it between us, because we’re friends, and friends support one another. They don’t pass on some info and then duck out to avoid drama. Like hell I’d ask my friend to keep it between us. I hate drama but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to confront if it means I can help a friend out. And they weren’t done. They were on a break as OP said and it seems she agreed to it, or she wouldn’t be making this post. So yeah, she does deserve answers. And it’s up to her if she so chooses to seek them out or not. But she isn’t foolish if she thinks she deserves them. We don’t always get what we want but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek out the answers. Regardless as she’s said after I responded she’s done with him, so she’s made her decision and it’s a good one, I think. He wasn’t worth her time the second he needed timeout.
I agree with this. If you're going to open your mouth about something, then OWN it. If you're going to be a wuss, then keep your mouth shut.
I agree with this also.....but that doesnt change that most people are like that. Just wanting things to be a certain way doesnt mean they will be. I deal in facts and practicalities. People talk in anonymity all the time....the "unidentified source" thing happens constantly. Doesnt mean its right, just means thats how it is.
I don't necessarily think "most" people are this way. I think "most" of the people who are, are the biggest drama/gossip starters.
Yeah, and that seems to be a good majority of people.
Not the majority of people I hang around with.
Me either....but i also dont hang around with the majority of the population
Oh I see you've researched these stats. My bad.10 -
TheRoadDog wrote: »Move on. Don't look back. If you do you might miss what's right in front of you.
Also this.3 -
InsertFunnyUsernameHere wrote: »He didn't actually cheat on you. He told you he wanted to see other people without feeling guilty about it when he told you he wanted a break. That's the point at which you should've dumped him.
Here's what "break" means. It means... "I'm not that happy with you, so I'm going to see what else is out there. If I can find somebody better than you, I'm not coming back. If I can't find somebody better than you, I'll be back, but only for as long as it takes to find somebody better. I'll also be having guilt-free sex while I'm looking."
Honestly, the minute somebody asks for a break or a timeout or even an open relationship, if you have any self-esteem, you walk away from that person forever. Delete them from all of your social media. Delete their phone number. Block them from contacting you. Etc. Don't waste another minute on them.
I don't think that a romantic relationship ending NECESSARILY means you have to avoid any contact from that person ever again, but I do think that once something is over, 99 times out of 100, it won't ever work out again in the future. Still, it's possible to remain civil with an ex, in my opinion.
And for the original situation in this thread. I agree with most everyone here that it's time to move on. I would definitely tell the bf what your friend told you, but you're probably never going to know the whole truth behind that situation.
You should end all contact until all feelings are gone. It's brutal to still be pining for somebody while watching them date on social media. If you want to get over somebody as quick as possible... out of sight, out of mind is what works. When you truly don't care anymore, sure you can allow contact again (I don't know why you would?), but be warned that your ex may try to reel you back in. That's why a clean break is the best break. Obviously if we're talking marriages with children involved, it's a different story, but in general "no contact" is the best policy.4 -
I certainly think you would be better at trying to date around your own age range. It's not that relationships with big age differences never work, there are certainly ones that do, but they tend to work more when the younger person's maturity is brought up to a level that is normal for the older partners age. In this case, it seems like the older partner's emotional maturity is stuck at that of a younger emotional maturity level, and when they are that much older than their emotional age, they usually don't have the ability to grow up and change from it.
Better to find someone your own age who you can develop and mature with. My wife and I met when we were in our early 20s, and we were certainly much less emotionally mature than now in our early 30s. But because we were that same age and emotional level, we grew together and now it's blossomed into something complex and wonderful.
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Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?
This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.
Im not saying avoiding confrontation is right, im saying its human nature and not odd for someone to say in a case where they dont want to get sucked into the drama. I think its also foolish of people to think they deserve answers. The dude broke up with her and tried to get with her friend.....theres your answer. If she wants to delve into it deeper with her friend so be it, the book is closed on the dude. I look at a friends word with how much trust equity has been built up over the years. There are some people i dont trust anything they say, and there are the select few i would trust my life to. I think that also plays a part in how trusting a friend is and how much you need to question.
