The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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@lorrainequiche59 I hope you are feeling less stressed out today about the cameras! @FellinFooFoo I've had a couple of cravings like that - don't give in! You can do it! @RubyRed427 I just saw the preview of this on Netflix - I'm not sure I would have paid too much attention to it a couple of weeks ago. I didn't watch anything beyond the clip but really it just made me feel sad.
So the last couple of days have been challenging and I've had some cravings. I was home from work on Friday and did some spring cleaning (ugh the windows) so we wouldn't have to spend the weekend cleaning. I was home, alone and left to my own devices. This is historically a time when I would 'day drink' the chores away in the past and it was absolutely on my mind. I was able to make a conscious decision to not. Yesterday I started out feeling great - up early, out and got the shopping done, danced around the kitchen doing meal prep...Fine. Afternoon came and it was time to get out and enjoy the sunshine in the garden/yard...also a prime time that I'd fill up and take a drink outside with me. My husband was out, and there I was alone again and left to my own devices. I consciously said no. I just thought of the 3AM wakeup that I know would come later and how terrible I would feel physically and emotionally and that helped me push past the thoughts and cravings.
I think what I am realizing is that - even though I was doing things I like (ok no one really likes washing windows - but in general I don't hate cleaning) and even though I was busy I think I was still a little bored and lonely - does that even make sense? I don't know - I'm thinking about joining a club or something to add a little bit more social activity to my life that is completely unrelated to and completely separate from my job. I don't particularly mind being alone... I'm an only child with not a lot of family and we do not have children....but when I'm alone that seems to be when I want to drink - like the alcohol is the one keeping me company. Honestly my job is centered around our customers - literally all of them - and it's very social and very loud and I'm also the boss so someone always needs something. I love it but it's not personally social - it's work - and historically I really love my alone time because it's a break from all of that noise - I didn't always drink through it and I can't pinpoint when that changed. I guess what I'm saying is it's time to make some non-work friends. We had a few sets of friends before we moved - but unfortunately they are now a few hours away.
Anyway on the positive - I made it through the weekend sober so far. My eating has also been on point and I've been highly active. All of that combined and I've lost my few pounds I've been fluctuating + 3 new ones this week. With my big picture goal being weightloss this is extremely motivating to stay the course. Without the alcohol I've basically been able to put in 110% every day towards that goal and I'm seeing it paying off.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day.
AF Day 13
AE Day 4
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RubyRed427 wrote: »Have you seen the new Netflix movie “Wine Country” ; it’s about a bunch of women who go to wine country. I watched some of it but it’s not that funny. Plus they are drinking wine in every scene, and I kept thinking if that was me drinking, my head would be in the toilet by midnight. Not crazy about that movie for many reasons. I didn’t finish it. Maybe I’m judging it too harshly.
Yes I saw the ad and didn't even bother playing the trailer....the title alone & the little clip they provide was enough for me to assume that wine would be glorified through the entire movie. While I was drinking would I have watched it? Likely! I just find the wine scenes in movies trigger a bit on a longing in me so I'm better off not watching.
Julie, I'll be thinking about you in the upcoming weeks. I'm glad you are getting in a bit early and can start moving a few things over...I really think it will help you're mind to get in gear and have a bit of a taste for your new space & the new direction your life is going. You have such a good attitude about things so you'll will do great once the dust settles. Moving in itself is difficult, one of the top stressors in life, but in your current situation there is another edge to this for you, so my heart goes out to you. Big life change for you
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@Sunshinelinzee Like others have said, if you can get yourself through the tough craving days, they get farther & fewer between to the point where it's not so much part of your life anymore...I LOVE this stage where I consider myself a non drinker and I rarely get cravings now. YAY!!
I can relate to the drinking to take the edge off the loneliness and the boredom AND the stress and....LOL Then loneliness was a biggie for me and I "think" what the alcohol did was make me not care that I was lonely. I also like alone time and because I am solo, I spend lots of time alone. I think you're ideas of creating a social circle outside of work by joining a group of some sort is a great idea. You've got this !!
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Thank you for everyone's comments on my drama LOL
It is still creepy to me, likely based on residual feelings from the past, BUT I have decided that I am going to think of it in these terms: If they really wanted to spy on me, the camera would have been hidden. Rather than impute bad motives, I am going to "assume" they have it for a reason that is none of my business and IF there is another device hidden somewhere, OH WELL. I have nothing to hide and am not running around in my undies this time so nothing to fear LOL And when I do mention it, I am keeping it quite simple: "I unhooked the camera cause I was creeped out!!"
