The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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SweatsOnSunday wrote: »I've been suffering through a few weirdly anxious days, about something that is seriously improbable. I have not had a bout like this for some time.
Anyone else have a brain that sometimes will not turn off? How do you deal with it --- without alcohol?
I always have "monkey mind" it will just not shut down sometimes and will go from topic to topic,I just try and distract myself with something else,walking, watching TV, cleaning,etc.Wishes for a super,sober Sunday for us all!5 -
FeelinFooFoo wrote: »Day 7 and the more FACTS I'm learning about alcohol the more 🤢 I feel about drinking! Strange thing though, there is a part of me like, oh no! Think that must be fear and the part of me who is apprehensive. I have decided to do something that I have been wanting to for ages.
My bf bought us a wine rack a while back. I remember thinking to myself, what is that in aid of? He was always moaning at me about my drinking and saying that I drank too much. (I was completely deaf to any of those comments). In one of his less supportive comments at this time he said, we can't even fill the wine rack up with you around, it won't last. I would think to myself, why would I want to put myself through that torture? If someone has an issue eating too much, would you buy chocolate cakes and display them around the house? If someone gave up smoking would you hide packets of cigs around the place? Well. I have wanted to get rid of that stupid wine rack for ages! Especially now he filled it up with EMPTY wine bottles so that it looks normal. Sorry, this is far from normal 😂 I told him last night, the rack can go to his dad's, his dad loves his wine and I am buying a nice big rustic looking wicker basket that I can fill to the brim with lovely scented candles.
That idea is much better ! Here is said rack, *shudder*
A courageous and wise decision! Thanks for writing and for inspiring us "to have the courage to change the things we can"! 😊6 -
So many wonderful, inspiring comments this morning! Happy Sunday, everyone. @FeelinFooFoo, that's a nice looking wine rack but great decision to replace it with a basket of goodness.
@SweatsOnSunday (still love your name), I am so with you on the stressing about improbable things. I definitely used alcohol for that, but it really only delayed things and then made them worse. For myself, a good therapist during this time has been a godsend. For example, I had these totally irrational fears that my students were just going to overwhelm me. They are in lock-up and some of them have been quite violent, but after all, they ARE just teenagers and could almost be my grandchildren. When I stopped drinking, the panic got much worse. My therapist untangled the fact that the first thing I hear when I enter the building each morning is loud male yelling (boot camp guards yelling at the kids) and that what I woke up to most mornings of my childhood was a yelling dad. So, super trigger making me fear that if I mess up in any way all hell was going to break loose. Once she gifted me with that rational insight, the panic went away. MUCH better than deadening it with alcohol. Anyway, just a thought. If you really can't get to the bottom of the panic, therapy might be something to try. The other thing I've used is melatonin to help me sleep, but then I used to wake up with the panics at 3 a.m. Don't know if that's your case. Best wishes. I'm pulling for you!
Sorry this will be a long post. I'll shut up after this one (at least for today
Yesterday was the anniversary of my dad's death (yep, despite the yelling I loved him) and also the Kentucky Derby. Both things mean alcohol to me. So, being that it was day 36 and I have this thing licked now (ha!), I asked my husband to fix me a Bloody Mary. My reasoning was that maybe every 35 days I could have a drink. Can you believe how sneaky my mind is??? So, he fixed me one. I was watching the deliberations over whether the derby winner would be disqualified, and I raised the drink to my nose, sniffed the alcohol. Took probably a 1 teaspoon-sized sip. Put the glass down. Stared at it. Said to my husband, "Could you please pour this out and get me a glass of San Pellegrino. I just can't do this." So . . . today is Day 37. I figure I won't count the 1 drop of alcohol that was in that 1 tsp. sip. But wow! This is a fragile time.
One of my issues is that alcoholic drinks have a certain "heft" to them. It's hard to explain. Sometimes I feel a physical sense of emptiness that water or tea just won't fix. Closest I've found so far is coffee and V-8 juice for filling that need for a drink of "substance." Any other suggestions would be welcome. I've tried kombucha but I really don't like sweet things--thus the V-8.