Yeah, no. It’s great you have friends like that, but that’s not me. I don’t blindly trust anyone but myself. And anyone who I do trust to a great extent would never even consider asking me to keep it between us, because we’re friends, and friends support one another. They don’t pass on some info and then duck out to avoid drama. Like hell I’d ask my friend to keep it between us. I hate drama but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to confront if it means I can help a friend out. And they weren’t done. They were on a break as OP said and it seems she agreed to it, or she wouldn’t be making this post. So yeah, she does deserve answers. And it’s up to her if she so chooses to seek them out or not. But she isn’t foolish if she thinks she deserves them. We don’t always get what we want but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek out the answers. Regardless as she’s said after I responded she’s done with him, so she’s made her decision and it’s a good one, I think. He wasn’t worth her time the second he needed timeout.
I agree with this. If you're going to open your mouth about something, then OWN it. If you're going to be a wuss, then keep your mouth shut.
I agree with this also.....but that doesnt change that most people are like that. Just wanting things to be a certain way doesnt mean they will be. I deal in facts and practicalities. People talk in anonymity all the time....the "unidentified source" thing happens constantly. Doesnt mean its right, just means thats how it is.
I don't necessarily think "most" people are this way. I think "most" of the people who are, are the biggest drama/gossip starters.
Yeah, and that seems to be a good majority of people.
Not the majority of people I hang around with.
Me either....but i also dont hang around with the majority of the population
Oh I see you've researched these stats. My bad.
You're forgiven13 -
Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?
This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.
Im not saying avoiding confrontation is right, im saying its human nature and not odd for someone to say in a case where they dont want to get sucked into the drama. I think its also foolish of people to think they deserve answers. The dude broke up with her and tried to get with her friend.....theres your answer. If she wants to delve into it deeper with her friend so be it, the book is closed on the dude. I look at a friends word with how much trust equity has been built up over the years. There are some people i dont trust anything they say, and there are the select few i would trust my life to. I think that also plays a part in how trusting a friend is and how much you need to question.
Yeah, no. It’s great you have friends like that, but that’s not me. I don’t blindly trust anyone but myself. And anyone who I do trust to a great extent would never even consider asking me to keep it between us, because we’re friends, and friends support one another. They don’t pass on some info and then duck out to avoid drama. Like hell I’d ask my friend to keep it between us. I hate drama but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to confront if it means I can help a friend out. And they weren’t done. They were on a break as OP said and it seems she agreed to it, or she wouldn’t be making this post. So yeah, she does deserve answers. And it’s up to her if she so chooses to seek them out or not. But she isn’t foolish if she thinks she deserves them. We don’t always get what we want but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek out the answers. Regardless as she’s said after I responded she’s done with him, so she’s made her decision and it’s a good one, I think. He wasn’t worth her time the second he needed timeout.
I agree with this. If you're going to open your mouth about something, then OWN it. If you're going to be a wuss, then keep your mouth shut.
I agree with this also.....but that doesnt change that most people are like that. Just wanting things to be a certain way doesnt mean they will be. I deal in facts and practicalities. People talk in anonymity all the time....the "unidentified source" thing happens constantly. Doesnt mean its right, just means thats how it is.
I don't necessarily think "most" people are this way. I think "most" of the people who are, are the biggest drama/gossip starters.
Yeah, and that seems to be a good majority of people.
Not the majority of people I hang around with.
Me either....but i also dont hang around with the majority of the population
Oh I see you've researched these stats. My bad.
You're forgiven
I was being sarcastic. I couldn't roll my eyes hard enough so I typed "My bad" instead.
10 -
Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?
This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.
Im not saying avoiding confrontation is right, im saying its human nature and not odd for someone to say in a case where they dont want to get sucked into the drama. I think its also foolish of people to think they deserve answers. The dude broke up with her and tried to get with her friend.....theres your answer. If she wants to delve into it deeper with her friend so be it, the book is closed on the dude. I look at a friends word with how much trust equity has been built up over the years. There are some people i dont trust anything they say, and there are the select few i would trust my life to. I think that also plays a part in how trusting a friend is and how much you need to question.