My daughter & grandson are coming here for dinner tonight so I'm excited to see them. I haven't been able to pin them down since they've been back. I'm looking forward to hugs.
I hope everyone has a lovely, relaxing (productive if need be) day
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Morning all, Lorraine have a nice visit with your daughter and grandson,how old is he? Everyone is getting through the ugly cravings/thoughts beautifully wonder why some days are so hard but the rest are a breeze for us? Annoying really,wishes for a happy AF day! 3
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Morning all, Lorraine have a nice visit with your daughter and grandson,how old is he? Everyone is getting through the ugly cravings/thoughts beautifully wonder why some days are so hard but the rest are a breeze for us? Annoying really,wishes for a happy AF day!
My youngest grandson is 11 and apparently has some kind of social life because he opted out of dinner tonight to spend time with a new friend at his family's trailer.
I'm happy for him, but sad a bit for me. It happens when they get older...Granny isn't as exciting as friends are now. At the same time, it is a normal transition for him to gravitate toward his peers so that is that!! My daughter & I had a nice catch up & a lovely dinner. She kept saying how good it was. I love to cook for people especially my family 
@JenT304 Nice to hear you & your daughter had a good visit too.6 -
Good Morning AF Friends!
This weekend was by far the worst with cravings - first ignoring the Friday 'ritual', then combating boredom and loneliness and then on Sunday to an argument with DH that had an alcohol escape in the front of my mind - but it passed. I listened to This Naked Mind on Audible this weekend - the book just made me feel like I was looking in a mirror as my path to where I am no is very similar. It gives me hope.
SO here I am - it's day 14 and the start of my 3rd week AF. I was easily up early, had a lovely 6am walk and got all my 'morning stuff' done. I used to joke that I had a whole day before most people have had coffee and over the last couple of years I really lost that part of myself but I'm feeling it coming back. Now to dig into my Monday at work and try to put this big terrible project that I'm still working on to bed.
Everyone have a wonderful AF Monday!7 -
Wednesday is my 11th anniversary of becoming AF and I was looking forward to a concert at Garden State Arts Doo Wop and then an early dinner with some friends I was very upbeat. Saturday I had an experience that really took my mood and turned it upside down.
We were driving back from Hilton Head after a two week vacation and got a message to call one of my best friends. He has been telling me he sobered up and " maybe had an occasional wine" . It was 5 in the afternoon and he answered the phone so drunk he couldn't speak didn't know what day it was, was yelling at me for not answering the phone even though I was calling him. He had no idea what we were talking about and eventually screamed I am hanging up " I am really ffed up". I spoke to some others and they told me he never stopped drinking and was lying to me for quite some time. He would call me when sober or ask me to call in the morning. I spoke to him this morning and he doesn't remember anything about the call but told me when I have some wine I can handle it but Vodka really messes me up. I asked him why he was telling me he stopped drinking and just said I misunderstood him he said he stopped drinking vodka most of the time but still drank wine.
It just shows how insidious drinking can be and not only do we fool ourselves but lie to others.
While on vacation I ran 5 to 6 miles on Hilton Head every morning as the sun was coming up and it was peaceful and beautiful and really spiritual. Everyday there is a small reminder of how I benefit by being AF11 -
Hello.... looking for a support group to lose weight, but more important to stay alcohol free. I'm on day 20 after about a two year bender. I have lost 14 pounds so far, but I know that will slow drastically going forward, now that all the bloating is gone. I have around 150 pounds to lose! I just have to stay on track ... eat better and avoid alcohol all together. Thanks!
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@Thistimeisit Welcome! I think if you can go 20 days AF you can do anything! I have found the changes in my life to be so profound that losing weight is the least of it. Good luck on your journey and on discovering your New Self!8
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@Thistimeisit echoing the welcome! Today is my 14th day AF and am still fairly new to this group but everyone is really wonderful and helpful and encouraging. I also have a 100+ weightloss goal (alcohol was a large contributor to that weight gain over time) - you are not alone!7
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@Ke22yB HAPPY 10 years 363 day anniversary!!! Disappointing about your friend. I find it very interesting that he called you drunk after he has been so careful over the years to control when he talks to you and before this latest episode it was only when he was sober. Perhaps this was a reach out call to you?
Welcome @Thistimeisit and congrats on 20 days!