Thanks for being here and again, have a wonderful Sunday. We're all blessed to be on this journey.8 -
This was in my local paper (The Washington Post) today.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/alcohol-is-everywhere-on-tinder-heres-how-non-drinkers-cope/2019/05/02/53157ae4-6c27-11e9-be3a-33217240a539_story.html?utm_term=.3a2143770fdf2 -
SweatsOnSunday wrote: »I've been suffering through a few weirdly anxious days, about something that is seriously improbable. I have not had a bout like this for some time.
Anyone else have a brain that sometimes will not turn off? How do you deal with it --- without alcohol?
Meditation and yoga. But especially meditation. “Insight timer” app for iPhone has fabulous guided meditations. Even if your mind drifts, it’s ok. You will build endurance.6 -
By the way, I read once we can become addicted to “thinking”.
Oh dear, another addiction..... 
Eckhart Tolle speaks on the addiction to negative thinking. His style isn’t for everyone, but even when I listen to him, I get calm and present.
https://youtu.be/j91ST2gtR44 8 -
@FeelinFooFoo Yes it IS a very cool wine rack, but I like your description of it as a "torture rack" When I committed to sobriety, I gave all my fridge magnets that glorified drinking, wine stoppers, signs, pics and other wine accessories to my wine-drinking friends. It was like a cleansing for me and a statement to myself that I am no longer a "wino"!! I did keep a wine cart that I bought expressly to have some shelves in the small space that I moved from and am keeping it because it is a nice piece of furniture, but I am planning on removing the rod iron wine holders and the other piece that holds wine glasses and then it will just be a useful piece. I truly think that your giving the wine holder to your Bf's father is a huge statement.
@Whitpauly "monkey mind" what a great description of those racing thoughts.
@RubyRed427 Thank you for sharing that video on addiction to negative thinking. I can SO relate to that & am very thankful that I am in the awareness phase, but it's interesting the people who it brought to mind who are not and who seem to revel in their unhappiness. Hopefully, they will have an awakening of some sort cause it is a miserable place to be. I thought he had some really interesting insights into negativity. I agree, I think he has a very calming manner. So cute him laughing at his own jokes. LOL4 -
I had a really good day today. A friend brought his power tools over & installed my bedroom blinds...YAY!! And I asked him to bring his family with him and I made some apps & dessert...then my daughter & grandson came for dinner.
My grandson recently made the Lacrosse team as their goalie & he brought a couple of sticks so we could play catch. As we were throwing the ball to each other, I thought that if I were drinking, this likely wouldn't be happening...at least I wouldn't be enjoying it terribly....I would have made a meager gesture to catch a "few" so I could get back to drinking a "few". I genuinely enjoyed my time with him and it was one more benefit of being AF! Having some real fun and truly engaging with him.
Hoping everyone has a great week. 8 -
Thanks @RubyRed for sharing the Tolle video. I adore him. I just finished listening to an old audiobook of his The Art of Presence. (I have taken to listening to helpful audiobooks while I'm cooking in the evenings instead of drinking wine. Keeps my mind busy and I learn something, too.)6
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I'm watching the Kentucky Derby coverage. There sure is a lot of bourbon drinking going on. They all look so happy. I guess we won't be privy to the action going on in the later with people hurling all over those pretty dresses and hats.
That reminds me of another thing I heard in the rooms.
Someone was talking about seeing people sitting on the patio at a restaurant on a summer day, drinking beer & laughing. She said she initially really missed that & had a pang of jealousy...but what you have to do is watch the movie to the end. And for her, the beers & laughing on the patio always ended in late night shots, blackouts & regrettable decisions.
When you're feeling weak & nostalgic, make sure you watch that movie to the end!
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In case you are wavering in your resolve this might help get you back on track. Really eye opening.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCiS97wgF-U 5 -
@JenT304 This is awful but good to watch. I think for me, I know that my body reacts poorly to a few drinks after I abstain for a week or two. I really worry that one day I will go too far. I also say to myself not to worry about anyone else’s consumption just my own. Because sometimes, I think well my friends drink way more than me and more often, and they look fine. But we really don’t know if their organs are fine. And it’s not for me to control anyone but myself.
The video says these people are not alcoholics, they just unwind and have a few glasses in the evening.
