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Unwanted advice at gym
Replies
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He likes you and wanted something to talk about to get your attention. Some guys do this and it is really annoying. It sounds like he has poor social skills. That's not your problem.5
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »lynn_glenmont wrote: »Call me non-sociable, or whatever, but I really don't want to be talking to anyone at the gym, period. There is a big difference in being polite and saying hello, to giving advice or inquiring about someone else's workout. That annoys me to no end, and especially in this situation I would have probably told the guy to *kitten* off. I just want to get in there, do my work, and leave. People who do this are either making a very poor attempt at flirting, or are trying to feed their ego. I wish there was one gym we could ship all these people off to. That would be pretty entertaining actually, to see all these bro types critiquing each other and trying to determine who has the most perfect form. Thats reality tv I would watch.
Assuming from your photo/avatar you're male, if you told him to kitten off, he wouldn't have called you a b***h or a c**t, which is actually on the low end of what women have to be aware could happen if they tell a jerk offering unsolicited advice, compliments, or invitations "no".
I dunno... I have no problem telling a dude to eff off and leave me the eff alone. 🤷🏼♀️
More power to you. I've been called a b***h and a c**t and had my path blocked multiple times by guys (sometimes by guys acting as a group) just for ignoring a total stranger's demand that I smile or attempts to engage me in conversation. I don't need anyone, not even another woman, judging my decisions about how to avoid unpleasant and threatening situations.25 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »lynn_glenmont wrote: »Call me non-sociable, or whatever, but I really don't want to be talking to anyone at the gym, period. There is a big difference in being polite and saying hello, to giving advice or inquiring about someone else's workout. That annoys me to no end, and especially in this situation I would have probably told the guy to *kitten* off. I just want to get in there, do my work, and leave. People who do this are either making a very poor attempt at flirting, or are trying to feed their ego. I wish there was one gym we could ship all these people off to. That would be pretty entertaining actually, to see all these bro types critiquing each other and trying to determine who has the most perfect form. Thats reality tv I would watch.
Assuming from your photo/avatar you're male, if you told him to kitten off, he wouldn't have called you a b***h or a c**t, which is actually on the low end of what women have to be aware could happen if they tell a jerk offering unsolicited advice, compliments, or invitations "no".
I dunno... I have no problem telling a dude to eff off and leave me the eff alone. 🤷🏼♀️
More power to you. I've been called a b***h and a c**t and had my path blocked multiple times by guys (sometimes by guys acting as a group) just for ignoring a total stranger's demand that I smile or attempts to engage me in conversation. I don't need anyone, not even another woman, judging my decisions about how to avoid unpleasant and threatening situations.
That's sad. But no one is judging you. Do you. For me, I have no problem telling someone to go eff themselves... Male, female or otherwise. 🤷🏼♀️2 -
There are jerks in the malls, there are jerks in the workplace. The gym is no different. I spent a lot of time at the gym, and I've seen this type of thing over and over again. There are people that are genuine and just wanting to be helpful (they offer advice to male and females and tend to be quite sociable all around) and there are others who lurk and wait for the right opportunity to pounce.
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The funniest experience I had with unwanted advice was when the middle aged guy decided to take plates off the bar when I was squatting because it was "too heavy for a lady". Staff were trying not to laugh as I was like, "it's ok, that was my warm up, need to add some more now".
Being a middle aged woman who is often the only female to use the barbells in the very small local gym, I'm used to the attempts at giving me advice. If its someone not used to me, I generally just say it's ok I've got a personal trainer and do what she tells me form wise. Which I do, and of course what the ransoms dont know is that I have a specific medical condition (hypermobility/eds) which means I have a different range of motion to the norm and have to protect my joints.10 -
Guess I am just evil.... I watched a guy doing deads with poor form.... threw out his back. I didn't say a word. Polite or just gym rules?4
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psychod787 wrote: »Guess I am just evil.... I watched a guy doing deads with poor form.... threw out his back. I didn't say a word. Polite or just gym rules?
I think the only sensible route is to talk to the gym staff. Almost no one likes advice from random gym bros, and they don't have forehead tattoos to distinguish themselves from experts.
I was US rowing certified to coach rowing (admittedly only level 2 of 3). I don't give advice to random strangers on the rowing machine, no matter how hard they're trying to hurt themselves. It just doesn't work.5 -
i've had this happen. in your case, i would have said, "my personal trainer disagrees" and turned my back.
in my case, i was less polite
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Just look him straight in the eye and say "Is this your awkward way of hitting on me, because if it is, it's not working", and then ignore him, no matter if he keeps talking or not. Who cares if you tick him off, he should learn not to stare, or to come over and give "well-meaning" advice. Besides, if you were doing it wrong, I'm sure your own Trainer would of corrected your posture already, he just wanted to get your attention and didn't know how to do it.0
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psychod787 wrote: »Guess I am just evil.... I watched a guy doing deads with poor form.... threw out his back. I didn't say a word. Polite or just gym rules?
One of my previous physical therapists, who specializes in sports medicine and works with athletes every workday, told me a story about how she watched someone nearly dislocate both of their knees at the gym. Their technique while doing I don't remember what lift was just that bad and they were lifting a lot of weight.