@FeelinFooFoo 22 days stronger, healthier & happier!! Not certain if your fear of another hangover will be enough motivation to keep the train on the track so to speak, but you'll have a pretty good idea after that first drink. Until then there is no way of knowing whether you'll be able to moderate it, but you likely have had enough of the AE by now to know the insidious nature of alcohol & how it affects our brain & good motives.
You are doing great!!! 8 -
@Sunshinelinzee Happy Sober 3rd week ahead!! You jumped some pretty significant craving hurdles this weekend and likely feel stronger & more determined for it. You are doing awesome!! 7
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Wednesday is my 11th anniversary of becoming AF and I was looking forward to a concert at Garden State Arts Doo Wop and then an early dinner with some friends I was very upbeat. Saturday I had an experience that really took my mood and turned it upside down.
We were driving back from Hilton Head after a two week vacation and got a message to call one of my best friends. He has been telling me he sobered up and " maybe had an occasional wine" . It was 5 in the afternoon and he answered the phone so drunk he couldn't speak didn't know what day it was, was yelling at me for not answering the phone even though I was calling him. He had no idea what we were talking about and eventually screamed I am hanging up " I am really ffed up". I spoke to some others and they told me he never stopped drinking and was lying to me for quite some time. He would call me when sober or ask me to call in the morning. I spoke to him this morning and he doesn't remember anything about the call but told me when I have some wine I can handle it but Vodka really messes me up. I asked him why he was telling me he stopped drinking and just said I misunderstood him he said he stopped drinking vodka most of the time but still drank wine.
It just shows how insidious drinking can be and not only do we fool ourselves but lie to others.
While on vacation I ran 5 to 6 miles on Hilton Head every morning as the sun was coming up and it was peaceful and beautiful and really spiritual. Everyday there is a small reminder of how I benefit by being AF
Same as when people say they don't drink much,only beer,hah beer is all I ever drank just alot of it! My friend in recovery says all alcohol is the same they just wear different disguises, sorry about your friend but you're doing great and glad you had a nice trip5 -
Thistimeisit wrote: »Hello.... looking for a support group to lose weight, but more important to stay alcohol free. I'm on day 20 after about a two year bender. I have lost 14 pounds so far, but I know that will slow drastically going forward, now that all the bloating is gone. I have around 150 pounds to lose! I just have to stay on track ... eat better and avoid alcohol all together. Thanks!
Welcome! 4 -
GOOD MORNING!! Just had 4 days of a long weekend OFF...all 4 in a row YAY!! In spite of the cold, rainy weather for most of the weekend, it was a good rest. I slept off & on for most of the late afternoon yesterday, into evening and now am ready to begin my day. I'm at the end of my first phase of dog sitting and take her to the kennel for 4 days and then pick her up on Friday for another weekend. I'm really glad to be going back to my home for a few days with my own puppy...he'll be SO happy!!
They are wine drinkers here & are stocked! It hasn't bothered me at all...In fact, I just noticed this morn that there is a box of white in the fridge that I don't remember seeing till now. Am I "cured"? NOT...never! Reading others recent comments about cravings & how the thought seems to come out of nowhere reminds me that, too, will happen to me once again at some point because that is how it works. I am enjoying this phase of my recovery because it now seems normal not to drink.
354 days & 7 hours sober according to my quit drinking app. The occasional times when I open that app, I usually only look at number of drinks passed, $$ saved and health benefits to this point. Today I looked at my motivation that I recorded in the beginning and will share those in 10 days & 17 hrs when I hit my first year mark. Nothing profound, but I'll share anyway LOL.
Healthy, happy AF day to all!! I'm heading home shortly, then to work...yay! 10 -
I’ve been silent for a few days. Day 53 for me today. I got a little motivation bracelet from Annie Grace today after joining the intensive course. I should be celebrating but feel a bit down. That’s weird. I’m hoping it really gets easier eventually. This is the longest I’ve “made it” but I’m frankly getting tired of “making it”. Thanks for the space to vent. To be honest this is why AA never appealed to me. The feeling that every day is a struggle. Argh. I feel like this was a really short honeymoon. Sorry to be a downer.8
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I’ve been silent for a few days. Day 53 for me today. I got a little motivation bracelet from Annie Grace today after joining the intensive course. I should be celebrating but feel a bit down. That’s weird. I’m hoping it really gets easier eventually. This is the longest I’ve “made it” but I’m frankly getting tired of “making it”. Thanks for the space to vent. To be honest this is why AA never appealed to me. The feeling that every day is a struggle. Argh. I feel like this was a really short honeymoon. Sorry to be a downer.