My son is turning 21 in a few days. Different people have joked that he’ll have to have a few drinks to celebrate. That saddens me. I absolutely don't want him to become me. For me, I think it’s a scary ritual to have some alcohol to celebrate your 21st birthday. It would be so nice if our culture didn’t push that. I know I will not be the one to buy him his first beer.9 -
RubyRed my son turned 21 in Feb and about a month later he drank at his other friends birthday party,I didn't know but he woke up to throw up,I thought the poor kid was just sick and made him call off work! Later in when I learned the truth I was so upset cuz like you said I don't want him becoming me7
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RubyRed my son turned 21 in Feb and about a month later he drank at his other friends birthday party,I didn't know but he woke up to throw up,I thought the poor kid was just sick and made him call off work! Later in when I learned the truth I was so upset cuz like you said I don't want him becoming me
@RubyRed427 @whitpauly be the change yo want him to see ... for yourselves. If he ever needs to get clean himself, it may be easier if he sees the pathway by someone who went before him. My Mom and Dads journey sure helped me :-)8 -
This one is even more horrifying and not for the squeamish. I don't post these to be a bummer. I just think we should be informed of what alcohol can actually do to our bodies. This one is about 50 minutes long.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uObwgFtOVmI
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GOOD MORN
@JenT304 Thank you for posting these videos. I haven't watched the 2nd one yet cause I have to scoot to work in a minute, but the first one is disturbing. How sad for that poor guy thinking like the majority of drinkers that a few drinks to wind down is ok. The docs comments were interesting when he stated that the majority of alcoholic liver disease is NOT alcoholics, but people like the man in the video. I agree with you that education is power and it's food for thought and a motivator to continue to stay on the path to wellness.
@RubyRed427 I think we all do the looking at the other person and thinking, "Well, they seem ok and if they can do it...." It's human nature to compare ourselves, but the video was a good reminder that we are unique in so many ways that what affects one may not affect another. Especially in the case of disease...it isn't always apparent until it is too late.
It made me think of a couple of people I know, former drinking buds, who have fatty liver disease and one of them has been battling cancer for years and both continue to drink while taking Milk Thistle for their "liver". THAT to me is even sadder because they KNOW they have a health issue and yet value alcohol over their health. That is addiction!! and denial at it's finest
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@RubyRed427 I hope all goes well with your son this week! It is a scary ritual, and it's scary and stressful to know we can't control what our children do (mine are 22, 20, and 16). But we can control our actions and be a model for them, as @walterm852 says.6
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@FeelinFooFoo I could not believe the young woman with the massive abdomen that needs to have it drained every 3 weeks. That right there was enough to make me question if I EVER want another drink for ANY reason.1
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WOW on the video!! Really shows the capacity humans have for denial. In particular the young man who had 2 bouts of pancreatitis and continues to work at "cutting back" on his alcohol consumption. He'll likely be another statistic for alcohol abuse unfortunately. Certainly adds more fuel to my fire for continuing to stop abusing alcohol. Thank you for sharing that Jen!!3
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FeelinFooFoo wrote: »Day 9 and I feel much more confident that if I experience stress, to try other methods to relax instead of buying wine.
A warm shower, cup of herbal tea, going for a walk, early to bed, watch a film. I am far more 'tempted' now to try these approaches instead of buying wine. Result!
You GO Girl!! The longer you stop, the better life your life will get. You CAN do this!!7 -
Thanks everyone for your suppportive words. You’re the best!
Thanks Jen for those scary real videos! Scared straight!
Today, I wrote my son a birthday letter of how proud I am of him. And things like that.
I also added a paragraph that I have not really broached with him. It was to let him know that some of us in the family have trouble with alcohol. (He wont be that suprised with that statement . I told him the dangers and the signs of addiction. And I also advised him to take care of your friends. Watch out for each others’ wellbeing. Then, I wrote that I’m going to link my credit card to an uber account for his phone and if he ever feels it’s unwise to drive, call Uber.
I remember in 2017 when I quit drinking for Dry January, he was really proud of me. At that time, he despised alcohol or people around him drinking.