Yeah, no. It’s great you have friends like that, but that’s not me. I don’t blindly trust anyone but myself. And anyone who I do trust to a great extent would never even consider asking me to keep it between us, because we’re friends, and friends support one another. They don’t pass on some info and then duck out to avoid drama. Like hell I’d ask my friend to keep it between us. I hate drama but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to confront if it means I can help a friend out. And they weren’t done. They were on a break as OP said and it seems she agreed to it, or she wouldn’t be making this post. So yeah, she does deserve answers. And it’s up to her if she so chooses to seek them out or not. But she isn’t foolish if she thinks she deserves them. We don’t always get what we want but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek out the answers. Regardless as she’s said after I responded she’s done with him, so she’s made her decision and it’s a good one, I think. He wasn’t worth her time the second he needed timeout.
I agree with this. If you're going to open your mouth about something, then OWN it. If you're going to be a wuss, then keep your mouth shut.
I agree with this also.....but that doesnt change that most people are like that. Just wanting things to be a certain way doesnt mean they will be. I deal in facts and practicalities. People talk in anonymity all the time....the "unidentified source" thing happens constantly. Doesnt mean its right, just means thats how it is.
I don't necessarily think "most" people are this way. I think "most" of the people who are, are the biggest drama/gossip starters.
Yeah, and that seems to be a good majority of people.
Not the majority of people I hang around with.
Me either....but i also dont hang around with the majority of the population
Oh I see you've researched these stats. My bad.
You're forgiven
I was being sarcastic. I couldn't roll my eyes hard enough so I typed "My bad" instead.
I was too. You know me well enough to know im not stupid.12 -
Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »Pour_Decisions wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?
This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.
Im not saying avoiding confrontation is right, im saying its human nature and not odd for someone to say in a case where they dont want to get sucked into the drama. I think its also foolish of people to think they deserve answers. The dude broke up with her and tried to get with her friend.....theres your answer. If she wants to delve into it deeper with her friend so be it, the book is closed on the dude. I look at a friends word with how much trust equity has been built up over the years. There are some people i dont trust anything they say, and there are the select few i would trust my life to. I think that also plays a part in how trusting a friend is and how much you need to question.
Yeah, no. It’s great you have friends like that, but that’s not me. I don’t blindly trust anyone but myself. And anyone who I do trust to a great extent would never even consider asking me to keep it between us, because we’re friends, and friends support one another. They don’t pass on some info and then duck out to avoid drama. Like hell I’d ask my friend to keep it between us. I hate drama but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to confront if it means I can help a friend out. And they weren’t done. They were on a break as OP said and it seems she agreed to it, or she wouldn’t be making this post. So yeah, she does deserve answers. And it’s up to her if she so chooses to seek them out or not. But she isn’t foolish if she thinks she deserves them. We don’t always get what we want but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek out the answers. Regardless as she’s said after I responded she’s done with him, so she’s made her decision and it’s a good one, I think. He wasn’t worth her time the second he needed timeout.
I agree with this. If you're going to open your mouth about something, then OWN it. If you're going to be a wuss, then keep your mouth shut.
I agree with this also.....but that doesnt change that most people are like that. Just wanting things to be a certain way doesnt mean they will be. I deal in facts and practicalities. People talk in anonymity all the time....the "unidentified source" thing happens constantly. Doesnt mean its right, just means thats how it is.
I don't necessarily think "most" people are this way. I think "most" of the people who are, are the biggest drama/gossip starters.
Yeah, and that seems to be a good majority of people.
Not the majority of people I hang around with.
Me either....but i also dont hang around with the majority of the population
Oh I see you've researched these stats. My bad.
You're forgiven
I was being sarcastic. I couldn't roll my eyes hard enough so I typed "My bad" instead.
I was too. You know me well enough to know im not stupid.