Day 53! Congrats!!! I’m sure there is a little light shining through. Imagine how many hangovers and headaches you avoided! @FeelinFooFoo and I dread those hangovers and you had zero!!!
@whitpauly Good one: Alcohol is all the same, just wears different disguises!
@Thistimeisit Congrats and welcome!! 14 pounds is awesome!!
I got the keys tonight to my apartment and went over. I opened the door and felt instant peace. I knew this was so right for me- the divorce, the apartment, the “everything”.... Like my fav quotes says, “It takes 30 seconds of incredible courage to change your life.” That is the truth!
I was putting away some of martini glasses and wine glasses my husband gave me. I put the martini glasses high up above the stovetop. And the wine glasses lower because I do love my sparkling water in them. I may be quiet for a few days- this weekend is daughter’s graduation and her party. And then come Monday, I will be sleeping in my new place. I cannot drink at her party or I will ruin the memory. So, I told myself no celebratory toast with friends or anything like that! I simply cannot risk getting drunk in front of her friends and my neighbors!! Embarrassment is a great deterrent.8 -
@donimfp It's refreshing to hear that I'm not the only one... I've been really salty for about a week.. Keep hearing about awful things happening to others I know, then feel like crap for complaining about my piddly inconveniences/upsets, but I still can't shake the mood.. Took me a sec to figure it out, but today is day 68.. I guess I expected more miraculous change in life by now, particularly in the weight loss department, but it's not happening.. So back to a rigid diet that sucks, but is effective..
I vacillate so frequently between thinking I'm ready to make this a forever change and fantasizing about giving myself a night of vacation from reality after my 90 day challenge.. I think I'd be much more committed to the idea if the weight was falling off, but it's not, and I feel discouraged. I do realize any cocktails I consume wouldn't help said weightloss.. I'm just ready to feel and see more of the positive results of my abstinence.7 -
@RubyRed427 So happy everything's falling into place and you made a great choice for yourself! Enjoy your daughter's graduation!5
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Yellowstone1983 wrote: »@RubyRed427 So happy everything's falling into place and you made a great choice for yourself! Enjoy your daughter's graduation!
Thanks is much! Congrats on Day 68!!! Amazing progress!6 -
@RubyRed427 Congratulations on your daughter's graduation and on your courage and decisions! You are a bright light in her life!5
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Hello all,@donimfp I get it but that's part of the reason I'm loosely counting days,I told one of my customers who just got sober to just embrace each day and make it a way of life,to me counting the days just feels like a countdown to when it's ok to drink again if that makes any sense but I totally get the resentment,my hubs was in a fender bender Monday afternoon and my nerves we're so shot I started getting that bodily anxiety that I used to quell with alcohol,my legs were shaking when I had to go pick him up, although everything was fine with him and the other driver I couldn't get my nerves to calm! I was texting with my daughter and she was drinking beer and I told her she's so lucky she can't drink responsibly,I dunno why I said that but at the time I was jealous of her and others a but I know where drinking for me leads=ugliness, Ruby Red congrats to your daughter, yay! Glad you love your new place,so much to comment on but darn phone! Thinking of you all and wishes for a happy AF day, anyone seen @salleewins? I think ive missed her posts maybe?6
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Good Morning All!
@lorrainequiche59 congrats - home stretch to a year! That's amazing! What app do you use? I'd love to track my $$$ saved!
@donimfp - I'm sorry you are feeling low - 53 days is amazing. I also hope that as time goes on it get's easier.
@yellowstone1983 - I'm sorry you are also feeling low and that you are getting bad news. Try not to be discouraged - it will come. Day 68 is amazing!
@RubyRed427 - I'm happy to hear you are finding peace. Congrats on your daughters graduation! Wishing you a wonderful happy party and first night in your new place.
I was off the grid yesterday having woken up with a stomach ache. I immediately had a moment where I thought I drank. On some of my heaviest drinking nights I would most certainly overeat and on occasion wake up in the middle of the night with terrible indigestion (you know, along side the terrible panic and anxiety). I always chalked it up to the alcohol - but I didn't drink Sunday night. What I did do is have some of a particular food - and now that I look back my worst stomach ache nights all included this food. I didn't even eat that much of it Sunday night but I guess it was enough! So I guess with out the alcohol I'm starting to be able to recognize when it's other things beyond booze that are effecting how I feel. I took it pretty easy yesterday - and am feeling better today - and I guess I should probably not eat that food anymore.