Small victory: my fav friend in the neighborhood is a wine lover. She’s been asking me to go out for a few weeks now. So, today, I answered her and said “Yes I can go to eat but I am on a detox cleanse and I cannot drink. “ I’ll drive her. She responded “I’ll do the cleanse with you.” I was surprised. She sure loves her wine. Now, I have to eat healthy at the dinner! Ha! I know I said a white lie but sometimes it’s necessary. I may confide in her at dinner that I am planning on my detox to last indefinitely.8 -
FeelinFooFoo wrote: »Day 9 and I feel much more confident that if I experience stress, to try other methods to relax instead of buying wine.
A warm shower, cup of herbal tea, going for a walk, early to bed, watch a film. I am far more 'tempted' now to try these approaches instead of buying wine. Result!
So happy for you. Also, thanks for the status updates... I've been really curious to see others progress. I would do the exact same thing when I was stressed... get some wine and guzzle it down... always made things worse later!
My anxiety has gotten better but obviously hasn't gone away... when I'm on the verge, I do breathing exercises, herbal teas as well, exercise and I recently tried the "Goodbye Stress" vitagummy from Olly which helped when I was having a panic attack. I believe it's all mind over matter, but sometimes my mind takes over.
I was tempted to get wine about 3 times in the last week, but resisted the urge. I just remember all the documentaries I've watched on alcohol and read the stats... makes me not want to even touch it. 50 days AF so far for me... woo!8 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »Thanks everyone for your suppportive words. You’re the best!
Thanks Jen for those scary real videos! Scared straight!
Today, I wrote my son a birthday letter of how proud I am of him. And things like that.
I also added a paragraph that I have not really broached with him. It was to let him know that some of us in the family have trouble with alcohol. (He wont be that suprised with that statement . I told him the dangers and the signs of addiction. And I also advised him to take care of your friends. Watch out for each others’ wellbeing. Then, I wrote that I’m going to link my credit card to an uber account for his phone and if he ever feels it’s unwise to drive, call Uber.
I remember in 2017 when I quit drinking for Dry January, he was really proud of me. At that time, he despised alcohol or people around him drinking.
Small victory: my fav friend in the neighborhood is a wine lover. She’s been asking me to go out for a few weeks now. So, today, I answered her and said “Yes I can go to eat but I am on a detox cleanse and I cannot drink. “ I’ll drive her. She responded “I’ll do the cleanse with you.” I was surprised. She sure loves her wine. Now, I have to eat healthy at the dinner! Ha! I know I said a white lie but sometimes it’s necessary. I may confide in her at dinner that I am planning on my detox to last indefinitely.
Wow, you're such a great mother!! I bet he really appreciates what you're doing and have done for him. Also awesome that your friend is gonna cleanse with you. It's so cool when friends do that.5 -
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Everyone is making great progress! Thank you for sharing your stories. I want to share this. I've told the story before but I don't know if I told it here. When my niece was 2 or 3 she climbed up to a shelf and pulled down a wine glass and said, "Aunt Jenny's cup!" Everyone laughed uproariously but now I look back in total shame. Fast forward 22 years. Now I have my own nearly 3 year old grand daughter. Yesterday she said to me, "Granny, you are my best friend." It was the sweetest thing in the entire world. My heart melted. I decided right then and there that I will try to be the kind of person she thinks I am, which does not allow for setting a terrible example by drinking. I want her to be proud of me. It took a while before her mother (my daughter) came to trust me completely watching her...remember she used to taste my drinks when I would go over there to babysit? I am not going to risk that again. These relationships are way more precious to me than a momentary buzz followed by hours of shame and regret.8
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Awesome job everybody I haven't had a chance to watch the videos yet but I will, wishes for a happy and healthy AF day for us all! 3
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Everyone is indeed doing great. I’ve been slammed at school so also need to catch up and watch videos. Day 40 for me! That no longer sounds like a lot to me, which I think is good because I used to think 30 days meant I had surely recalibrated and so was ready to drink moderately. I’m not fooling myself like that again.
My one sip on day 36 convinced me that I don’t crave the taste. I crave escape and numbness. That strengthens my resolve. That and how much better my face looks. I guess vanity will always be a motivator for me.11 -
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Funny update: I just came back from dinner with my friend. Last night, she said she would join me in not drinking. So we sit down at the table. Waiter comes and I order seltzer. And she orders a chardonnay. She says to me “Well I had a really hard day!” Then, she ordered another. So much for solidarity! 9
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