Do I? hmm?9 -
Well, if not that would reflect your intelligence not mine
16 -
I'll turn this car around right now if you keep going at it.13
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i have been the bearer of that bad news or similar bad news to women,...I was always the one that lost my friendship w the person I was trying to protect. your friend might want to be protecting her friendship w you bc you know if you confront your x...he will deny it - don't they all?4
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striving4moretoday wrote: »i have been the bearer of that bad news or similar bad news to women,...I was always the one that lost my friendship w the person I was trying to protect. your friend might want to be protecting her friendship w you bc you know if you confront your x...he will deny it - don't they all?
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HEY!!!!!! For a sec I thought something was wonky with mfp. 0 -
JustReadTheInstructions wrote: »I find it suspicious she threw away all the evidence. Who throws away chocolate?
My thoughts too. Eat that chocolate with your friend while you tell her how lucky she is that such an *kitten* walked away from her. And the flowers... Drop them off at a nursing home with the bff.5 -
InsertFunnyUsernameHere wrote: »He didn't actually cheat on you. He told you he wanted to see other people without feeling guilty about it when he told you he wanted a break. That's the point at which you should've dumped him.
Here's what "break" means. It means... "I'm not that happy with you, so I'm going to see what else is out there. If I can find somebody better than you, I'm not coming back. If I can't find somebody better than you, I'll be back, but only for as long as it takes to find somebody better. I'll also be having guilt-free sex while I'm looking."
Honestly, the minute somebody asks for a break or a timeout or even an open relationship, if you have any self-esteem, you walk away from that person forever. Delete them from all of your social media. Delete their phone number. Block them from contacting you. Etc. Don't waste another minute on them.
PS - Be wary of your friend. There's more there than she's letting on. Your gut instinct should be telling you that. Guys don't just throw themselves at the best friends of their girlfriends. She's either led him on, or worse.
they work together. We all use to work together but I don't anymore.4 -
What TheRoadDog said. OP, even at your age, life is too short to stress and agonize over dishonest people who do not respect you. Trust, respect and honesty are key LIFE values, and are not restricted to relationships. Move on, look elsewhere and enjoy the search.2
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JustReadTheInstructions wrote: »I find it suspicious she threw away all the evidence. Who throws away chocolate?
she told her mom about who gave it to her and since her mom knows me, she didn't feel right about it3 -
ButterIsGood wrote: »My bf is 36 and I'm 24. [...]
After reading everything that follows, are you ABSOLUTELY SURE he is not 21? Can he grow a beard? Have you checked his ID? Just asking.
I'll add my own doubt into the full hat here in what concerns that friend of yours. One, it's unnatural to throw free chocolate away. Two, the "he shouldn't know that you know that he did that" is really weird, no matter how non-confrontational the gal would be. What do people expect, sharing a revelation that would end a relationship and then hoping that the part who got played would actually *invent* something else to put an end to the trainwreck?
Alas, enough grilling the one that got (herself?) caught in the middle. As far as the lad goes... make sure you don't owe him anything, not even the split taxi fare of two weeks ago, grab your things and get out. And by the way, if there's one thing that sociopaths hate, it's being called out in public.
A year at 26 is really not much. Dust yourself off, and move forwards. Best of luck to you! 7 -
What a freaking jerk. you can message me and I will be happy to help you out or you can cry in my lap if needed. anything for a friend. It is what MFP was created for.13
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Listen to IronLady 70 and to me -- run far and fast! This guy is a narcissist and you did the right thing by turning the tables on him. Don't waste anymore precious time or energy on trying to figure him out. Block him from all forms of social media and move on. Don't be surprised if he doesn't try to up his game and starts stalking you. He will promise you the world, but won't deliver. It's all a game and the only thing that matters to a narc is "winning" -- nothing else. Don't play the game.4
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He texted me about an hour ago asking if we can be friends. I confronted him about what my friend told me and he's acting confused. He says " I dont know what you're talking about. I'm confused. We broke up because of you not because of me"4
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