What's great so far about not drinking is that I don't feel like a dumpster fire every day. I am concentrating better at work. I have more energy. My joint pain is also significantly decreased in a very short period of time - I'm sure as my body in general becomes less inflamed. I'm not consuming 1000 extra wine calories AND going on late night carb binges along side that before passing out. Do I feel perfect? No. Do I feel enlightened? No. Am I starting to feel more in control? Yes. Is not drinking making the healthy eating and fitness part easier? Yes. Also it's weird - but I'm finding I'm not as hungry now even on my highest activity days as I was on my lowest activity days with booze. I guess the alcohol just makes me want to pig out and sit on my butt.
My early morning start times are getting easier and I'm feeling brighter (except for the allergies). My weight is also consistently going down - I'm actually down almost 10lbs in under 3 weeks. I think it's important to note that I'm doing more in that department then just not drinking and I have a significant amount of weight - over 100lbs - to lose - 60 of which I've gained rapidly in the past 2 years. I'm doing well tracking with a Fitbit. I know it's not going to be 100% accurate but so far it seems to be close enough. I'm pretty active so an average off-season weekday for me with work is about 10,000 steps and an average weekend day is well over 20,000 . I also work at least half my day standing, walk a lot and do home workouts most mornings that include both cardio and strength training. I had not been doing most of these things for the past 2 years while at the height of my drinking and personal stress but I'm finding I'm easily falling back into my fitness routines. In general I like being active and having energy - I really missed it. Food wise - nothing is off limits as long as I measure and count it but in general we mostly cook and eat at home and don't really eat junk or fast food. Portion control for me is the biggest issue. Anyway - I'm eating an average of about 2000 calories a day and that still leaves me with about a 1000 calorie deficit every day with my activity level. With nothing truly 'restricted' (including last weeks donut) I'm not feeling deprived or hungry or that I'm missing out - just going about life watching the calories in vs calories out and staying deficit range and off the bottle.
So anyway - sorry I'm pretty long winded today, must be all of that extra energy I'm finding these days.
Wishing everyone a fantastic AF day
AF - Day 16
AE - Day 7
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Count me in as feeling down in the dumps as well. My daughter went back to London and I miss her already. I would love to fall into a bottle of Cabernet but I know the depression I feel now will be 10X worse so I wouldn't dare. I am jealous of people that can have just one or two every so often and feel satisfied with that. Grrrr.10
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Hugs to all who are feeling blue!! Not sure what your weather is like in your part of the world, but ours is mostly overcast & rainy & cold...almost like Seasonal Affective Disorder in spring...one day of sun here & there doesn't count. This too shall pass.....
@whitpauly it is interesting that you mentioned @salleewins because I too have been thinking of her recently and missing her posts. If you're lurking @salleewins, please let us know you're still here
I'm going to watch my grandson's lacrosse game this eve. Hope everyone has a good eve.
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@Sunshinelinzee The app I use is called EasyQuitDrinking4
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Today marks 100 day AF! I am so glad that I joined this experiment because I have learned so much through this experience. I have learned that being outside and going for walks is crucial for my self care and helping me deal with stress, anxiety, loneliness, etc. in a positive way. Exercise has help with this too!Everything is not magically better, but I am so hopeful that things will be, which is so much better than where I was before! Hope you have a wonderful AF night!11
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@whitpauly, what you said makes so much sense. I think you’re right that counting the days makes this seem like a jail sentence that will end one day. March 30 was my first AF day, so I’m going to try just celebrating on each month’s 30th (I do like my treats) and not obsessing over the number of days. Thanks for that insight.7
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@whitpauly, what you said makes so much sense. I think you’re right that counting the days makes this seem like a jail sentence that will end one day. March 30 was my first AF day, so I’m going to try just celebrating on each month’s 30th (I do like my treats) and not obsessing over the number of days. Thanks for that insight.
Craig Beck has a blurb on why he doesn't think it's a good idea to count days other than certain milestones such as 1st month, then 6 months then a year...something like that...or whatever system seems to work for us, but to focus too much on days sober becomes obsessive like you said and can be self-defeating. At the same time, that may work for some. It's worth watching his videos especially when you hit a low point. It can supply the extra boost to keep on keepin' on! You are doing great!!5
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