She turned around and ignored him. Had he hurt himself she'd likely have been obligated to do something, but that "something" isn't telling him how to lift.2 -
I suppose I'd be willing to give someone unsolicited advice if it was because they were doing something that directly affected me. The example I'm thinking of is if you're lap swimming and there are multiple people in a lane and one of those people doesn't know the direction of circle swimming at that pool. That's especially true if it's posted on a sign on the pool deck that you can easily point to, though regardless communication needs to happen so people aren't swimming literally head to head.3
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psychod787 wrote: »Guess I am just evil.... I watched a guy doing deads with poor form.... threw out his back. I didn't say a word. Polite or just gym rules?
One of my previous physical therapists, who specializes in sports medicine and works with athletes every workday, told me a story about how she watched someone nearly dislocate both of their knees at the gym. Their technique while doing I don't remember what lift was just that bad and they were lifting a lot of weight.
She turned around and ignored him. Had he hurt himself she'd likely have been obligated to do something, but that "something" isn't telling him how to lift.
In talking with my friend/gym owner/ trainer, he expresses it as a liability issue. People sign waivers if they injure themselves. If you offer unsolicited advice, you can be liable in the event of injury. He won't do it even in his own gym. He may stop someone and prevent them from using his facility. But he won't give advice unless he has a training agreement with the person.5 -
psychod787 wrote: »Guess I am just evil.... I watched a guy doing deads with poor form.... threw out his back. I didn't say a word. Polite or just gym rules?
Anyone else putting this together with a few threads in the General forum and kinda... wondering...? 8 -
OP - If you want to deter guys from hitting on you, wear large headphones, and wear non-sexy clothes and no makeup.
Yes, it's occasionally appropriate to help others.. like the wandering newbie who's using machines upside down and there's no staff to help. It's not much different than telling someone they dropped something from their wallet, telling a driver their headlights are off, asking a lost tourist if they need help, etc.3 -
psychod787 wrote: »Guess I am just evil.... I watched a guy doing deads with poor form.... threw out his back. I didn't say a word. Polite or just gym rules?
Anyone else putting this together with a few threads in the General forum and kinda... wondering...?
I am evil....... lol Not Joker evil.... More like Emperor Palpatine from star wars...3 -
Cherimoose wrote: »OP - If you want to deter guys from hitting on you, wear large headphones, and wear non-sexy clothes and no makeup.
Yes, it's occasionally appropriate to help others.. like the wandering newbie who's using machines upside down and there's no staff to help. It's not much different than telling someone they dropped something from their wallet, telling a driver their headlights are off, asking a lost tourist if they need help, etc.
But I didn't drop anything and I didn't need help. If i wanted help I'm i'd ask. What makes his way right and mine wrong? I know what im doing.13 -
Cherimoose wrote: »OP - If you want to deter guys from hitting on you, wear large headphones, and wear non-sexy clothes and no makeup.
Yes, it's occasionally appropriate to help others.. like the wandering newbie who's using machines upside down and there's no staff to help. It's not much different than telling someone they dropped something from their wallet, telling a driver their headlights are off, asking a lost tourist if they need help, etc.
But I didn't drop anything and I didn't need help. If i wanted help I'm i'd ask. What makes his way right and mine wrong? I know what im doing.
Exactly. Returning a dropped wallet or letting someone know they have a headlight out is objectively helpful. Presuming you have great fitness advice to offer and that everyone should want to hear it even when they haven't asked, is not. Especially if you're not a professional yourself. It's pretty condescending to assume that someone is doing something incorrectly just because they don't do it the way you do.
Also, I think women should be able to wear whatever clothes and makeup they want without guys assuming it's an invitation to hit on them.27 -
But I didn't drop anything and I didn't need help.
I understand. But you asked if it's ok giving advice to strangers, so i answered that. Sometimes it IS appropriate to help.. or point them to a website where they can get help. When done respectfully, you'd be surprised how grateful some people are.
By the way, since many trainers don't know the finer points of barbell squats.. and kinesiology in general.. if someone questioned my form, i would video myself squatting and upload it to Reddit or here for other trainers to review.6 -
Cherimoose wrote: »OP - If you want to deter guys from hitting on you, wear large headphones, and wear non-sexy clothes and no makeup.
Tone is sometimes difficult to interpret so am really hoping that I have somehow missed the underlying kidding in this...19 -
Cherimoose wrote: »OP - If you want to deter guys from hitting on you, wear large headphones, and wear non-sexy clothes and no makeup.
Yes, it's occasionally appropriate to help others.. like the wandering newbie who's using machines upside down and there's no staff to help. It's not much different than telling someone they dropped something from their wallet, telling a driver their headlights are off, asking a lost tourist if they need help, etc.
Wouldn't it be nice if something that simple would work? Sadly, jerk-i-tude is not always just about actual attraction of a rational nature. Sometimes, it's about manipulation and dominance and showing off.
As a 50-something-year-old woman (not in a gym, but on the sidewalk outside one), I had a group of 20-something men tell me what they wanted me to do to them, and what they wanted to do to me . . . and trust me, it wasn't "bake them oatmeal cookies" or "help me paint my shabby kitchen". I was obese at the time, bundled up in Winter clothes, no makeup, not in any way cute (not my jam), just walking down a sidewalk.
Striving to be less attractive might put off rational people who'd be inclined to flirt. It will have no effect on jerks who want to dominate, intimidate, manipulate, or show off to their equally Neanderthal buddies.29
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